List of chalkboard gags

The following is a list of chalkboard gags seen on The Simpsons.

Season 1

# Image Gag Episode Code 2 I will not waste chalk "Bart the Genius" 7G02 3 I will not skateboard in the halls "Homer's Odyssey" 7G03 4 I will not burp in class "There's No Disgrace Like Home" 7G04 6 I will not instigate revolution "Moaning Lisa" 7G06 7 I will not draw naked ladies in class "The Call of the Simpsons" 7G09 8 I did not see Elvis "The Telltale Head" 7G07 10 I will not call my teacher "Hot Cakes" "Homer's Night Out" 7G10 11 Garlic gum is not funny "The Crepes of Wrath" 7G13 12 They are laughing at me, not with me "Krusty Gets Busted" 7G12 13 I will not yell "Fire!" in a crowded classroom "Some Enchanted Evening" 7G01

Season 2

# Image Gag Episode Code 14 I will not encourage others to fly "Bart Gets an "F"" 7F03 During the episode: I will not fake my way through life 15 Tar is not a plaything "Simpson and Delilah" 7F02 17 I will not Xerox my butt "Two Cars in Every Garage and Three Eyes on Every Fish" 7F01 Alternate chalkboard gag aired on June 2, 1992 rerun It's 'potato', not 'potatoe' 18 I will not trade pants with others "Dancin' Homer" 7F05 19 I am not a 32 year old woman "Dead Putting Society" 7F08 20 I will not do that thing with my tongue "Bart vs. Thanksgiving" 7F07 21 I will not drive the principal's car "Bart the Daredevil" 7F06 22 I will not pledge allegiance to Bart "Itchy & Scratchy & Marge" 7F09 23 I will not sell school property "Bart Gets Hit by a Car" 7F10 24 I will not cut corners (This is written for 3 lines. The remaining lines are all "ditto" quotation marks.) "One Fish, Two Fish, Blowfish, Blue Fish" 7F11 25 I will not get very far with this attitude "The Way We Was" 7F12 26 I will not make flatulent noises in class "Homer vs. Lisa and the 8th Commandment" 7F13 27 I will not belch the national anthem "Principal Charming" 7F15 28 I will not sell land in Florida "Oh Brother, Where Art Thou?" 7F16 29 I will not sell school property "Bart's Dog Gets an "F"" 7F14 30 I will not grease the monkey bars "Old Money" 7F17 31 I will not hide behind the Fifth Amendment "Brush with Greatness" 7F18 33 I will not do anything bad ever again "The War of the Simpsons" 7F20 34 I will not show off (This was written in Blackletter.) "Three Men and a Comic Book" 7F21 35 I will not sleep through my education "Blood Feud" 7F22

Season 3

# Image Gag Episode Code 36 I am not a dentist "Stark Raving Dad" 7F24 37 Spitwads are not free speech "Mr. Lisa Goes to Washington" 8F01 38 Nobody likes sunburn slappers "When Flanders Failed" 7F23 39 High explosives and school don't mix "Bart the Murderer" 8F03 During the episode: I will not bribe Principal Skinner 40 I will not squeak chalk (Bart makes the chalk squeak as he writes this.) "Homer Defined" 8F04 41 I will finish what I sta (written only once) "Like Father, Like Clown" 8F05 43 "Bart Bucks" are not legal tender "Lisa's Pony" 8F06 44 I will not fake rabies "Saturdays of Thunder" 8F07 45 Underwear should be worn on the inside "Flaming Moe's" 8F08 46 The Christmas Pageant does not stink "Burns Verkaufen der Kraftwerk" 8F09 47 I will not torment the emotionally frail "I Married Marge" 8F10 48 I will not carve gods "Radio Bart" 8F11 50 I will not spank others "Homer Alone" 8F14 52 I will not aim for the head "Homer at the Bat" 8F13 53 I will not barf unless I'm sick "Separate Vocations" 8F15 During the episode: I will not expose the ignorance of the faculty 54 I saw nothing unusual in the teacher's lounge "Dog of Death" 8F17 55 I will not conduct my own fire drills "Colonel Homer" 8F19 56 Funny noises are not funny "Black Widower" 8F20 57 I will not spin the turtle "The Otto Show" 8F21 58 I will not snap bras "Bart's Friend Falls in Love" 8F22 59 I will not fake seizures "Brother, Can You Spare Two Dimes?" 8F23

Season 4

# Image Gag Episode Code 60 This punishment is not boring and pointless "Kamp Krusty" 8F24 61 My name is not "Dr. Death" "A Streetcar Named Marge" 8F18 62 I will not defame New Orleans (Done as a response to "A Streetcar Named Marge", which created controversy in New Orleans from a song in said episode) "Homer the Heretic" 9F01 63 I will not prescribe medication "Lisa the Beauty Queen" 9F02 65 I will not bury the new kid "Itchy & Scratchy: The Movie" 9F03 During the episode, Marge writes: I will try to raise a better child 66 I will not teach others to fly "Marge Gets a Job" 9F05 67 I will not bring sheep to class "New Kid on the Block" 9F06 68 A burp is not an answer "Mr. Plow" 9F07 69 Teacher is not a leper "Lisa's First Word" 9F08 70 Coffee is not for kids (Each line becomes less legible and more scrawled) "Homer's Triple Bypass" 9F09 71 I will not eat things for money "Marge vs. the Monorail" 9F10 72 I will not yell "She's Dead" during roll call "Selma's Choice" 9F11 73 The principal's toupée is not a frisbee "Brother from the Same Planet" 9F12 74 I will not call the principal "spud head" "I Love Lisa" 9F13 75 Goldfish don't bounce "Duffless" 9F14 76 Mud is not one of the 4 food groups "Last Exit to Springfield" 9F15 77 No one is interested in my underpants "So It's Come to This: A Simpsons Clip Show" 9F17 78 I will not sell miracle cures "The Front" 9F16 79 I will return the seeing-eye dog "Whacking Day" 9F18 80 I do not have diplomatic immunity "Marge in Chains" 9F20 81 I will not charge admission to the bathroom "Krusty Gets Kancelled" 9F19

Season 5

# Image Gag Episode Code 82 I will never win an Emmy "Homer's Barbershop Quartet" 9F21 83 The cafeteria deep fryer is not a toy "Cape Feare" 9F22 90 All work and no play makes Bart a dull boy "The Last Temptation of Homer" 1F07 91 I will not say "Springfield" just to get applause "$pringfield (Or, How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love Legalized Gambling)" 1F08 92 I am not authorized to fire substitute teachers "Homer the Vigilante" 1F09 93 My homework was not stolen by a one-armed man "Bart Gets Famous" 1F11 94 I will not go near the kindergarten turtle "Homer and Apu" 1F10 97 I am not delightfully saucy "Homer Loves Flanders" 1F14 98 Organ transplants are best left to the professionals "Bart Gets an Elephant" 1F15 99 The Pledge of Allegiance does not end with "Hail Satan" "Burns' Heir" 1F16 100 I will not celebrate meaningless milestones (This was the 100th episode aired.) "Sweet Seymour Skinner's Baadasssss Song" 1F18 101 There are plenty of businesses like show business "The Boy Who Knew Too Much" 1F19 102 I will not re-transmit without the express permission of Major League Baseball "Lady Bouvier's Lover" 1F21 103 Five days is not too long to wait for a gun "Secrets of a Successful Marriage" 1F20

Season 6

# Image Gag Episode Code 104 Beans are neither a fruit nor musical "Bart of Darkness" 1F22 105 No one is interested in my underpants "Lisa's Rival" 1F17 106 I will not use abbrev. "Another Simpsons Clip Show" 2F33 107 I am not the reincarnation of Sammy Davis, Jr. "Itchy & Scratchy Land" 2F01 110 I will not send lard through the mail "Bart's Girlfriend" 2F04 111 I will not dissect things unless instructed "Lisa on Ice" 2F05 112 I will not whittle hall passes out of soap "Homer Badman" 2F06 113 My homework was not stolen by a one-armed man "Grampa vs. Sexual Inadequacy" 2F07 114 Ralph won't "morph" if you squeeze him hard enough "Fear of Flying" 2F08 115 Adding "just kidding" doesn't make it okay to insult the principal "Homer the Great" 2F09 116 'Bagman' is not a legitimate career choice "And Maggie Makes Three" 2F10 117 Cursive writing does not mean what I think it does "Bart's Comet" 2F11 118 Next time it could be me on the scaffolding "Homie the Clown" 2F12 119 I will not hang donuts on my person "Bart vs. Australia" 2F13 120 I will remember to take my medication "Homer vs. Patty and Selma" 2F14 122 I will not strut around like I own the place "Lisa's Wedding" 2F15 123 The Good Humor man can only be pushed so far "Two Dozen and One Greyhounds" 2F18 124 I do not have power of attorney over first graders "The PTA Disbands" 2F19 125 Nerve gas is not a toy "'Round Springfield" 2F32 126 I will not mock Mrs. Dumbface "The Springfield Connection" 2F21 127 The First Amendment does not cover burping "Lemon of Troy" 2F22 128 This is not a clue... or is it? "Who Shot Mr. Burns? (Part One)" 2F16

Season 7

# Image Gag Episode Code 129 I will not complain about the solution when I hear it "Who Shot Mr. Burns? (Part Two)" 2F20 130 "Bewitched" does not promote Satanism "Radioactive Man" 2F17 131 No one wants to hear from my armpits "Home Sweet Homediddly-Dum-Doodily" 3F01 132 I am not a lean mean spitting machine "Bart Sells His Soul" 3F02 133 The boys' room is not a water park "Lisa the Vegetarian" 3F03 135 Indian burns are not our cultural heritage "King-Size Homer" 3F05 137 Wedgies are unhealthy for children and other living things "Sideshow Bob's Last Gleaming" 3F08 138 I will only do this once a year (by "this", it means a clip show) "The Simpsons 138th Episode Spectacular" 3F31 139 I will stop talking about the twelve inch pianist "Marge Be Not Proud" 3F07 140 I am not certified to remove asbestos "Team Homer" 3F10

Season 8

# Thumbnail Gag Episode Code 155 I did not learn everything I need to know from kindergarten "You Only Move Twice" 3F23 156 I am not my long-lost twin "The Homer They Fall" 4F03 160 No Gag No Gag "Lisa's Date with Density" 4F01 During the episode, Lisa writes: I will not be a snickerpuss. 163 The truth is not out there "The Springfield Files" 3G01 164 I am not licensed to do anything "The Twisted World of Marge Simpson" 4F08 166 I will not hide the teacher's Prozac "Simpsoncalifragilisticexpiala(Annoyed Grunt)cious" 3G03 173 A fire drill does not demand a fire "The Canine Mutiny" 4F16

Season 9

# Thumbnail Gag Episode Code 181 I no longer want my MTV "Lisa's Sax" 3G02 183 Everyone is tired of that Richard Gere story "The Cartridge Family" 5F01 184 I did not invent Irish dancing "Bart Star" 5F03 186 I will not tease Fatty "Lisa the Skeptic" 5F05 187 There was no Roman god named "Fartacus" "Realty Bites" 5F06 188 Rudolph's red nose is not alcohol-related "Miracle on Evergreen Terrace" 5F07 191 Shooting paintballs is not an art form "The Joy of Sect" 5F23 193 Pain is not the cleanser "The Last Temptation of Krust" 5F10 194 Silly string is not a nasal spray "Dumbbell Indemnity" 5F12 196 I was not told to do this "This Little Wiggy" 5F13 197 My butt does not deserve a website "Simpson Tide" 3G04 198 I will not demand what I'm worth "The Trouble with Trillions" 5F14 200 I will not mess with the opening credits (this was actually the couch gag for this episode) "Trash of the Titans" 5F09 202 I am not the new Dalai Lama "Lost Our Lisa" 5F17 203 I was not the inspiration for "Kramer" "Natural Born Kissers" 5F18

Season 10

# Image Gag Episode Code 205 I will not file frivolous lawsuits "The Wizard of Evergreen Terrace" 5F21 207 The Simpsons Halloween Special IX (This is written in blood with a paintbrush.) "Treehouse of Horror IX" AABF01 208 "butt.com" is not my E-mail address (This was changed to "butt.butt" in later airings since butt.com was revealed to be a real website. Butt.com still appeared in syndication, however) "When You Dish Upon a Star" 5F19 209 No one cares what my definition of "is" is "D'oh-in' in the Wind" AABF02 210 I will not scream for ice cream "Lisa Gets an "A"" AABF03 211 I am not a licensed hairstylist "Homer Simpson in: "Kidney Trouble"" AABF04 212 "The President did it" is not an excuse "Mayored to the Mob" AABF05 213 My mom is not dating Jerry Seinfeld "Viva Ned Flanders" AABF06 214 Sherri does not "got back" "Wild Barts Can't Be Broken" AABF07 215 I will not do "the dirty bird" "Sunday, Cruddy Sunday" AABF08 216 No one cares about my sciatica "Homer to the Max" AABF09 217 Hillbillies are people too "I'm with Cupid" AABF11 218 Grammar is not a time of waste "Marge Simpson in: "Screaming Yellow Honkers"" AABF10 219 I do not have diplomatic immunity "Make Room for Lisa" AABF12 220 It does not suck to be you "Maximum Homerdrive" AABF13 221 I cannot absolve sins "Simpsons Bible Stories" AABF14 During Lisa's dream in the episode: I will not deface (In hieroglyphics) 222 A trained ape could not teach gym "Mom and Pop Art" AABF15 223 Loose teeth don't need my help "The Old Man and the "C" Student" AABF16 224 I have neither been there nor done that "Monty Can't Buy Me Love" AABF17 225 No one wants to hear from my armpits "They Saved Lisa's Brain" AABF18 226 I'm so very tired "Thirty Minutes Over Tokyo" AABF20

Season 11

# Image Gag Episode Code 227 Fridays are not "pants optional" "Beyond Blunderdome" AABF23 228 Pork is not a verb "Brother's Little Helper" AABF22 229 I am not the last Don "Guess Who's Coming to Criticize Dinner?" AABF21 231 I did not win the Nobel Fart Prize "E-I-E-I-(Annoyed Grunt)" AABF19 232 I won't not use no double negatives "Hello Gutter, Hello Fadder" BABF02 233 Indian burns are not our cultural heritage "Eight Misbehavin'" BABF03 234 I can't see dead people "Take My Wife, Sleaze" BABF05 235 I will not sell my kidney on eBay "Grift of the Magi" BABF07 During the episode, Lisa writes: I will not do math in class 236 I will not create art from dung "Little Big Mom" BABF04 237 I will stop phoning it in "Faith Off" BABF06 238 Class clown is not a paid position "The Mansion Family" BABF08 239 Substitute teachers are not scabs "Saddlesore Galactica" BABF09 240 My suspension was not mutual "Alone Again, Natura-Diddily" BABF10 241 A belch is not an oral report "Missionary: Impossible" BABF11 242 Dodgeball stops at the gym door "Pygmoelian" BABF12 243 Non-flammable is not a challenge "Bart to the Future" BABF13 244 I was not touched "there" by an angel "Days of Wine and D'oh'ses" BABF14 245 I am not here on a fartball scholarship "Kill the Alligator and Run" BABF16 246 I will not dance on anyone's grave "Last Tap Dance in Springfield" BABF15 247 I cannot hire a substitute student "It's a Mad, Mad, Mad, Mad Marge" BABF18 248 I will not obey the voices in my head "Behind the Laughter" BABF19

Season 12

# Image Gag Episode Code 250 I will not plant subliminal messagores "A Tale of Two Springfields" BABF20 251 I will not surprise the incontinent "Insane Clown Poppy" BABF17 252 I am not the acting president "Lisa the Tree Hugger" CABF01 253 I was not the sixth Beatle "Homer vs. Dignity" CABF04 254 I will only provide a urine sample when asked "The Computer Wore Menace Shoes" CABF02 255 The nurse is not dealing "The Great Money Caper" CABF03 256 Science class should not end in tragedy "Skinner's Sense of Snow" CABF06 During the episode, Skinner writes: I ain't not a dorkus 257 Network TV is not dead "HOMЯ" BABF22 258 I will not "let the dogs out" "Pokey Mom" CABF05 259 I will not hide the teacher's medication "Worst Episode Ever" CABF08 260 I will not publish the principal's credit report "Tennis the Menace" CABF07 261 The hamster did not have a "full life" "Day of the Jackanapes" CABF10 262 I will not buy a presidential pardon "New Kids on the Blecch" CABF12 263 "Temptation Island" was not a sleazy piece of crap "Hungry, Hungry Homer" CABF09 264 I will not scare the vice president "Bye, Bye, Nerdie" CABF11 265 I will not flush evidence "Simpson Safari" CABF13 266 Fire is not the cleanser "Trilogy of Error" CABF14 267 Genetics is not an excuse "I'm Goin' to Praiseland" CABF15 268 Today is not Mothra's Day "Children of a Lesser Clod" CABF16 269 I should not be twenty-one by now "Simpsons Tall Tales" CABF17

Season 13

# Image Gag Episode Code 271 Nobody reads these anymore "The Parent Rap" CABF22 272 A burp in a jar is not a science project "Homer the Moe" CABF20 273 Fun does not have a size "A Hunka Hunka Burns in Love" CABF18 274 I am not Charlie Brown on acid "The Blunder Years" CABF21 275 I do not have a cereal named after me "She of Little Faith" DABF02 279 I will not bite the hand that feeds me Butterfingers "Half-Decent Proposal" DABF04 280 The Giving Tree is not a chump "The Bart Wants What It Wants" DABF06 281 Making Milhouse cry is not a science project "The Lastest Gun in the West" DABF07 283 Vampire is not a career choice "Tales from the Public Domain" DABF08 288 I will never lie about being cancelled again "The Sweetest Apu" DABF14

Season 14

# Image Gag Episode Code 294 Fish do not like coffee "Bart vs. Lisa vs. the Third Grade" DABF20 296 Milhouse did not test cootie positive "Helter Shelter" DABF21 300 This school does not need a "regime change" "The Strong Arms of the Ma" EABF04 301 SpongeBob is not a contraceptive "Pray Anything" EABF06 302 I will not (Bart then destroys the chalkboard with an axe and runs out the school laughing.) "Barting Over" EABF05 310 My pen is not a booger launcher "Old Yeller-Belly" EABF14 312 Sandwiches should not contain sand "The Bart of War" EABF16

Season 15

# Image Gag Episode Code 319 Over forty & single is not funny "Today I Am a Clown" FABF01 327 I will not speculate on how hot teacher used to be "The Ziff Who Came to Dinner" FABF08

Season 16

# Image Gag Episode Code 339 Poking a dead raccoon is not research "She Used to Be My Girl" FABF22 346 Beer in a milk carton is not milk "On a Clear Day I Can't See My Sister" GABF05 355 A Booger is not a bookmark "Home Away from Homer" GABF15

Season 17

# Image Gag Episode Code 357 Does any kid still do this anymore? "The Bonfire of the Manatees" GABF18 366 I am not smarter than the President "Homer's Paternity Coot" HABF03 367 Teacher was not dumped—it was mutual "We're on the Road to D'ohwhere" HABF04 371 First airing, live action opening: I will not eat things for money "Homer Simpson, This Is Your Wife" HABF08 Subsequent airings: I will not laminate dog doo 372 I will not flip the classroom upside down (The classroom is flipped upside down.) "Million-Dollar Abie" HABF09 376 I will not leak the plot of the movie "Regarding Margie" HABF13 377 Je ne parle pas français ("I do not speak French.") "The Monkey Suit" HABF14 378 Have a great summer, everyone "Marge and Homer Turn a Couple Play" HABF16

Season 18

# Image Gag Episode Code 381 During the episode, Skinner writes: A baby beat me up "Please Homer, Don't Hammer 'Em" HABF20 383 We are not all naked under our clothes "G.I. (Annoyed Grunt)" HABF21 385 No Gag No Gag "Ice Cream of Margie (with the Light Blue Hair)" HABF22 387 Frankincense is not a monster "Kill Gil, Volumes I & II" JABF01 390 During the episode: So long suckers "Little Big Girl" JABF04 394 Global Warming did not eat my homework "Homerazzi" JABF06 397 I will not look up how much teacher makes "Crook and Ladder" JABF13 398 Pearls are not oyster barf "Stop, or My Dog Will Shoot!" JABF12

The Simpsons Movie

Airdate Picture Gag July 27, 2007 I will not illegally download this movie

Season 19

# Image Gag Episode Code 401 I will not wait 20 years to make another movie "He Loves to Fly and He D'ohs" JABF20 402 The Wall Street Journal is better than ever "The Homer of Seville" JABF18 404 I am not a FDIC-insured bank. "I Don't Wanna Know Why the Caged Bird Sings" JABF19 406 There is no such thing as an iPoddy "Little Orphan Millie" JABF22 407 The Pilgrims were not illegal aliens "Husbands and Knives" JABF17 409 The capital of Montana is not "Hannah" "Eternal Moonshine of the Simpson Mind" KABF02 410 Teacher did not pay too much for her condo "E Pluribus Wiggum" KABF03 413 The art teacher is fat, not pregnant "The Debarted" KABF06 417 A person's a person, no mater how Ralph "Apocalypse Cow" KABF10 419 This punishment is not medieval. [in medieval writing style] "Mona Leaves-a" KABF12

Season 20

# Image Gag Episode Code 422 Teacher's diet is working "Lost Verizon" KABF15 423 There is no such month as Rocktober "Double, Double, Boy in Trouble" KABF14 425 I did not see teacher siphoning gas "Dangerous Curves" KABF18 427 Prosperity is just around the corner Additionally, during the couch gag: I will not bring the chalkboard home (The chalkboard Bart is writing on has taken the place of the couch in the Simpsons' living room) "MyPods and Boomsticks" KABF20 428 Jesus is not mad His birthday is on Christmas "The Burns and the Bees" KABF21 429 I will not use permanent ink on the chalkboard "Lisa the Drama Queen" KABF22 430 HDTV is worth every cent (This was the first episode to air in HD.) "Take My Life, Please" LABF01 431 "March Madness" is not an excuse for missing school "How the Test Was Won" LABF02 432 I will not have fun with educational toys "No Loan Again, Naturally" LABF03 434 Four leaf clovers are not mutant freaks "In the Name of the Grandfather" LABF11 435 My piggy bank is not entitled to TARP funds "Wedding for Disaster" LABF05 437 I will not mock teacher's outdated cell phone "The Good, the Sad, and the Drugly" LABF07 438 I will not put hot sauce in the CPR dummy "Father Knows Worst" LABF08 441 It's 'Facebook', not 'Assbook' "Coming to Homerica" LABF12

Season 21

# Image Gag Episode Code 442 The class hamster isn't just sleeping "Homer the Whopper" LABF13 443 Chalkboarding is not torture "Bart Gets a "Z"" LABF15 444 I am not allergic to long division "The Great Wife Hope" LABF16 446 I do not have the hots for my mom "The Devil Wears Nada" LABF17 447 Halloween does not kick Thanksgiving's ass "Pranks and Greens" LABF18 448 Teachers' unions are not ruining this country "Rednecks and Broomsticks" LABF19 451 The world may end in 2012, but this show won't "Once Upon a Time in Springfield" LABF20 456 WWII could not beat up WWI "Stealing First Base" MABF07 458 Hot dogs are not bookmarks "American History X-cellent" MABF08 459 This counts as gym and art class "Chief of Hearts" MABF09 460 Original airing: South Park, we'd stand beside you if we weren't so scared International/online version: Je ne suis pas français (I am not French) "The Squirt and the Whale" MABF14 462 Eating my vegetables IS NOT a Mother's Day present "Moe Letter Blues" MABF13 463 Batman is not 'nothing' without his utility belt "The Bob Next Door" MABF11 464 End of "Lost": It was all the dog's dream. Watch us. "Judge Me Tender" MABF15

Season 22

# Image Gag Episode Code 465 When I slept in class it was not to help Leo DiCaprio "Elementary School Musical" MABF21 466 I did not see Teacher applying for welfare "Loan-a Lisa" MABF17 467 I must not write all over the walls (in the meantime is written all over the walls) "MoneyBart" MABF18 471 "A Charlie Brown Thanksgiving" is as good as "A Charlie Brown Christmas" "How Munched Is That Birdie in the Window?" NABF02 473 Candy canes are not elf bones "Donnie Fatso" MABF19 474 January is not Bart History Month "Moms I'd Like to Forget" NABF03 476 Prince is not the son of Martin Luther King "Homer the Father" NABF05 477 I will not make fun of Cupid's dink "The Blue and the Gray" NABF06 479 I'm not here on a spitball scholarship "The Scorpion's Tale" NABF08 480 "Daylight Savings" is not a failed bank "A Midsummer's Nice Dreams" NABF09 481 I will not ridicule teacher's Final Four bracket "Love Is a Many-Strangled Thing" NABF10 In-episode (Homer): I'm a grown man who's scared of his own son 484 I do not deserve a Mother's Day gift for being "one badass mother" "Homer Scissorhands" NABF13 485 Syndicated version: It's Kristen Schaal, not Kristen Schall "500 Keys" NABF14 International/online version: Guinea Pigs should not be used as "Guinea Pigs"

Season 23

# Image Gag Episode Code 488 It's not too early to speculate about the 2016 election "Bart Stops to Smell the Roosevelts" NABF17 490 It's November 6th--How come we're not airing a Halloween show? "Replaceable You" NABF21 494 "Caucus" is not a dirty word "The Ten-Per-Cent Solution" PABF02 495 Cafeteria trays are not toboggans "Holidays of Future Passed" NABF18 496 Tintin did not sucksuck "Politically Inept, with Homer Simpson" PABF03 497 We do need no education "The D'oh-cial Network" PABF04 498 There's no proven link between raisins and boogers "Moe Goes from Rags to Riches" PABF05 499 I will not replace a candy heart with a frog's heart "The Daughter Also Rises" PABF06 500 Milhouse writes: Bart's earned a day off "At Long Last Leave" PABF07 During the episode, Bart writes on the wall in spray paint: I ♥ the breakdown of society 504 Original/UK airing: The true location of Springfield is in any state but yours "Beware My Cheating Bart" PABF11 International (except UK)/online version: Teacher does not have to pay an "Ugly Tax" 507 Call your mother during the commercials. "Ned 'n Edna's Blend Agenda" PABF15

Season 24

# Image Gag Episode Code 509 I will not wear white after Labor Day (He is wearing a white shirt) "Moonshine River" PABF21 512 I will not concede the election till Karl Rove gives me permission "Gone Abie Gone" PABF16 513 I want to secede but don't know which state I'm in "Penny-Wiseguys" PABF19 514 20 more shoplifting days till Christmas "A Tree Grows in Springfield" PABF22 517 Teacher did not get fat over the holidays "Homer Goes to Prep School" RABF02 518 I will obey Oscar® campaign rules from now on "A Test Before Trying" RABF03 520 I was not nominated for "Best Spoken Swear Word" "Love Is a Many-Splintered Thing" RABF07 523 I'm sorry I broke the blackboard. (Bart is writing with a black marker on a whiteboard) "Black-Eyed, Please" RABF09 524 Jesus's last words were not "TGIF" "Dark Knight Court" RABF10 528 This School is not falling apart (then the blackboard falls apart) "The Fabulous Faker Boy" RABF12

Season 25

# Image Gag Episode Code 531 25 years and they can't come up with a new punishment. "Homerland" RABF20 532 All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy "Treehouse of Horror XXIV" RABF16 533 We'll really miss you Mrs. K. (Written once, Bart is sad.) (Marcia Wallace, the voice actor for Edna Krabappel, passed away nine days before this episode aired.) "Four Regrettings and a Funeral" RABF18 534 My School Schedule does not include a bye week. "YOLO" RABF22 During the episode: I will not drop a stitch 535 Rocktober is not followed by Blowvember "Labor Pains" RABF19 537 I will stop asking when Santa goes to the bathroom "Yellow Subterfuge" SABF04 538 I will not call my teacher "Prancer" and "Vixen" "White Christmas Blues" SABF01 540 Original airing: Judas Priest is not "Death Metal" "Married to the Blob" SABF03 International/online airing: If you haven't broken your Christmas presents yet, you're not trying 542 A bracket-style tournament of characters with Homer and Jasper in the finals "Diggs" SABF08 544 My dad's already drunk for St. Patrick's. "The Winter of His Content" SABF09 549 Original/Television broadcast airing:April Showers Do Not Bring Matt Lauers" "What to Expect When Bart's Expecting" SABF14 International/online airing: You can't play April Fool's jokes on April 27th

Season 26

# Image Gag Episode Code 553 Spoiler Alert: Unfortunately, my Dad Doesn't Die "Clown in the Dumps" SABF20 561 Reindeer Meat Does not taste like Chicken "I Won't Be Home for Christmas" TABF03 563 Snowmen don't have carrot penises "Bart's New Friend" TABF05 566 Pixel art is not real art "My Fare Lady" TABF07 571 Lisa writes: I will not pay my sister to do my punishment. "The Kids Are All Fight" TABF12 574 During the episode: I will not fight the future "Mathlete's Feat" TABF16

Season 27

# Image Gag Episode Code 587 Hershey kisses do not drop from Cupid's butt "Love Is in the N2-O2-Ar-CO2-Ne-He-CH4" VABF07 591 If Villanova doesn't win we lose everything "The Burns Cage" VABF10 592 Skinner writes: Never lose a bet to Bart Simpson "How Lisa Got Her Marge Back" VABF11 593 Dad swears he'll get his taxes in soon "Fland Canyon" VABF12 594 Dirty clothes are not a Mother's Day gift "To Courier with Love" VABF14 596 Milhouse does not live below the puberty line "Orange Is the New Yellow" VABF15

Season 28

# Image Gag Episode Code 597 This arm needs Tommy John surgery "Monty Burns' Fleeing Circus" VABF20 598 I will stop losing 50% of my NFL lead-in "Friends and Family" VABF18 601 The first episode of the second 600 "Trust but Clarify" VABF21 603 Being right sucks (This was the first episode to air after the 2016 presidential election, which Donald Trump won, a result predicted in "Bart to the Future") "Havana Wild Weekend" VABF19 604 I will watch all 600 episodes without sleeping "Dad Behavior" WABF01 610 If we're so good at predicting how come my dad bet on Atlanta "Fatzcarraldo" WABF07 612 We're the only house where the Christmas tree is still up "Kamp Krustier" WABF09 614 Studying is not "appropriating nerd culture" "A Father's Watch" WABF11 In-episode (Lisa): Everybody's a winner In-episode (Bart): I did nothing wrong this week 616 No Gag No Gag "Looking for Mr. Goodbart" WABF13 In-episode (Grampa): I just wrote one and I'm already tired 618 Thank you for 28 great years... Taylor Swift "Dogtown" WABF15

Season 29

# Image Gag Episode Code 621 It's unfair to judge a president on his first 300 days "Whistler's Father" WABF16 623 Hooligan is not a profession "Grampy Can Ya Hear Me" WABF19 624 I will not ask my guidance counselor why he couldn't get a better job "The Old Blue Mayor She Ain't What She Used to Be" WABF20 625 We do not live in our own pee "Singin' in the Lane" WABF21 627 Snow Angels are not frozen hobos "Gone Boy" XABF02 629 Homer writes: "Strangling is not an effective parenting tool" "Frink Gets Testy" XABF04 632 Bart writes "This is the last episode", then flips over the blackboard, and "April Fool" is written on it. "Fears of a Clown" XABF08 633 April Showers did not date the President "No Good Read Goes Unpunished" XABF07 635 Homer writes: "I will not bet with Bart on the Final four" "Lisa Gets the Blues" XABF11

Season 30

# Image Gag Episode Code 645 In-episode (on the street): I will not order pregnant rats "From Russia Without Love" XABF20 648 My pre-Christmas behavior really helps the coal industry "Daddicus Finch" YABF01 649 The fat man who works one night a year is my dad "'Tis the 30th Season" YABF02 650 My new year's resolution was to quit school "Mad About the Toy" YABF03 654 Chili fries do not go in like a lamb and out like a lion "101 Mitigations" YABF07 655 Bart draws a bracket tournament of his favorite person, with Krusty winning "I Want You (She's So Heavy)" YABF08 658 I am not a grandmother "Girl's in the Band" YABF11 659 I will not write "Audit please" on Homer's tax return "I'm Just a Girl Who Can't Say D'oh" YABF12 660 Bart writes "Haw Haw!" on it, but then hits the blackboard, that turning around reveals Nelson attached to it with tape "D'oh Canada" YABF14 662 In-episode: I will not shirk my responsibilities (also written by Marge) "Crystal Blue-Haired Persuasion" YABF16

Season 31

# Image Gag Episode Code 668 Daylight savings isn't something I can spend "Marge the Lumberjill" ZABF02 671 Todd writes "Idle hands are the Devil's tools" with two hands. "Todd, Todd, Why Hast Thou Forsaken Me?" ZABF04 673 Teacher spent New Year's Eve at home by choice "Hail to the Teeth" ZABF05 678 Lisa writes "Bart is at a Doctor's appointment" "Better Off Ned" ZABF11 680 "School Online", written on the school blackboard "The Incredible Lightness of Being a Baby" YABF13 681 Homer writes "How did the boy get me to do this?" with Bart watching "Warrin' Priests: Part One" ZABF12 682 I will stop reminding the principal I have a later bedtime than he does "Warrin' Priests: Part Two" ZABF13

Season 32

# Image Gag Episode Code 693 I will not put laxatives in Santa's cookies "Sorry Not Sorry" QABF01 696 I will never be a teacher's pet (During the episode.) "Diary Queen" QABF05 705 I will not take advantage of Milhouse Written by Milhouse while Bart escapes through the window. (During the episode, on Terrance's evidence board.) "The Man from G.R.A.M.P.A." QABF13

Season 33

# Image Gag Episode Code 709 During the episode: I hate rhyming couplets "Treehouse of Horror XXXII" QABF16 724 During the episode: I will not express my feelings through chaos "My Octopus and a Teacher" UABF11 726 During the end credits: I will not violate the law of entropy "Marge the Meanie" UABF15

Season 34

# Image Gag Episode Code 750 I will not try to cram 750 characters into the opening credits... "Homer's Adventures Through the Windshield Glass" OABF13

Season 36

# Image Gag Episode Code 769 TBA TBA "Bart's Birthday" 35ABF15 770 TBA TBA "The Yellow Lotus" 35ABF08 771 TBA TBA "Desperately Seeking Lisa" 35ABF18 772 TBA TBA "Shoddy Heat" 35ABF16 773 TBA TBA "Treehouse of Horror XXXV" 35ABF13 774 TBA TBA "Ladies Night" 35ABF17 775 TBA TBA "Treehouse of Horror Presents: Simpsons Wicked This Way Comes" 35ABF14 TBA TBA TBA "The Beautiful Shame" 36ABF?? TBA TBA TBA "Marge and Homer and Moe and Maya" 36ABF?? TBA TBA TBA "The Man Who Flew Too Much" 36ABF02 TBA TBA TBA "The Last Man Expanding" 36ABF06

Specials

Airdate Picture Gag Special September 28, 2014 During the episode: I will not think about Bart anymore (written by Stewie Griffin) "The Simpsons Guy" October 13, 2016 I will not make celebrities read mean tweets Jimmy Kimmel Live! April 22, 2022 In the credits: I will learn to prank my sister (written by Finneas O'Connell) "When Billie Met Lisa"

Comics

Simpsons Illustrated

# Release date Picture Gag Comic story 1 April 4, 1991 I will not read this magazine in class N/A (front cover) 6 Summer 1992 I will never get anywhere by drawing crude cartoons Dial "M" for Moe 8 Winter 1992 The armpit is not a musical instrument Return to Slander

Simpsons Comics

# Release date Picture Gag Comic story 1 November 1993 I will not exaggerate my father's weight problem The Amazing Colossal Homer 3 March 1994 I will not run amok while Principal Skinner is away The Perplexing Puzzle of the Springfield Puma 12 September 1995 A soldier of Skinner writes I will not practice Communist idealogy White-Knuckled War Stories: Spare the Rod, Spoil the Grunt! 75 October 2002 I will not blame cause and effect for my juvenile delinquency ...The Permanent Record Room! 123 October 2006 I will not watch TV in class Bobbing for Vengeance I will not survive the school year

Bart Simpson

# Release date Picture Gag Comic story 28 February 2006 Wienerful is not a real word Lisa the Vampire Croaker 99 November 2015 I Will Do Better Tomorrow Back Words

Books

# Release date Picture Gag Books July 31, 1991 I will not juggle food in the cafeteria The Simpsons Magic Paint and Colour Book ‎ June 12, 2007 Snail mail is not dead Greetings from the Simpsons (2007)

Products

# Release date Picture Gag Product Underwear should be worn on the inside Mud is not one of the four food groups I will not eat things for money Funny noises are not funny I will not sell school property I will not charge admission to the bathroom Bart Simpson Talking Alarm Clock 1990 I will not throw paper planes in class The Simpsons School Kit

Adverts

Picture Gag Advert I will not take part in shameless commercial promotion. Sky 1 400th episode ad

Calendar

Picture Gag Note I will not belch the national anthem The Simpsons 1992 Fun Calendar, recycled from "Principal Charming" I will not tell a lie The Simpsons 1994 Fun Calendar I will be a better principal and son Written by Principal Skinner in The Simpsons Calendar 2010 Name here is not wasting the watching prime-time animated cartoons Name here is a name that is personalized for the calendar

Trading cards

The Simpsons Topps

# Picture Gag 1 Biting is unsanitary and rude 2 I will not belch the national anthem 3 I will not encourage others to fly 4 Giving people wedgies is not clever 5 I will not do anything bad ever again 6 I will not drive the principal's car 7 I will spend my time productively 8 Tar is not a plaything 9 I will not lie, cheat, or spit 10 I will not yell "fire" in a crowded classroom 11 I will not add to our nation's problems 12 Krusty the Clown is not God 13 Hamsters do not eat onion rings 14 I will not trade pants with others 15 I will not do that thing with my tongue 16 I will not undermine traditional American values 17 Cursing is a crutch 18 I am not a 32 year old woman 19 I will not hide behind the Fifth Amendment 20 I will not sell school property 21 I will not get very far with this attitude 22 I will not overestimate my own popularity

Video games/Applications

Picture Gag Video game/Application Note I am not a 32 year old woman The Simpsons: Bart's House of Weirdness Reused from the episode "Dead Putting Society". I will not call my teacher hot cakes Reused from the episode "Homer's Night Out". I will not skateboard in the halls Reused from the episode "Homer's Odyssey". Tar is not a plaything Reused from the episode "Simpson and Delilah". I will not burp in class. The Simpsons Screen Saver At one point, the gag is written "I will not burp u", before the "u" is rubbed out and replaced with "i". Reused from the episode "There's No Disgrace Like Home". This is not a clue... or is it? The Simpsons Road Rage Reused from the episode "Who Shot Mr. Burns? (Part One)". TBA I will not sell fake cheat codes The Simpsons Game TBA I will not sell real cheat codes TBA I will not switch rating labels TBA I will not use abbrev. Reused from the episode "Another Simpsons Clip Show" TBA I will not encourage others to fly Reused from the episode "Bart Gets an "F"" TBA Ralph won't "morph" if you squeeze him hard enough Reused from the episode "Fear of Flying" TBA There was no Roman god named "Fartacus" Reused from the episode "Realty Bites" TBA I cannot hire a substitute student Reused from the episode "It's a Mad, Mad, Mad, Mad Marge" TBA A fire drill does not demand a fire Reused from the episode "The Canine Mutiny"

Other

Table Reading Room

Picture Gag Note I Will Turn off my Cell Phone at Table Reads It is located outside the room where the table reads for the series are done.

Visual gags
Opening sequence gags Billboard gag (List) • Chalkboard gag (List) • Couch gag (List) • Title screen gag (List) Other gags A113 • Eyes Without a Face • First Church of Springfield marquee • Floorboard gag • Gravestones • Springfield Shopper headlines • Strangling