| "Million-Dollar Abie"
| Episode Information
| Episode number:
| Season number:
|| S17 E16
| Production code:
| Original airdate:
|| April 2, 2006
| Chalkboard gag:
|| I will not flip the classroom upside down. (during this sequence, the classroom is upside down)
| Couch gag:
|| The Simpsons sit down on the couch as normal. A TiVo menu pops up, asking the viewer if he'd like to save the recording or delete it. "Delete This Recording" is chosen and the screen goes black.
| Guest star(s):
|| Rob Reiner as himself
|| Al Jean
| Written by:
|| Tim Long
| Directed by:
|| Steven Dean Moore
"Million-Dollar Abie" the sixteenth episode of season 17 of The Simpsons and the three-hundred and seventy-second episode overall. It originally aired on April 2, 2006. The episode was written by Al Jean and directed by Tim Long. It guest stars Rob Reiner as himself.
- "After blowing Springfield's chances for an NFL franchise, Grampa goes to an assisted-suicide center, then becomes a bullfighter."
When it is announced that the commissioner of Pro Football (Bud Armstrong) wants to expand the league, Homer leads the charge to get the new franchise in Springfield. At first his family doesn't think he could do it, but Homer manages to put forth a surprisingly strong package for the Springfield Meltdowns and the new Duff Beer Krusty Burger Buzz Cola Costington's Department Store Kwik-E-Mart Stupid Flanders Park.
The commissioner narrows down the choice of the two cities to either Springfield or Los Angeles. L.A. puts forth an anti-Springfield video hosted by Rob Reiner and features a song sung by celebrity impersonators that ends with them singing "Springfield Blows". All the owners decide that Springfield is the lesser of two evils, plus their sick of L.A getting everything, and the Commissioner awards the new team to Springfield. The town gets "Meltmania" and "Down syndrome" and quickly builds Homer's new park and paints the town in the team colors (orange and purple) and changes all of street names to football related names.
On the day when Springfield is officially announced as the new team, the Commissioner gets confused by all of the new street names and gets lost. He stops for directions at the Simpsons' house and is greeted by Grampa Simpson, who welcomes him in. However, Grampa starts to fear that the commissioner is a burglar after watching the TV show 48 Minutes, and attacks him and ties him up. The rest of the family arrives home disappointed that the commissioner didn't show and is shocked to find him tied up in their living room. The commissioner is so angry that he declares that the Meltdowns will never be and leaves, never to return.
The entire town starts to hate Grampa, and the expensive stadium has to be used for farmers' markets. Grampa is so depressed that he decides to seek out a doctor called Dr. Egoyan who will help him commit suicide. The doctor tells Grampa to reconsider, and Grampa decides that if anyone calls him in the next 24 hours, he won't go through with his plan. The call never comes and Grampa goes back to the clinic the next day. Grampa comes very close to being killed but the police show up just in time to stop it.
Grampa thinks he's dead and runs through the town, seeing "Hamburger Heaven" and a Charlie Chaplin impersonator. He soon learns that he isn't dead, gets a new lease of life and decides to live it up. Meanwhile, the city decides to turn the unused football stadium into an arena for bull fighting. Despite Lisa's protests, Grampa decides to become a matador. Grampa wins his first fight with a bull, but he decides that killing bulls isn't his forte and talks to Lisa about giving up. Grampa isn't sure, but in the next fight he sees the bull that he's about to kill and decides to spare its life. He releases all the bulls, which immediately start running through the streets of Springfield, causing a great deal of destruction. Lisa is proud of Grampa and the two reconcile, floating in the air by balloons attached to lawn chairs. However, two bulls start to fly up with balloons on their tails and horns, worrying Grampa and Lisa.
As of April 2018, the episode has a 6.4 rating on IMDb and a 7.9 rating on TV.com.