Anchormom
Anchormom
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Comic Story information
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Anchormom is a Simpsons Comics story first printed in Simpsons Comics #103.
Plot[edit]
At the Channel 6 news studio, Kent Brockman is angry that the weather girl is quitting. He then gets all the weather information off the Weather Girls home page. Later, Kent does the weather and states on live TV that its going to rain men; and sings the lyrics to the Weather Girls' "It's Raining Men". Outside the Simpson house, Selma, Edna Krabappel and John gaze into the sky looking for men falling, while John looks for man clouds. Marge then exclaims that she doesn't need the weather to tell her if its going to rain; her hair's wilting, the birds are flying low and Grampa's trick knee is acting up. While the rain pours outside, Bart and Lisa head to go out. Marge then hands both of them Strawberry Shortbread umbrellas. Bart then gives his to Hans Moleman, as he thinks Strawberry Shortbread is a girls' character. The strong wind lifts Moleman up, and down into Selma's arms, who offers to take him home. Upstairs, Maggie starts crying. Apparently, Homer is eating a jerk chicken in the closet, which he bought in Jamaica, where he went last week.
The next day, Principal Skinner is making a speech at the school's Sports Day. Bart, Milhouse, Martin, Jimbo, Sherri, Terri and Nelson are competing in the sack race; Lisa, Rod, Todd, Ralph and Jessica are competing in the tug of peaceful co-existence and Lewis, Üter, Kearney, Jimbo and Dolph are competing in the egg and spoon race. After all the events, Kent Brockman introduces an advert from Krusty Burger. The ad shows Krusty telling viewers to try the new high-fibre Krusty Burger; and says that all Krusty restrooms have pay toilets, while Gil and Bumblebee Man hurry through their wallets for coins. Kent then returns with the weather, saying it should be sunny and warm. Marge interrupts, saying that she predicts it will rain. When Marge is proven right, Kent asks if she wants to be the new weather girl. Marge agrees to this and addresses the weather for that day. After the news, the Squeaky-voiced teen hands Kent the ratings. At home, Marge hears Maggie cry again, which is actually Homer screaming at the TV, where Kent Brockman is asking the question "Can pork chops hurt you?". Marge then walks to the studios in anger, while she escorts Homer to the kitchen table where his dinner lies: Pork Chops. At the Channel 6 studios, Marge tells Kent that he is saying the questions to scare people into watching. Kirk Van Houten then enters and introduces him to Marge as the person who writes the headlines. He then shows Marge the network's nightly terror rainbow, which is currently standing at "Be Careful".
The following day, Kent asks the question "Is Cuba planning an invasion of Springfield?" on the news. Marge interrupts the broadcast, saying that Fidel Castro, a sailor from Cuba, is on the phone. After the news, Kent threatens to fire Marge, but before he can, the Squeaky-voiced teen hands Kent that night's ratings, which have improved. As a compliment, Channel 6 makes Marge co-anchor of the news. The next day, Kent says that Apu was shot (again) during an afternoon robbery. Marge asks why he always starts with the violent news and hands over a faxed new story about kittens singing. Later, Bart and Milhouse visit their parents, which prompts Marge to ask why they're not at school. Bart explains that Groundskeeper Willie was using the school boiler as a still and it exploded, so they got the day off. Marge then introduces to them her new friend, Rhoda. Kent enters explaining there's no-one to do the weather. Bart and Milhouse volunteer to do so, and Kirk says that now he can get their dog, Scruffy, out of the pawn shop. In the next show, Marge recaps the top story saying the baby panda who got lost in China found its mother. She then introduces Bart and Milhouse, the new weather team, called "Bart and the gang". Bart purposely tells viewers the wrong weather to play a prank on Skinner, Agnes, and Superintendent Chalmers.
In the next newscast, Bart plays another prank - this time, saying that Edna Krabappel turns 100 today. The police arrive at the school and arrest Krabappel for failure to adhere to the mandatory retirement-age law. Shortly, all the residents at the Springfield Retirement Castle are flirting over her, while she says that she will get revenge on Bart for doing this. Back at the Channel 6 studios, Marge addresses the next news story: a dog who plants a tree. Meanwhile, over at the Motherloving Sugar Corp., Garth Motherloving, Krusty the Clown and Little Dolly attempt to get revenge on Marge for decreasing the sales of their sugar. They do so by putting signs all over Springfield, which pose Marge as being dangerous. When she returns home, Homer screams that "It's her!". While Homer hides behind the couch, an advert on TV says that Marge Simpson is to blame for the millions of people dying each year. She phones the TV station to express her anger, but it backfires when she is fired for being too scary.
Bart and Lisa find out that the line "The Answer May Surprise You", spoken at the end of the Marge adverts, was thought up by Kirk Van Houten. He confesses to doing so, explaining that he was hired by the National League of Comfort Food. Bart and Lisa burst in to their conference room, and threaten to put up two posters, showing Homer on the couch asleep surrounded by the company's food, for every ad they see about Marge. Later, Kent welcomes back Marge onto the news on-air, but she refuses to be co-anchor any more because she needs to spend time with her family. She tells viewers to hug the person next to them if they are still afraid of her. Lisa and Maggie hug Bart, Grampa hugs Mrs. Krabappel, who is trying to get her birth certificate so she can prove that she doesn't belong in the retirement home, and Comic Book Guy hugs the pizza delivery man. Later, Marge explains to Bart that he was fired for the pranks he pulled during the weather broadcasts, but Channel 6 sent him a severance package - an umbrella, which unfortunately for Bart has multiple pictures of Marge's head on, and with the heads 'looking' at him, Bart is too guilty to misbehave.
Reprints[edit]
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