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List of chalkboard gags

Wikisimpsons - The Simpsons Wiki

The following is a list of chalkboard gags seen on The Simpsons.

Season 1[edit]

# Airdate Picture Gag Episode Name
1 December 17, 1989 no gag "Simpsons Roasting on an Open Fire"
2 January 14, 1990 Bart the Genius (Chalkboard gag).png I will not waste chalk "Bart the Genius"
3 January 21, 1990 Homer's Odyssey (Chalkboard gag).png I will not skateboard in the halls "Homer's Odyssey"
4 January 28, 1990 There's No Disgrace Like Home (Chalkboard gag).png I will not burp in class "There's No Disgrace Like Home"
5 February 4, 1990 no gag "Bart the General"
6 February 11, 1990 ChalkboardGagS1E06.png I will not instigate revolution "Moaning Lisa"
7 February 18, 1990 ChalkboardGagS1E07.png I will not draw naked ladies in class "The Call of the Simpsons"
8 February 25, 1990 ChalkboardGagS1E08.png I did not see Elvis "The Telltale Head"
9 March 18, 1990 no gag "Life on the Fast Lane"
10 March 25, 1990 ChalkboardGagS1E10.png I will not call my teacher "Hot Cakes" "Homer's Night Out"
11 April 15, 1990 ChalkboardGagS1E11.png Garlic gum is not funny "The Crepes of Wrath"
12 April 29, 1990 Krusty Gets Busted (Chalkboard gag).png They are laughing at me, not with me "Krusty Gets Busted"
13 May 13, 1990 Some Enchanted Evening (Chalkboard gag).png I will not yell "Fire!" in a crowded classroom "Some Enchanted Evening"

Season 2[edit]

# Airdate Picture Gag Episode Name
14 October 11, 1990 Chalkboard gag (Bart Gets an "F").png I will not encourage others to fly "Bart Gets an "F""
I Will Not Fake My Way Through Life (Bart Gets an F).png During the episode:
I will not fake my way through life
15 October 18, 1990 ChalkboardGag7F02.png Tar is not a plaything "Simpson and Delilah"
16 October 25, 1990 no gag "Treehouse of Horror"
17 November 1, 1990 ChalkboardGag7F01.png I will not Xerox my butt "Two Cars in Every Garage and Three Eyes on Every Fish"
No image.png Alternate chalkboard gag aired on June 2, 1992 rerun
It's 'potato', not 'potatoe'
18 November 8, 1990 ChalkboardGag7F05.png I will not trade pants with others "Dancin' Homer"
19 November 15, 1990 ChalkboardGag7F08.png I am not a 32 year old woman "Dead Putting Society"
20 November 22, 1990 ChalkboardGag7F07.png I will not do that thing with my tongue "Bart vs. Thanksgiving"
21 December 6, 1990 ChalkboardGag7F06.png I will not drive the principal's car "Bart the Daredevil"
22 December 20, 1990 ChalkboardGag7F09.png I will not pledge allegiance to Bart "Itchy & Scratchy & Marge"
23 January 10, 1991 ChalkboardGag7F10.png I will not sell school property "Bart Gets Hit by a Car"
24 January 24, 1991 ChalkboardGag7F11.png I will not cut corners
(This is written for 3 lines. The remaining lines are all "ditto" quotation marks.)
"One Fish, Two Fish, Blowfish, Blue Fish"
25 January 31, 1991 ChalkboardGag7F12.png I will not get very far with this attitude "The Way We Was"
26 February 7, 1991 ChalkboardGag7F13.png I will not make flatulent noises in class "Homer vs. Lisa and the 8th Commandment"
27 February 14, 1991 ChalkboardGag7F15.png I will not belch the national anthem "Principal Charming"
28 February 21, 1991 ChalkboardGag7F16.png I will not sell land in Florida "Oh Brother, Where Art Thou?"
29 March 7, 1991 ChalkboardGag7F14.png I will not sell school property "Bart's Dog Gets an "F""
30 March 28, 1991 ChalkboardGag7F17.jpg I will not grease the monkey bars "Old Money"
31 April 11, 1991 ChalkboardGag7F18.png I will not hide behind the Fifth Amendment "Brush with Greatness"
32 April 25, 1991 no gag "Lisa's Substitute"
33 May 2, 1991 ChalkboardGag7F20.png I will not do anything bad ever again "The War of the Simpsons"
34 May 9, 1991 ChalkboardGag7F21.png I will not show off
(This was written in Blackletter.)
"Three Men and a Comic Book"
35 July 11, 1991 ChalkboardGag7F22.png I will not sleep through my education "Blood Feud"

Season 3[edit]

# Airdate Picture Gag Episode Name
36 September 19, 1991 ChalkboardGag7F24.png I am not a dentist "Stark Raving Dad"
37 September 26, 1991 ChalkboardGag8F01.png Spitwads are not free speech "Mr. Lisa Goes to Washington"
38 October 3, 1991 ChalkboardGag7F23.png Nobody likes sunburn slappers "When Flanders Failed"
39 October 10, 1991 ChalkboardGag8F03.png High explosives and school don't mix "Bart the Murderer"
No image.png During the episode:
I will not bribe Principal Skinner
40 October 17, 1991 ChalkboardGag8F04.png I will not squeak chalk
(Bart makes the chalk squeak as he writes this.)
"Homer Defined"
41 October 24, 1991 ChalkboardGag8F05.png I will finish what I sta
(written only once)
"Like Father, Like Clown"
42 October 31, 1991 no gag "Treehouse of Horror II"
43 November 7, 1991 ChalkboardGag8F02.png "Bart Bucks" are not legal tender "Lisa's Pony"
44 November 14, 1991 ChalkboardGag8F06.png I will not fake rabies "Saturdays of Thunder"
45 November 21, 1991 ChalkboardGag8F07.png Underwear should be worn on the inside "Flaming Moe's"
46 December 5, 1991 ChalkboardGag8F08.png The Christmas Pageant does not stink "Burns Verkaufen der Kraftwerk"
47 December 26, 1991 ChalkboardGag8F09.png I will not torment the emotionally frail "I Married Marge"
48 January 9, 1992 ChalkboardGag8F11.png I will not carve gods "Radio Bart"
49 January 23, 1992 no gag "Lisa the Greek"
50 February 6, 1992 ChalkboardGag8F14.png I will not spank others "Homer Alone"
51 February 13, 1992 no gag "Bart the Lover"
52 February 20, 1992 ChalkboardGag8F13.png I will not aim for the head "Homer at the Bat"
53 February 27, 1992 ChalkboardGag8F15.png I will not barf unless I'm sick "Separate Vocations"
Separate Vocations episode gag.png During the episode:
I will not expose the ignorance of the faculty
54 March 12, 1992 ChalkboardGag8F17.png I saw nothing unusual in the teacher's lounge "Dog of Death"
55 March 26, 1992 ChalkboardGag8F19.png I will not conduct my own fire drills "Colonel Homer"
56 April 9, 1992 ChalkboardGag8F20.png Funny noises are not funny "Black Widower"
57 April 23, 1992 ChalkboardGag8F21.png I will not spin the turtle "The Otto Show"
58 May 7, 1992 ChalkboardGag8F122.png I will not snap bras "Bart's Friend Falls in Love"
59 August 27, 1992 ChalkboardGag8F23.png I will not fake seizures "Brother, Can You Spare Two Dimes?"

Season 4[edit]

# Airdate Picture Gag Episode Name
60 September 24, 1992 ChalkboardGag8F24.png This punishment is not boring and pointless "Kamp Krusty"
61 October 1, 1992 ChalkboardGag8F18.png My name is not "Dr. Death" "A Streetcar Named Marge"
62 October 8, 1992 ChalkboardGag9F01.png I will not defame New Orleans

(Done as a response to A Streetcar Named Marge, which created controversy in New Orleans from a song in said episode)

"Homer the Heretic"
63 October 15, 1992 ChalkboardGag9F02.png I will not prescribe medication Lisa the Beauty Queen
64 October 29, 1992 no gag "Treehouse of Horror III"
65 November 3, 1992 ChalkboardGag9F03.png I will not bury the new kid "Itchy & Scratchy: The Movie"
No image.png During the episode, Marge writes:
I will try to raise a better child
66 November 5, 1992 ChalkboardGag9F05.png I will not teach others to fly "Marge Gets a Job"
67 November 12, 1992 ChalkboardGag9F06.png I will not bring sheep to class "New Kid on the Block"
68 November 19, 1992 ChalkboardGag9F07.png A burp is not an answer "Mr. Plow"
69 December 3, 1992 ChalkboardGag9F08.png Teacher is not a leper "Lisa's First Word"
70 December 17, 1992 ChalkboardGag9F09.png Coffee is not for kids
(Each line becomes less legible and more scrawled)
"Homer's Triple Bypass"
71 January 14, 1993 ChalkboardGag9F10.png I will not eat things for money "Marge vs. the Monorail"
72 January 21, 1993 ChalkboardGag9F11.png I will not yell "She's Dead" during roll call "Selma's Choice"
73 February 4, 1993 ChalkboardGag9F12.png The principal's toupée is not a frisbee "Brother from the Same Planet"
74 February 11, 1993 ChalkboardGag9F13.png I will not call the principal "spud head" "I Love Lisa"
75 February 18, 1993 ChalkboardGag9F14.png Goldfish don't bounce "Duffless"
76 March 11, 1993 ChalkboardGag9F15.png Mud is not one of the 4 food groups "Last Exit to Springfield"
77 April 1, 1993 ChalkboardGag9F17.png No one is interested in my underpants "So It's Come to This: A Simpsons Clip Show"
78 April 15, 1993 ChalkboardGag9F16.png I will not sell miracle cures "The Front"
79 April 29, 1993 ChalkboardGag9F18.png I will return the seeing-eye dog "Whacking Day"
80 May 6, 1993 ChalkboardGag9F20.png I do not have diplomatic immunity "Marge in Chains"
81 May 13, 1993 ChalkboardGag9F19.png I will not charge admission to the bathroom "Krusty Gets Kancelled"

Season 5[edit]

# Airdate Picture Gag Episode Name
82 September 30, 1993 Homer's Barbershop Quartet - chalkboard gag.png I will never win an Emmy "Homer's Barbershop Quartet"
83 October 7, 1993 Cape Feare - chalkboard gag.png The cafeteria deep fryer is not a toy "Cape Feare"
84 October 14, 1993 no gag "Homer Goes to College"
85 October 21, 1993 no gag "Rosebud"
86 October 28, 1993 no gag "Treehouse of Horror IV"
87 November 4, 1993 no gag "Marge on the Lam"
88 November 11, 1993 no gag "Bart's Inner Child"
89 November 18, 1993 no gag "Boy-Scoutz 'n the Hood"
90 December 9, 1993 The Last Temptation of Homer - chalkboard gag.png All work and no play makes Bart a dull boy "The Last Temptation of Homer"
91 December 16, 1993 $pringfield (Or, How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love Legalized Gambling) - chalkboard gag.png I will not say "Springfield" just to get applause "$pringfield (Or, How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love Legalized Gambling)"
92 January 6, 1994 Homer the Vigilante - chalkboard gag.png I am not authorized to fire substitute teachers "Homer the Vigilante"
93 February 3, 1994 Bart Gets Famous - chalkboard gag.png My homework was not stolen by a one-armed man "Bart Gets Famous"
94 February 10, 1994 Homer and Apu - chalkboard gag.png I will not go near the kindergarten turtle "Homer and Apu"
95 February 17, 1994 no gag "Lisa vs. Malibu Stacy"
96 February 24, 1994 no gag "Deep Space Homer"
97 March 17, 1994 Homer Loves Flanders - chalkboard gag.png I am not delightfully saucy "Homer Loves Flanders"
98 March 31, 1994 Bart Gets an Elephant - chalkboard gag.png Organ transplants are best left to the professionals "Bart Gets an Elephant"
99 April 14, 1994 Burns' Heir - chalkboard gag.png The Pledge of Allegiance does not end with "Hail Satan" "Burns' Heir"
100 April 28, 1994 Sweet Seymour Skinner's Baadasssss Song - chalkboard gag.png I will not celebrate meaningless milestones

(This was the 100th episode aired.)

"Sweet Seymour Skinner's Baadasssss Song"
101 May 5, 1994 The Boy Who Knew Too Much - chalkboard gag.png There are plenty of businesses like show business "The Boy Who Knew Too Much"
102 May 12, 1994 Lady Bouvier's Lover - chalkboard gag.png I will not re-transmit without the express permission of Major League Baseball "Lady Bouvier's Lover"
103 May 19, 1994 Secrets of a Successful Marriage - chalkboard gag.png Five days is not too long to wait for a gun "Secrets of a Successful Marriage"

Season 6[edit]

# Airdate Picture Gag Episode Name
104 September 4, 1994 Chalkboard104.png Beans are neither a fruit nor musical "Bart of Darkness"
105 September 11, 1994 Chalkboard105.png No one is interested in my underpants "Lisa's Rival"
106 September 25, 1994 Chalkboard106.png I will not use abbrev. "Another Simpsons Clip Show"
107 October 2, 1994 Chalkboard107.png I am not the reincarnation of Sammy Davis, Jr. "Itchy & Scratchy Land"
108 October 9, 1994 no gag "Sideshow Bob Roberts"
109 October 30, 1994 no gag "Treehouse of Horror V"
110 November 6, 1994 Chalkboard110.png I will not send lard through the mail "Bart's Girlfriend"
111 November 13, 1994 Chalkboard111.png I will not dissect things unless instructed "Lisa on Ice"
112 November 27, 1994 Chalkboard112.png I will not whittle hall passes out of soap "Homer Badman"
113 December 4, 1994 Chalkboard113.png My homework was not stolen by a one-armed man "Grampa vs. Sexual Inadequacy"
114 December 18, 1994 Chalkboard114.png Ralph won't "morph" if you squeeze him hard enough "Fear of Flying"
115 January 8, 1995 Chalkboard115.png Adding "just kidding" doesn't make it okay to insult the principal "Homer the Great"
116 January 22, 1995 Chalkboard116.png 'Bagman' is not a legitimate career choice "And Maggie Makes Three"
117 February 5, 1995 Chalkboard117.png Cursive writing does not mean what I think it does "Bart's Comet"
118 February 12, 1995 Chalkboard118.png Next time it could be me on the scaffolding "Homie the Clown"
119 February 19, 1995 Bart vs. Australia chalkboard gag.png I will not hang donuts on my person "Bart vs. Australia"
120 February 26, 1995 Chalkboard120.png I will remember to take my medication "Homer vs. Patty and Selma"
121 March 5, 1995 no gag "A Star Is Burns"
122 March 19, 1995 Chalkboard122.png I will not strut around like I own the place "Lisa's Wedding"
123 April 9, 1995 Gag6x20.jpg The Good Humor man can only be pushed so far "Two Dozen and One Greyhounds"
124 April 16, 1995 Chalkboard124.png I do not have power of attorney over first graders "The PTA Disbands"
125 April 30, 1995 Chalkboard125.png Nerve gas is not a toy "'Round Springfield"
126 May 7, 1995 Chalkboard126.png I will not mock Mrs. Dumbface "The Springfield Connection"
127 May 14, 1995 Chalkboard127.png The First Amendment does not cover burping "Lemon of Troy"
128 May 21, 1995 Chalkboard128.png This is not a clue... or is it? "Who Shot Mr. Burns? (Part One)"

Season 7[edit]

# Airdate Picture Gag Episode Name
129 September 17, 1995 Chalkboard129.png I will not complain about the solution when I hear it "Who Shot Mr. Burns? (Part Two)"
130 September 24, 1995 Chalkboard130.png "Bewitched" does not promote Satanism "Radioactive Man"
131 October 1, 1995 Chalkboard131.png No one wants to hear from my armpits "Home Sweet Homediddly-Dum-Doodily"
132 October 8, 1995 Chalkboard132.png I am not a lean mean spitting machine "Bart Sells His Soul"
133 October 15, 1995 Chalkboard133.png The boys' room is not a water park "Lisa the Vegetarian"
134 October 29, 1995 no gag "Treehouse of Horror VI"
135 November 5, 1995 Chalkboard135.png Indian burns are not our cultural heritage "King-Size Homer"
136 November 19, 1995 no gag "Mother Simpson"
137 November 26, 1995 Chalkboard137.png Wedgies are unhealthy for children and other living things "Sideshow Bob's Last Gleaming"
138 December 3, 1995 Chalkboard138.png I will only do this once a year
(by "this", it means a clip show)
"The Simpsons 138th Episode Spectacular"
139 December 17, 1995 Chalkboard139.png I will stop talking about the twelve inch pianist "Marge Be Not Proud"
140 January 7, 1996 Chalkboard140.png I am not certified to remove asbestos "Team Homer"
141 January 14, 1996 no gag "Two Bad Neighbors"
142 February 4, 1996 no gag "Scenes from the Class Struggle in Springfield"
143 February 11, 1996 no gag "Bart the Fink"
144 February 18, 1996 no gag "Lisa the Iconoclast"
145 February 25, 1996 no gag "Homer the Smithers"
146 March 17, 1996 no gag "The Day the Violence Died"
147 March 24, 1996 no gag "A Fish Called Selma"
148 March 31, 1996 no gag "Bart on the Road"
149 April 14, 1996 no gag "22 Short Films About Springfield"
150 April 28, 1996 no gag "Raging Abe Simpson and His Grumbling Grandson in "The Curse of the Flying Hellfish""
151 May 5, 1996 no gag "Much Apu About Nothing"
152 May 19, 1996 no gag "Homerpalooza"
153 May 19, 1996 no gag "Summer of 4 Ft. 2"

Season 8[edit]

# Airdate Picture Gag Episode Name
154 October 27, 1996 no gag "Treehouse of Horror VII"
155 November 3, 1996 You Only Move Twice Blackboard Gag.png I did not learn everything I need to know from kindergarten "You Only Move Twice"
156 November 10, 1996 Chalkboard156.png I am not my long-lost twin "The Homer They Fall"
157 November 17, 1996 no gag "Burns, Baby Burns"
158 November 24, 1996 no gag "Bart After Dark"
159 December 1, 1996 no gag "A Milhouse Divided"
160 December 15, 1996 no gag "Lisa's Date with Density"
Chalkboard160.png During the episode, Lisa writes: I will not be a snickerpuss.
161 December 29, 1996 no gag "Hurricane Neddy"
162 January 5, 1997 no gag "El Viaje Misterioso de Nuestro Jomer"
163 January 12, 1997 Chalkboard163.png The truth is not out there "The Springfield Files"
164 January 19, 1997 Chalkboard164.png I am not licensed to do anything "The Twisted World of Marge Simpson"
165 February 2, 1997 no gag "Mountain of Madness"
166 February 7, 1997 Chalkboard166.png I will not hide the teacher's Prozac "Simpsoncalifragilisticexpiala(Annoyed Grunt)cious"
167 February 9, 1997 no gag "The Itchy & Scratchy & Poochie Show"
168 February 16, 1997 no gag "Homer's Phobia"
169 February 23, 1997 no gag "Brother from Another Series"
170 March 2, 1997 no gag "My Sister, My Sitter"
171 March 16, 1997 no gag "Homer vs. the Eighteenth Amendment"
172 April 6, 1997 no gag "Grade School Confidential"
173 April 13, 1997 Chalkboard173.png A fire drill does not demand a fire "The Canine Mutiny"
174 April 20, 1997 no gag "The Old Man and the Lisa"
175 April 27, 1997 no gag "In Marge We Trust"
176 May 4, 1997 no gag "Homer's Enemy"
177 May 11, 1997 no gag "The Simpsons Spin-Off Showcase"
178 May 18, 1997 no gag "The Secret War of Lisa Simpson"

Season 9[edit]

# Airdate Picture Gag Episode Name
179 September 21, 1997 no gag "The City of New York vs. Homer Simpson"
180 September 28, 1997 no gag "The Principal and the Pauper"
181 October 19, 1997 Chalkboard181.png I no longer want my MTV "Lisa's Sax"
182 October 26, 1997 no gag "Treehouse of Horror VIII"
183 November 2, 1997 Chalkboard183.png Everyone is tired of that Richard Gere story "The Cartridge Family"
184 November 9, 1997 Chalkboard184.png I did not invent Irish dancing "Bart Star"
185 November 16, 1997 no gag "The Two Mrs. Nahasapeemapetilons"
186 November 23, 1997 Chalkboard186.png I will not tease Fatty "Lisa the Skeptic"
187 December 7, 1997 Chalkboard187.png There was no Roman god named "Fartacus" "Realty Bites"
188 December 21, 1997 Chalkboard188.png Rudolph's red nose is not alcohol-related "Miracle on Evergreen Terrace"
189 January 4, 1998 no gag "All Singing, All Dancing"
190 January 11, 1998 no gag "Bart Carny"
191 February 8, 1998 Chalkboard191.png Shooting paintballs is not an art form "The Joy of Sect"
192 February 15, 1998 no gag "Das Bus"
193 February 22, 1998 Chalkboard193.png Pain is not the cleanser "The Last Temptation of Krust"
194 March 1, 1998 Chalkboard194.png Silly string is not a nasal spray "Dumbbell Indemnity"
195 March 8, 1998 no gag "Lisa the Simpson"
196 March 22, 1998 Chalkboard196.png I was told not to do this "This Little Wiggy"
197 March 29, 1998 Chalkboard197.png My butt does not deserve a website "Simpson Tide"
198 April 5, 1998 Chalkboard198.png I will not demand what I'm worth "The Trouble with Trillions"
199 April 19, 1998 no gag "Girly Edition"
200 April 26, 1998 Chalkboard200.png I will not mess with the opening credits
(this was actually the couch gag for this episode)
"Trash of the Titans"
201 May 3, 1998 no gag "King of the Hill"
202 May 10, 1998 Chalkboard202.png I am not the new Dalai Lama "Lost Our Lisa"
203 May 17, 1998 Chalkboard203.png I was not the inspiration for "Kramer" "Natural Born Kissers"

Season 10[edit]

# Airdate Picture Gag Episode Name
204 August 23, 1998 no gag "Lard of the Dance"
205 September 20, 1998 Chalkboard205.png I will not file frivolous lawsuits "The Wizard of Evergreen Terrace"
206 September 27, 1998 no gag "Bart the Mother"
207 October 25, 1998 Chalkboard gag (Treehouse of Horror IX).png The Simpsons Halloween Special IX
(This is written in blood with a paintbrush.)
"Treehouse of Horror IX"
208 November 8, 1998 Chalkboard208.png "butt.com" is not my E-mail address
(This was changed to "butt.butt" in later airings since butt.com was revealed to be a real website. Butt.com still appeared in syndication, however)
"When You Dish Upon a Star"
209 November 15, 1998 Chalkboard209.png No one cares what my definition of "is" is "D'oh-in' in the Wind"
210 November 22, 1998 Chalkboard210.png I will not scream for ice cream "Lisa Gets an "A""
211 December 6, 1998 Chalkboard211.png I am not a licensed hairstylist "Homer Simpson in: "Kidney Trouble""
212 December 20, 1998 Chalkboard212.png "The President did it" is not an excuse "Mayored to the Mob"
213 January 10, 1999 Chalkboard213.png My mom is not dating Jerry Seinfeld "Viva Ned Flanders"
214 January 17, 1999 Chalkboard214.png Sherri does not "got back" "Wild Barts Can't Be Broken"
215 January 31, 1999 Chalkboard215.png I will not do "the dirty bird" "Sunday, Cruddy Sunday"
216 February 7, 1999 Chalkboard216.png No one cares about my sciatica "Homer to the Max"
217 February 14, 1999 Chalkboard217.png Hillbillies are people too "I'm with Cupid"
218 February 21, 1999 Chalkboard218.png Grammar is not a time of waste "Marge Simpson in: "Screaming Yellow Honkers""
219 February 28, 1999 Chalkboard219.png I do not have diplomatic immunity "Make Room for Lisa"
220 March 28, 1999 Chalkboard220.png It does not suck to be you "Maximum Homerdrive"
221 April 4, 1999 Chalkboard221.png I cannot absolve sins "Simpsons Bible Stories"
Chalkboard221 1.png During Lisa's dream in the episode:
I will not deface(In hieroglyphics)
222 April 11, 1999 Chalkboard222.png A trained ape could not teach gym "Mom and Pop Art"
223 April 25, 1999 Chalkboard223.png Loose teeth don't need my help "The Old Man and the "C" Student"
224 May 2, 1999 Chalkboard224.png I have neither been there nor done that "Monty Can't Buy Me Love"
225 May 9, 1999 Chalkboard225.png No one wants to hear from my armpits "They Saved Lisa's Brain"
226 May 16, 1999 Chalkboard226.png I'm so very tired "Thirty Minutes Over Tokyo"

Season 11[edit]

# Airdate Picture Gag Episode Name
227 September 26, 1999 Chalkboard227.png Fridays are not "pants optional" "Beyond Blunderdome"
228 October 3, 1999 Chalkboard228.png Pork is not a verb "Brother's Little Helper"
229 October 24, 1999 Chalkboard229.png I am not the last Don "Guess Who's Coming to Criticize Dinner?"
230 October 31, 1999 no gag "Treehouse of Horror X"
231 November 7, 1999 Chalkboard231.png I did not win the Nobel Fart Prize "E-I-E-I-(Annoyed Grunt)"
232 November 14, 1999 Chalkboard232.png I won't not use no double negatives "Hello Gutter, Hello Fadder"
233 November 21, 1999 Chalkboard233.png Indian burns are not our cultural heritage "Eight Misbehavin'"
234 November 28, 1999 Chalkboard234.png I can't see dead people "Take My Wife, Sleaze"
235 December 19, 1999 Chalkboard235.png I will not sell my kidney on eBay "Grift of the Magi"
Chalkboard235 1.png During the episode, Lisa writes:
I will not do math in class
236 January 9, 2000 Chalkboard236.png I will not create art from dung "Little Big Mom"
237 January 16, 2000 Chalkboard237.png I will stop phoning it in "Faith Off"
238 January 23, 2000 Chalkboard238.png Class clown is not a paid position "The Mansion Family"
239 February 6, 2000 Chalkboard239.png Substitute teachers are not scabs "Saddlesore Galactica"
240 February 13, 2000 Chalkboard240.png My suspension was not mutual "Alone Again, Natura-Diddily"
241 February 20, 2000 Chalkboard241.png A belch is not an oral report "Missionary: Impossible"
242 February 27, 2000 Chalkboard242.png Dodgeball stops at the gym door "Pygmoelian"
243 March 19, 2000 Chalkboard243.png Non-flammable is not a challenge "Bart to the Future"
244 April 9, 2000 Chalkboard244.png I was not touched "there" by an angel "Days of Wine and D'oh'ses"
245 April 30, 2000 Chalkboard245.png I am not here on a fartball scholarship "Kill the Alligator and Run"
246 May 7, 2000 Chalkboard246.png I will not dance on anyone's grave "Last Tap Dance in Springfield"
247 May 14, 2000 Chalkboard247.png I cannot hire a substitute student "It's a Mad, Mad, Mad, Mad Marge"
248 May 21, 2000 Chalkboard248.png I will not obey the voices in my head "Behind the Laughter"

Season 12[edit]

# Airdate Picture Gag Episode Name
249 November 1, 2000 No Gag "Treehouse of Horror XI"
250 November 5, 2000 Chalkboard250.jpg I will not plant subliminal messagores "A Tale of Two Springfields"
251 November 12, 2000 Chalkboard251.jpg I will not surprise the incontinent "Insane Clown Poppy"
252 November 19, 2000 Chalkboard252.jpg I am not the acting president "Lisa the Tree Hugger"
253 November 26, 2000 Chalkboard253.jpg I was not the sixth Beatle "Homer vs. Dignity"
254 December 3, 2000 Chalkboard254.jpg I will only provide a urine sample when asked "The Computer Wore Menace Shoes"
255 December 10, 2000 Chalkboard255.png The nurse is not dealing "The Great Money Caper"
256 December 17, 2000 Chalkboard256.png Science class should not end in tragedy "Skinner's Sense of Snow"
Chalkboard256 1.png During the episode, Skinner writes:
I ain't not a dorkus
257 January 7, 2001 Chalkboard257.jpg Network TV is not dead "HOMЯ"
258 January 14, 2001 Chalkboard258.jpg I will not "let the dogs out" "Pokey Mom"
259 February 4, 2001 Chalkboard259.jpg I will not hide the teacher's medication "Worst Episode Ever"
260 February 11, 2001 Chalkboard260.jpg I will not publish the principal's credit report "Tennis the Menace"
261 February 18, 2001 Chalkboard261.jpg The hamster did not have a "full life" "Day of the Jackanapes"
262 February 25, 2001 Chalkboard262.jpg I will not buy a presidential pardon "New Kids on the Blecch"
263 March 4, 2001 Chalkboard263.jpg "Temptation Island" was not a sleazy piece of crap "Hungry, Hungry Homer"
264 March 11, 2001 Chalkboard264.jpg I will not scare the vice president "Bye, Bye, Nerdie"
265 April 1, 2001 Chalkboard265.jpg I will not flush evidence "Simpson Safari"
266 April 29, 2001 Chalkboard266.jpg Fire is not the cleanser "Trilogy of Error"
267 May 6, 2001 Chalkboard267.jpg Genetics is not an excuse "I'm Goin' to Praiseland"
268 May 13, 2001 Chalkboard268.jpg Today is not Mothra's Day "Children of a Lesser Clod"
269 May 20, 2001 Chalkboard269.jpg I should not be twenty-one by now "Simpsons Tall Tales"

Season 13[edit]

# Airdate Picture Gag Episode Name
270 November 6, 2001 no gag "Treehouse of Horror XII"
271 November 11, 2001 Chalkboard271.png Nobody reads these anymore "The Parent Rap"
272 November 18, 2001 Chalkboard272.png A burp in a jar is not a science project "Homer the Moe"
273 December 2, 2001 Chalkboard273.png Fun does not have a size "A Hunka Hunka Burns in Love"
274 December 9, 2001 Chalkboard274.png I am not Charlie Brown on acid "The Blunder Years"
275 December 16, 2001 Chalkboard275.png I do not have a cereal named after me "She of Little Faith"
276 January 6, 2002 no gag "Brawl in the Family"
277 January 20, 2002 no gag "Sweets and Sour Marge"
278 January 27, 2002 no gag "Jaws Wired Shut"
279 February 10, 2002 Chalkboard279.png I will not bite the hand that feeds me Butterfingers "Half-Decent Proposal"
280 February 17, 2002 Chalkboard280.png The Giving Tree is not a chump "The Bart Wants What It Wants"
281 February 24, 2002 Chalkboard281.png Making Milhouse cry is not a science project "The Lastest Gun in the West"
282 March 10, 2002 no gag "The Old Man and the Key"
283 March 17, 2002 Chalkboard283.png Vampire is not a career choice "Tales from the Public Domain"
284 March 31, 2002 no gag "Blame It on Lisa"
285 April 7, 2002 no gag "Weekend at Burnsie's"
286 April 21, 2002 no gag "Gump Roast"
287 April 28, 2002 no gag "I Am Furious (Yellow)"
288 May 5, 2002 Chalkboard288.png I will never lie about being cancelled again "The Sweetest Apu"
289 May 12, 2002 no gag "Little Girl in the Big Ten"
290 May 19, 2002 no gag "The Frying Game"
291 May 22, 2002 No gag "Poppa's Got a Brand New Badge"

Season 14[edit]

# Airdate Picture Gag Episode Name
292 November 3, 2002 no gag "Treehouse of Horror XIII"
293 November 10, 2002 no gag "How I Spent My Strummer Vacation"
294 November 17, 2002 Chalkboard294.png Fish do not like coffee "Bart vs. Lisa vs. the Third Grade"
295 November 24, 2002 no gag "Large Marge"
296 December 1, 2002 Chalkboard296.png Milhouse did not test cootie positive "Helter Shelter"
297 December 15, 2002 no gag "The Great Louse Detective"
298 January 5, 2003 no gag "Special Edna"
299 January 12, 2003 no gag "The Dad Who Knew Too Little"
300 February 2, 2003 Chalkboard300.png This school does not need a "regime change" "The Strong Arms of the Ma"
301 February 9, 2003 Pray Anything - Chalkboard gag.png SpongeBob is not a contraceptive "Pray Anything"
302 February 16, 2003 Chalkboard302.png I will not (Bart then destroys the chalkboard with an axe and runs out the school laughing.) "Barting Over"
303 February 16, 2003 no gag "I'm Spelling As Fast As I Can"
304 March 2, 2003 no gag "A Star Is Born Again"
305 March 9, 2003 no gag "Mr. Spritz Goes to Washington"
306 March 16, 2003 no gag "C.E. D'oh"
307 March 30, 2003 no gag "'Scuse Me While I Miss the Sky"
308 April 13, 2003 no gag "Three Gays of the Condo"
309 April 27, 2003 no gag "Dude, Where's My Ranch?"
310 May 4, 2003 Chalkboard310.png My pen is not a booger launcher "Old Yeller-Belly"
311 May 11, 2003 no gag "Brake My Wife, Please"
312 May 18, 2003 Chalkboard312.png Sandwiches should not contain sand "The Bart of War"
313 May 18, 2003 no gag "Moe Baby Blues"

Season 15[edit]

# Airdate Picture Gag Episode Name
314 November 2, 2003 no gag "Treehouse of Horror XIV"
315 November 9, 2003 no gag "My Mother the Carjacker"
316 November 16, 2003 no gag "The President Wore Pearls"
317 November 23, 2003 no gag "The Regina Monologues"
318 November 30, 2003 no gag "The Fat and the Furriest"
319 December 7, 2003 Chalkboard319.png Over forty & single is not funny "Today I Am a Clown"
320 December 14, 2003 no gag "'Tis the Fifteenth Season"
321 January 4, 2004 no gag "Marge vs. Singles, Seniors, Childless Couples and Teens and Gays"
322 January 11, 2004 no gag "I, (Annoyed Grunt)-bot"
323 January 25, 2004 no gag "Diatribe of a Mad Housewife"
324 February 8, 2004 no gag "Margical History Tour"
325 February 15, 2004 no gag "Milhouse Doesn't Live Here Anymore"
326 February 22, 2004 no gag "Smart and Smarter"
327 March 14, 2004 Chalkboard327.png I will not speculate on how hot teacher used to be "The Ziff Who Came to Dinner"
328 March 21, 2004 no gag "Co-Dependent's Day"
329 March 28, 2004 no gag "The Wandering Juvie"
330 April 18, 2004 no gag "My Big Fat Geek Wedding"
331 April 25, 2004 no gag "Catch 'Em If You Can"
332 May 2, 2004 no gag "Simple Simpson"
333 May 9, 2004 no gag "The Way We Weren't"
334 May 16, 2004 no gag "Bart-Mangled Banner"
335 May 23, 2004 no gag "Fraudcast News"

Season 16[edit]

# Airdate Picture Gag Episode Name
336 November 7, 2004 no gag "Treehouse of Horror XV"
337 November 14, 2004 no gag "All's Fair in Oven War"
338 November 21, 2004 no gag "Sleeping with the Enemy"
339 December 5, 2004 Chalkboard339.png Poking a dead raccoon is not research "She Used to Be My Girl"
340 December 12, 2004 no gag "Fat Man and Little Boy"
341 January 16, 2005 no gag "Midnight Rx"
342 January 30, 2005 no gag "Mommie Beerest"
343 February 6, 2005 no gag "Homer and Ned's Hail Mary Pass"
344 February 13, 2005 no gag "Pranksta Rap"
345 February 20, 2005 no gag "There's Something About Marrying"
346 March 6, 2005 Chalkboard346.png Beer in a milk carton is not milk "On a Clear Day I Can't See My Sister"
347 March 13, 2005 no gag "Goo Goo Gai Pan"
348 March 20, 2005 no gag "Mobile Homer"
349 April 3, 2005 no gag "The Seven-Beer Snitch"
350 April 17, 2005 no gag "Future-Drama"
351 May 1, 2005 no gag "Don't Fear the Roofer"
352 May 1, 2005 no gag "The Heartbroke Kid"
353 May 8, 2005 no gag "A Star Is Torn"
354 May 8, 2005 no gag "Thank God It's Doomsday"
355 May 15, 2005 Chalkboard355.png A Booger is not a Bookmark "Home Away from Homer"
356 May 15, 2005 no gag "The Father, the Son and the Holy Guest Star"

Season 17[edit]

# Airdate Picture Gag Episode Name
357 September 11, 2005 Chalkboard357.png Does any kid still do this anymore? "The Bonfire of the Manatees"
358 September 18, 2005 no gag "The Girl Who Slept Too Little"
359 September 25, 2005 no gag "Milhouse of Sand and Fog"
360 November 6, 2005 no gag "Treehouse of Horror XVI"
361 November 13, 2005 no gag "Marge's Son Poisoning"
362 November 20, 2005 no gag "See Homer Run"
363 November 27, 2005 no gag "The Last of the Red Hat Mamas"
364 December 11, 2005 no gag "The Italian Bob"
365 December 18, 2005 no gag "Simpsons Christmas Stories"
366 January 8, 2006 Chalkboard366.png I am not smarter than the President "Homer's Paternity Coot"
367 January 29, 2006 Chalkboard367.png Teacher was not dumped—it was mutual "We're on the Road to D'ohwhere"
368 February 26, 2006 no gag "My Fair Laddy"
369 March 12, 2006 no gag "The Seemingly Never-Ending Story"
370 March 19, 2006 no gag "Bart Has Two Mommies"
371 March 26, 2006 Chalkboard371-live.png First airing, live action opening:
I will not eat things for money
"Homer Simpson, This Is Your Wife"
Chalkboard371-2.png Subsequent airings:
I will not laminate dog doo
372 April 2, 2006 Million-Dollar Abie (Chalkboard gag).png I will not flip the classroom upside down
(The classroom is flipped upside down.)
"Million-Dollar Abie"
373 April 9, 2006 no gag "Kiss Kiss Bang Bangalore"
374 April 23, 2006 no gag "The Wettest Stories Ever Told"
375 April 30, 2006 no gag "Girls Just Want to Have Sums"
376 May 7, 2006 Chalkboard376.png I will not leak the plot of the movie "Regarding Margie"
377 May 14, 2006 Chalkboard377.png Je ne parle pas français
("I do not speak French.")
"The Monkey Suit"
378 May 21, 2006 Chalkboard378.png Have a great summer, everyone "Marge and Homer Turn a Couple Play"

Season 18[edit]

# Airdate Picture Gag Episode Name
379 September 10, 2006 no gag "The Mook, the Chef, the Wife and Her Homer"
380 September 17, 2006 no gag "Jazzy and the Pussycats"
381 September 24, 2006 no gag "Please Homer, Don't Hammer 'Em"
Chalkboard381-InEpisode.png During the episode, Skinner writes:
A baby beat me up
382 November 5, 2006 no gag "Treehouse of Horror XVII"
383 November 12, 2006 Chalkboard383.png We are not all naked under our clothes "G.I. (Annoyed Grunt)"
384 November 19, 2006 no gag "Moe'N'a Lisa"
385 November 26, 2006 no gag "Ice Cream of Margie (with the Light Blue Hair)"
386 December 10, 2006 no gag "The Haw-Hawed Couple"
387 December 17, 2006 Chalkboard387.png Frankincense is not a monster "Kill Gil, Volumes I & II"
388 January 7, 2007 no gag "The Wife Aquatic"
389 January 28, 2007 no gag "Revenge Is a Dish Best Served Three Times"
390 February 11, 2007 No Gag "Little Big Girl"
Chalkboard390-inepisode.png During the episode:
So long suckers
391 February 18, 2007 no gag "Springfield Up"
392 March 4, 2007 no gag "Yokel Chords"
393 March 11, 2007 no gag "Rome-Old and Juli-Eh"
394 March 25, 2007 Chalkboard394.png Global Warming did not eat my homework "Homerazzi"
395 April 22, 2007 no gag "Marge Gamer"
396 April 29, 2007 no gag "The Boys of Bummer"
397 May 6, 2007 Chalkboard397.png I will not look up how much teacher makes "Crook and Ladder"
398 May 13, 2007 Chalkboard398.png Pearls are not oyster barf "Stop or My Dog Will Shoot!"
399 May 20, 2007 no gag "24 Minutes"
400 May 20, 2007 no gag "You Kent Always Say What You Want"

The Simpsons Movie[edit]

Airdate Picture Gag
July 27, 2007 The Simpsons Movie chalkboard gag.png I will not illegally download this movie

Season 19[edit]

# Airdate Picture Gag Episode Name
401 September 23, 2007 Chalkboard401.png I will not wait 20 years to make another movie "He Loves to Fly and He D'ohs"
402 September 30, 2007 The Homer of Seville Chalkboard Gag.png The Wall Street Journal is better than ever "The Homer of Seville"
403 October 7, 2007 no gag "Midnight Towboy"
404 October 14, 2007 I Don't Wanna Know Why the Caged Bird Sings Chalkboard Gag.png I am not a FDIC-insured bank. "I Don't Wanna Know Why the Caged Bird Sings"
405 November 4, 2007 no gag "Treehouse of Horror XVIII"
406 November 11, 2007 Little Orphan Millie Chalkboard Gag.png There is no such thing as an iPoddy "Little Orphan Millie"
407 November 18, 2007 Husbands and Knives Chalkboard Gag.png The Pilgrims were not illegal aliens "Husbands and Knives"
408 November 25, 2007 no gag "Funeral for a Fiend"
409 December 16, 2007 Eternal Moonshine of the Simpson Mind Chalkboard Gag.png The capital of Montana is not "Hannah" "Eternal Moonshine of the Simpson Mind"
410 January 6, 2008 E Pluribus Wiggum Chalkboard Gag.png Teacher did not pay too much for her condo "E Pluribus Wiggum"
411 January 27, 2008 no gag "That '90s Show"
412 February 17, 2008 no gag "Love, Springfieldian Style"
413 March 2, 2008 The Debarted Chalkboard Gag.png The art teacher is fat, not pregnant "The Debarted"
414 March 9, 2008 no gag "Dial "N" for Nerder"
415 March 30, 2008 no gag "Smoke on the Daughter"
416 April 13, 2008 no gag "Papa Don't Leech"
417 April 27, 2008 Apocalypse Cow (Chalkboard Gag).png A person's a person, no mater how Ralph "Apocalypse Cow"
418 May 4, 2008 no gag "Any Given Sundance"
419 May 11, 2008 Mona Leaves-a Chalkboard Gag.png This punishment is not medieval.
[in medieval writing style]
"Mona Leaves-a"
420 May 18, 2008 no gag "All About Lisa"

Season 20[edit]

# Airdate Picture Gag Episode Name
421 September 28, 2008 no gag "Sex, Pies and Idiot Scrapes"
422 October 5, 2008 Lost Verizon Chalkboard Gag.png Teacher's diet is working "Lost Verizon"
423 October 19, 2008 Double, Double, Boy in Trouble Chalkboard Gag.png There is no such month as Rocktober "Double, Double, Boy in Trouble"
424 November 2, 2008 no gag "Treehouse of Horror XIX"
425 November 9, 2008 Dangerous Curves Chalkboard Gag.png I did not see teacher siphoning gas "Dangerous Curves"
426 November 16, 2008 no gag "Homer and Lisa Exchange Cross Words"
427 November 30, 2008 MyPods and Boomsticks Chalkboard Gag.png Prosperity is just around the corner "MyPods and Boomsticks"
428 December 7, 2008 The Burns and the Bees Chalkboard gag.png Jesus is not mad His birthday is on Christmas "The Burns and the Bees"
429 January 25, 2009 Lisa the Drama Queen Chalkboard Gag.png I will not use permanent ink on the chalkboard "Lisa the Drama Queen"
430 February 15, 2009 HD opening.jpg HDTV is worth every cent

(This was the first episode to air in HD.)

"Take My Life, Please"
431 March 1, 2009 How the Test Was Won Chalkboard Gag.png "March Madness" is not an excuse for missing school "How the Test Was Won"
432 March 8, 2009 No Loan Again, Naturally Chalkboard Gag.png I will not have fun with educational toys "No Loan Again, Naturally"
433 March 15, 2009 no gag "Gone Maggie Gone"
434 March 17, 2009 In the Name of the Grandfather Chalkboard Gag.png Four leaf clovers are not mutant freaks "In the Name of the Grandfather"
435 March 29, 2009 Wedding for Disaster Chalkboard Gag.png My piggy bank is not entitled to TARP funds "Wedding for Disaster"
436 April 5, 2009 no gag "Eeny Teeny Maya, Moe"
437 April 19, 2009 The Good, the Sad, and the Drugly Chalkboard Gag.png I will not mock teacher's outdated cell phone "The Good, the Sad, and the Drugly"
438 April 26, 2009 Father Knows Worst Chalkboard Gag.png I will not put hot sauce in the CPR dummy "Father Knows Worst"
439 May 3, 2009 no gag "Waverly Hills 9-0-2-1-D'oh"
440 May 10, 2009 no gag "Four Great Women and a Manicure"
441 May 17, 2009 Coming to Homerica Chalkboard Gag.png It's 'Facebook', not 'Assbook' "Coming to Homerica"

Season 21[edit]

# Airdate Picture Gag Episode Name
442 September 27, 2009 DSCN2656.png The class hamster isn't just sleeping "Homer the Whopper"
443 October 4, 2009 BGaZ - Chalkboard gag.png Chalkboarding is not torture "Bart Gets a "Z""
444 October 11, 2009 S21E03 - Chalkboard gag.png I am not allergic to long division "The Great Wife Hope"
445 October 18, 2009 no gag "Treehouse of Horror XX"
446 November 15, 2009 The Devil Wears Nada chalkboard gag.png I do not have the hots for my mom "The Devil Wears Nada"
447 November 22, 2009 PaG - Chalkboard gag.png Halloween does not kick Thanksgiving's ass "Pranks and Greens"
448 November 29, 2009 Rednecks and Broomsticks Chalkboard Gag.png Teachers' unions are not ruining this country "Rednecks and Broomsticks"
449 December 13, 2009 no gag "Oh Brother, Where Bart Thou?"
450 January 3, 2010 no gag "Thursdays with Abie"
451 January 10, 2010 Once Upon a Time in Springfield Chalkboard Gag.png The world may end in 2012, but this show won't "Once Upon a Time in Springfield"
452 January 31, 2010 no gag "Million Dollar Maybe"
453 February 14, 2010 no gag "Boy Meets Curl"
454 February 21, 2010 no gag "The Color Yellow"
455 March 14, 2010 no gag "Postcards from the Wedge"
456 March 21, 2010 Stealing First Base Chalkboard Gag.png WWII could not beat up WWI "Stealing First Base"
457 March 28, 2010 no gag "The Greatest Story Ever D'ohed"
458 April 11, 2010 American History X-cellent chalkboard gag.png Hot dogs are not bookmarks "American History X-cellent"
459 April 18, 2010 Chief of Hearts Chalkboard Gag.png This counts as gym and art class "Chief of Hearts"
460 April 25, 2010 The Squirt and the Whale - Chalkboard gag.pngThe Squirt and the Whale - Alt Chalkboard gag.png Original airing: South Park, we'd stand beside you if we weren't so scared
International/online version: Je ne suis pas français (I am not French)
"The Squirt and the Whale"
461 May 2, 2010 no gag "To Surveil with Love"
462 May 9, 2010 Moe Letter Blues Chalkboard Gag.png Eating my vegetables IS NOT a Mother's Day present "Moe Letter Blues"
463 May 16, 2010 The Bob Next Door Chalkboard Gag.png Batman is not 'nothing' without his utility belt "The Bob Next Door"
464 May 23, 2010 Judge Me Tender Chalkboard Gag.png End of Lost: It was all the dog's dream. Watch us "Judge Me Tender"

Season 22[edit]

# Airdate Picture Gag Episode Name
465 September 26, 2010 Elementary School Musical Chalkboard Gag.png When I slept in class it was not to help Leo DiCaprio "Elementary School Musical"
466 October 3, 2010 Loan-a Lisa Chalkboard Gag.png I did not see Teacher applying for welfare "Loan-a Lisa"
467 October 10, 2010 Chalkboard gag (MoneyBART).png I must not write all over the walls
(in the meantime is written all over the walls)
468 November 7, 2010 no gag "Treehouse of Horror XXI"
469 November 14, 2010 no gag "Lisa Simpson, This Isn't Your Life"
470 November 21, 2010 no gag "The Fool Monty"
471 November 28, 2010 How Munched is That Birdie in the Window Chalkboard Gag.png "A Charlie Brown Thanksgiving" is as good as "A Charlie Brown Christmas" "How Munched Is That Birdie in the Window?"
472 December 5, 2010 no gag "The Fight Before Christmas"
473 December 12, 2010 Donnie Fatso Chalkboard Gag.png Candy canes are not elf bones "Donnie Fatso"
474 January 9, 2011 Moms I'd Like to Forget Chalkboard Gag.png January is not Bart History Month "Moms I'd Like to Forget"
475 January 16, 2011 no gag "Flaming Moe"
476 January 23, 2011 Homer the Father - Chalkboard gag.png Prince is not the son of Martin Luther King "Homer the Father"
477 February 13, 2011 The Blue and the Gray Chalkboard Gag.png I will not make fun of Cupid's dink "The Blue and the Gray"
478 February 20, 2011 no gag "Angry Dad: The Movie"
479 March 6, 2011 The Scorpion's Tale Chalkboard Gag.png I'm not here on a spitball scholarship "The Scorpion's Tale"
480 March 13, 2011 A Midsummer's Nice Dream Chalkboard Gag.png "Daylight Savings" is not a failed bank "A Midsummer's Nice Dreams"
481 March 27, 2011 Love Is a Many Strangled Thing Chalkboard Gag.png I will not ridicule teacher's Final Four bracket "Love Is a Many-Strangled Thing"
482 April 10, 2011 no gag "The Great Simpsina"
483 May 1, 2011 no gag "The Real Housewives of Fat Tony"
484 May 8, 2011 Homer Scissorhands Chalkboard Gag.png I do not deserve a Mother's Day gift for being "one badass mother" "Homer Scissorhands"
485 May 15, 2011 Syndicated version:
It's Kristen Schaal, not Kristen Schall
"500 Keys"
500 Keys Chalkboard Gag.png International/online version:
Guinea Pigs should not be used as "Guinea Pigs"
486 May 22, 2011 no gag "The Ned-liest Catch"

Season 23[edit]

# Airdate Picture Gag Episode Name
487 September 25, 2011 no gag "The Falcon and the D'ohman"
488 October 2, 2011 Bart Stops Chalkboard Gag.png It's not too early to speculate about the 2016 election "Bart Stops to Smell the Roosevelts"
489 October 30, 2011 no gag "Treehouse of Horror XXII"
490 November 6, 2011 Replaceable You Chalkboard Gag.png It's November 6th--How come we're not airing a Halloween show? "Replaceable You"
491 November 13, 2011 no gag "The Food Wife"
492 November 20, 2011 "The Book Job"
493 November 27, 2011 "The Man in the Blue Flannel Pants"
494 December 4, 2011 The 10% Solution Chalkboard Gag.png "Caucus" is not a dirty word "The Ten-Per-Cent Solution"
495 December 11, 2011 Holidays of Future Passed Chalkboard Gag.png Cafeteria trays are not toboggans "Holidays of Future Passed"
496 January 8, 2012 Politically Inept Chalkboard Gag.png Tintin did not sucksuck "Politically Inept, with Homer Simpson"
497 January 15, 2012 D'oh-cial Network Chalkboard Gag.png We do need no education "The D'oh-cial Network"
498 January 29, 2012 MGFRTR Chalkboard Gag.png There's no proven link between raisins and boogers "Moe Goes from Rags to Riches"
499 February 12, 2012 Daughter Also Rises Chalkboard Gag.png I will not replace a candy heart with a frog's heart "The Daughter Also Rises"
500 February 19, 2012 At Long Last Leave Chalkboard Gag.png Milhouse writes:
Bart's earned a day off
"At Long Last Leave"
At Long Last Leave chalkboard gag Outlands.png During the episode, Bart writes on the wall in spray paint:
I ♥ the breakdown of society
501 March 4, 2012 no gag "Exit Through the Kwik-E-Mart"
502 March 11, 2012 no gag "How I Wet Your Mother"
503 March 18, 2012 no gag "Them, Robot"
504 April 15, 2012 Beware My Cheating Bart Chalkboard Gag.pngBeware My Cheating Bart Alt Chalkboard Gag.png Original airing: The true location of Springfield is in any state but yours
International (except UK)/online version: Teacher does not have to pay an "Ugly Tax"
"Beware My Cheating Bart"
505 April 29, 2012 no gag "A Totally Fun Thing Bart Will Never Do Again"
506 May 6, 2012 no gag "The Spy Who Learned Me"
507 May 13, 2012 Ned 'N' Edna's Blend Chalkboard Gag.png Call your mother during the commercials. "Ned 'n' Edna's Blend Agenda"
508 May 20, 2012 no gag "Lisa Goes Gaga"

Season 24[edit]

# Airdate Picture Gag Episode Name
509 September 30, 2012 Moonshine River chalkboard gag.png I will not wear white after Labor Day (He is wearing a white shirt) "Moonshine River"
510 October 7, 2012 no gag "Treehouse of Horror XXIII"
511 October 21, 2012/
November 4, 2012
no gag "Adventures in Baby-Getting"
512 November 11, 2012 Gone Abie Gone chalkboard gag.png I will not concede the election till Karl Rove gives me permission "Gone Abie Gone"
513 November 18, 2012 Penny-Wiseguys chalkboard gag.jpg I want to secede but don't know which state I'm in "Penny-Wiseguys"
514 November 25, 2012 A Tree Grows in Springfield chalkboard gag.png 20 more shoplifting days till Christmas "A Tree Grows in Springfield"
515 December 9, 2012 no gag "The Day the Earth Stood Cool"
516 December 16, 2012 no gag "To Cur, with Love"
517 January 6, 2013 Homer Goes to Prep School chalkboard gag.png Teacher did not get fat over the holidays "Homer Goes to Prep School"
518 January 13, 2013 A Test Before Trying chalkboard gag.png I will obey Oscar® campaign rules from now on "A Test Before Trying"
519 January 27, 2013 no gag "Changing of the Guardian"
520 February 10, 2013 RABF07 chalkboard gag.png I was not nominated for "Best Spoken Swear Word" "Love Is a Many-Splintered Thing"
521 February 17, 2013 no gag "Hardly Kirk-ing"
522 March 3, 2013 no gag "Gorgeous Grampa"
523 March 10, 2013 Black-Eyed Please chalkboard gag.png I'm sorry I broke the blackboard. (Bart is writing with a black marker on a whiteboard) "Black-Eyed, Please"
524 March 17, 2013 Dark Knight Court chalkboard gag.png Jesus's last words were not "TGIF" "Dark Knight Court"
525 April 14, 2013 no gag "What Animated Women Want"
526 April 28, 2013 no gag "Pulpit Friction"
527 May 5, 2013 no gag "Whiskey Business"
528 May 12, 2013 The Fabulous Faker Boy chalkboard gag1.png
The Fabulous Faker Boy chalkboard gag2.png
The Fabulous Faker Boy chalkboard gag3.png
The Fabulous Faker Boy chalkboard gag4.png
This School is not falling apart(then the blackboard falls apart) "The Fabulous Faker Boy"
529 May 19, 2013 no gag "The Saga of Carl"
530 May 19, 2013 no gag "Dangers on a Train"

Season 25[edit]

# Airdate Picture Gag Episode Name
531 September 29, 2013 Homerland Blackboard Gag.jpg 25 years and they can't come up with a new punishment. "Homerland"
532 October 6, 2013 Treehouse of Horror XXIV Promotional Photos (3).jpg All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy "Treehouse of Horror XXIV"
533 November 3, 2013 Four Regrettings RIP Mrs K.png We'll really miss you Mrs. K. (Written once, Bart is sad.)

(Marcia Wallace, the voice actor for Edna Krabappel, passed away nine days before this episode aired.)

"Four Regrettings and a Funeral"
534 November 10, 2013 YOLO Chalkboard Gag.png My School Schedule does not include a bye week. "YOLO"
YOLO In-Episode Chalkboard Gag.png During the episode:
I will not drop a stitch
535 November 17, 2013 Labor Pains Chalkboard Gag.png Rocktober is not followed by Blowvember "Labor Pains"
536 November 24, 2013 No Gag No Gag "The Kid Is All Right"
537 December 8, 2013 Yellow Subterfuge Chalkboard Gag.png I will stop asking when Santa goes to the bathroom "Yellow Subterfuge"
538 December 15, 2013 White Christmas Blues Chalkboard Gag.png I will not call my teacher "Prancer" and "Vixen" "White Christmas Blues"
539 January 5, 2014 No Gag No Gag "Steal This Episode"
540 January 12, 2014 Married to the Blob Chalkboard Gag.png Judas Priest is not "Death Meal" "Married to the Blob"
Married to the Blob Chalkboard Gag version 2.png If you haven't broken your Christmas presents yet, you're not trying
541 January 26, 2014 No Gag No Gag "Specs and the City"
542 March 9, 2014 Diggs - Chalkboard Gag.png A bracket-style tournament of characters with Homer and Jasper in the finals "Diggs"
543 March 9, 2014 No Gag No Gag "The Man Who Grew Too Much"
544 March 16, 2014 TWoHC - Chalkboard Gag.png "My dad's already drunk for St. Patrick's." "The Winter of His Content"
545 March 23, 2014 No Gag No Gag "The War of Art"
546 March 30, 2014 No Gag No Gag "You Don't Have to Live Like a Referee"
547 April 6, 2014 No Gag No Gag "Luca$"
548 April 13, 2014 No Gag No Gag "Days of Future Future"
549 April 27, 2014 WtEWBE - Chalkboard Gag.png You can't play April Fool's jokes on April 27th "What to Expect When Bart's Expecting"
550 May 4, 2014 No gag No gag "Brick Like Me"
551 May 11, 2014 No gag No gag "Pay Pal"
552 May 18, 2014 No gag No gag "The Yellow Badge of Cowardge"

Season 26[edit]

# Airdate Picture Gag Episode Name
553 September 28, 2014 CitD - Chalkboard Gag.png Spoiler Alert: Unfortunately, my Dad Doesn't Die "Clown in the Dumps"
554 October 5, 2014 No Gag No Gag "The Wreck of the Relationship"
555 October 12, 2014 No Gag No Gag "Super Franchise Me"
556 October 19, 2014 No Gag No Gag "Treehouse of Horror XXV"
557 November 2, 2014 No Gag No Gag "Opposites A-Frack"
558 November 9, 2014 No Gag No Gag "Simpsorama"
559 November 16, 2014 No Gag No Gag "Blazed and Confused"
560 November 23, 2014 No Gag No Gag "Covercraft"
561 December 7, 2014 IWBHFC - Chalkboard Gag.png Reindeer Meat Does not taste like Chicken "I Won't Be Home for Christmas"
562 January 4, 2015 No Gag No Gag "The Man Who Came to Be Dinner"
563 January 11, 2015 BNF - Chalkboard gag.png Snowmen don't have carrot penises "Bart's New Friend"
564 January 25, 2015 No Gag No Gag "The Musk Who Fell to Earth"
565 February 8, 2015 No Gag No Gag "Walking Big & Tall"
566 February 15, 2015 MFL - Chalkboard Gag.png Pixel art is not real art "My Fare Lady"
567 March 1, 2015 No Gag No Gag "The Princess Guide"
568 March 8, 2015 No Gag No Gag "Sky Police"
569 March 15, 2015 No Gag No Gag "Waiting for Duffman"
570 April 19, 2015 No Gag No Gag "Peeping Mom"
571 April 26, 2015 TKAAF - Chalkboard Gag.png Lisa writes:
I will not pay my sister to do my punishment.
"The Kids Are All Fight"
572 May 3, 2015 No Gag No Gag "Let's Go Fly a Coot"
573 May 10, 2015 No Gag No Gag "Bull-E"
574 May 17, 2015 Mathlete's Feat promo 3.jpg During the episode:

I will not fight the future

"Mathlete's Feat"

Season 27[edit]

# Airdate Picture Gag Episode Name
575 September 27, 2015 no gag no gag "Every Man's Dream"
576 October 4, 2015 no gag no gag "'Cue Detective"
577 October 11, 2015 no gag no gag "Puffless"
578 October 18, 2015 no gag no gag "Halloween of Horror"
579 October 25, 2015 no gag no gag "Treehouse of Horror XXVI"
580 November 8, 2015 no gag no gag "Friend with Benefit"
581 November 22, 2015 no gag no gag "Lisa with an "S""
582 December 6, 2015 no gag no gag "Paths of Glory"
583 December 13, 2015 no gag no gag "Barthood"
584 January 3, 2016 no gag no gag "The Girl Code"
585 January 10, 2016 no gag no gag "Teenage Mutant Milk-Caused Hurdles"
586 January 17, 2016 no gag no gag "Much Apu About Something"
587 February 14, 2016 Love Is in the N2-O2-Ar-CO2-Ne-He-CH4 - Chalkboard Gag.png Hershey kisses do not drop from Cupid's butt "Love Is in the N2-O2-Ar-CO2-Ne-He-CH4"
588 February 21, 2016 no gag no gag "Gal of Constant Sorrow"
589 March 6, 2016 no gag no gag "Lisa the Veterinarian"
590 March 13, 2016 no gag no gag "The Marge-ian Chronicles"
591 April 3, 2016 TBC chalkboard gag.png If Villanova doesn't win we lose everything "The Burns Cage"
592 April 10, 2016 HLGHMB chalkboard gag.png Skinner writes:
Never lose a bet to Bart Simpson
"How Lisa Got Her Marge Back"
593 April 24, 2016 Dad swears he'll get his taxes in soon "Fland Canyon"
594 May 8, 2016 TCourierWL chalkboard gag.png Dirty clothes are not a Mother's Day gift "To Courier with Love"
595 May 15, 2016 no gag no gag "Simprovised"
596 May 22, 2016 Orange Is the New Yellow Chalkboard Gag.png Milhouse does not live below the puberty line "Orange Is the New Yellow"

Season 28[edit]

# Airdate Picture Gag Episode Name
597 September 25, 2016 MBFC chalkboard gag.png This arm needs Tommy John surgery "Monty Burns' Fleeing Circus"
598 October 2, 2016 FaF chalkboard gag.png I will stop losing 50% of my NFL lead-in "Friends and Family"
599 October 9, 2016 No Gag No Gag "The Town"
600 October 16, 2016 No Gag No Gag "Treehouse of Horror XXVII"
601 October 23, 2016 TButC chalkboard gag.png The first episode of the second 600 "Trust but Clarify"
602 November 6, 2016 No Gag No Gag "There Will Be Buds"
603 November 13, 2016 HWW chalkboard gag.png Being right sucks

(This was the first episode to air after the 2016 presidential election, which Donald Trump won, a result predicted in Bart to the Future)

"Havana Wild Weekend"
604 November 20, 2016 DB chalkboard gag.png I will watch all 600 episodes without sleeping "Dad Behavior"
605 December 4, 2016 No Gag No Gag "The Last Traction Hero"
606 December 11, 2016 No Gag No Gag "The Nightmare After Krustmas"
607 January 8, 2017 No Gag No Gag "Pork and Burns"
January 15, 2017 No Gag No Gag "The Great Phatsby"
610 February 12, 2017 FTZ chalkboard.png If we're so good at predicting how come my dad bet on Atlanta "Fatzcarraldo"
611 February 19, 2017 No Gag No Gag "The Cad and the Hat"
612 March 5, 2017 KKer chalkboard gag.png We're the only house where the Christmas tree is still up "Kamp Krustier"
613 March 12, 2017 No Gag No Gag "22 for 30"
614 March 19, 2017 AFW chalkboard.png Studying is not "appropriating nerd culture" "A Father's Watch"
AFW chalkboard in-episode Lisa.png In-episode (Lisa):
Everybody's a winner
AFW chalkboard in-episode Bart.png In-episode (Bart):
I did nothing wrong this week
615 April 2, 2017 No Gag No Gag "The Caper Chase"
616 April 30, 2017 LFMG chalkboard in-episode Grampa.png In-episode (Grampa):
I just wrote one and I'm already tired
"Looking for Mr. Goodbart"
617 May 7, 2017 No Gag No Gag "Moho House"
618 May 21, 2017 DogT - chalkboard gag.png Thank you for 28 great years... Taylor Swift "Dogtown"

Season 29[edit]

# Airdate Picture Gag Episode Name
619 October 1, 2017 No Gag No Gag "The Serfsons"
620 October 8, 2017 No Gag No Gag "Springfield Splendor"
621 October 15, 2017 Whistler's Father Chalkboard Gag.png It's unfair to judge a president on his first 300 days "Whistler's Father"
622 October 22, 2017 No Gag No Gag "Treehouse of Horror XXVIII"
623 November 5, 2017 Grampy Can Ya Hear Me Chalkboard Gag.png Hooligan is not a profession "Grampy Can Ya Hear Me"
624 November 12, 2017 The Old Blue Mayor She Ain't What She Used to Be Chalkboard Gag.png I will not ask my guidance counselor why he couldn't get a better job "The Old Blue Mayor She Ain't What She Used to Be"
625 November 19, 2017 Singin' in the Lane promo 3.png We do not live in our own pee "Singin' in the Lane"
626 December 3, 2017 No Gag No Gag "Mr. Lisa's Opus"
627 December 10, 2017 Gone Boy Chalkboard Gag.png Snow Angels are not frozen hobos "Gone Boy"
628 January 7, 2018 No Gag No Gag "Haw-Haw Land"

Season 30[edit]

# Airdate Picture Gag Episode Name
645 November 11, 2018 FRWL In-episode Chalkboard Gag.png In-episode (on the street):
I will not order pregnant rats
"From Russia Without Love"
648 December 2, 2018 Daddicus Finch Chalkboard Gag.png My pre-Christmas behavior really helps the coal industry "Daddicus Finch"
649 December 9, 2018 'Tis the 30th Season Chalkboard Gag.png The fat man who works one night a year is my dad "'Tis the 30th Season"
650 January 6, 2019 Mad About the Toy Blackboard gag.png My new year's resolution was to quit school "Mad About the Toy"
654 March 3, 2019 101 Mitigations Chalkboard gag.png Chili fries do not go in like a lamb and out like a lion "101 Mitigations"
658 March 31, 2019 Girl's in the Band Chalkboard gag.png I am not a grandmother "Girl's in the Band"
659 April 7, 2019 I'm Just a Girl Who Can't Say D'oh Chalkboard gag.png I will not write "Audit please" on Homer's tax return "I'm Just a Girl Who Can't Say D'oh"
660 April 28, 2019 D'oh Canada Chalkboard gag 1.pngD'oh Canada Chalkboard gag 2.png Bart writes "Haw Haw!" on it, but then hits the blackboard, that turning around reveals Nelson attached to it with tape "D'oh Canada"

Season 31[edit]

# Airdate Picture Gag Episode Name
668 November 10, 2019 Marge the Lumberjill Chalkboard Gag.png Daylight savings isn't something I can spend "Marge the Lumberjill"
671 December 1, 2019 TTWHTFM Chalkboard gag.png Todd writes "Idle hands are the Devil's tools" with two hands. "Todd, Todd, Why Hast Thou Forsaken Me?"
673 January 5, 2020 Hail to the Teeth chalkboard.png Teacher spent New Year's Eve at home by choice "Hail to the Teeth"


Airdate Picture Gag Special
October 13, 2016 JKL - Chalkboard.png I will not make celebrities read mean tweets Jimmy Kimmel Live!


Simpsons Comics[edit]

# Release date Picture Gag Comic story
1 November 1993 I will not exaggerate my father's weight problem The Amazing Colossal Homer
3 March 1994 The Perplexing Puzzle of Springfield Puma.png I will not run amok while Principal Skinner is away The Perplexing Puzzle of the Springfield Puma
12 September 1995 A soldier of Skinner writes
I will not practice Communist idealogy
White-Knuckled War Stories: Spare the Rod, Spoil the Grunt!
75 October 2002
Error creating thumbnail: File missing
I will not blame cause and effect for my juvenile delinquency ...The Permanent Record Room!
123 October 2006 Bobbing For Vengeance 1chalkboard.png I will not watch TV in class Bobbing for Vengeance
Bobbing For Vengeance 2 chalkboard.png I will not survive the school year

Bart Simpson Comics[edit]

# Release date Picture Gag Comic story
28 February 2006 Wienerful is not a real word Lisa the Vampire Croaker
99 November 2015 Back Words Chalkboard.png I Will Do Better Tomorrow Back Words

Simpsons Illustrated[edit]

# Release date Picture Gag Comic story
8 Winter 1992 The Simpsons Return to Slander Chalkboard.jpg The armpit is not a musical instrument The Simpsons: Return to Slander


# Release date Picture Gag Books
July 31, 1991 The Simpsons Magic Paint and Colour Book Chalkboard.png I will not juggle food in the cafeteria The Simpsons Magic Paint and Colour Book ‎
June 12, 2007 Bart Blackboard Postcard.jpg Snail mail is not dead Greetings from the Simpsons (2007)


# Release date Picture Gag Product
Bart Simpson Talking Alarm Clock.jpg Underwear should be worn on the inside
Mud is not one of the four food groups
I will not eat things for money
Funny noises are not funny
I will not sell school property
I will not charge admission to the bathroom
Bart Simpson Talking Alarm Clock


Picture Gag Advert
400th episode ad chalkboard gag.png I will not take part in shameless commercial promotion. Sky 1 400th episode ad


Picture Gag Note
The Simpsons 1994 Fun Calendar Gag.png I will not tell a lie
The Simpsons 2010 Mini Calendar Gag.jpg I will be a better principal and son Written by Principal Skinner
The Simpsons Personalized Calendar Gag.png Name here is not wasting the watching prime-time animated cartoons Name here is a name that is personalized for the calendar

Trading cards[edit]

The Simpsons Topps[edit]

# Picture Gag
1 Topps Chalkboard 01.jpg Biting is unsanitary and rude
2 Topps Chalkboard 02.jpg I will not belch the national anthem
3 Topps Chalkboard 03.jpg I will not encourage others to fly
4 Topps Chalkboard 04.jpg Giving people wedgies is not clever
5 Topps Chalkboard 05.jpg I will not do anything bad ever again
6 Topps Chalkboard 06.jpg I will not drive the principal's car
7 Topps Chalkboard 07.jpg I will spend my time productively
8 Topps Chalkboard 08.jpg Tar is not a plaything
9 Topps Chalkboard 09.jpg I will not lie, cheat, or spit
10 Topps Chalkboard 10.jpg I will not yell "fire" in a crowded classroom
11 Topps Chalkboard 11.jpg I will not add to our nation's problems
12 Topps Chalkboard 12.jpg Krusty the Clown is not God
13 Topps Chalkboard 13.jpg Hamsters do not eat onion rings
14 Topps Chalkboard 14.jpg I will not trade pants with others
15 Topps Chalkboard 15.jpg I will not do that thing with my tongue
16 Topps Chalkboard 16.jpg I will not undermine traditional American values
17 Topps Chalkboard 17.jpg Cursing is a crutch
18 Topps Chalkboard 18.jpg I am not a 32 year old woman
19 Topps Chalkboard 19.jpg I will not hide behind the Fifth Amendment
20 Topps Chalkboard 20.jpg I will not sell school property
21 Topps Chalkboard 21.jpg I will not get very far with this attitude
22 Topps Chalkboard 22.jpg I will not overestimate my own popularity

Video games/Applications[edit]

Picture Gag Video game/Application Note
I will not burp in class. The Simpsons Screen Saver At one point, the gag is written "I will not burp u", before the "u" is rubbed out and replaced with "i".


EA Gamescom Press Conference 2012[edit]

Picture Gag Note
I will not under-provision servers. Written in Comic Sans.

Table Reading Room[edit]

Picture Gag Note
I Will Turn off my Cell Phone at Table Reads.jpg I Will Turn off my Cell Phone at Table Reads It is located outside the room where the table reads for the series are done.