Artie Ziff

Artie Ziff Artwork of Artie Ziff by Matt Groening

Character Information Gender: Male ♂ Status: Alive Hair: Black Occupation: Software billionaire First appearance: "The Way We Was" Voiced by: Dan Castellaneta Jon Lovitz

Artie Ziff is a billionaire inventor and business owner.

Personality

Artie is very confident yet nerdy, self-centered and narcissistic, believing himself to be the best at everything - he said that it "would damage the town" if Marge told people about his "busy hands", and once imagined a can-can chorus and audience made up entirely of himself. He is Jewish, and once commented that if people don't like him it's because they're Anti-Semitic. He holds a deep obsession over Marge, and has done so since high school: His appearances mainly revolve around his plans to seduce her away from Homer, with the exception of his final encounter with the Simpson family.

Biography

High School

Artie was a student at Springfield High School. He was a member of the school Debate Team (where Homer mooned him for rebuttal), and at the end of the year took Marge to the prom. He ruined a wonderful evening with his "busy hands" in the back of his car, his urges resulting in the shoulder strap of Marge's dress being torn, followed by a slap to the face and a swift end to their date. He drove Marge home.

Wealth

Many years later, Artie was revealed to have become a software billionaire, becoming the fifth richest man in the country. His wealth came from a device that transformed modem noise into easy listening music. Despite his riches, Artie's life was not complete: He lived alone, and the collection of Marge-resembling art around his mansion showed that he never got over Marge's rejecting him on prom night.

Artie claimed that he would offer a small fortune for a weekend with his childhood love, Marge, in a parody of the movie Indecent Proposal. She accepted, as the money would come in handy, and he seemed harmless. He managed to trick Marge into kissing him at a full recreation of their high school prom (including most of the original guests), which Homer witnessed. She slapped Artie and left. After a fruitless search for Homer, who left believing that they were having an affair, she enlisted Artie's help, using his helicopter to find Homer and bring him home. When they found him, Artie finally admitted defeat to Homer, saying that winning Marge's love was something that he could never accomplish, even with his billions.

Ziffcorp

Some time later, the Simpsons discovered that Artie was living in their attic. He revealed that he ran his company, Ziffcorp, into the ground spending investors' money on such extravagant items such as solid gold underpants. He was left penniless when the "dot-com bubble" burst, and secretly moved into the Simpson home to avoid capture. Homer won 98% of the company from Ziff in a game of poker; seconds later, SEC agents came to take Ziff, but they took Homer into custody instead (as he had just become the majority shareholder).

Prison

When Artie Ziff finally turned himself in, one of his first acts upon arriving in prison was to begin extinguishing other prisoners' cigarettes with a squirt bottle—for the benefit of their health, whether they wanted it or not. Marge told the children to take a good look at Artie, as his actions dramatically lowered his chances of survival. The family's last view of Artie was of him continuing to squirt other prisoners' cigarettes while an ever-growing angry mob advanced on him.

Release and later history

Artie survived the prison yard encounter and was eventually released from prison. He later revealed that he had negotiated an early release by ratting out other CEOs for their crimes, and regained his fortune when they paid him off to keep him quiet.

His name was seen on a list of Springfieldians taking revenge on Mr. Burns.

Artie eventually got his fortune back after he invented logs that looked like money, which he called "Money to Burn".

Later, Artie invited Homer and Marge to attend his wedding. When they arrived, Homer was asked to walk the bride down the aisle as she didn't have anyone to do so. When the bride took off her veil, she was revealed to look exactly like Marge. After the wedding, Homer and Marge confronted Artie and his wife only to find that the Marge Artie married was a robot, and that Artie had made several other Marge robots. Artie wanted to make Marge realize how perfect she would be with Artie by planning a fake wedding to a copy of Marge, but it failed. Marge then told Artie that he could use his brain to help people rather than try and win her heart.

Non-canon

The contents of this article or section are considered to be non-canon and therefore may not have actually happened or existed.

When Marge decided to break up with Homer, Lisa found a talking picture of Artie telling Marge that it was good that she finally left Homer and that he had finally learned how to unhook a bra with one hand.

The Simpsons: Tapped Out

Artie Ziff

This section is transcluded from The Simpsons: Tapped Out characters/More Business Owners. To edit it, please edit the transcluded page.

Artie Ziff Image Cost Unlock method Unlocks with Unlock message 137,500 Level 45 The Way I Wish We Was Pt. 1 ZiffCorp Sign Technical Information ID Groups Internal Name 32000 Regular Characters, Regular Male, Entrepreneur, Adult, Rich People ArtieZiff Permanent Tasks Task Time Reward Requires Quest with the task Animated? Go Skating 10m 17, 5 Simpsons' Skating Rink Practice his Tennis Serving Skills 60m 70, 17 Indoor Tennis Courts Burning the Midnight Oil Burn the Midnight Oil 4h 175, 45 ZiffCorp Office Building Overpay for Sex on the Beach 4h 260, 70 Smooches on the Beach Stay at the Swelldorado 4h 260, 70 Swelldorado Try to Win at Blackjack 4h 175, 45 $ Casino Drink and Babysit 4h 175, 45 The Boiled Potato Attend Parenting Seminars 4h 260, 70 Universal Panacea Shop for Cider 4h 260, 70 Mt. Swartzwelder Historic Cider Mill Obtain Anxiety Medication 6h 225, 55 Springfield Medical Center Have a Glass of Soy Milk at Moe's 8h 275, 70 Moe's Tavern The Way I Wish We Was Pt. 2 Dance the Señor Burns 8h 420, 105 Chez Guevara Spy on Everyone 12h 420, 100 The Way I Wish We Was Pt. 3 Jury Duty 24h 600, 150 Court House Propose to Marge 24h 1,200, 300 Marge The Way I Wish We Was Pt. 4 Animated Tasks Spy on Everyone Propose to Marge

Young Artie Ziff

This section is transcluded from The Simpsons: Tapped Out characters/A Simpsons Christmas Special. To edit it, please edit the transcluded page.

Young Artie Ziff Image Cost Unlock method Unlocks with Unlock message 175 A Simpsons Christmas Special and Love and War Premium Marge Sculpture Garden 300 A Classless Reunion Premium (Prom Photo Booth Bundle 1) 150 A Classless Reunion Premium (Prom Photo Booth Bundle 3) 200 A Classless Reunion Premium (Prom Photo Booth Bundle 5 and 7) 60 Abe's in Toyland Premium (Winter Wonderland Mystery Box) 1 Blargsgiving, Northward Bound, The Atom Smasher and Cold Turkey Gold Mystery Box Technical Information ID Groups Internal Name 213008 Adult, Premium Male, Premium Characters YoungArtieZiff Taps Final Update Wave Cost Release 3 175 October 8, 2024 Permanent Tasks Task Time Reward Requires Quest with the task Animated? Go Skating 10m 26, 7 Simpsons' Skating Rink Eat Lunch With His Teachers 60m 105, 26 Springfield High School or Springfield Library or Brown House Overpay for Sex on the Beach 4h 260, 70 Smooches on the Beach Stay at the Swelldorado 4h 260, 70 Swelldorado Try to Win at Blackjack 4h 260, 70 $ Casino Drink and Babysit 4h 260, 70 The Boiled Potato Be Creatively Creepy 4h 260, 70 Marge Sculpture Garden Ziff it to the Limit Pt. 3 Attend Parenting Seminars 4h 260, 70 Universal Panacea Shop for Cider 4h 260, 70 Mt. Swartzwelder Historic Cider Mill Obtain Anxiety Medication 6h 350, 90 Springfield Medical Center Dance the Señor Burns 8h 420, 105 Chez Guevara Dominate at Debate 8h 420, 105 Springfield High School or Brown House Ziff it to the Limit Pt. 4 Go Bird Watching 12h 600, 150 Shop or Eatery Enjoy a Night at the Theater 12h 600, 150 Springfield Playhouse Complain About Electric Buzzing 12h 600, 150 The Buzzing Sign Diner Dance Like Marge is Watching 24h 1,000, 225 Ziff it to the Limit Pt. 5 Buy Groceries at a Kindling Store 24h 1,000, 225 Kevin's Kindling

Behind the Laughter

• Artie Ziff was voiced by Jon Lovitz on his first appearance in the Season 2 episode "The Way We Was" and occasionally by Dan Castellaneta in the later episodes.

Appearances

Episode – "The Way We Was" Episode – "The Front" Episode – "Another Simpsons Clip Show" Episode – "Half-Decent Proposal" Episode – "The Ziff Who Came to Dinner" Episode – "You Kent Always Say What You Want" (picture seen) Episode – "Take My Life, Please" (name on the Springfield Wall of Fame) Episode – "The Fool Monty" (name on rota) THOH – "Treehouse of Horror XXIII" Episode – "My Fare Lady" (opening sequence) Episode – "Mr. Lisa's Opus" Episode – "Hail to the Teeth" Comic story – Marge the Sellout Comic story – Milhouse the Man, Krusty in the Can, and the Great Springfield Frink-Out (mentioned) Comic story – A Brand New Burns, Part One! Comic story – A Brand New Burns, Part Two! Book – The Homer Book Book – Flanders' Book of Faith Book – Simpsons World The Ultimate Episode Guide: Seasons 1-20 Book – The Marge Book (old high school photo) Video game – The Simpsons: Virtual Springfield (picture) Video game – The Simpsons: Tapped Out Merchandise – Simpsons Mania! (Inkworks) Simpsons Mania

References

Springfield High School
Faculty
Mrs. Bloomenstein • Franklin Chase • Harlan Dondelinger • Coach Flanagan • Mr. McIntyre • Mr. Orlando • Mr. Schindler • Mr. Seckofsky
Former students
Marge Bouvier • Carl Carlson • Vance Connor • Estelle • Barney Gumble • Julius Hibbert • Kim • Lenny Leonard • Helen Lovejoy • Bobby Mindix • Evelyn Peters • Debbie Pinson • Clarise Rashad • Sasha Reed • Sandra • Homer Simpson • Waylon Smithers • Chloe Talbot • Kirk Van Houten • Artie Ziff
Present students
Jake Brickbat • Shauna Chalmers • Johnny Joe • Trevor McBride • Montaigne Prince • Squeaky-voiced teen
Future students
Wendell Borton • Lewis Clark • Jenda • Sherri Mackleberry • Terri Mackleberry • Nelson Muntz • Janey Powell • Martin Prince • Richard • Becky Shorter • Bart Simpson • Lisa Simpson • Allison Taylor • Milhouse Van Houten • Ralph Wiggum • Üter Zörker
Other
Butthead

The Simpsons: Tapped Out characters
More Business Owners Tribal Chief Roger Myers Jr. Akira Artie Ziff Marvin Monroe Herb Powell Cookie Kwan Belle Lindsey Naegle Mrs. Sinclair Aristotle Amadopolis Arthur Fortune Cayman Island Banker Chazz Busby
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Factfiles from Simpsons World the Ultimate Episode Guide: Seasons 1-20

The Family Simpson Homer Simpson • Marge Simpson • Bart Simpson • Lisa Simpson • Maggie Simpson Season 1 Santa's Little Helper • Martin Prince • Mr. Burns • Dr. Marvin Monroe • Herman • Bleeding Gums Murphy • Bob • Jimbo Jones • Jacques • Princess Kashmir • Ugolin and Cesar • Krusty the Clown • Ms. Botz Season 2 Edna Krabappel • Karl • Blinky • The Capital City Goofball • Todd Flanders • Kent Brockman • Captain Lance Murdock • Roger Meyers, Jr. • Lionel Hutz • Akira • Artie Ziff • Reverend Lovejoy • Seymour Skinner • Herb Powell • Emily Winthrop • Bea Simmons • Professor Lombardo • Mr. Bergstrom • General Sherman • Comic Book Guy • Dr. Hibbert Season 3 Michael Jackson/Leon Kompowsky • Congressman Bob Arnold • Ned Flanders • Fat Tony • Scott Christian • Rabbi Krustofski • Millicent • Nelson • Moe Szyslak • Fritz • Justice Of The Peace • Groundskeeper Willie • Smooth Jimmy Apollo • Mr. Teeny • Woodrow • Aristotle Amadopolis • Lou And Eddie • The Veterinarian • Lurleen Lumpkin • Selma • Otto • Milhouse Van Houten • Professor Frink Season 4 Dolph and Kearney • Llewellyn Sinclair • God • Amber Dempsey • Itchy & Scratchy • Surly Joe • Laura Powers • Barney • Baby Bart, 1983 • Barflies • Lyle Lanley • Patty • Pepi • Ralph Wiggum • Chief Wiggum • Carl • Pimple-Faced Kid • Grampa • Richard Nixon • Tattoo Annie • Gabbo Season 5 Nigel • Sideshow Bob • Doug, Benjamin and Gary • Future Burns • Ruth Powers • Brad Goodman • Sea Captain • Mindy Simmons • Ernst And Gunter • Molloy • Bumblebee Man • Apu • Stacy Lovell • Inanimate Carbon Rod • Rod Flanders • Stampy • Simpson Actors • Superintendent Chalmers • Freddy Quimby • Mrs. Jacqueline Bouvier • Adult Education Annex Administrator Season 6 Maude Flanders • Allison Taylor • Itchy And Scratchy • Roger Meyers, Sr. • Birch Barlow • Jessica Lovejoy • Uter • Ashley Grant • Mayor Quimby • Dr. Zweig • Number One • Knight Boat • Database • Don Vittorio • Evan Conover • Ballet Teacher • Crazy Old Man • Hugh Parkfield • Pet Store Man • Leopold • Lunchlady Doris • Jericho • Shelby • Main Suspects (Groundskeeper Willie • Moe • Grampa • Barney • Lisa • Principal Skinner • Tito Puente • Homer • Bart) Season 7 Doctor Colossus • Rainier Wolfcastle • Mrs. Skinner • Nana Van Houten • Jimmy • Dr. Nick Riviera • Mother Simpson • Colonel Leslie "Hap" Hapablap • Matt Groening • Detective Don Brodka • Luigi • Disco Stu • Evelyn Peters • Handsome Pete • Hollis Hurlbut • Waylon Smithers, Jr. • Chester J. 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T. Smash • Howard K. Duff VIII • Francine • Kitenge • Thelonious • The Rich Texan • Coach Lugash • Singing Railroad Hobo Season 13 Judge Constance Harm • Professor Huntington • Gloria • Mesmerino, the Hip Hypnotist • Nibbles the Hamster • Gabriel, the Social Worker • Garth Motherloving • The "Afternoon Yak" Hostesses • Principal Harlan Dondelinger • Greta Wolfcastle • Buck McCoy • Zelda • Ronaldo the Orphan • The Crows • Kang and Kodos • Geoff Jenkins, Animator • Annette, the Squishie Lady • Brunella Pommelhorst, Gym Teacher • Frank Nelson-Type • Johnny Tightlips Season 14 Rock Stars • Audrey McConnell, Third Grade Teacher • Dr. Velimirovic, Plastic Surgeon • Mitch Hartwell, the Reality Channel Producer • Junior (AKA Frank Grimes, Jr.) • Teacher of the Year Award Nominating Committee • Dexter Colt, Private Eye • The Mugger • Larry H. Lawyer, Jr. • Baby Stink-Breath • Booberella • Sara Sloane, Hollywood Movie Star • Cookie Kwan, Red Coat Realtor • Stark Richdale • Declan Desmond • Julio and Grady • Luke Stetson, Junior Wrangler • Suds McDuff, Spokesdog/Mascot for Duff Beer • Marriage Counselor • Jim Proudfoot • Don Castellaneta Season 15 Cora • Repo Depot Men • Edwina • Grant Connor • Curator • Personalized Talking Astrolabe • Roofi • "Robot Rumble" Announcers • Esme Delacroix • Society Matron • Henry • Baby Button-Eyes • Randall Curtis • Gina Vendetti • Matt Groening • Raoul • Pie Man, AKA Simple Simon • Ms. Killebrew • Nash Castor • Elegy for Geezer Rock Season 16 Stuart • Mrs. Muntz • Chloe Talbot • Goose Gladwell • Johnny • Frankie • Deion Overstreet • Alcatraaaz • Howell Huser • The Springfield Glacier • Madam Wu • New England RV-er • Officer Krackney • Jenda • Ray Magini • Tab Spangler • Cameron (Johnny Rainbow) • Andre the Archangel • Vicki and Katja • Father Sean Season 17 Caleb Thorn • Gravedigger Billy • The Pox Princess • A Bicycle Built For Two • Dr. J. 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Delivery Drivers • Paris Texan • The Shadow Knight • Joe LaBoot • Nappien • Strangles the Python • Jack Bauer • Newshound Season 19 Colby Krause • Julia • Louie • Dwight David Diddlehopper • Norbert "Zack" Van Houten • Milo • Dr. Robert Terwilliger, Sr., and Dame Judith Underdunk • The Forget-Me-Shot • Candidate Ralph Wiggum • Professor Steffan August • Donny • Betsy Bidwell • Chazz Busby • Royce Boss Hogg Lumpkin • Mary Wrestelmania Spuckler • Sundance Film Festival Board Member • Secret Missile Silo Soldier • The Inverted Double-Struck Penny Season 20 Patrick Farrelly • Warrior Statue • Simon Woosterfield • Alberto • The Avenging Antiques • Steve Mobbs • Muk Mu • Juliet Hobbes • Vance Connor • Mr. Becker • Nat and Nancy Gladness • Mother Superior • Tom O'Flanagan • The Parson • Maya • Jenny • Soccer Mom/Helicopter Parent • Alaska Nebraska • Inga