| Dan Gillick
| Character Information
Dan Gillick was a former accountant for the Springfield Mafia. He currently works as an ear-piercing clerk in the Mall.
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met Dan, when his frisbee landed in Dan's backyard and he threw Bart
after it. Dan enjoyed meeting him too.
Dan joins with the Pin Pals against the Holy Rollers, replacing Otto Mann who is suffering from a psychotic breakdown. When Dan was about to throw his ball, he receives a call from Fat Tony and has to forfeit the match, giving the Holy Rollers the victory.
Dan arrives at Luigi's, where Fat Tony announces that he'll be serving jury duty and due this, they have to appoint a temporary don and Fat Tony chooses Dan, much to the ire of the mobsters. Dan immediately tells Fat Tony his concerns, that he won't blend-in, but Fat Tony gets angry and slams his fist in the table claiming that he knows what he's doing. After he's gone, Dan tries to blend in with the mobsters by doing an ice-breaking exercise, in which they will say something they're afraid of, which for Dan is the mobsters. Johnny Tightlips threatens Dan by telling him that he's afraid he'll kill him right now. So Dan fakes a call with his daughter (named Cassidy) and hypothetically "asks her" how does she would feel if Dan just "disappears"?, to which "she answers" that she would feel sad and "starts to cry". Dan points this to the mobsters, which causes Louie call out Johnny asking him if he's proud of himself. Johnny only wonders if "Cassidy is a girls name now?".
Later that night, Dan has to cut expenses and shows the mobsters how much money they're spending and tries to suggest measures to save money. But the mobsters instead bully and disrespect Dan at every chance. Dan then tries to propose a new plan to save money, when they put a horse's head in someone's bed, they shouldn't let the rest of the animal go to waste and use other body parts, because according to him, there's not a body part of a horse that won't scare anyone. In answer the mobsters throw him body parts of horses, including a saddle and a dead jockey, which causes Dan to flinch and wonder if that was real.
The next night, Dan goes to Moe's Tavern, in which Homer and Moe are still sore because he forfeited the last night, enough that Homer doesn't want to see him, but he's scared by Moe to interact with Dan and Moe forces Dan to invite the barflies a beer. Dan then tells them that he's sorry for that, but he got the kind of job he can't just play hooky from and tells them how he's doing in his work. Moe gives him a tip: If he acts aggressive and twists the knife in his coworkers they'll leave him alone, claiming that he knows from experience. Dan decides to take Moe's tip into consideration and thanks him for giving him both an edge and an attitude, he drinks his beer and exits the bar.
That same night, Dan resumes his plans of cutting expenses and tests Moe's tip, so he behaves more aggressive towards the mobsters. Dan almost stabs Legs' hand, which he calls Dan out, Dan tells Legs that he will lose his hand for real if he keeps charging his manicure to them. He then asks the mobsters if they have a trouble with that and tells the mobsters that they won't have more tortellini and declares he's now dominating them. Luigi Risotto comes and overhears that and wonders if it's true they won't have more tortellini, Dan tells him firmly that only for Christmas and funerals. Luigi doesn't like that and says that he needs the money for his English lessons and gives Dan a demonstration, Dan is not impressed and Luigi smiles shakily.
The next day, Dan goes to the city hall and tells Fat Tony about his advances, telling him that he managed to cut the expenses by a 12%. Fat Tony tells Dan to cut another 12% like his more ruthless cousin in Wall Street says. But Dan tells him that the remaining budget costs are personal. So Fat Tony tells him that some men must go. Dan agrees and decides to announce the lay-offs, only for Fat Tony tell him that in their business there's no lay-offs, the guys who are fired are "lay-out". Dan agrees, but quickly realizes that Fat Tony means to kill them, which causes him to feel uncomfortable. He then exits when Fat Tony has to return, since an old Bulgarian lady took his seat.
That same afternoon, Dan goes to the Springfield Nuclear Power Plant and hides in Homer's car, scaring him when Homer opens the door of his car, then realizes how awkward looks this and greets Homer, then he proceeds to tell Homer about his actual job, he's an accountant for Fat Tony's mafia, but now he's a temporary don while Fat Tony is in jury duty. Homer laughs at the thought of Fat Tony in jury duty, but Dan tells him that's not the worst part, which is that Fat Tony wants that Dan kills some of his men to cut budget and shows Homer his gun to verify him that what he's telling him is true. Homer shocked wonders if Dan wants that he helps him to escape this job, but Dan actually wants that Homer thwarts him in killing the mobsters, since Dan actually wants to do it, since he considers the mafia an ultimate business model. Homer gets sidetracked and Dan gets him back on track, he then tells him that he feels uneasy in firing someone, since the last time he did, he cried and save the tears, the proceeds to hug Homer. He then tells him that he got fired from his last job, because he wasn't tough enough and that he learned that in order to succeed in his job he had to disregard the distractions of being human, then he realizes that Homer is gone, but was actually hiding behind his car, telling him that's how he gets out from doing the dishes.
The next day, Homer takes Dan to a ride and asks him why he wants to be a murderer, Dan tells him that he likes the perks, which Homer says that it's like a "perfect storm", which causes Dan to snap and threat Homer at gunpoint, claiming he hates that expression since it's so overused, when Homer says it again, he yells him to say something original, which causes Homer start to say nonsense.