In Mayan times, at Chichen Itza - the height of the Mayan civilization - the high priests look upon their calendar at the temple and predict that the world will be destroyed at the end of thirteenth Baktoon. Unless The Mayan leader suggests that they appease the gods with a human sacrifice and presents them with Glutton, who is in the process of being fattened up. Glutton's wife, in an effort to save her husband, tricks a priest into getting himself sacrificed, and he is shortly beheaded. The Mayan scientist notices that they have sacrificed the wrong person and concludes that the world will be destroyed. On his ancient 'calculator' he works out that the world will end in 2012.
In the present day - October 31, 2012 - The Simpsons are celebrating Halloween. Homer asks Marge what Baktoon it is so he can set his watch. Marge informs him that it is the thirteenth Baktoon. Just then, the doorbell rings and three giant Mayan Gods wait behind the door. Homer offers them Halloween candy, before being squashed to death. The Gods then begin destroying Springfield. Lava pours out of the ground and fire erupts all over town. The Gods then proceed to destroying the rest of the world, which eventually blows up.
Act I: "The Greatest Story Ever Holed"Edit
The Greatest Story Ever Holed title card
Springfield citizens are at the Springfield Subatomic Supercollider, which was built instead of a new baseball stadium due to the lobbying of Lisa Simpson. Mayor Quimby says that Professor Frink will throw the switch - which will reveal if the 'whatamacalit' will answer some obscure questions of some atomic physics or destroy the universe. The super collider is switched on - but nothing happens. Frink says that the collider is too small to tell anything important, causing everyone to moan and heckle Lisa. The citizens leave, but soon afterwards two things are traveling in the pipe of the super collider - a red light and a blue light. They end up crashing into each other - creating a black hole. The black hole travels out of the pipe and into the center, where Groundskeeper Willie is asleep in a chair. It sucks up his mop, and then him. Outside the center, Lisa is sitting on the ground, crying in embarrassment and shame, when she notices that her tears are traveling in the air. They are sucked up by the black hole. Lisa is astonished, but then realizes that they have got to move it before it sucks up more kids, after Ralph and Nelson are sucked up by the hole. Lisa uses a stick to drag the black hole home, and it ends up sucking up Cletus' home along the way. Oil spurts up from the ground, but Cletus' excitement soon dies when the black hole sucks up all the oil. Lisa finally gets the black hole home - where it sucks up about a quarter of the things in the basement. Homer asks Lisa if she's got a stray dog down there, and Lisa says that it's much worse. Homer then asks her if there is TWO stray dogs, and this time Lisa says that it is a black hole - which was going to be Homer's 'next guess'. Later on, the Simpsons are in the basement admiring the black hole. Lisa tells the family that scientists believe that what goes into a black hole never comes out, or that it is a gateway to another universe. Homer asks if it can open a pretzel bag. The black hole opens the pretzel bag - and then all the pretzels in it. Lisa tells the family to not put things in the black hole because it will get bigger and more dangerous if they do. Homer is about to pat it, but before Lisa can stop him, Homer gets his fingers extended, grossing out the entire family. Marge puts a baby gate around the black hole, but that doesn't stop the family from feeding it. Marge feeds the black hole grease because it attracts raccoons. Bart tries to get the black hole to eat his math homework, but when it won't, he brings Edna Krabappel, his teacher, to the house where he pushes her into the black hole. The next day, the Simpsons are having breakfast while the black hole - now even bigger - sucks up everything on the ground floor of the house. Lisa notices that the black hole is looking a lot bigger, and asks if anyone wants to admit to throwing anything in. The family says no, but then Lisa asks if anyone has seen the cat. Santa's Little Helper then whines and lies down on the floor. Outside, many of Springfield's citizens are waiting to throw useless junk into the black hole because Homer opened his own business - Magic Craphole Waste Removal. Everyone runs away from the house when they see the house sucked up by the black hole. Many of Springfield citizens take that as their chance to throw away their junk - Comic Book Guy throws away a DVD of Disney's The Black Hole and Horatio McCallister attempts to throw away a skeleton before Lisa stops everyone, saying that if anything else is sucked into it, the black hole could reach critical mass. The Magic Craphole Waste Removal customers stand in wait to see what the black hole will do next. Somewhere, Milhouse Van Houten hits a home-run while playing a game of baseball, and the ball is sucked up by the black hole, enlarging it greatly allowing it to suck up Springfield's citizens. All of Springfield ends up being sucked up by the black hole and the only people left in Springfield are the Simpson family. The family are sucked up - but not Maggie - who hangs on to a pipe. Her pacifier is sucked up by the black hole, which sucks the pacifier and goes off into the distance. Maggie is left there - very cross. Springfield ends up on a planet where the junk thrown into the black hole ended up. The aliens on the planet say that they have built their society on the 'treasures' sent to the planet. The aliens' favorite magazine is the Presidents' Day mattress blowout sale insert and their favorite food is banana peels. The aliens say that they listen to music on the most wonderful device ever created - The Zune. Marge stops Homer from telling the aliens that the treasures they have received is just their old junk, and then she says that it is wonderful stuff and "Enjoy it!".
Act II: "UNnormal Activity"Edit
UNnormal Activity title card
Homer is filming himself in the mirror with a camera at 11:15am. He says that he bought the camera because strange things are happening in the house in the dead of night. Homer films some of the strange things - "Beware!" written in blood on the wall and "Get Out" spelled out on the floor with Maggie's alphabet blocks. Homer says that if anyone finds this footage after they're missing or dead they should remember him as a hero. Bart then comes in the house telling Homer that he forgot to pick him up from Little League and Lisa tells Homer that he threw his car keys in Lisa's bean plant. Homer shouts "A hero!", before Ned asks him if that's his camera. Homer runs upstairs. At 10:22pm, Homer fixes the camera on the wall of the bedroom and gets into bed. Homer asks Marge if she wants to snuggle, but Marge says that she won't with the camera on. Homer tries to convince Marge that the camera is off, but it doesn't work. Marge goes to sleep, and so does Homer. At around 2:10am in the morning, the bedroom door opens and the duvet is lifted off the bed and onto the floor. Also, the cupboard opens and a golf club is lifted up in the air and Homer is hit on the head with it. It falls to the floor. Around 2¼ hours later, the two are woken up by a loud noise downstairs. Marge rushes out of the bedroom, and so does Homer with the camera. He goes onto the landing, and then falls down the stairs. Homer goes into the family room, which has been destroyed. Marge is breathing heavily, and Lisa asks "Why is this happening to us?" Marge says that she doesn't know and Homer comforts Lisa by saying that sometimes a mysterious invisible being from hell waits for a family to go to sleep then kills them. Homer tells Lisa to go to bed because it's a school night. In the living room at 1:15pm the next day, a man fits a camera into the wall. Homer asks the man if he's got enough cameras and extended warranty to catch the ghost. The man says that whatever happens in the house the cameras will pick up. At around 11:15pm on Night 6, Bart is asleep in his room and so is Milhouse. But, Milhouse is also asleep on the floor of Lisa's room as well - seconds later. In Maggie's room, she is asleep in her cot while her alphabet blocks spell out "LEAVE NOW" on the floor. In Homer and Marge's bedroom, Marge suddenly gets out of bed and walks to the other side of the bed - where Homer is sleeping. She watches over Homer for 4 hours, when Homer wakes up and says hello to Marge. Marge growls, while Homer tries to get her into having sex with him. At around 4:10am, Homer is peeing in the bathroom when Marge suddenly walks to the door and stands there for 20 minutes - and Homer says at the toilet, still peeing. Both of them remain where they are for another ¾ of an hour. At about 2:10pm, Chief Wiggum is testing the fire in the family room and tells the family that it is hell fire, and also that someone in the family has made a deal with the devil and the devil wants his doo. Marge looks anxious, while Wiggum says that the devil feeds on their fear. Wiggum runs out of the room, scared after the cuckoo-clock 'cuckoos'. Wiggum enters, now a skeleton, saying that the devil feeds on more than just fear. He collapses. Night 15, and at around 1:25am in Maggie's room, her blocks on the floor (now spelling "TOO LATE") are vibrating and so is the door. Maggie wakes up and watches her blocks pushed to the edge of the room. Maggie is levitated and is put into a baby carrier and a bag is placed on the baby carrier, which a bottle has been put into. Maggie's baby seat is lifted up, just as Marge comes into the room and yells "Give me my baby back". The rest of the family (apart from Bart) follows Marge into the room, before something yells out "We had a deal!" The something tells Marge to not act surprised, because she knew this day was coming. Bart rushes into the room and throws baby powder over the something - the devil (which looks very similar to Moe Szyslak). Marge starts crying, saying that she brought this on the whole family. It began when Marge was a girl. Patty and Selma were in the attic trying to hail Satan when Marge came up and asked the two what they were doing. They say that they are trying to summon Satan because there is nothing good on TV, they have no boyfriends and they are bored. The two continue to attempt to summon Satan, and they are successful. Marge asks the devil if he can come back for her sisters later, and the devil agrees. But, Marge only has 30 years and when he returns, he will take her favorite child. Back in the present, Lisa is shocked because she thought she was the favorite. And so, Satan gives Maggie to Marge and picks up Lisa. Lisa says "Not the favorite! Not the favorite!" and Satan puts Lisa down. Homer steps forward, asking Satan if they is another deal he can accept - which is three-way. Homer asks if it is him, Satan and Marge. Satan then says that it's actually Homer, Demon and Demon. Homer groans saying that it's one of those things a dad has to do. At around 3:30am, Homer asks what the safe word is. Satan says that it is "cinnamon". Homer says that he wants to try something new and he throws his dressing gown at the camera. Satan shouts "Cinnamon!" multiple times, wanting Homer to stop.
Act III: "Bart & Homer's Excellent Adventure"Edit
Bart & Homer's Excellent Adventure title card
Bart is in the Android's Dungeon looking at a Radioactive Man comic. Bart tells Comic Book Guy that it's not fair that he's charging $200 for a comic that says 25¢ on the cover. Comic Book Guy tells Bart that the only way to purchase the comic at the cover price is to go back in time to 1974. Bart says that's impossible, but then he looks over to a comic, Fantastic Foreshadowing, which features him on the cover and says "The Boy Who Went Back to 1974". Bart skateboards out into the street, where he meets Professor Frink - who has just tested out his car time machine. Frink tells Bart to hold his keys while he grabs some lunch - but Bart gives this as the chance to go back to 1974. In 1974, Bart goes to the Android's Dungeon's grand opening and purchases the comic. Bart reads the comic - but throws it in the bin, because it's too preachy, outside the boy's bathroom at Springfield High School. Principal Dondelinger is telling off a young Homer Simpson and a young Barney Gumble for smoking. Bart is shocked - as it's Homer before his boobs came in. Bart goes into the high school. In the detention hall, Homer meets Bart, who explains to Homer that he's his unwanted son from the future who killed all his fun. The young Homer then strangles Bart. A young Marge then enters the room. Homer is still strangling Bart while Marge sits down. Marge tells off Homer, saying that what kind of jerk would strangle a young child. Homer asks Marge to the prom, but Marge refuses. Homer tells off Bart because it was love at first sight and he ruined it. Marge then says that it wasn't love at first sight, and Homer says "What do you know?" Marge says that she knows who she's in love with, and Homer says that she's looking at him. Marge calls Homer an idiot, and Homer returns the favour - shocking Marge. Homer tells Marge to not act like it's the first time someone said that to her - but that backfires, because it IS the first time someone has said that to her. Homer tells Marge to shut up and go to the prom with him. Bart "aye caramba"s, and wonders what will happen if Homer and Marge don't get together. Bart checks his myPhone photos, and a photo of him outside the Simpson House disappears - making him think that he won't exist. But then, another picture appears, which features Bart outside of a bigger and more fancier house - which prompts him to think that his life will be a hell of a lot better. Bart goes upto the young Marge, telling her not to marry "that ape". Meanwhile, young Homer is writing two choices for Marge on the chalkboard:
- A) Go With Me to the Prom.
- B) Cry So Hard Forever.
Marge tells Bart "Whatever you say, little boy", and Bart runs off. Homer chases after him. Bart runs into the time machine and tells himself to go to a future where his rich, or a future where he is allowed to stand outside a rich guy's house. While Bart is about to set off, young Homer gets into the trunk of the car. Just as he closes the trunk door, Bart sets off into the future. In 2012, Bart skateboards off, and young Homer gets out of the trunk. Homer starts angrily muttering about the stupid kid that stole his future, but then sees a poster for Ken & Harry's Cookie Dough Ice-Cream. He goes over to a shop window where Itchy & Scratchy is playing on a huge TV - and is shocked when he sees an ad for Thursday Night Football. He also comments that the globe is so warm and that he is in awe at the future. Chief Wiggum then passes the street, asleep on a Segway. Homer says that that's not so great. Bart walks up the steps to his house, where he opens the door and finds Marge giving a smoothie to Artie Ziff. Bart is shocked that his dad is Artie Ziff - which makes him Bartie Ziff. Bart goes over to the mirror and lifts his cap. He has curly hair, and now says "Oy, carumba". Bart's sisters and mother are having breakfast at the table, with Bart's sisters all having curly hair. Artie says good morning to Bartie, and tells him to enjoy his luxurious life - and his own bully butler - Nelson Muntz. Bart tells Nelson to give himself a wedgie. Unbeknown to them, a young Homer is watching them from their window. He says that he missed the jive turkeys in the '70s, but that turkey's a jivis. Homer - the present Homer - tells off young Homer because this is his peeping tree. Homer then realizes that the teenager on the other branch is actually young him. Homer asks why he is in the present. Young Homer says that he traveled through space and time to make Marge settle for him because she doesn't know better. Homer tells Young Homer that if they put their heads together they can think of a plan. Young Homer stares down at Present Homer's stomach and asks what happened - and asks if he was in a forest fire. Homer tells him no, and then the two continue watching the Ziffs. Later on, Bart is using a whip to make petals fall off a daisy - which is in Nelson the butler's mouth, saying "I love my life" and "I love it not" while Artie watches. Artie tells Bartie that he's just like Indiana Jones, a role played by Richard Dreyfuss in their universe. The doorbell rings and at the door is Homer, who has come to take his life back. Artie says that he thought this might happen, so he mastered Brazilian jujitsu. Artie performs a jujitsu move and tells Homer to attack him. Homer says "Not so fast" and tells Artie to say hello to the United Federation of Homers through history. Artie and Bartie roll their sleeves up and clench their fist - five minutes later they have beaten up all the Homers. Present Homer tells the guys to regroup - even though he's in a tree. Their plan is to come back with more Homers and start fresh in the morning. Marge comes out and is startled. She looks at all the Homers and the Opera Homer asks Marge what she is doing there. Marge says that she realizes that she married the wrong man, and comforts the 'poor, sweet, simple Homers'. She announces that she was supposed to be with all of them. The Caveman Homer grunts, trying to speak normally. Marge says that she meant him as well. The present Homer, still stuck in the tree, corrects Marge - Caveman Homer is Renaissance Homer. Marge tells Homer that she wished that twenty years ago, she should've chosen love. Marge and Homer kiss while the other Homers look on. In the Simpson House, all of the Homers are watching Tv when Marge comes in and tells them to get this straight - none of them had time to take out the garbage. Opera Homer says that Egyptian slave Homer should do it. The Egyptian slave Homer grumbles, because it's always him. The other Homers laugh.