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Difference between revisions of "List of chalkboard gags"

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Latest revision as of 19:51, November 11, 2024

The following is a list of chalkboard gags seen on The Simpsons.

Season 1[edit]

# Image Gag Episode Code
2 Bart the Genius (Chalkboard gag).png I will not waste chalk "Bart the Genius" 7G02
3 Homer's Odyssey (Chalkboard gag).png I will not skateboard in the halls "Homer's Odyssey" 7G03
4 There's No Disgrace Like Home (Chalkboard gag).png I will not burp in class "There's No Disgrace Like Home" 7G04
6 ChalkboardGagS1E06.png I will not instigate revolution "Moaning Lisa" 7G06
7 ChalkboardGagS1E07.png I will not draw naked ladies in class "The Call of the Simpsons" 7G09
8 ChalkboardGagS1E08.png I did not see Elvis "The Telltale Head" 7G07
10 ChalkboardGagS1E10.png I will not call my teacher "Hot Cakes" "Homer's Night Out" 7G10
11 ChalkboardGagS1E11.png Garlic gum is not funny "The Crepes of Wrath" 7G13
12 Krusty Gets Busted (Chalkboard gag).png They are laughing at me, not with me "Krusty Gets Busted" 7G12
13 Some Enchanted Evening (Chalkboard gag).png I will not yell "Fire!" in a crowded classroom "Some Enchanted Evening" 7G01

Season 2[edit]

# Image Gag Episode Code
14 Chalkboard gag (Bart Gets an "F").png I will not encourage others to fly "Bart Gets an "F"" 7F03
I Will Not Fake My Way Through Life (Bart Gets an F).png During the episode:
I will not fake my way through life
15 ChalkboardGag7F02.png Tar is not a plaything "Simpson and Delilah" 7F02
17 ChalkboardGag7F01.png I will not Xerox my butt "Two Cars in Every Garage and Three Eyes on Every Fish" 7F01
No image.png Alternate chalkboard gag aired on June 2, 1992 rerun
It's 'potato', not 'potatoe'
18 ChalkboardGag7F05.png I will not trade pants with others "Dancin' Homer" 7F05
19 ChalkboardGag7F08.png I am not a 32 year old woman "Dead Putting Society" 7F08
20 ChalkboardGag7F07.png I will not do that thing with my tongue "Bart vs. Thanksgiving" 7F07
21 ChalkboardGag7F06.png I will not drive the principal's car "Bart the Daredevil" 7F06
22 ChalkboardGag7F09.png I will not pledge allegiance to Bart "Itchy & Scratchy & Marge" 7F09
23 ChalkboardGag7F10.png I will not sell school property "Bart Gets Hit by a Car" 7F10
24 ChalkboardGag7F11.png I will not cut corners
(This is written for 3 lines. The remaining lines are all "ditto" quotation marks.) 		"One Fish, Two Fish, Blowfish, Blue Fish" 7F11
25 ChalkboardGag7F12.png I will not get very far with this attitude "The Way We Was" 7F12
26 ChalkboardGag7F13.png I will not make flatulent noises in class "Homer vs. Lisa and the 8th Commandment" 7F13
27 ChalkboardGag7F15.png I will not belch the national anthem "Principal Charming" 7F15
28 ChalkboardGag7F16.png I will not sell land in Florida "Oh Brother, Where Art Thou?" 7F16
29 ChalkboardGag7F14.png I will not sell school property "Bart's Dog Gets an "F"" 7F14
30 ChalkboardGag7F17.png I will not grease the monkey bars "Old Money" 7F17
31 ChalkboardGag7F18.png I will not hide behind the Fifth Amendment "Brush with Greatness" 7F18
33 ChalkboardGag7F20.png I will not do anything bad ever again "The War of the Simpsons" 7F20
34 ChalkboardGag7F21.png I will not show off
(This was written in Blackletter.) 		"Three Men and a Comic Book" 7F21
35 ChalkboardGag7F22.png I will not sleep through my education "Blood Feud" 7F22

Season 3[edit]

# Image Gag Episode Code
36 ChalkboardGag7F24.png I am not a dentist "Stark Raving Dad" 7F24
37 ChalkboardGag8F01.png Spitwads are not free speech "Mr. Lisa Goes to Washington" 8F01
38 ChalkboardGag7F23.png Nobody likes sunburn slappers "When Flanders Failed" 7F23
39 ChalkboardGag8F03.png High explosives and school don't mix "Bart the Murderer" 8F03
Chalkboard Bart the Murderer in-episode.png During the episode:
I will not bribe Principal Skinner
40 ChalkboardGag8F04.png I will not squeak chalk
(Bart makes the chalk squeak as he writes this.) 		"Homer Defined" 8F04
41 ChalkboardGag8F05.png I will finish what I sta
(written only once) 		"Like Father, Like Clown" 8F05
43 ChalkboardGag8F02.png "Bart Bucks" are not legal tender "Lisa's Pony" 8F06
44 ChalkboardGag8F06.png I will not fake rabies "Saturdays of Thunder" 8F07
45 ChalkboardGag8F07.png Underwear should be worn on the inside "Flaming Moe's" 8F08
46 ChalkboardGag8F08.png The Christmas Pageant does not stink "Burns Verkaufen der Kraftwerk" 8F09
47 ChalkboardGag8F09.png I will not torment the emotionally frail "I Married Marge" 8F10
48 ChalkboardGag8F11.png I will not carve gods "Radio Bart" 8F11
50 ChalkboardGag8F14.png I will not spank others "Homer Alone" 8F14
52 ChalkboardGag8F13.png I will not aim for the head "Homer at the Bat" 8F13
53 ChalkboardGag8F15.png I will not barf unless I'm sick "Separate Vocations" 8F15
Separate Vocations episode gag.png During the episode:
I will not expose the ignorance of the faculty
54 ChalkboardGag8F17.png I saw nothing unusual in the teacher's lounge "Dog of Death" 8F17
55 ChalkboardGag8F19.png I will not conduct my own fire drills "Colonel Homer" 8F19
56 ChalkboardGag8F20.png Funny noises are not funny "Black Widower" 8F20
57 ChalkboardGag8F21.png I will not spin the turtle "The Otto Show" 8F21
58 ChalkboardGag8F122.png I will not snap bras "Bart's Friend Falls in Love" 8F22
59 ChalkboardGag8F23.png I will not fake seizures "Brother, Can You Spare Two Dimes?" 8F23

Season 4[edit]

# Image Gag Episode Code
60 ChalkboardGag8F24.png This punishment is not boring and pointless "Kamp Krusty" 8F24
61 ChalkboardGag8F18.png My name is not "Dr. Death" "A Streetcar Named Marge" 8F18
62 ChalkboardGag9F01.png I will not defame New Orleans

(Done as a response to "A Streetcar Named Marge", which created controversy in New Orleans from a song in said episode)

"Homer the Heretic" 9F01
63 ChalkboardGag9F02.png I will not prescribe medication "Lisa the Beauty Queen" 9F02
65 ChalkboardGag9F03.png I will not bury the new kid "Itchy & Scratchy: The Movie" 9F03
MargeBlackboard.png During the episode, Marge writes:
I will try to raise a better child
66 ChalkboardGag9F05.png I will not teach others to fly "Marge Gets a Job" 9F05
67 ChalkboardGag9F06.png I will not bring sheep to class "New Kid on the Block" 9F06
68 ChalkboardGag9F07.png A burp is not an answer "Mr. Plow" 9F07
69 ChalkboardGag9F08.png Teacher is not a leper "Lisa's First Word" 9F08
70 ChalkboardGag9F09.png Coffee is not for kids
(Each line becomes less legible and more scrawled) 		"Homer's Triple Bypass" 9F09
71 ChalkboardGag9F10.png I will not eat things for money "Marge vs. the Monorail" 9F10
72 ChalkboardGag9F11.png I will not yell "She's Dead" during roll call "Selma's Choice" 9F11
73 ChalkboardGag9F12.png The principal's toupée is not a frisbee "Brother from the Same Planet" 9F12
74 ChalkboardGag9F13.png I will not call the principal "spud head" "I Love Lisa" 9F13
75 ChalkboardGag9F14.png Goldfish don't bounce "Duffless" 9F14
76 ChalkboardGag9F15.png Mud is not one of the 4 food groups "Last Exit to Springfield" 9F15
77 ChalkboardGag9F17.png No one is interested in my underpants "So It's Come to This: A Simpsons Clip Show" 9F17
78 ChalkboardGag9F16.png I will not sell miracle cures "The Front" 9F16
79 ChalkboardGag9F18.png I will return the seeing-eye dog "Whacking Day" 9F18
80 ChalkboardGag9F20.png I do not have diplomatic immunity "Marge in Chains" 9F20
81 ChalkboardGag9F19.png I will not charge admission to the bathroom "Krusty Gets Kancelled" 9F19

Season 5[edit]

# Image Gag Episode Code
82 Homer's Barbershop Quartet - chalkboard gag.png I will never win an Emmy "Homer's Barbershop Quartet" 9F21
83 Cape Feare - chalkboard gag.png The cafeteria deep fryer is not a toy "Cape Feare" 9F22
90 The Last Temptation of Homer - chalkboard gag.png All work and no play makes Bart a dull boy "The Last Temptation of Homer" 1F07
91 $pringfield (Or, How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love Legalized Gambling) - chalkboard gag.png I will not say "Springfield" just to get applause "$pringfield (Or, How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love Legalized Gambling)" 1F08
92 Homer the Vigilante - chalkboard gag.png I am not authorized to fire substitute teachers "Homer the Vigilante" 1F09
93 Bart Gets Famous - chalkboard gag.png My homework was not stolen by a one-armed man "Bart Gets Famous" 1F11
94 Homer and Apu - chalkboard gag.png I will not go near the kindergarten turtle "Homer and Apu" 1F10
97 Homer Loves Flanders - chalkboard gag.png I am not delightfully saucy "Homer Loves Flanders" 1F14
98 Bart Gets an Elephant - chalkboard gag.png Organ transplants are best left to the professionals "Bart Gets an Elephant" 1F15
99 Burns' Heir - chalkboard gag.png The Pledge of Allegiance does not end with "Hail Satan" "Burns' Heir" 1F16
100 Sweet Seymour Skinner's Baadasssss Song - chalkboard gag.png I will not celebrate meaningless milestones

(This was the 100th episode aired.)

"Sweet Seymour Skinner's Baadasssss Song" 1F18
101 The Boy Who Knew Too Much - chalkboard gag.png There are plenty of businesses like show business "The Boy Who Knew Too Much" 1F19
102 Lady Bouvier's Lover - chalkboard gag.png I will not re-transmit without the express permission of Major League Baseball "Lady Bouvier's Lover" 1F21
103 Secrets of a Successful Marriage - chalkboard gag.png Five days is not too long to wait for a gun "Secrets of a Successful Marriage" 1F20

Season 6[edit]

# Image Gag Episode Code
104 Chalkboard104.png Beans are neither a fruit nor musical "Bart of Darkness" 1F22
105 Chalkboard105.png No one is interested in my underpants "Lisa's Rival" 1F17
106 Chalkboard106.png I will not use abbrev. "Another Simpsons Clip Show" 2F33
107 Chalkboard107.png I am not the reincarnation of Sammy Davis, Jr. "Itchy & Scratchy Land" 2F01
110 Chalkboard110.png I will not send lard through the mail "Bart's Girlfriend" 2F04
111 Chalkboard111.png I will not dissect things unless instructed "Lisa on Ice" 2F05
112 Chalkboard112.png I will not whittle hall passes out of soap "Homer Badman" 2F06
113 Chalkboard113.png My homework was not stolen by a one-armed man "Grampa vs. Sexual Inadequacy" 2F07
114 Chalkboard114.png Ralph won't "morph" if you squeeze him hard enough "Fear of Flying" 2F08
115 Chalkboard115.png Adding "just kidding" doesn't make it okay to insult the principal "Homer the Great" 2F09
116 Chalkboard116.png 'Bagman' is not a legitimate career choice "And Maggie Makes Three" 2F10
117 Chalkboard117.png Cursive writing does not mean what I think it does "Bart's Comet" 2F11
118 Chalkboard118.png Next time it could be me on the scaffolding "Homie the Clown" 2F12
119 Bart vs. Australia chalkboard gag.png I will not hang donuts on my person "Bart vs. Australia" 2F13
120 Chalkboard120.png I will remember to take my medication "Homer vs. Patty and Selma" 2F14
122 Chalkboard122.png I will not strut around like I own the place "Lisa's Wedding" 2F15
123 2F18 chalkboard gag.png The Good Humor man can only be pushed so far "Two Dozen and One Greyhounds" 2F18
124 Chalkboard124.png I do not have power of attorney over first graders "The PTA Disbands" 2F19
125 Chalkboard125.png Nerve gas is not a toy "'Round Springfield" 2F32
126 Chalkboard126.png I will not mock Mrs. Dumbface "The Springfield Connection" 2F21
127 Chalkboard127.png The First Amendment does not cover burping "Lemon of Troy" 2F22
128 Chalkboard128.png This is not a clue... or is it? "Who Shot Mr. Burns? (Part One)" 2F16

Season 7[edit]

# Image Gag Episode Code
129 Chalkboard129.png I will not complain about the solution when I hear it "Who Shot Mr. Burns? (Part Two)" 2F20
130 Chalkboard130.png "Bewitched" does not promote Satanism "Radioactive Man" 2F17
131 Chalkboard131.png No one wants to hear from my armpits "Home Sweet Homediddly-Dum-Doodily" 3F01
132 Chalkboard132.png I am not a lean mean spitting machine "Bart Sells His Soul" 3F02
133 Chalkboard133.png The boys' room is not a water park "Lisa the Vegetarian" 3F03
135 Chalkboard135.png Indian burns are not our cultural heritage "King-Size Homer" 3F05
137 Chalkboard137.png Wedgies are unhealthy for children and other living things "Sideshow Bob's Last Gleaming" 3F08
138 Chalkboard138.png I will only do this once a year
(by "this", it means a clip show) 		"The Simpsons 138th Episode Spectacular" 3F31
139 Chalkboard139.png I will stop talking about the twelve inch pianist "Marge Be Not Proud" 3F07
140 Chalkboard140.png I am not certified to remove asbestos "Team Homer" 3F10

Season 8[edit]

# Thumbnail Gag Episode Code
155 You Only Move Twice Blackboard Gag.png I did not learn everything I need to know from kindergarten "You Only Move Twice" 3F23
156 Chalkboard156.png I am not my long-lost twin "The Homer They Fall" 4F03
160 Chalkboard160.png During the episode, Lisa writes: I will not be a snickerpuss. "Lisa's Date with Density" 4F01
163 Chalkboard163.png The truth is not out there "The Springfield Files" 3G01
164 Chalkboard164.png I am not licensed to do anything "The Twisted World of Marge Simpson" 4F08
166 Chalkboard166.png I will not hide the teacher's Prozac "Simpsoncalifragilisticexpiala(Annoyed Grunt)cious" 3G03
173 Chalkboard173.png A fire drill does not demand a fire "The Canine Mutiny" 4F16

Season 9[edit]

# Thumbnail Gag Episode Code
181 Chalkboard181.png I no longer want my MTV "Lisa's Sax" 3G02
183 Chalkboard183.png Everyone is tired of that Richard Gere story "The Cartridge Family" 5F01
184 Chalkboard184.png I did not invent Irish dancing "Bart Star" 5F03
186 Chalkboard186.png I will not tease Fatty "Lisa the Skeptic" 5F05
187 Chalkboard187.png There was no Roman god named "Fartacus" "Realty Bites" 5F06
188 Chalkboard188.png Rudolph's red nose is not alcohol-related "Miracle on Evergreen Terrace" 5F07
191 Chalkboard191.png Shooting paintballs is not an art form "The Joy of Sect" 5F23
193 Chalkboard193.png Pain is not the cleanser "The Last Temptation of Krust" 5F10
194 Chalkboard194.png Silly string is not a nasal spray "Dumbbell Indemnity" 5F12
196 Chalkboard196.png I was not told to do this "This Little Wiggy" 5F13
197 Chalkboard197.png My butt does not deserve a website "Simpson Tide" 3G04
198 Chalkboard198.png I will not demand what I'm worth "The Trouble with Trillions" 5F14
200 Chalkboard200.png I will not mess with the opening credits
(this was actually the couch gag for this episode) 		"Trash of the Titans" 5F09
202 Chalkboard202.png I am not the new Dalai Lama "Lost Our Lisa" 5F17
203 Chalkboard203.png I was not the inspiration for "Kramer" "Natural Born Kissers" 5F18

Season 10[edit]

# Image Gag Episode Code
205 Chalkboard205.png I will not file frivolous lawsuits "The Wizard of Evergreen Terrace" 5F21
207 Chalkboard gag (Treehouse of Horror IX).png The Simpsons Halloween Special IX
(This is written in blood with a paintbrush.) 		"Treehouse of Horror IX" AABF01
208 Chalkboard208.png "butt.com" is not my E-mail address
(This was changed to "butt.butt" in later airings since butt.com was revealed to be a real website. Butt.com still appeared in syndication, however) 		"When You Dish Upon a Star" 5F19
209 Chalkboard209.png No one cares what my definition of "is" is "D'oh-in' in the Wind" AABF02
210 Chalkboard210.png I will not scream for ice cream "Lisa Gets an "A"" AABF03
211 Chalkboard211.png I am not a licensed hairstylist "Homer Simpson in: "Kidney Trouble"" AABF04
212 Chalkboard212.png "The President did it" is not an excuse "Mayored to the Mob" AABF05
213 Chalkboard213.png My mom is not dating Jerry Seinfeld "Viva Ned Flanders" AABF06
214 Chalkboard214.png Sherri does not "got back" "Wild Barts Can't Be Broken" AABF07
215 Chalkboard215.png I will not do "the dirty bird" "Sunday, Cruddy Sunday" AABF08
216 Chalkboard216.png No one cares about my sciatica "Homer to the Max" AABF09
217 Chalkboard217.png Hillbillies are people too "I'm with Cupid" AABF11
218 Chalkboard218.png Grammar is not a time of waste "Marge Simpson in: "Screaming Yellow Honkers"" AABF10
219 Chalkboard219.png I do not have diplomatic immunity "Make Room for Lisa" AABF12
220 Chalkboard220.png It does not suck to be you "Maximum Homerdrive" AABF13
221 Chalkboard221.png I cannot absolve sins "Simpsons Bible Stories" AABF14
Chalkboard221 1.png During Lisa's dream in the episode:
I will not deface (In hieroglyphics)
222 Chalkboard222.png A trained ape could not teach gym "Mom and Pop Art" AABF15
223 Chalkboard223.png Loose teeth don't need my help "The Old Man and the "C" Student" AABF16
224 Chalkboard224.png I have neither been there nor done that "Monty Can't Buy Me Love" AABF17
225 Chalkboard225.png No one wants to hear from my armpits "They Saved Lisa's Brain" AABF18
226 Chalkboard226.png I'm so very tired "Thirty Minutes Over Tokyo" AABF20

Season 11[edit]

# Image Gag Episode Code
227 Chalkboard227.png Fridays are not "pants optional" "Beyond Blunderdome" AABF23
228 Chalkboard228.png Pork is not a verb "Brother's Little Helper" AABF22
229 Chalkboard229.png I am not the last Don "Guess Who's Coming to Criticize Dinner?" AABF21
231 Chalkboard231.png I did not win the Nobel Fart Prize "E-I-E-I-(Annoyed Grunt)" AABF19
232 Chalkboard232.png I won't not use no double negatives "Hello Gutter, Hello Fadder" BABF02
233 Chalkboard233.png Indian burns are not our cultural heritage "Eight Misbehavin'" BABF03
234 Chalkboard234.png I can't see dead people "Take My Wife, Sleaze" BABF05
235 Chalkboard235.png I will not sell my kidney on eBay "Grift of the Magi" BABF07
Chalkboard235 1.png During the episode, Lisa writes:
I will not do math in class
236 Chalkboard236.png I will not create art from dung "Little Big Mom" BABF04
237 Chalkboard237.png I will stop phoning it in "Faith Off" BABF06
238 Chalkboard238.png Class clown is not a paid position "The Mansion Family" BABF08
239 Chalkboard239.png Substitute teachers are not scabs "Saddlesore Galactica" BABF09
240 Chalkboard240.png My suspension was not mutual "Alone Again, Natura-Diddily" BABF10
241 Chalkboard241.png A belch is not an oral report "Missionary: Impossible" BABF11
242 Chalkboard242.png Dodgeball stops at the gym door "Pygmoelian" BABF12
243 Chalkboard243.png Non-flammable is not a challenge "Bart to the Future" BABF13
244 Chalkboard244.png I was not touched "there" by an angel "Days of Wine and D'oh'ses" BABF14
245 Chalkboard245.png I am not here on a fartball scholarship "Kill the Alligator and Run" BABF16
246 Chalkboard246.png I will not dance on anyone's grave "Last Tap Dance in Springfield" BABF15
247 Chalkboard247.png I cannot hire a substitute student "It's a Mad, Mad, Mad, Mad Marge" BABF18
248 Chalkboard248.png I will not obey the voices in my head "Behind the Laughter" BABF19

Season 12[edit]

# Image Gag Episode Code
250 Chalkboard250.png I will not plant subliminal messagores "A Tale of Two Springfields" BABF20
251 Chalkboard251.png I will not surprise the incontinent "Insane Clown Poppy" BABF17
252 Chalkboard252.png I am not the acting president "Lisa the Tree Hugger" CABF01
253 Chalkboard253.png I was not the sixth Beatle "Homer vs. Dignity" CABF04
254 Chalkboard254.png I will only provide a urine sample when asked "The Computer Wore Menace Shoes" CABF02
255 Chalkboard255.png The nurse is not dealing "The Great Money Caper" CABF03
256 Chalkboard256.png Science class should not end in tragedy "Skinner's Sense of Snow" CABF06
Chalkboard256 1.png During the episode, Skinner writes:
I ain't not a dorkus
257 Chalkboard257.png Network TV is not dead "HOMЯ" BABF22
258 Chalkboard258.png I will not "let the dogs out" "Pokey Mom" CABF05
259 Chalkboard259.png I will not hide the teacher's medication "Worst Episode Ever" CABF08
260 Chalkboard260.png I will not publish the principal's credit report "Tennis the Menace" CABF07
261 Chalkboard261.png The hamster did not have a "full life" "Day of the Jackanapes" CABF10
262 Chalkboard262.png I will not buy a presidential pardon "New Kids on the Blecch" CABF12
263 Chalkboard263.png "Temptation Island" was not a sleazy piece of crap "Hungry, Hungry Homer" CABF09
264 Chalkboard264.png I will not scare the vice president "Bye, Bye, Nerdie" CABF11
265 Chalkboard265.png I will not flush evidence "Simpson Safari" CABF13
266 CABF14 chalkboard gag.png Fire is not the cleanser "Trilogy of Error" CABF14
267 Chalkboard267.png Genetics is not an excuse "I'm Goin' to Praiseland" CABF15
268 Chalkboard268.png Today is not Mothra's Day "Children of a Lesser Clod" CABF16
269 Chalkboard269.png I should not be twenty-one by now "Simpsons Tall Tales" CABF17

Season 13[edit]

# Image Gag Episode Code
271 Chalkboard271.png Nobody reads these anymore "The Parent Rap" CABF22
272 Chalkboard272.png A burp in a jar is not a science project "Homer the Moe" CABF20
273 Chalkboard273.png Fun does not have a size "A Hunka Hunka Burns in Love" CABF18
274 Chalkboard274.png I am not Charlie Brown on acid "The Blunder Years" CABF21
275 Chalkboard275.png I do not have a cereal named after me "She of Little Faith" DABF02
279 Chalkboard279.png I will not bite the hand that feeds me Butterfingers "Half-Decent Proposal" DABF04
280 Chalkboard280.png The Giving Tree is not a chump "The Bart Wants What It Wants" DABF06
281 Chalkboard281.png Making Milhouse cry is not a science project "The Lastest Gun in the West" DABF07
283 Chalkboard283.png Vampire is not a career choice "Tales from the Public Domain" DABF08
288 Chalkboard288.png I will never lie about being cancelled again "The Sweetest Apu" DABF14

Season 14[edit]

# Image Gag Episode Code
294 Chalkboard294.png Fish do not like coffee "Bart vs. Lisa vs. the Third Grade" DABF20
296 Chalkboard296.png Milhouse did not test cootie positive "Helter Shelter" DABF21
300 Chalkboard300.png This school does not need a "regime change" "The Strong Arms of the Ma" EABF04
301 Pray Anything - Chalkboard gag.png SpongeBob is not a contraceptive "Pray Anything" EABF06
302 Chalkboard302.png I will not (Bart then destroys the chalkboard with an axe and runs out the school laughing.) "Barting Over" EABF05
310 Chalkboard310.png My pen is not a booger launcher "Old Yeller-Belly" EABF14
312 Chalkboard312.png Sandwiches should not contain sand "The Bart of War" EABF16

Season 15[edit]

# Image Gag Episode Code
319 Chalkboard319.png Over forty & single is not funny "Today I Am a Clown" FABF01
327 Chalkboard327.png I will not speculate on how hot teacher used to be "The Ziff Who Came to Dinner" FABF08

Season 16[edit]

# Image Gag Episode Code
339 Chalkboard339.png Poking a dead raccoon is not research "She Used to Be My Girl" FABF22
346 Chalkboard346.png Beer in a milk carton is not milk "On a Clear Day I Can't See My Sister" GABF05
355 Chalkboard355.png A Booger is not a bookmark "Home Away from Homer" GABF15

Season 17[edit]

# Image Gag Episode Code
357 Chalkboard357.png Does any kid still do this anymore? "The Bonfire of the Manatees" GABF18
366 Chalkboard366.png I am not smarter than the President "Homer's Paternity Coot" HABF03
367 Chalkboard367.png Teacher was not dumped—it was mutual "We're on the Road to D'ohwhere" HABF04
371 Homer Simpson, This Is Your Wife promo 3.png First airing, live action opening:
I will not eat things for money 		"Homer Simpson, This Is Your Wife" HABF08
Chalkboard371-2.png Subsequent airings:
I will not laminate dog doo
372 Million-Dollar Abie (Chalkboard gag).png I will not flip the classroom upside down
(The classroom is flipped upside down.) 		"Million-Dollar Abie" HABF09
376 Chalkboard376.png I will not leak the plot of the movie "Regarding Margie" HABF13
377 Chalkboard377.png Je ne parle pas français
("I do not speak French.") 		"The Monkey Suit" HABF14
378 Chalkboard378.png Have a great summer, everyone "Marge and Homer Turn a Couple Play" HABF16

Season 18[edit]

# Image Gag Episode Code
381
Chalkboard381-InEpisode.png During the episode, Skinner writes:
A baby beat me up 		"Please Homer, Don't Hammer 'Em" HABF20
383 Chalkboard383.png We are not all naked under our clothes "G.I. (Annoyed Grunt)" HABF21
387 Chalkboard387.png Frankincense is not a monster "Kill Gil, Volumes I & II" JABF01
390
Chalkboard390-inepisode.png During the episode:
So long suckers 		"Little Big Girl" JABF04
394 Chalkboard394.png Global Warming did not eat my homework "Homerazzi" JABF06
397 Chalkboard397.png I will not look up how much teacher makes "Crook and Ladder" JABF13
398 Chalkboard398.png Pearls are not oyster barf "Stop, or My Dog Will Shoot!" JABF12

The Simpsons Movie[edit]

Airdate Picture Gag
July 27, 2007 The Simpsons Movie chalkboard gag.png I will not illegally download this movie

Season 19[edit]

# Image Gag Episode Code
401 Chalkboard401.png I will not wait 20 years to make another movie "He Loves to Fly and He D'ohs" JABF20
402 The Homer of Seville Chalkboard Gag.png The Wall Street Journal is better than ever "The Homer of Seville" JABF18
404 I Don't Wanna Know Why the Caged Bird Sings Chalkboard Gag.png I am not a FDIC-insured bank. "I Don't Wanna Know Why the Caged Bird Sings" JABF19
406 Little Orphan Millie Chalkboard Gag.png There is no such thing as an iPoddy "Little Orphan Millie" JABF22
407 Husbands and Knives Chalkboard Gag.png The Pilgrims were not illegal aliens "Husbands and Knives" JABF17
409 Eternal Moonshine of the Simpson Mind Chalkboard Gag.png The capital of Montana is not "Hannah" "Eternal Moonshine of the Simpson Mind" KABF02
410 E Pluribus Wiggum Chalkboard Gag.png Teacher did not pay too much for her condo "E Pluribus Wiggum" KABF03
413 The Debarted Chalkboard Gag.png The art teacher is fat, not pregnant "The Debarted" KABF06
417 Apocalypse Cow (Chalkboard Gag).png A person's a person, no mater how Ralph "Apocalypse Cow" KABF10
419 Mona Leaves-a Chalkboard Gag.png This punishment is not medieval.
[in medieval writing style] 		"Mona Leaves-a" KABF12

Season 20[edit]

# Image Gag Episode Code
422 Lost Verizon Chalkboard Gag.png Teacher's diet is working "Lost Verizon" KABF15
423 Double, Double, Boy in Trouble Chalkboard Gag.png There is no such month as Rocktober "Double, Double, Boy in Trouble" KABF14
425 Dangerous Curves Chalkboard Gag.png I did not see teacher siphoning gas "Dangerous Curves" KABF18
427 MyPods and Boomsticks Chalkboard Gag.png
MyPods and Boomsticks Couch Gag.png 		Prosperity is just around the corner

Additionally, during the couch gag: I will not bring the chalkboard home
(The chalkboard Bart is writing on has taken the place of the couch in the Simpsons' living room) 		"MyPods and Boomsticks" KABF20
428 The Burns and the Bees Chalkboard gag.png Jesus is not mad His birthday is on Christmas "The Burns and the Bees" KABF21
429 Lisa the Drama Queen Chalkboard Gag.png I will not use permanent ink on the chalkboard "Lisa the Drama Queen" KABF22
430 Take My Life, Please promo.png HDTV is worth every cent

(This was the first episode to air in HD.)

"Take My Life, Please" LABF01
431 How the Test Was Won Chalkboard Gag.png "March Madness" is not an excuse for missing school "How the Test Was Won" LABF02
432 No Loan Again, Naturally Chalkboard Gag.png I will not have fun with educational toys "No Loan Again, Naturally" LABF03
434 In the Name of the Grandfather Chalkboard Gag.png Four leaf clovers are not mutant freaks "In the Name of the Grandfather" LABF11
435 Wedding for Disaster Chalkboard Gag.png My piggy bank is not entitled to TARP funds "Wedding for Disaster" LABF05
437 The Good, the Sad, and the Drugly Chalkboard Gag.png I will not mock teacher's outdated cell phone "The Good, the Sad, and the Drugly" LABF07
438 Father Knows Worst Chalkboard Gag.png I will not put hot sauce in the CPR dummy "Father Knows Worst" LABF08
441 Coming to Homerica Chalkboard Gag.png It's 'Facebook', not 'Assbook' "Coming to Homerica" LABF12

Season 21[edit]

# Image Gag Episode Code
442 DSCN2656.png The class hamster isn't just sleeping "Homer the Whopper" LABF13
443 BGaZ - Chalkboard gag.png Chalkboarding is not torture "Bart Gets a "Z"" LABF15
444 S21E03 - Chalkboard gag.png I am not allergic to long division "The Great Wife Hope" LABF16
446 The Devil Wears Nada chalkboard gag.png I do not have the hots for my mom "The Devil Wears Nada" LABF17
447 PaG - Chalkboard gag.png Halloween does not kick Thanksgiving's ass "Pranks and Greens" LABF18
448 Rednecks and Broomsticks Chalkboard Gag.png Teachers' unions are not ruining this country "Rednecks and Broomsticks" LABF19
451 Once Upon a Time in Springfield Chalkboard Gag.png The world may end in 2012, but this show won't "Once Upon a Time in Springfield" LABF20
456 Stealing First Base Chalkboard Gag.png WWII could not beat up WWI "Stealing First Base" MABF07
458 American History X-cellent chalkboard gag.png Hot dogs are not bookmarks "American History X-cellent" MABF08
459 Chief of Hearts Chalkboard Gag.png This counts as gym and art class "Chief of Hearts" MABF09
460 The Squirt and the Whale - Chalkboard gag.pngThe Squirt and the Whale - Alt Chalkboard gag.png Original airing: South Park, we'd stand beside you if we weren't so scared
International/online version: Je ne suis pas français (I am not French) 		"The Squirt and the Whale" MABF14
462 Moe Letter Blues Chalkboard Gag.png Eating my vegetables IS NOT a Mother's Day present "Moe Letter Blues" MABF13
463 The Bob Next Door Chalkboard Gag.png Batman is not 'nothing' without his utility belt "The Bob Next Door" MABF11
464 Judge Me Tender Chalkboard Gag.png End of "Lost": It was all the dog's dream. Watch us. "Judge Me Tender" MABF15

Season 22[edit]

# Image Gag Episode Code
465 Elementary School Musical Chalkboard Gag.png When I slept in class it was not to help Leo DiCaprio "Elementary School Musical" MABF21
466 Loan-a Lisa Chalkboard Gag.png I did not see Teacher applying for welfare "Loan-a Lisa" MABF17
467 Chalkboard gag (MoneyBART).png I must not write all over the walls
(in the meantime is written all over the walls) 		"MoneyBart" MABF18
471 How Munched is That Birdie in the Window Chalkboard Gag.png "A Charlie Brown Thanksgiving" is as good as "A Charlie Brown Christmas" "How Munched Is That Birdie in the Window?" NABF02
473 Donnie Fatso Chalkboard Gag.png Candy canes are not elf bones "Donnie Fatso" MABF19
474 Moms I'd Like to Forget Chalkboard Gag.png January is not Bart History Month "Moms I'd Like to Forget" NABF03
476 Homer the Father - Chalkboard gag.png Prince is not the son of Martin Luther King "Homer the Father" NABF05
477 The Blue and the Gray Chalkboard Gag.png I will not make fun of Cupid's dink "The Blue and the Gray" NABF06
479 The Scorpion's Tale Chalkboard Gag.png I'm not here on a spitball scholarship "The Scorpion's Tale" NABF08
480 A Midsummer's Nice Dream Chalkboard Gag.png "Daylight Savings" is not a failed bank "A Midsummer's Nice Dreams" NABF09
481 Love Is a Many Strangled Thing Chalkboard Gag.png I will not ridicule teacher's Final Four bracket "Love Is a Many-Strangled Thing" NABF10
LIAMST In-episode Chalkboard Gag Homer.png In-episode (Homer):
I'm a grown man who's scared of his own son
484 Homer Scissorhands Chalkboard Gag.png I do not deserve a Mother's Day gift for being "one badass mother" "Homer Scissorhands" NABF13
485 Kirsten schaal gag.jpg Syndicated version:
It's Kristen Schaal, not Kristen Schall 		"500 Keys" NABF14
500 Keys Chalkboard Gag.png International/online version:
Guinea Pigs should not be used as "Guinea Pigs"

Season 23[edit]

# Image Gag Episode Code
488 Bart Stops Chalkboard Gag.png It's not too early to speculate about the 2016 election "Bart Stops to Smell the Roosevelts" NABF17
490 Replaceable You Chalkboard Gag.png It's November 6th--How come we're not airing a Halloween show? "Replaceable You" NABF21
494 The 10% Solution Chalkboard Gag.png "Caucus" is not a dirty word "The Ten-Per-Cent Solution" PABF02
495 Holidays of Future Passed Chalkboard Gag.png Cafeteria trays are not toboggans "Holidays of Future Passed" NABF18
496 Politically Inept Chalkboard Gag.png Tintin did not sucksuck "Politically Inept, with Homer Simpson" PABF03
497 D'oh-cial Network Chalkboard Gag.png We do need no education "The D'oh-cial Network" PABF04
498 MGFRTR Chalkboard Gag.png There's no proven link between raisins and boogers "Moe Goes from Rags to Riches" PABF05
499 Daughter Also Rises Chalkboard Gag.png I will not replace a candy heart with a frog's heart "The Daughter Also Rises" PABF06
500 At Long Last Leave Chalkboard Gag.png Milhouse writes:
Bart's earned a day off 		"At Long Last Leave" PABF07
At Long Last Leave chalkboard gag Outlands.png During the episode, Bart writes on the wall in spray paint:
I ♥ the breakdown of society
504 Beware My Cheating Bart Chalkboard Gag.png Original/UK airing: The true location of Springfield is in any state but yours "Beware My Cheating Bart" PABF11
Beware My Cheating Bart Alt Chalkboard Gag.png International (except UK)/online version: Teacher does not have to pay an "Ugly Tax"
507 Ned 'N' Edna's Blend Chalkboard Gag.png Call your mother during the commercials. "Ned 'n Edna's Blend Agenda" PABF15

Season 24[edit]

# Image Gag Episode Code
509 Moonshine River chalkboard gag.png I will not wear white after Labor Day (He is wearing a white shirt) "Moonshine River" PABF21
512 Gone Abie Gone chalkboard gag.png I will not concede the election till Karl Rove gives me permission "Gone Abie Gone" PABF16
513 Penny-Wiseguys chalkboard gag.png I want to secede but don't know which state I'm in "Penny-Wiseguys" PABF19
514 A Tree Grows in Springfield chalkboard gag.png 20 more shoplifting days till Christmas "A Tree Grows in Springfield" PABF22
517 Homer Goes to Prep School chalkboard gag.png Teacher did not get fat over the holidays "Homer Goes to Prep School" RABF02
518 A Test Before Trying chalkboard gag.png I will obey Oscar® campaign rules from now on "A Test Before Trying" RABF03
520 RABF07 chalkboard gag.png I was not nominated for "Best Spoken Swear Word" "Love Is a Many-Splintered Thing" RABF07
523 Black-Eyed Please chalkboard gag.png I'm sorry I broke the blackboard. (Bart is writing with a black marker on a whiteboard) "Black-Eyed, Please" RABF09
524 Dark Knight Court chalkboard gag.png Jesus's last words were not "TGIF" "Dark Knight Court" RABF10
528 The Fabulous Faker Boy chalkboard gag1.png
The Fabulous Faker Boy chalkboard gag2.png
The Fabulous Faker Boy chalkboard gag3.png
The Fabulous Faker Boy chalkboard gag4.png 		This School is not falling apart (then the blackboard falls apart) "The Fabulous Faker Boy" RABF12

Season 25[edit]

# Image Gag Episode Code
531 Homerland chalkboard gag.png 25 years and they can't come up with a new punishment. "Homerland" RABF20
532 Treehouse of Horror XXIV promo 4.png All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy "Treehouse of Horror XXIV" RABF16
533 Four Regrettings RIP Mrs K.png We'll really miss you Mrs. K. (Written once, Bart is sad.)

(Marcia Wallace, the voice actor for Edna Krabappel, passed away nine days before this episode aired.)

"Four Regrettings and a Funeral" RABF18
534 YOLO Chalkboard Gag.png My School Schedule does not include a bye week. "YOLO" RABF22
YOLO In-Episode Chalkboard Gag.png During the episode:
I will not drop a stitch
535 Labor Pains Chalkboard Gag.png Rocktober is not followed by Blowvember "Labor Pains" RABF19
537 Yellow Subterfuge Chalkboard Gag.png I will stop asking when Santa goes to the bathroom "Yellow Subterfuge" SABF04
538 White Christmas Blues Chalkboard Gag.png I will not call my teacher "Prancer" and "Vixen" "White Christmas Blues" SABF01
540 Married to the Blob Chalkboard Gag.png Original airing: Judas Priest is not "Death Metal" "Married to the Blob" SABF03
Married to the Blob Chalkboard Gag version 2.png International/online airing: If you haven't broken your Christmas presents yet, you're not trying
542 Diggs - Chalkboard Gag.png A bracket-style tournament of characters with Homer and Jasper in the finals "Diggs" SABF08
544 TWoHC - Chalkboard Gag.png My dad's already drunk for St. Patrick's. "The Winter of His Content" SABF09
549 WtEWBE - Chalkboard Gag (TV airings).jpg Original/Television broadcast airing:April Showers Do Not Bring Matt Lauers" "What to Expect When Bart's Expecting" SABF14
WtEWBE - Chalkboard Gag.png International/online airing: You can't play April Fool's jokes on April 27th

Season 26[edit]

# Image Gag Episode Code
553 CitD - Chalkboard Gag.png Spoiler Alert: Unfortunately, my Dad Doesn't Die "Clown in the Dumps" SABF20
561 IWBHFC - Chalkboard Gag.png Reindeer Meat Does not taste like Chicken "I Won't Be Home for Christmas" TABF03
563 BNF - Chalkboard gag.png Snowmen don't have carrot penises "Bart's New Friend" TABF05
566 MFL - Chalkboard Gag.png Pixel art is not real art "My Fare Lady" TABF07
571 TKAAF - Chalkboard Gag.png Lisa writes:
I will not pay my sister to do my punishment. 		"The Kids Are All Fight" TABF12
574 Mathlete's Feat promo 3.png During the episode:
I will not fight the future 		"Mathlete's Feat" TABF16

Season 27[edit]

# Image Gag Episode Code
587 Love Is in the N2-O2-Ar-CO2-Ne-He-CH4 - Chalkboard Gag.png Hershey kisses do not drop from Cupid's butt "Love Is in the N2-O2-Ar-CO2-Ne-He-CH4" VABF07
591 TBC chalkboard gag.png If Villanova doesn't win we lose everything "The Burns Cage" VABF10
592 HLGHMB chalkboard gag.png Skinner writes:
Never lose a bet to Bart Simpson 		"How Lisa Got Her Marge Back" VABF11
593 Fland Canyon chalkboard gag.png Dad swears he'll get his taxes in soon "Fland Canyon" VABF12
594 TCourierWL chalkboard gag.png Dirty clothes are not a Mother's Day gift "To Courier with Love" VABF14
596 Orange Is the New Yellow Chalkboard Gag.png Milhouse does not live below the puberty line "Orange Is the New Yellow" VABF15

Season 28[edit]

# Image Gag Episode Code
597 MBFC chalkboard gag.png This arm needs Tommy John surgery "Monty Burns' Fleeing Circus" VABF20
598 FaF chalkboard gag.png I will stop losing 50% of my NFL lead-in "Friends and Family" VABF18
601 TButC chalkboard gag.png The first episode of the second 600 "Trust but Clarify" VABF21
603 HWW chalkboard gag.png Being right sucks

(This was the first episode to air after the 2016 presidential election, which Donald Trump won, a result predicted in "Bart to the Future")

"Havana Wild Weekend" VABF19
604 DB chalkboard gag.png I will watch all 600 episodes without sleeping "Dad Behavior" WABF01
610 FTZ chalkboard.png If we're so good at predicting how come my dad bet on Atlanta "Fatzcarraldo" WABF07
612 KKer chalkboard gag.png We're the only house where the Christmas tree is still up "Kamp Krustier" WABF09
614 AFW chalkboard.png Studying is not "appropriating nerd culture" "A Father's Watch" WABF11
AFW chalkboard in-episode Lisa.png In-episode (Lisa):
Everybody's a winner
AFW chalkboard in-episode Bart.png In-episode (Bart):
I did nothing wrong this week
616 LFMG chalkboard in-episode Grampa.png In-episode (Grampa):
I just wrote one and I'm already tired 		"Looking for Mr. Goodbart" WABF13
618 DogT - chalkboard gag.png Thank you for 28 great years... Taylor Swift "Dogtown" WABF15

Season 29[edit]

# Image Gag Episode Code
621 Whistler's Father Chalkboard Gag.png It's unfair to judge a president on his first 300 days "Whistler's Father" WABF16
623 Grampy Can Ya Hear Me Chalkboard Gag.png Hooligan is not a profession "Grampy Can Ya Hear Me" WABF19
624 The Old Blue Mayor She Ain't What She Used to Be Chalkboard Gag.png I will not ask my guidance counselor why he couldn't get a better job "The Old Blue Mayor She Ain't What She Used to Be" WABF20
625 Singin' in the Lane promo 3.png We do not live in our own pee "Singin' in the Lane" WABF21
627 Gone Boy Chalkboard Gag.png Snow Angels are not frozen hobos "Gone Boy" XABF02
629 FrinkGetsTesty Chalkboard.png Homer writes: "Strangling is not an effective parenting tool" "Frink Gets Testy" XABF04
632 Fears of a Clown chalkboard 1.png
Fears of a Clown chalkboard 2.png 		Bart writes "This is the last episode", then flips over the blackboard, and "April Fool" is written on it. "Fears of a Clown" XABF08
633 NGRGU Chalkboard.png April Showers did not date the President "No Good Read Goes Unpunished" XABF07
635 XABF11 chalkboard.png Homer writes: "I will not bet with Bart on the Final four" "Lisa Gets the Blues" XABF11

Season 30[edit]

# Image Gag Episode Code
645
FRWL In-episode Chalkboard Gag.png In-episode (on the street):
I will not order pregnant rats 		"From Russia Without Love" XABF20
648 Daddicus Finch Chalkboard Gag.png My pre-Christmas behavior really helps the coal industry "Daddicus Finch" YABF01
649 'Tis the 30th Season Chalkboard Gag.png The fat man who works one night a year is my dad "'Tis the 30th Season" YABF02
650 Mad About the Toy Blackboard gag.png My new year's resolution was to quit school "Mad About the Toy" YABF03
654 101 Mitigations Chalkboard gag.png Chili fries do not go in like a lamb and out like a lion "101 Mitigations" YABF07
655 YABF08 chalkboard.png Bart draws a bracket tournament of his favorite person, with Krusty winning "I Want You (She's So Heavy)" YABF08
658 Girl's in the Band Chalkboard gag.png I am not a grandmother "Girl's in the Band" YABF11
659 I'm Just a Girl Who Can't Say D'oh Chalkboard gag.png I will not write "Audit please" on Homer's tax return "I'm Just a Girl Who Can't Say D'oh" YABF12
660 D'oh Canada Chalkboard gag 1.pngD'oh Canada Chalkboard gag 2.png Bart writes "Haw Haw!" on it, but then hits the blackboard, that turning around reveals Nelson attached to it with tape "D'oh Canada" YABF14
662 CBHP In-episode Chalkboard Gag.pngCBHP In-episode Chalkboard Gag (Marge).png In-episode:
I will not shirk my responsibilities (also written by Marge) 		"Crystal Blue-Haired Persuasion" YABF16

Season 31[edit]

# Image Gag Episode Code
668 Marge the Lumberjill Chalkboard Gag.png Daylight savings isn't something I can spend "Marge the Lumberjill" ZABF02
671 TTWHTFM Chalkboard gag.png Todd writes "Idle hands are the Devil's tools" with two hands. "Todd, Todd, Why Hast Thou Forsaken Me?" ZABF04
673 Hail to the Teeth chalkboard.png Teacher spent New Year's Eve at home by choice "Hail to the Teeth" ZABF05
678 ZABF11 chalkboard.png Lisa writes "Bart is at a Doctor's appointment" "Better Off Ned" ZABF11
680 YABF13 chalkboard.png "School Online", written on the school blackboard "The Incredible Lightness of Being a Baby" YABF13
681 ZABf12 chalkboard.png Homer writes "How did the boy get me to do this?" with Bart watching "Warrin' Priests: Part One" ZABF12
682 ZABF13 chalkboard.png I will stop reminding the principal I have a later bedtime than he does "Warrin' Priests: Part Two" ZABF13

Season 32[edit]

# Image Gag Episode Code
693 Sorry Not Sorry chalkboard gag.png I will not put laxatives in Santa's cookies "Sorry Not Sorry" QABF01
696 QABF05 chalkboard.png I will never be a teacher's pet
(During the episode.) 		"Diary Queen" QABF05
705 QABF13 chalkboard.png I will not take advantage of Milhouse
Written by Milhouse while Bart escapes through the window.
(During the episode, on Terrance's evidence board.) 		"The Man from G.R.A.M.P.A." QABF13

Season 33[edit]

# Image Gag Episode Code
709 Treehouse of Horror XXXII Chalkboard gag.png During the episode:
I hate rhyming couplets 		"Treehouse of Horror XXXII" QABF16
724 My Octopus and a Teacher chalkboard.png During the episode:
I will not express my feelings through chaos 		"My Octopus and a Teacher" UABF11
726 Marge the Meanie chalkboard gag.png During the end credits:
I will not violate the law of entropy 		"Marge the Meanie" UABF15

Season 34[edit]

# Image Gag Episode Code
750 OABF13 chalkboard gag.png I will not try to cram 750 characters into the opening credits... "Homer's Adventures Through the Windshield Glass" OABF13

Season 36[edit]

# Image Gag Episode Code
774 Women in Shorts promo 7.png Lisa writes "I will not get detention just to practice cursive", then proceeds to get out of school with her bike. "Women in Shorts" 35ABF17

Specials[edit]

Airdate Picture Gag Special
September 28, 2014 The Simpsons Guy Chalkboard.png During the episode: I will not think about Bart anymore (written by Stewie Griffin) "The Simpsons Guy"
October 13, 2016 JKL - Chalkboard.png I will not make celebrities read mean tweets Jimmy Kimmel Live!
April 22, 2022 No image.png In the credits: I will learn to prank my sister (written by Finneas O'Connell) "When Billie Met Lisa"

Comics[edit]

Simpsons Illustrated[edit]

# Release date Picture Gag Comic story
1 April 4, 1991 Simpsonsillustrated1.jpg I will not read this magazine in class N/A (front cover)
6 Summer 1992 Dial "M" for Moe chalkboard gag.png I will never get anywhere by drawing crude cartoons Dial "M" for Moe
8 Winter 1992 The Simpsons Return to Slander Chalkboard.jpg The armpit is not a musical instrument Return to Slander

Simpsons Comics[edit]

# Release date Picture Gag Comic story
1 November 1993 I will not exaggerate my father's weight problem The Amazing Colossal Homer
3 March 1994 The Perplexing Puzzle of Springfield Puma.png I will not run amok while Principal Skinner is away The Perplexing Puzzle of the Springfield Puma
12 September 1995 A soldier of Skinner writes
I will not practice Communist idealogy 		White-Knuckled War Stories: Spare the Rod, Spoil the Grunt!
75 October 2002 ...The Permanent Record Room chalkboard.png I will not blame cause and effect for my juvenile delinquency ...The Permanent Record Room!
123 October 2006 Bobbing For Vengeance 1chalkboard.png I will not watch TV in class Bobbing for Vengeance
Bobbing For Vengeance 2 chalkboard.png I will not survive the school year

Bart Simpson[edit]

# Release date Picture Gag Comic story
28 February 2006 Lisa the Vampire Croaker Chalkboard.png Wienerful is not a real word Lisa the Vampire Croaker
99 November 2015 Back Words Chalkboard.png I Will Do Better Tomorrow Back Words

Books[edit]

# Release date Picture Gag Books
July 31, 1991 The Simpsons Magic Paint and Colour Book Chalkboard.png I will not juggle food in the cafeteria The Simpsons Magic Paint and Colour Book ‎
June 12, 2007 Bart Blackboard Postcard.jpg Snail mail is not dead Greetings from the Simpsons (2007)

Products[edit]

# Release date Picture Gag Product
Bart Simpson Talking Alarm Clock.jpg Underwear should be worn on the inside
Mud is not one of the four food groups
I will not eat things for money
Funny noises are not funny
I will not sell school property
I will not charge admission to the bathroom 		Bart Simpson Talking Alarm Clock
1990 School Kit.png I will not throw paper planes in class The Simpsons School Kit

Adverts[edit]

Picture Gag Advert
400th episode ad chalkboard gag.png I will not take part in shameless commercial promotion. Sky 1 400th episode ad

Calendar[edit]

Picture Gag Note
1992 Calendar chalkboard gag.png I will not belch the national anthem The Simpsons 1992 Fun Calendar, recycled from "Principal Charming"
The Simpsons 1994 Fun Calendar Gag.png I will not tell a lie The Simpsons 1994 Fun Calendar
The Simpsons 2010 Mini Calendar Gag.jpg I will be a better principal and son Written by Principal Skinner in The Simpsons Calendar 2010
The Simpsons Personalized Calendar Gag.png Name here is not wasting the watching prime-time animated cartoons Name here is a name that is personalized for the calendar

Trading cards[edit]

The Simpsons Topps[edit]

# Picture Gag
1 Topps Chalkboard 01.jpg Biting is unsanitary and rude
2 Topps Chalkboard 02.jpg I will not belch the national anthem
3 Topps Chalkboard 03.jpg I will not encourage others to fly
4 Topps Chalkboard 04.jpg Giving people wedgies is not clever
5 Topps Chalkboard 05.jpg I will not do anything bad ever again
6 Topps Chalkboard 06.jpg I will not drive the principal's car
7 Topps Chalkboard 07.jpg I will spend my time productively
8 Topps Chalkboard 08.jpg Tar is not a plaything
9 Topps Chalkboard 09.jpg I will not lie, cheat, or spit
10 Topps Chalkboard 10.jpg I will not yell "fire" in a crowded classroom
11 Topps Chalkboard 11.jpg I will not add to our nation's problems
12 Topps Chalkboard 12.jpg Krusty the Clown is not God
13 Topps Chalkboard 13.jpg Hamsters do not eat onion rings
14 Topps Chalkboard 14.jpg I will not trade pants with others
15 Topps Chalkboard 15.jpg I will not do that thing with my tongue
16 Topps Chalkboard 16.jpg I will not undermine traditional American values
17 Topps Chalkboard 17.jpg Cursing is a crutch
18 Topps Chalkboard 18.jpg I am not a 32 year old woman
19 Topps Chalkboard 19.jpg I will not hide behind the Fifth Amendment
20 Topps Chalkboard 20.jpg I will not sell school property
21 Topps Chalkboard 21.jpg I will not get very far with this attitude
22 Topps Chalkboard 22.jpg I will not overestimate my own popularity

Video games/Applications[edit]

Picture Gag Video game/Application Note
Bart's House of Weirdness chalkboard 1.png I am not a 32 year old woman The Simpsons: Bart's House of Weirdness Reused from the episode "Dead Putting Society".
Bart's House of Weirdness chalkboard 2.png I will not call my teacher hot cakes Reused from the episode "Homer's Night Out".
Bart's House of Weirdness chalkboard 3.png I will not skateboard in the halls Reused from the episode "Homer's Odyssey".
Bart's House of Weirdness chalkboard 4.png Tar is not a plaything Reused from the episode "Simpson and Delilah".
I will not burp in class. The Simpsons Screen Saver At one point, the gag is written "I will not burp u", before the "u" is rubbed out and replaced with "i".
Reused from the episode "There's No Disgrace Like Home".
Simpsons Road Rage chalkboard.png This is not a clue... or is it? The Simpsons Road Rage Reused from the episode "Who Shot Mr. Burns? (Part One)".
TBA I will not sell fake cheat codes The Simpsons Game
TBA I will not sell real cheat codes
TBA I will not switch rating labels
TBA I will not use abbrev. Reused from the episode "Another Simpsons Clip Show"
TBA I will not encourage others to fly Reused from the episode "Bart Gets an "F""
TBA Ralph won't "morph" if you squeeze him hard enough Reused from the episode "Fear of Flying"
TBA There was no Roman god named "Fartacus" Reused from the episode "Realty Bites"
TBA I cannot hire a substitute student Reused from the episode "It's a Mad, Mad, Mad, Mad Marge"
TBA A fire drill does not demand a fire Reused from the episode "The Canine Mutiny"

Other[edit]

Table Reading Room[edit]

Picture Gag Note
I Will Turn off my Cell Phone at Table Reads.jpg I Will Turn off my Cell Phone at Table Reads It is located outside the room where the table reads for the series are done.


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