- "That's a paddlin'."
- ―Jasper Beardsley famous phrase[src]
Jasper Beardsley is a resident of the Springfield Retirement Castle, and is often seen around Springfield and is a friend of Abe Simpson.
Biography[edit]
Jasper is a World War II veteran. Jasper also tried to avoid the draft by disguising himself as a woman and staying in Springfield to play in the local women's baseball league, along with his friend Abe, who was also avoiding the war. He has been a substitute teacher who confiscated everything made of tin (according to Lisa) and got his beard caught in the pencil sharpener.[3] He also preceded Reverend Lovejoy as minister at the Simpsons' church in Springfield.
Jasper unsuccessfully auditioned for The Be Sharps by singing "Theme From A Summer Place".[4]
An actor played a version of Jasper in the film Bart's Not Dead.[5]
Health Issues[edit]
It is implied that Jasper is slowly going blind. This ailment was once cured by a laser fired by a house's security protection equipment, but he was blinded again almost immediately. He accepted this very quickly: "Oh well. Easy come, easy go." Despite the sight problem, Jasper is both a light sleeper and is still quick with his reflexes. When Abe Simpson tried to steal his dentures one night, Jasper turned on the light immediately and, with a gun aimed at Abe, foiled the nocturnal theft. Also, when everyone comes to watch the Itchy & Scratchy episode "The Beagle Has Landed", he looks down to Bart and asks "Hey little girl, is this seat taken?", Bart replies angrily with "I'm not a little girl!! Are you blind?!", in which Jasper replies sadly with "Yes".
Other Major Accidents[edit]
Jasper was put in crude "suspended animation" in the Kwik-E-Mart's freezer, and under advice from Dr. Nick Riviera, Apu kept him frozen. When Jasper's frozen form became popular with customers, Apu started exploiting the spectacle, and transformed the Kwik-E-Mart into a special interest store dealing with weird items, or perfectly ordinary ones which had been made out to be abnormal (for example, a cash machine that dispenses pictures of "dead presidents"). He put a Viking helmet on Jasper (or "Frostillicus," as Apu renamed him), but when Jasper was accidentally unfrozen and stepped out into what he thought was a future world, Apu's dreams of wealth were once again crushed. Apu was considering selling him to The Rich Texan.
Jasper has unfortunate events like Hans Moleman because he has had many accidents.
Minor Accidents[edit]
Jasper was shot in his artificial leg by Waylon Smithers, Jr., on the same night of the nearly fatal shooting of Mr. Burns. He also claimed to have "broke" his beard during a Death Race accident with Abe Simpson and Old Jewish man, and even managed to get his beard stuck in a pencil sharpener while substituting for the striking teachers of Springfield Elementary. He also mentioned that he is diabetic, and was shot in the arm.[6] One time, Jasper, under the mistaken belief that it was Wednesday, took some of his Wednesday pills until he learned it was actually Friday, which caused him to morph into a similar creature to a Lorax from the Dr. Seuss stories.[7]
Fake Leg[edit]
Jasper is shown to have a fake left leg while sparring with Old Jewish man. Smithers also shot Jasper in the wooden leg while in a drunken stupor. However, when he substituted for Lisa's class, he was wearing sandals and clearly had both feet.
Relationships[edit]
Jasper is a friend of fellow resident Abe Simpson, but not always. When Abe's girlfriend Bea died, Jasper told him what had happened and comforted him. However, Jasper possibly bullies Abe regularly - on one occasion, he steals Abe's newspaper because he wants to do the crossword puzzle. He had a wife, Estelle, now deceased. He apparently had her cremated and had his successor, Reverend Lovejoy, proceed with the cremation ceremony, although it later became apparent that the ceremony was invalid as it took place during the three months that Lovejoy's ministering license expired.[8]
He once dated Edna Krabappel however he was too old for her liking.[9]
He and Alice Glick once attempted to make an erotic film titled "What the Pool Boy Saw", however cameraman, Abe Simpson fell asleep, leaving the film unfinished.[10]
Non-canon[edit]
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The contents of this article or section are considered to be non-canon and therefore may not have actually happened or existed.
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The Simpsons: Tapped Out[edit]
Default[edit]
- This section is transcluded from The Simpsons: Tapped Out characters/Oldies. To edit it, please edit the transcluded page.
| Permanent Tasks
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| Task
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Time
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Reward
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Requires
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Quest with the task
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Animated?
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| Go Skating
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10m
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 26,  7
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Simpsons' Skating Rink
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|
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| Practice Lollipop Song
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60m
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105, 26
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Springfield's Got Talent!
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| Dine at the Overpass Diner
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60m
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105, 26
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Overpass Diner
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|
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| Go Paddling
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4h
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260, 70
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That's A Paddlin!
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| Overpay for Sex on the Beach
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4h
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260, 70
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Smooches on the Beach
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|
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| Stay at the Swelldorado
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4h
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260, 70
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Swelldorado
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|
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| Party at the First Class Lounge
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4h
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260, 70
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The First Class Lounge
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|
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| Try to Win at Blackjack
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4h
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260, 70
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$ Casino
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|
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| Drink and Babysit
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4h
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260, 70
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The Boiled Potato
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|
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| Attend Parenting Seminars
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4h
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260, 70
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Universal Panacea
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|
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| Relax in the Retirement Home
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8h
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420, 105
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Retirement Castle
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Retirement
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| Dance the Señor Burns
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8h
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420, 105
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Chez Guevara
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|
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| Retrieve a Box of Pills
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10h
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525, 135
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Geriatric Medicine
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|
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| Rest in a Cryo Chamber
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10h
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525, 135
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Cryo Stasis Memorial
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|
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| Take Incorrect Medication
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12h
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600, 150
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The Prune Lagoon
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| Self-Freeze at the Kwik-E-Mart
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24h
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1,000, 225
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Kwik-E-Mart
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Back to the Freezer!
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|
|
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Number 5[edit]
- This section is transcluded from The Simpsons: Tapped Out characters/More Stonecutters. To edit it, please edit the transcluded page.
Baseball Jasper[edit]
- This section is transcluded from The Simpsons: Tapped Out characters/Sporty Oldies. To edit it, please edit the transcluded page.
| Permanent Tasks
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| Task
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Time
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Reward
|
Requires
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Quest with the task
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Animated?
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| Sign Autographs
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60m
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105, 26
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Android's Dungeon
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A League of His Own Pt. 4
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| Catch an Imaginary Fly Ball
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4h
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260, 70
|
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A League of His Own Pt. 1
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| Learn About Women in Baseball
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8h
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420, 105
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Springfield Library
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|
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| Adjust his Wig
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12h
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600, 150
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Community Center
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|
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| Swing Paddle
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24h
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1,000, 225
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|
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Behind the Laughter[edit]
Jasper has become famous over the Internet for his quote, which has became his catchphrase to many online, "That's a paddlin'". The line from the episode "The PTA Disbands" has became a meme over the Internet.
Foreign dubs[edit]
Appearances[edit]
Episodes:
Specials:
Adverts:
Butterfinger Adverts:
Simpsons Illustrated:
Simpsons Comics:
Treehouse of Horror:
Bart Simpson:
Futurama Crossover:
Comic Strips:
Winter Wingding:
Summer Shindig:
Comic Book Guy: The Comic Book:
Homer for the Holidays:
One-Shot Wonders:
Video Games:
Books:
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References[edit]
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