| Little Big Girl
| Episode Information
| Episode Number:
| Production Code:
| Original Airdate:
|| February 11, 2007
| Couch Gag:
|| The family members are like undressed paper dolls standing in front of the couch, when a pair of large hands comes down and places their usual outfits on the bodies. After they are all dressed, the family sits down.
| Blackboard Text:
|| SO LONG SUCKERS (halfway through the episode)
| Special Guest Voices:
|| Natalie Portman as Darcy
| Written By:
|| Don Payne
| Directed By:
|| Raymond S. Persi
- "That's it, I want a license!"
- "To kill?"
- ―Mayor Quimby
- "No, to drive."
- "Suit yourself."
"Little Big Girl" is the twelfth episode of season 18. It originally aired on February 11, 2007. It guest stars Natalie Portman.
- "After extinguishing a city-wide fire, Bart is rewarded with a driving license. However, he gets tired of taking Homer everywhere, so he escapes and meets a teen girl that falls in love with Bart. Meanwhile, Lisa says she is a descendant from a fake Native American tribe for a school project."
Lisa has to do an essay about her heritage for a class project, she decides to write about Native Americans, and chooses to pick a tribe of her own invention (named the Hitachi after her microwave). However, when reading her "tribe's" history, she becomes embarrassed at having told a lie (including stereotypes) and rushes out of the hall yelling. Superintendent Chalmers says it must be the battle cry of her tribe, and quickly asks Principal Skinner to grab him a coffee.
At his farm, Cletus is milking his cow when he leaves to try and tend to a bucket of rum. After pulling the tail of a Cow to milk it, the cow kicks a chicken, who is knocked into a pile of crates. which causes an egg to roll around, instantly hatching into a chick when it rolls right into the blade of a pick ax's sheath. The chick, disoriented, wanders out of the barn only to be snatched up by a hawk. The same hawk eventually is forced to let go of the chick when it itself is ensnared by a Bald eagle. The chick falls into the chimney, which causes it to roll a burning log all the way back into a barn (startling Brandine along the way), starting a fire. In contrast to the famously rumored origins of the Great Chicago Fire, Cletus's cow actually succeeds in extinguishing the fire by kicking over a bucket (after the newborn chick pulled on one of its udders). Shocked, Cletus drops his smoking pipe on the hay, starting a similar Rube Goldberg-esque wildfire around Springfield. Everyone tries to extinguish it, but it is not enough. At Springfield Elementary, Principal Skinner asks Groundskeeper Willie to get the fire extinguishers, but they have been stolen. Apparently, Bart has been preparing to use them for a wild ride on his wagon. Nevertheless, while the wagon rockets around town, the foam released from the extinguishers puts the wildfire out quickly for good, and Bart is cheered by everyone then Mayor Quimby tells him that Springfield will grant him one wish. After careful thinking, Bart decides he wants a driver's license.
Bart starts using Homer's car for driving and Homer give him a phone with his number in it. Homer calls Bart numerous times to do errands for him such as picking him up in the middle of the night from Chinatown. Bart becomes annoyed and flees to North Haverbrook, where he meets a 15 year old girl named Darcy (voiced by Natalie Portman), and convinces her that he is 16. They quickly begin a romantic relationship and Darcy soon proposes marriage. At the Court house, Bart reveals his age, whereupon a shocked Darcy reveals that she is pregnant, causing Bart to try to flee in the car (which doesn't start). Darcy tells Bart that the baby is not his, and belongs to a Norweigan exchange student, who "left back to Norweiga". In an act of uncharacteristic and oddly mature chivalry, Bart agrees to marry Darcy, and they drove to Utah, where marriage restrictions are known to be a 'little loose'. Eventually, Homer, Marge and Darcy's parents catch up with them to stop them, knowing that they are too young to get married. Darcy's mother reveals that she is pregnant herself, and the family agrees to pass the two babies off as twins so as not to reveal Darcy's sin. Darcy and Bart end their relationship, while Bart, (in his own way) assures her they will meet again, to which she agrees. Later, Bart admits to Homer that he looked forward to being a father, and they both end up driving happily while singing "Twinkle Twinkle Little Star" in the night.
Meanwhile, when Lisa struggles to find excitement and intrigue in her family heritage for a school presentation, she decides to take creative license. Inspired by Bart's "Indian butter trick" and the kitchen curtains (that have corn on them) Lisa claims to be Native American, from the Hitachi tribe (named after the brand of the family's microwave oven). What begins as an innocent embellishment quickly turns into a web of lies when Lisa is chosen to represent the school and her "people" at City Hall, then as a keynote speaker for the National Native American Tribal Council. She eventually admits that she had lied about her heritage, which compels others to admit they are not Native Americans as well. Homer compares his daughter to CBS News in a reference to the 2004 Killian documents controversy. He also mentions at the end that his great-great-grandmother actually was a Native American, much to Lisa's chagrin.
It was written by Don Payne, and directed by Raymond S. Persi. Natalie Portman guest starred as a new character, Darcy.