Difference between revisions of "List of chalkboard gags"

Revision as of 13:22, March 8, 2012

The following is a list of chalkboard gags seen on The Simpsons.

Season 1

#	Airdate	Picture	Gag	Episode Name
1	December 17, 1989		no gag	"Simpsons Roasting on an Open Fire"
2	January 14, 1990	200px	I will not waste chalk	"Bart the Genius"
3	January 21, 1990	200px	I will not skateboard in the halls	"Homer's Odyssey"
4	January 28, 1990	200px	I will not burp in class	"There's No Disgrace Like Home"
5	February 4, 1990		no gag	"Bart the General"
6	February 11, 1990		I will not instigate revolution	"Moaning Lisa"
7	February 18, 1990		I will not draw naked ladies in class	"The Call of the Simpsons"
8	February 25, 1990		I did not see Elvis	"The Telltale Head"
9	March 18, 1990		no gag	"Life on the Fast Lane"
10	March 25, 1990		I will not call my teacher "Hot Cakes"	"Homer's Night Out"
11	April 15, 1990		Garlic gum is not funny	"The Crepes of Wrath"
12	April 29, 1990	200px	They are laughing at me, not with me	"Krusty Gets Busted"
13	May 13, 1990	200px	I will not yell "Fire!" in a crowded classroom	"Some Enchanted Evening"

Season 2

#	Airdate	Picture	Gag	Episode Name
14	October 11, 1990	200px	I will not encourage others to fly	"Bart Gets an F"
	During the episode: I will not fake my way through life
15	October 18, 1990		Tar is not a plaything	"Simpson and Delilah"
16	October 25, 1990		no gag	"Treehouse of Horror"
17	November 1, 1990		I will not Xerox my butt	"Two Cars in Every Garage and Three Eyes on Every Fish"
	Alternate chalkboard gag aired on June 2, 1992 rerun It's 'potato', not 'potatoe'
18	November 8, 1990		I will not trade pants with others	"Dancin' Homer"
19	November 15, 1990		I am not a 32 year old woman	"Dead Putting Society"
20	November 22, 1990		I will not do that thing with my tongue	"Bart vs. Thanksgiving"
21	December 6, 1990		I will not drive the principal's car	"Bart the Daredevil"
22	December 20, 1990		I will not pledge allegiance to Bart	2Itchy & Scratchy & Marge"
23	January 10, 1991		I will not sell school property	"Bart Gets Hit by a Car"
24	January 24, 1991		I will not cut corners (This is written for 3 lines. The remaining lines are all "ditto" quotation marks.)	"One Fish, Two Fish, Blowfish, Blue Fish"
25	January 31, 1991		I will not get very far with this attitude	"The Way We Was"
26	February 7, 1991		I will not make flatulent noises in class	"Homer vs. Lisa and the 8th Commandment"
27	February 14, 1991		I will not belch the national anthem	"Principal Charming"
28	February 21, 1991		I will not sell land in Florida	"Oh Brother, Where Art Thou?"
29	March 7, 1991		I will not sell school property	"Bart's Dog Gets an F"
30	March 28, 1991	200px	I will not grease the monkey bars	"Old Money"
31	April 11, 1991		I will not hide behind the Fifth Amendment	"Brush with Greatness"
32	April 25, 1991		no gag	"Lisa's Substitute"
33	May 2, 1991		I will not do anything bad ever again	"The War of the Simpsons"
34	May 9, 1991		I will not show off (This was written in Blackletter.)	"Three Men and a Comic Book"
35	July 11, 1991		I will not sleep through my education	"Blood Feud"

Season 3

#	Airdate	Gag	Episode Name
36	September 19, 1991	I am not a dentist	"Stark Raving Dad"
37	September 26, 1991	Spitwads are not free speech	"Mr. Lisa Goes to Washington"
38	October 3, 1991	Nobody likes sunburn slappers	"When Flanders Failed"
39	October 10, 1991	High explosives and school don't mix	"Bart the Murderer"
	During the episode: I will not bribe Principal Skinner
40	October 17, 1991	I will not squeak chalk (Bart makes the chalk squeak as he writes this.)	"Homer Defined"
41	October 24, 1991	I will finish what I sta (written only once)	"Like Father, Like Clown"
42	October 31, 1991	no gag	"Treehouse of Horror II"
43	November 7, 1991	"Bart Bucks" are not legal tender	"Lisa's Pony"
44	November 14, 1991	I will not fake rabies	"Saturdays of Thunder"
45	November 21, 1991	Underwear should be worn on the inside	"Flaming Moe's"
46	December 5, 1991	The Christmas Pageant does not stink	"Burns Verkaufen der Kraftwerk"
47	December 26, 1991	I will not torment the emotionally frail	"I Married Marge"
48	January 9, 1992	I will not carve gods	"Radio Bart"
49	January 23, 1992	no gag	"Lisa the Greek"
50	February 6, 1992	I will not spank others	"Homer Alone"
51	February 13, 1992	no gag	"Bart the Lover"
52	February 20, 1992	I will not aim for the head	"Homer at the Bat"
53	February 27, 1992	I will not barf unless I'm sick	"Separate Vocations"
	During the episode: I will not expose the ignorance of the faculty
54	March 12, 1992	I saw nothing unusual in the teacher's lounge	"Dog of Death"
55	March 26, 1992	I will not conduct my own fire drills	"Colonel Homer"
56	April 9, 1992	Funny noises are not funny	"Black Widower"
57	April 23, 1992	I will not spin the turtle	"The Otto Show"
58	May 7, 1992	I will not snap bras	"Bart's Friend Falls in Love"
59	August 27, 1992	I will not fake seizures	"Brother, Can You Spare Two Dimes?"

Season 4

#	Airdate	Gag	Episode Name
60	September 24, 1992	This punishment is not boring and pointless	"Kamp Krusty"
61	October 1, 1992	My name is not "Dr. Death"	"A Streetcar Named Marge"
62	October 8, 1992	I will not defame New Orleans	"Homer the Heretic"
63	October 15, 1992	I will not prescribe medication	Lisa the Beauty Queen
64	October 29, 1992	no gag	"Treehouse of Horror III"
65	November 3, 1992	I will not bury the new kid	"Itchy & Scratchy: The Movie"
	During the episode, Marge writes: I will try to raise a better child
66	November 5, 1992	I will not teach others to fly	"Marge Gets a Job"
67	November 12, 1992	I will not bring sheep to class	"New Kid on the Block"
68	November 19, 1992	A burp is not an answer	"Mr. Plow"
69	December 3, 1992	Teacher is not a leper	"Lisa's First Word"
70	December 17, 1992	Coffee is not for kids (Each line becomes less legible and more scrawled)	"Homer's Triple Bypass"
71	January 14, 1993	I will not eat things for money	"Marge vs. the Monorail"
72	January 21, 1993	I will not yell "She's Dead" during roll call	"Selma's Choice"
73	February 4, 1993	The principal's toupée is not a frisbee	2Brother from the Same Planet"
74	February 11, 1993	I will not call the principal "spud head"	"I Love Lisa"
75	February 18, 1993	Goldfish don't bounce	"Duffless"
76	March 11, 1993	Mud is not one of the 4 food groups	"Last Exit to Springfield"
77	April 1, 1993	No one is interested in my underpants	"So It's Come to This: A Simpsons Clip Show"
78	April 15, 1993	I will not sell miracle cures	"The Front"
79	April 29, 1993	I will return the seeing-eye dog	"Whacking Day"
80	May 6, 1993	I do not have diplomatic immunity	"Marge in Chains"
81	May 13, 1993	I will not charge admission to the bathroom	"Krusty Gets Kancelled"

Season 5

#	Airdate	Gag	Episode Name
82	September 30, 1993	I will never win an Emmy	"Homer's Barbershop Quartet"
83	October 7, 1993	The cafeteria deep fryer is not a toy	"Cape Feare"
84	October 14, 1993	no gag	"Homer Goes to College"
85	October 21, 1993	no gag	"Rosebud"
86	October 28, 1993	no gag	"Treehouse of Horror IV"
87	November 4, 1993	no gag	"Marge on the Lam"
88	November 11, 1993	no gag	"Bart's Inner Child"
89	November 18, 1993	no gag	"Boy-Scoutz 'n the Hood"
90	December 9, 1993	All work and no play makes Bart a dull boy	"The Last Temptation of Homer"
91	December 16, 1993	I will not say "Springfield" just to get applause	"$pringfield (Or, How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love Legalized Gambling)"
92	January 6, 1994	I am not authorized to fire substitute teachers	"Homer the Vigilante"
93	February 3, 1994	My homework was not stolen by a one-armed man	"Bart Gets Famous"
94	February 10, 1994	I will not go near the kindergarten turtle	"Homer and Apu"
95	February 17, 1994	no gag	"Lisa vs. Malibu Stacy"
96	February 24, 1994	no gag	"Deep Space Homer"
97	March 17, 1994	I am not delightfully saucy	"Homer Loves Flanders"
98	March 31, 1994	Organ transplants are best left to the professionals	"Bart Gets an Elephant"
99	April 14, 1994	The Pledge of Allegiance does not end with "Hail Satan"	"Burns' Heir"
100	April 28, 1994	I will not celebrate meaningless milestones	"Sweet Seymour Skinner's Baadasssss Song"
101	May 5, 1994	There are plenty of businesses like show business	"The Boy Who Knew Too Much"
102	May 12, 1994	I will not re-transmit without the express permission of Major League Baseball	"Lady Bouvier's Lover"
103	May 19, 1994	Five days is not too long to wait for a gun	"Secrets of a Successful Marriage"

Season 6

#	Airdate	Gag	Episode Name
104	September 4, 1994	Beans are neither a fruit nor musical	"Bart of Darkness"
105	September 11, 1994	No one is interested in my underpants	"Lisa's Rival"
106	September 25, 1994	I will not use abbrev.	"Another Simpsons Clip Show"
107	October 2, 1994	I am not the reincarnation of Sammy Davis Jr.	"Itchy & Scratchy Land"
108	October 9, 1994	no gag	"Sideshow Bob Roberts"
109	October 30, 1994	no gag	"Treehouse of Horror V"
110	November 6, 1994	I will not send lard through the mail	"Bart's Girlfriend"
111	November 13, 1994	I will not dissect things unless instructed	"Lisa on Ice"
112	November 27, 1994	I will not whittle hall passes out of soap	"Homer Badman"
113	December 4, 1994	My homework was not stolen by a one-armed man	"Grampa vs. Sexual Inadequacy"
114	December 18, 1994	Ralph won't "morph" if you squeeze him hard enough	"Fear of Flying"
115	January 8, 1995	Adding "just kidding" doesn't make it okay to insult the principal	"Homer the Great"
116	January 22, 1995	'Bagman' is not a legitimate career choice	"And Maggie Makes Three"
117	February 5, 1995	Cursive writing does not mean what I think it does	"Bart's Comet"
118	February 12, 1995	Next time it could be me on the scaffolding	"Homie the Clown"
119	February 19, 1995	I will not hang donuts on my person	"Bart vs. Australia"
120	February 26, 1995	I will remember to take my medication	"Homer vs. Patty & Selma"
121	March 5, 1995	no gag	"A Star Is Burns"
122	March 19, 1995	I will not strut around like I own the place	"Lisa's Wedding"
123	April 9, 1995	The Good Humor man can only be pushed so far	"Two Dozen and One Greyhounds"
124	April 16, 1995	I do not have power of attorney over first graders	"The PTA Disbands"
125	April 30, 1995	Nerve gas is not a toy	"'Round Springfield"
126	May 7, 1995	I will not mock Mrs. Dumbface	"The Springfield Connection"
127	May 14, 1995	The First Amendment does not cover burping	"Lemon of Troy"
128	May 21, 1995	This is not a clue... or is it?	"Who Shot Mr. Burns? (Part One)"

Season 7

#	Airdate	Gag	Episode Name
129	September 17, 1995	I will not complain about the solution when I hear it	"Who Shot Mr. Burns? (Part Two)"
130	September 24, 1995	"Bewitched" does not promote Satanism	"Radioactive Man"
131	October 1, 1995	No one wants to hear from my armpits	"Home Sweet Homediddly-Dum-Doodily"
132	October 8, 1995	I am not a lean mean spitting machine	"Bart Sells His Soul"
133	October 15, 1995	The boys' room is not a water park	"Lisa the Vegetarian"
134	October 29, 1995	no gag	"Treehouse of Horror VI"
135	November 5, 1995	Indian burns are not our cultural heritage	"King-Size Homer"
136	November 19, 1995	no gag	"Mother Simpson"
137	November 26, 1995	Wedgies are unhealthy for children and other living things	"Sideshow Bob's Last Gleaming"
138	December 3, 1995	I will only do this once a year (by "this", it means a clip show)	"The Simpsons 138th Episode Spectacular"
139	December 17, 1995	I will stop talking about the twelve inch pianist	"Marge Be Not Proud"
140	January 7, 1996	I am not certified to remove asbestos	"Team Homer"
141	January 14, 1996	no gag	"Two Bad Neighbors"
142	February 4, 1996	no gag	"Scenes From the Class Struggle in Springfield"
143	February 11, 1996	no gag	"Bart the Fink"
144	February 18, 1996	no gag	"Lisa the Iconoclast"
145	February 25, 1996	no gag	"Homer the Smithers"
146	March 17, 1996	no gag	"The Day the Violence Died"
147	March 24, 1996	no gag	"A Fish Called Selma"
148	March 31, 1996	no gag	"Bart on the Road"
149	April 14, 1996	no gag	"22 Short Films About Springfield"
150	April 28, 1996	no gag	"Raging Abe Simpson and His Grumbling Grandson in "The Curse of the Flying Hellfish""
151	May 5, 1996	no gag	"Much Apu About Nothing"
152	May 19, 1996	no gag	"Homerpalooza"
153	May 19, 1996	no gag	"Summer of 4 Ft. 2"

Season 8

#	Airdate	Gag	Episode Name
154	October 27, 1996	no gag	"Treehouse of Horror VII"
155	November 3, 1996	I did not learn everything I need to know from kindergarten	"You Only Move Twice"
156	November 10, 1996	I am not my long-lost twin	"The Homer They Fall"
157	November 17, 1996	no gag	"Burns, Baby Burns"
158	November 24, 1996	no gag	"Bart After Dark"
159	December 1, 1996	no gag	"A Milhouse Divided"
160	December 15, 1996	no gag	"Lisa's Date with Density"
	During the episode, Lisa writes: I will not be a snickerpuss.
161	December 29, 1996	no gag	"Hurricane Neddy"
162	January 5, 1997	no gag	"El Viaje Misterioso de Nuestro Jomer (The Mysterious Voyage of Homer)"
163	January 12, 1997	The truth is not out there	"The Springfield Files"
164	January 19, 1997	I am not licensed to do anything	"The Twisted World of Marge Simpson"
165	February 2, 1997	no gag	"Mountain of Madness"
166	February 7, 1997	I will not hide the teacher's Prozac	"Simpsoncalifragilisticexpiala(Annoyed Grunt)cious"
167	February 9, 1997	no gag	"The Itchy & Scratchy & Poochie Show"
168	February 16, 1997	no gag	"Homer's Phobia"
169	February 23, 1997	no gag	"Brother from Another Series"
170	March 2, 1997	no gag	"My Sister, My Sitter"
171	March 16, 1997	no gag	"Homer vs. The Eighteenth Amendment"
172	April 6, 1997	no gag	"Grade School Confidential"
173	April 13, 1997	A fire drill does not demand a fire	"The Canine Mutiny"
174	April 20, 1997	no gag	"The Old Man and the Lisa"
175	April 27, 1997	no gag	"In Marge We Trust"
176	May 4, 1997	no gag	"Homer's Enemy"
177	May 11, 1997	no gag	"The Simpsons Spin-Off Showcase"
178	May 18, 1997	no gag	"The Secret War of Lisa Simpson"

Season 9

#	Airdate	Gag	Episode Name
179	September 21, 1997	no gag	"The City of New York vs. Homer Simpson"
180	September 28, 1997	no gag	"The Principal and the Pauper"
181	October 19, 1997	I no longer want my MTV	"Lisa's Sax"
182	October 26, 1997	no gag	"Treehouse of Horror VIII"
183	November 2, 1997	Everyone is tired of that Richard Gere story	"The Cartridge Family"
184	November 9, 1997	I did not invent Irish dancing	"Bart Star"
185	November 16, 1997	no gag	"The Two Mrs. Nahasapeemapetilons"
186	November 23, 1997	I will not tease Fatty	"Lisa the Skeptic"
187	December 7, 1997	There was no Roman god named "Fartacus"	"Realty Bites"
188	December 21, 1997	Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer's red nose is not alcohol-related	"Miracle on Evergreen Terrace"
189	January 4, 1998	no gag	"All Singing, All Dancing"
190	January 11, 1998	no gag	"Bart Carny"
191	February 8, 1998	Shooting paintballs is not an art form	"The Joy of Sect"
192	February 15, 1998	no gag	"Das Bus"
193	February 22, 1998	Pain is not the cleanser	"The Last Temptation of Krust"
194	March 1, 1998	Silly string is not a nasal spray	"Dumbbell Indemnity"
195	March 8, 1998	no gag	"Lisa the Simpson"
196	March 22, 1998	I was told not to do this	"This Little Wiggy"
197	March 29, 1998	My butt does not deserve a website	"Simpson Tide"
198	April 5, 1998	I will not demand what I'm worth	"The Trouble With Trillions"
199	April 19, 1998	no gag	"Girly Edition"
200	April 26, 1998	I will not mess with the opening credits This was actually the couch gag for this episode)	"Trash of the Titans"
201	May 3, 1998	no gag	"King of the Hill"
202	May 10, 1998	I am not the new Dalai Lama	"Lost Our Lisa"
203	May 17, 1998	I was not the inspiration for "Kramer"	"Natural Born Kissers"

Season 10

#	Airdate	Gag	Episode Name
204	August 23, 1998	no gag	"Lard of the Dance"
205	September 20, 1998	I will not file frivolous lawsuits	"The Wizard of Evergreen Terrace"
206	September 27, 1998	no gag	"Bart the Mother"
207	October 25, 1998	The Simpsons Halloween Special IX (This is written in blood with a paintbrush.)	"Treehouse of Horror IX"
208	November 8, 1998	"butt.com" is not my E-mail address (This was changed to "butt.butt" in later airings since butt.com was revealed to be a real website. Butt.com still appeared in syndication, however)	"When You Dish upon a Star"
209	November 15, 1998	No one cares what my definition of "is" is	"D'oh-in in the Wind"
210	November 22, 1998	I will not scream for ice cream	"Lisa Gets an "A""
211	December 6, 1998	I am not a licensed hairstylist	"Homer Simpson in: "Kidney Trouble""
212	December 20, 1998	"The President did it" is not an excuse	"Mayored to the Mob"
213	January 10, 1999	My mom is not dating Jerry Seinfeld	"Viva Ned Flanders"
214	January 17, 1999	Sherri does not "got back"	"Wild Barts Can't Be Broken"
215	January 31, 1999	I will not do "the dirty bird"	"Sunday, Cruddy Sunday"
216	February 7, 1999	No one cares about my sciatica	"Homer to the Max"
217	February 14, 1999	Hillbillies are people too	"I'm with Cupid"
218	February 21, 1999	Grammar is not a time of waste	"Marge Simpson in: "Screaming Yellow Honkers""
219	February 28, 1999	I do not have diplomatic immunity	"Make Room for Lisa"
220	March 28, 1999	It does not suck to be you	"Maximum Homerdrive"
221	April 4, 1999	I cannot absolve sins	"Simpsons Bible Stories"
	During Lisa's dream in the episode: I will not deface
222	April 11, 1999	A trained ape could not teach gym	"Mom and Pop Art"
223	April 25, 1999	Loose teeth don't need my help	"The Old Man and the "C" Student"
224	May 2, 1999	I have neither been there nor done that	"Monty Can't Buy Me Love"
225	May 9, 1999	No one wants to hear from my armpits	"They Saved Lisa's Brain"
226	May 16, 1999	I'm so very tired	"Thirty Minutes over Tokyo"

Season 11

#	Airdate	Gag	Episode Name
227	September 26, 1999	Fridays are not "pants optional"	"Beyond Blunderdome"
228	October 3, 1999	Pork is not a verb	"Brother's Little Helper"
229	October 24, 1999	I am not the last Don	"Guess Who's Coming to Criticize Dinner?"
230	October 31, 1999	no gag	"Treehouse of Horror X"
231	November 7, 1999	I did not win the Nobel Fart Prize	"E-I-E-I-(Annoyed Grunt)"
232	November 14, 1999	I won't not use no double negatives	"Hello Gutter, Hello Fadder"
233	November 21, 1999	Indian burns are not our cultural heritage	"Eight Misbehavin'"
234	November 28, 1999	I can't see dead people	"Take My Wife, Sleaze"
235		I will not sell my kidney on eBay	"Grift of the Magi"
236	January 9, 2000	I will not create art from dung	"Little Big Mom"
237	January 16, 2000	I will stop phoning it in	"Faith Off"
238	January 23, 2000	Class clown is not a paid position	"The Mansion Family"
239	February 6, 2000	Substitute teachers are not scabs	"Saddlesore Galactica"
240	February 13, 2000	My suspension was not mutual	"Alone Again, Natura-Diddily"
241	February 20, 2000	A belch is not an oral report	"Missionary: Impossible"
242	February 27, 2000	Dodgeball stops at the gym door	"Pygmoelian"
243	March 19, 2000	Non-flammable is not a challenge	"Bart to the Future"
244	April 9, 2000	I was not touched "there" by an angel	"Days of Wine and D'oh'ses"
245	April 30, 2000	I am not here on a fartball scholarship	"Kill the Alligator and Run"
246	May 7, 2000	I will not dance on anyone's grave	"Last Tap Dance in Springfield"
247	May 14, 2000	I cannot hire a substitute student	"It's A Mad, Mad, Mad, Mad Marge"
248	May 21, 2000	I will not obey the voices in my head	"Behind the Laughter"

Season 12

#	Airdate	Gag	Episode Name
249	November 1, 2000	no gag	"Treehouse of Horror XI"
250	November 5, 2000	I will not plant subliminal messagores	"A Tale of Two Springfields"
251	November 12, 2000	I will not surprise the incontinent	"Insane Clown Poppy"
252	November 19, 2000	I am not the acting president	"Lisa the Tree Hugger"
253	November 26, 2000	I was not the sixth Beatle	"Homer vs. Dignity"
254	December 3, 2000	I will only provide a urine sample when asked	"The Computer Wore Menace Shoes"
255	December 10, 2000	The nurse is not dealing	"The Great Money Caper"
256	December 17, 2000	Science class should not end in tragedy	"Skinner's Sense of Snow"
	During the episode, Skinner writes: I ain't not a dorkus
257	January 7, 2001	Network TV is not dead	"HOMЯ"
258	January 14, 2001	I will not "let the dogs out"	"Pokey Mom"
259	February 4, 2001	I will not hide the teacher's medication	"Worst Episode Ever"
260	February 11, 2001	I will not publish the principal's credit report	"Tennis the Menace"
261	February 18, 2001	The hamster did not have a "full life"	"Day of the Jackanapes"
262	February 25, 2001	I will not buy a presidential pardon	"New Kids on the Blecch"
263	March 4, 2001	"Temptation Island" was not a sleazy piece of crap	"Hungry, Hungry Homer"
264	March 11, 2001	I will not scare the vice president	"Bye Bye Nerdie"
265	April 1, 2001	I will not flush evidence	"Simpson Safari"
266	April 29, 2001	Fire is not the cleanser	"Trilogy of Error"
267	May 6, 2001	Genetics is not an excuse	"I'm Goin' to Praiseland"
268	May 13, 2001	Today is not Mothra's Day	"Children of a Lesser Clod"
269	May 20, 2001	I should not be twenty-one by now	"Simpsons Tall Tales"

Season 13

#	Airdate	Gag	Episode Name
270	November 6, 2001	no gag	"Treehouse of Horror XII"
271	November 11, 2001	Nobody reads these anymore	"The Parent Rap"
272	November 18, 2001	A burp in a jar is not a science project	"Homer the Moe"
273	December 2, 2001	Fun does not have a size	"A Hunka Hunka Burns in Love"
274	December 9, 2001	I am not Charlie Brown on acid	"The Blunder Years"
275	December 16, 2001	I do not have a cereal named after me	"She of Little Faith"
276	January 6, 2002	no gag	"Brawl in the Family"
277	January 20, 2002	no gag	"Sweets and Sour Marge"
278	January 27, 2002	no gag	"Jaws Wired Shut"
279	February 10, 2002	I will not bite the hand that feeds me Butterfingers	"Half-Decent Proposal"
280	February 17, 2002	The Giving Tree is not a chump	"The Bart Wants What It Wants"
281	February 24, 2002	Making Milhouse cry is not a science project	"The Lastest Gun in the West"
282	March 10, 2002	no gag	"The Old Man and the Key"
283	March 17, 2002	Vampire is not a career choice	"Tales from the Public Domain"
284	March 31, 2002	no gag	"Blame It on Lisa"
285	April 7, 2002	no gag	"Weekend at Burnsie's"
286	April 21, 2002	no gag	"Gump Roast"
287	April 28, 2002	no gag	"I Am Furious Yellow"
288	May 5, 2002	I will never lie about being cancelled again	"The Sweetest Apu"
289	May 12, 2002	no gag	"Little Girl in the Big Ten"
290	May 19, 2002	no gag	"The Frying Game"
291	May 22, 2002	no gag	"Papa's Got a Brand New Badge"

Season 14

#	Airdate	Gag	Episode Name
292	November 3, 2002	no gag	"Treehouse of Horror XIII"
293	November 10, 2002	no gag	"How I Spent My Strummer Vacation"
294	November 17, 2002	Fish do not like coffee	"Bart vs. Lisa vs. the Third Grade"
295	November 24, 2002	no gag	"Large Marge"
296	December 1, 2002	Milhouse did not test cootie positive	"Helter Shelter"
297	December 15, 2002	no gag	"The Great Louse Detective"
298	January 5, 2003	no gag	"Special Edna"
299	January 12, 2003	no gag	"The Dad Who Knew Too Little"
300	February 2, 2003	This school does not need a "regime change"	"Strong Arms of the Ma"
301	February 9, 2003	SpongeBob is not a contraceptive	"Pray Anything"
302	February 16, 2003	I will not (Bart then destroys the chalkboard with an axe and runs out the school laughing.)	"Barting Over"
303	February 16, 2003	no gag	"I'm Spelling as Fast as I Can"
304	March 2, 2003	no gag	"A Star Is Born-Again"
305	March 9, 2003	no gag	"Mr. Spritz Goes to Washington"
306	March 16, 2003	no gag	"C.E. D'oh"
307	March 30, 2003	no gag	"'Scuse Me While I Miss the Sky"
308	April 13, 2003	no gag	"Three Gays of the Condo"
309	April 27, 2003	no gag	"Dude, Where's My Ranch?"
310	May 4, 2003	My pen is not a booger launcher	"Old Yeller Belly"
311	May 11, 2003	no gag	"Brake My Wife, Please"
312	May 18, 2003	Sandwiches should not contain sand	"Bart of War"
313	May 18, 2003	no gag	"Moe Baby Blues"

Season 15

#	Airdate	Gag	Episode Name
314	November 2, 2003	no gag	"Treehouse of Horror XIV"
315	November 9, 2003	no gag	"My Mother the Carjacker"
316	November 16, 2003	no gag	"The President Wore Pearls"
317	November 23, 2003	no gag	"The Regina Monologues"
318	November 30, 2003	no gag	"The Fat and the Furriest"
319	December 7, 2003	Over forty & single is not funny	"Today I Am a Clown"
320	December 14, 2003	no gag	"'Tis the Fifteenth Season"
321	January 4, 2004	no gag	"Marge vs. Singles, Seniors, Childless Couples and Teens, and Gays"
322	January 11, 2004	no gag	"I, (Annoyed Grunt)-Bot"
323	January 25, 2004	no gag	"Diatribe of a Mad Housewife"
324	February 8, 2004	no gag	"Margical History Tour"
325	February 15, 2004	no gag	"Milhouse Doesn't Live Here Anymore"
326	February 22, 2004	no gag	"Smart and Smarter"
327	March 14, 2004	I will not speculate on how hot teacher used to be	"The Ziff Who Came to Dinner"
328	March 21, 2004	no gag	"Co-Dependent's Day"
329	March 28, 2004	no gag	"The Wandering Juvie"
330	April 18, 2004	no gag	"My Big Fat Geek Wedding"
331	April 25, 2004	no gag	"Catch 'Em if You Can"
332	May 2, 2004	no gag	"Simple Simpson"
333	May 9, 2004	no gag	"The Way We Weren't"
334	May 16, 2004	no gag	"Bart-Mangled Banner"
335	May 23, 2004	no gag	"Fraudcast News"

Season 16

#	Airdate	Gag	Episode Name
336	November 7, 2004	no gag	"Treehouse of Horror XV"
337	November 14, 2004	no gag	"All's Fair in Oven War"
338	November 21, 2004	no gag	"Sleeping with the Enemy"
339	December 5, 2004	Poking a dead raccoon is not research	"She Used to Be My Girl"
340	December 12, 2004	no gag	"Fat Man and Little Boy"
341	January 16, 2005	no gag	"Midnight Rx"
342	January 30, 2005	no gag	"Mommie Beerest"
343	February 6, 2005	no gag	"Homer and Ned's Hail Mary Pass"
344	February 13, 2005	no gag	"Pranksta Rap"
345	February 20, 2005	no gag	"There's Something About Marrying"
346	March 6, 2005	Beer in a milk carton is not milk	"On a Clear Day I Can't See My Sister"
347	March 13, 2005	no gag	"Goo Goo Gai Pan"
348	March 20, 2005	no gag	"Mobile Homer"
349	April 3, 2005	no gag	"The Seven-Beer Snitch"
350	April 17, 2005	no gag	"Future-Drama"
351	May 1, 2005	no gag	"Don't Fear the Roofer"
352	May 1, 2005	no gag	"The Heartbroke Kid"
353	May 8, 2005	no gag	"A Star Is Torn"
354	May 8, 2005	no gag	"Thank God It's Doomsday"
355	May 15, 2005	A booger is not a bookmark	"Home Away from Homer"
356	May 15, 2005	no gag	"The Father, The Son & The Holy Guest Star"

Season 17

#	Airdate	Gag	Episode Name
357	September 11, 2005	Does any kid still do this anymore?	"Bonfire of the Manatees"
358	September 18, 2005	no gag	"The Girl Who Slept Too Little"
359	September 25, 2005	no gag	"Milhouse of Sand and Fog"
360	November 6, 2005	no gag	"Treehouse of Horror XVI"
361	November 13, 2005	no gag	"Marge's Son Poisoning"
362	November 20, 2005	no gag	"See Homer Run"
363	November 27, 2005	no gag	"The Last of the Red Hat Mamas"
364	December 11, 2005	no gag	"The Italian Bob"
365	December 18, 2005	no gag	"Simpsons Christmas Stories"
366	January 8, 2006	I am not smarter than the President	"Homer's Paternity Coot"
367	January 29, 2006	Teacher was not dumped—it was mutual	"We're on the Road to D'ohwhere"
368	February 26, 2006	no gag	"My Fair Laddy"
369	March 12, 2006	no gag	"The Seemingly Never-Ending Story"
370	March 19, 2006	no gag	"Bart Has Two Mommies"
371	March 26, 2006	First airing, live action opening: I will not eat things for money	"Homer Simpson, This Is Your Wife"
	Subsequent airings: I will not laminate dog doo
372	April 2, 2006	I will not flip the classroom upside down (The classroom is flipped upside down.)	"Million Dollar Abie"
373	April 9, 2006	no gag	"Kiss Kiss, Bang Bangalore"
374	April 23, 2006	no gag	"The Wettest Stories Ever Told"
375	April 30, 2006	no gag	"Girls Just Want to Have Sums"
376	May 7, 2006	I will not leak the plot of the movie	"Regarding Margie"
377	May 14, 2006	Je ne parle pas français ("I do not speak French.")	"The Monkey Suit"
378	May 21, 2006	Have a great summer, everyone	"Marge and Homer Turn a Couple Play"

Season 18

#	Airdate	Gag	Episode Name
379	September 10, 2006	no gag	"The Mook, the Chef, the Wife and Her Homer"
380	September 17, 2006	no gag	"Jazzy and the Pussycats"
381	September 24, 2006	no gag	"Please Homer, Don't Hammer 'Em"
	During the episode, Skinner writes: A baby beat me up
382	November 5, 2006	no gag	"Treehouse of Horror XVII"
383	November 12, 2006	We are not all naked under our clothes	"G.I. (Annoyed Grunt)"
384	November 19, 2006	no gag	"Moe'N'a Lisa"
385	November 26, 2006	no gag	"Ice Cream of Margie (With the Light Blue Hair)"
386	December 10, 2006	no gag	"The Haw-Hawed Couple"
387	December 17, 2006	Frankincense is not a monster	"Kill Gil: Vols. 1 & 2"
388	January 7, 2007	no gag	"The Wife Aquatic"
389	January 28, 2007	no gag	"Revenge is a Dish Best Served Three Times"
390	February 11, 2007	no gag	"Little Big Girl"
	During the episode: So long suckers
391	February 18, 2007	no gag	"Springfield Up"
392	March 4, 2007	no gag	"Yokel Chords"
393	March 11, 2007	no gag	"Rome-old and Juli-eh"
394	March 25, 2007	Global Warming did not eat my homework	"Homerazzi"
395	April 22, 2007	no gag	"Marge Gamer"
396	April 29, 2007	no gag	"The Boys of Bummer"
397	May 6, 2007	I will not look up how much teacher makes	"Crook and Ladder"
398	May 13, 2007	Pearls are not oyster barf	"Stop Or My Dog Will Shoot"
399	May 20, 2007	no gag	"24 Minutes"
400	May 20, 2007	no gag	"You Kent Always Say What You Want"

The Simpsons Movie

Airdate	Picture	Gag
July 27, 2007		I will not illegally download this movie

Season 19

#	Airdate	Gag	Episode Name
401	September 23, 2007	I will not wait 20 years to make another movie	"He Loves to Fly and He D'ohs"
402	September 30, 2007	The Wall Street Journal is better than ever	"The Homer of Seville"
403	October 7, 2007	no gag	"Midnight Towboy"
404	October 14, 2007	I am not a FDIC-insured bank.	"I Don't Wanna Know Why the Caged Bird Sings"
405	November 4, 2007	no gag	"Treehouse of Horror XVIII"
406	November 11, 2007	There is no such thing as an iPoddy	"Little Orphan Millie"
407	November 18, 2007	The Pilgrims were not illegal aliens	"Husbands and Knives"
408	November 25, 2007	no gag	"Funeral for a Fiend"
409	December 16, 2007	The capital of Montana is not "Hannah"	"Eternal Moonshine of the Simpson Mind"
410	January 6, 2008	Teacher did not pay too much for her condo	"E Pluribus Wiggum"
411	January 27, 2008	no gag	"That '90s Show"
412	February 17, 2008	no gag	"Love, Springfieldian Style"
413	March 2, 2008	The art teacher is fat, not pregnant	"The Debarted"
414	March 9, 2008	no gag	"Dial 'N' for Nerder"
415	March 30, 2008	no gag	"Smoke On The Daughter"
416	April 13, 2008	no gag	"Papa Don't Leech"
417	April 27, 2008	A persons a person, no mater how Ralph	"Apocalypse Cow"
418	May 4, 2008	no gag	"Any Given Sundance"
419	May 11, 2008	This punishment is not medieval. (In medieval writing style)	"Mona Leaves-a"
420	May 18, 2008	no gag	"All About Lisa"

Season 20

#	Airdate	Gag	Episode Name
421	September 28, 2008	no gag	"Sex, Pies and Idiot Scrapes"
422	October 5, 2008	Teacher's diet is working	"Lost Verizon"
423	October 19, 2008	There is no such month as Rocktober	"Double, Double, Boy in Trouble"
424	November 2, 2008	no gag	"Treehouse of Horror XIX"
425	November 9, 2008	I did not see teacher siphoning gas	"Dangerous Curves"
426	November 16, 2008	no gag	"Homer and Lisa Exchange Cross Words"
427	November 30, 2008	Prosperity is just around the corner	"Mypods and Boomsticks"
428	December 7, 2008	Jesus is not mad His birthday is on Christmas	"The Burns and the Bees"
429	January 25, 2009	I will not use permanent ink on the chalkboard	"Lisa The Drama Queen"
430	February 15, 2009	HDTV is worth every cent	"Take My Life, Please"
431	March 1, 2009	"March Madness" is not an excuse for missing school	"How the Test Was Won"
432	March 8, 2009	I will not have fun with educational toys	"No Loan Again, Naturally"
433	March 15, 2009	no gag	"Gone Maggie Gone"
434	March 17, 2009	Four leaf clovers are not mutant freaks	"In the Name of the Grandfather"
435	March 29, 2009	My piggy bank is not entitled to TARP funds	"Wedding for Disaster"
436	April 5, 2009	no gag	"Eeny Teeny Maya Moe"
437	April 19, 2009	I will not mock teacher's outdated cell phone	"The Good, the Sad and the Drugly"
438	April 26, 2009	I will not put hot sauce in the CPR dummy	"Father Knows Worst"
439	May 3, 2009	no gag	"Waverly Hills 9-0-2-1-D'oh"
440	May 10, 2009	no gag	"Four Great Women and a Manicure"
441	May 17, 2009	It's 'Facebook', not 'Assbook'	"Coming to Homerica"

Season 21

#	Airdate	Gag	Episode Name
442	September 27, 2009	The class hamster isn't just sleeping	"Homer the Whopper"
443	October 4, 2009	Chalkboarding is not torture	"Bart Gets a 'Z'"
444	October 11, 2009	I am not allergic to long division	"The Great Wife Hope"
445	October 18, 2009	no gag	"Treehouse of Horror XX"
446	November 15, 2009	I do not have the hots for my mom	"The Devil Wears Nada"
447	November 22, 2009	Halloween doesn't kick Thanksgiving's ass	"Pranks and Greens"
448	November 29, 2009	Teachers' unions are not ruining this country	"Rednecks and Broomsticks"
449	December 13, 2009	no gag	"O Brother, Where Bart Thou?"
450	January 3, 2010	no gag	"Thursdays with Abie"
451	January 10, 2010	The world may end in 2012, but this show won't	"Once Upon a Time in Springfield"
452	January 31, 2010	no gag	"Million Dollar Maybe"
453	February 14, 2010	no gag	"Boy Meets Curl"
454	February 21, 2010	no gag	"The Color Yellow"
455	March 14, 2010	no gag	"Postcards from the Wedge"
456	March 21, 2010	WWII could not beat up WWI	"Stealing First Base"
457	March 28, 2010	no gag	"The Greatest Story Ever D'ohed"
458	April 11, 2010	Hot dogs are not bookmarks	"American History X-cellent"
459	April 18, 2010	This counts as gym and art class	"Chief of Hearts"
460	April 25, 2010	South Park, we'd stand beside you if we weren't so scared	"The Squirt and the Whale"
461	May 2, 2010	no gag	"To Surveil With Love"
462	May 9, 2010	Eating my vegetables IS NOT a Mother's Day present	"Moe Letter Blues"
463	May 16, 2010	Batman is not 'nothing' without his utility belt	"The Bob Next Door"
464	May 23, 2010	End of Lost: It was all the dog's dream. Watch us	"Judge Me Tender"

Season 22

#	Airdate	Gag	Episode Name
465	September 26, 2010	When I slept in class it was not to help Leo DiCaprio	"Elementary School Musical"
466	October 3, 2010	I did not see Teacher applying for welfare	"Loan-a Lisa"
467	October 10, 2010	I will not write on the walls (this is also written over the walls)	"MoneyBART"
468	November 7, 2010	no gag	"Treehouse of Horror XXI"
469	November 14, 2010	no gag	"Lisa Simpson, This Isn't Your Life"
470	November 21, 2010	no gag	"The Fool Monty"
471	November 28, 2010	A Charlie Brown Thanksgiving" is as good as "A Charlie Brown Christmas"	"How Munched Is that Birdie in the Window?"
472	December 5, 2010	no gag	"The Fight Before Christmas"
473	December 12, 2010	Candy canes are not elf bones	"Donnie Fatso"
474	January 9, 2011	January is not Bart History Month	"Moms I'd Like to Forget"
475	January 16, 2011	no gag	"Flaming Moe"
476	January 23, 2011	Prince is not the son of Martin Luther King	"Homer the Father"
477	February 13, 2011	I will not make fun of Cupid's dink	"The Blue and the Gray"
478	February 20, 2011	no gag	"Angry Dad: The Movie"
479	March 6, 2011	I'm not here on a spitball scholarship	"The Scorpion's Tale"
480	March 13, 2011	"Daylight Savings" is not a failed bank	"A Midsummer's Nice Dreams"
481	March 27, 2011	I will not ridicule teacher's Final Four bracket	"Love is a Many-Strangled Thing"
482	April 10, 2011	no gag	"The Great Simpsina"
483	May 1, 2011	no gag	"The Real Housewives of Fat Tony"
484	May 8, 2011	I do not deserve a Mother's Day gift for being "one badass mother"	"Homer Scissorhands"
485	May 15, 2011	Syndicated version: It's Kristen Schaal, not Kristen Schall	"500 Keys"
	Online version: Guinea Pigs should not be used as "Guinea Pigs"
486	May 22, 2011	no gag	"The Ned-Liest Catch"

Season 23

#	Airdate	Picture	Gag	Episode Name
487	September 25, 2011		no gag	"The Falcon and the D'ohman"
488	October 2, 2011		It's not too early to speculate about the 2016 election	"Bart Stops to Smell the Roosevelts"
489	October 30, 2011		no gag	"Treehouse of Horror XXII"
490	November 6, 2011		It's November 6th--How come we're not airing a Halloween show?	"Replaceable You"
491	November 13, 2011		no gag	"The Food Wife"
492	November 20, 2011	"The Book Job"
493	November 27, 2011	"The Man in the Blue Flannel Pants"
494	December 4, 2011		"Caucus" is not a dirty word	"The Ten-Per-Cent Solution"
495	December 11, 2011		Cafeteria trays are not toboggans	"Holidays of Future Passed"
496	January 8, 2012		Tintin did not sucksuck	"Politically Inept, with Homer Simpson"
497	January 15, 2012		We do need no education	"The D'oh-cial Network"
498	January 29, 2012		There's no proven link between raisins and boogers	"Moe Goes from Rags to Riches"
499	February 12, 2012		I will not replace a candy heart with a frog's heart	"The Daughter Also Rises"
500	February 19, 2012		Milhouse writes: Bart's earned a day off	"At Long Last Leave"
	During the episode, Bart writes on the wall in spray paint: I ♥ the breakdown of society

Comics

Simpsons Comics

#	Release date	Picture	Gag	Comic story
3	March 1994		I will not run amok while Principal Skinner is away	The Perplexing Puzzle of the Springfield Puma
75	October 2002		I will not blame cause and effect for my juvenile delinquency	...The Permanent Record Room!

Difference between revisions of "List of chalkboard gags"

Revision as of 13:22, March 8, 2012

Contents

Season 23

Comics