- "Finally! I can talk! This is the voice I've got? Sounds like I should be selling egg creams in Brighton Beach."
- ―the Male Golem[src]
| Male Golem
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| Character Information
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The Male Golem, also known as the Golem of Prague, was a Jewish Golem made of clay.
History
The Golem was seen in the attic of the Simpson House.[1]
Non-canon
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The contents of this article or section are considered to be non-canon and therefore may not have actually happened or existed.
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In the 1600s, the Golem was created on a potters wheel by a rabbi in the Old New Synagogue in Prague. The Golem was made to perform any task that was written on a scroll and placed in its mouth. After its creation, the rabbi had the Golem kill the rioters outside the Old New Synagogue. At some point after that event, he killed a czar. Eventually, the Golem ended up under the ownership of Krusty the Clown. During this period, Krusty had him kill some hecklers during a comedy show he held at The Laugh Stop.
One day, after a recording of The Krusty the Clown Show, Bart went backstage to find Krusty to complain about his Krusty Brand Alarm Clock. Instead, he found Krusty's prop room and decided to look around. Here he found the Golem, which initially scared him. Krusty then appeared and told Bart the Golem's story. Bart then wrote a note telling the Golem to go to his house at midnight and put it in the Golem's mouth. That night, Bart was eagerly awaiting the Golem's arrival. After being faked out by a drunken Homer, the Golem showed up and Bart wrote a note telling him to "kick Homer's balls". The Golem misunderstood this as "kick Homer's walls" instead at first, but then managed to do the task. The next day, Bart took the Golem to school and had him rearrange the bullies heads after they demanded Bart's lunch money.
Lisa realizes that Bart was the one who made the Golem hospitalize the bullies and confronted Bart about it. Lisa then put a scroll telling the Golem to speak into his mouth. After coming to life, the Golem told Bart and Lisa that he felt bad about all the murders and maimings he had done. Eventually, the Golem started driving Bart crazy with his talking so Bart sent him to school to use Principal Skinner as a yo-yo, eventually cutting him in half.
At dinner one night, Marge and Lisa decide that the Golem is very neurotic and a relationship could help him. The Simpsons then build a Female Golem out of Play-Doh and bring her to life. When she starts speaking, and complaining about her dress, Homer went to kill her and try again, but the Male Golem said that she was perfect. The two Golems decided to get married, which was officiated by Rabbi Krustofsky. During the wedding, Chief Wiggum, Eddie, and Lou busted in to arrest the Golem for his crimes. However, Chief Wiggum was persuaded to drop the charges with access to a free latke bar.[2]
Behind the Laughter
- The statue itself seems to be canon as it was seen in the Simpsons' attic in "The Color Yellow".
- The Golem is a parody of the Golem from the 1915 film The Golem.
Appearances
References
THOH – "Treehouse of Horror XVII" (You Gotta Know When to Golem)
Episode – "The Color Yellow" 
Book – Bart Simpson's Guide to Life 
