||The contents of this article or section are considered to be non-canon and therefore may not have actually happened or existed.
| Ziff-Bouvier Mansion
| Location Information
The Ziff-Bouvier Mansion is Artie Ziff and Marge Ziff's mansion, located at 742 Evergreen Terrace, in place of the Simpson Home.
Bart walks up the steps to his house, where he opens the door and finds Marge giving a smoothie to Artie Ziff. Bart is shocked that his dad is Artie Ziff - which makes him Bartie Ziff. Bart goes over to the mirror and lifts his cap. He has curly hair, and now says "Oy, carumba". Bart's sisters and mother are having breakfast at the table, with Bart's sisters all having curly hair. Artie says good morning to Bartie, and tells him to enjoy his luxurious life - and his own bully butler - Nelson Muntz. Bart tells Nelson to give himself a wedgie. Unbeknown to them, a young Homer is watching them from their window. He says that he missed the jive turkeys in the '70s, but that turkey's a jivis. Homer - the present Homer - tells off young Homer because this is his peeping tree. Homer then realizes that the teenager on the other branch is actually young him. Homer asks why he is in the present. Young Homer says that he traveled through space and time to make Marge settle for him because she doesn't know better. Homer tells Young Homer that if they put their heads together they can think of a plan. Young Homer stares down at Present Homer's stomach and asks what happened - and asks if he was in a forest fire. Homer tells him no, and then the two continue watching the Ziffs.
Later on, Bart is using a whip to make petals fall off a daisy - which is in Nelson the butler's mouth, saying "I love my life" and "I love it not" while Artie watches. Artie tells Bartie that he's just like Indiana Jones, a role played by Richard Dreyfuss in their universe. The doorbell rings and at the door is Homer, who has come to take his life back. Artie says that he thought this might happen, so he mastered Brazilian jujitsu. Artie performs a jujitsu move and tells Homer to attack him. Homer says "Not so fast" and tells Artie to say hello to the United Federation of Homers through history. Artie and Bartie roll their sleeves up and clench their fist - five minutes later they have beaten up all the Homers. Present Homer tells the guys to regroup - even though he's in a tree. Their plan is to come back with more Homers and start fresh in the morning. Marge comes out and is startled. She looks at all the Homers and the Opera Homer asks Marge what she is doing there. Marge says that she realizes that she married the wrong man, and comforts the 'poor, sweet, simple Homers'. She announces that she was supposed to be with all of them. The Caveman Homer grunts, trying to speak normally. Marge says that she meant him as well. The present Homer, still stuck in the tree, corrects Marge - Caveman Homer is Renaissance Homer. Marge tells Homer that she wished that twenty years ago, she should've chosen love. Marge and Homer kiss while the other Homers look on. In the Simpson House, all of the Homers are watching TV when Marge comes in and tells them to get this straight - none of them had time to take out the garbage. Opera Homer says that Egyptian slave Homer should do it. The Egyptian slave Homer grumbles, because it's always him. The other Homers laugh.
The Simpsons: Tapped Out
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