Difference between revisions of "Snake Jailbird"

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Professor Chester Turley, or Snake Jailbird, also known as Professor Jailbird and Detention Bird, is a recidivist criminal, always getting arrested but rarely appearing to stay in jail. He speaks with a "Valley Boy" accent. He is partial to fast cars and fast women, and has a knack for reckless abandon.

Biography

In a documentary by Declan Desmond showing the pasts of several Springfield citizens, a 13-year-old Snake is called "Detention Bird" by a 16-year-old Clancy Wiggum.

Snake referred to himself as "Professor Jailbird"; it was also revealed that he was formerly an idealistic Indiana Jones-type archaeologist, until Moe stole the Mayan gold coins, that he had discovered and was going to donate to the museum, and he decided to take his revenge out on society (convenience stores)^[1]. It is stated that Snake had previously spend time in a juvenile facility, suggesting he was a criminal before being an archaeologist^[2].

It is implied by Otto that Snake was the one responsible for ruining Spinal Tap's concert ^[3].

Snake's real name is revealed to be Chester Turley on a list of Springfield citizens taking revenge on Mr. Burns^[4].

Personality

Snake is always seen getting arrested, but never appearing to stay in prison. He speaks with a "Valley Boy" accent and keeps a zippo lighter rolled up in his sleeve. Snake has light brown hair. He is also 43 years old. His occupation is a criminal and a former professor and archaeologist. Snake is partial to fast cars and fast women, and has a knack for reckless abandon.

Snake's car's name is "Lil' Bandit," which is a 1969 Dodge Charger. It could be a reference to James Dean's so-called possessed car the "Li'l Bastard." It should be noted that the Lil' Bandit's horn plays the opening line of the tune Dixie, similar to The General Lee from the The Dukes of Hazzard.

Snake has a son named Jeremy Turley, who looks just like him. Snake has custody issues with Jeremy. Although Snake seems to have committed every crime possible, he is an extremely good father to his son. Snake's ex-girlfriend, Gloria, briefly dated Mr. Burns, but then came back to him. Snake and Gloria have been seen together many times and she is pregnant once. He was also implied to have a soft spot for puppies, as, after being given one of Santa's Little Helper's Poodle/Greyhound puppies, promises to take care of it (albeit in a similar manner to trying to kidnap someone), as well as rubbing it affectionately.^[5]

Snake can be seen wearing a Middlebury t-shirt under his trademark vest, suggesting he may be an alumnus^[6].

Snake was once held captive by Herman, along with Chief Wiggum, but was eventually rescued by Kirk and Milhouse.^[6]

Snake once ran a telemarketing scam, but could not stick to it, because he didn't like bothering people at home. He also wrote the books, The Ten Habits of Highly Successful Criminals and "A Criminal's Guide to Hiding in Mexico."

Snake once had a tattoo on his back, saying "Snake and Gloria 4 Ever," but Homer changed it to "Never" ^[7].

Non-canon

The contents of this article or section are considered to be non-canon and therefore may not have actually happened or existed.

Treehouse of Horror

In "Treehouse of Horror IX," Snake was executed based on a "three-strikes" policy. First, he burned down an orphanage, then he blew up a bus full of nuns (which Snake declared was "totally self-defense"), and finally, he smoked in the Kwik-E-Mart. His hair was then implanted into Homer's head, but it had to be removed, due to issues with the hair, instilling Snake-like characteristics into Homer, e.g. seeking revenge for Snake's imprisonment and execution by murdering Bart, etc.

The Simpsons Hit and Run

Snake briefly stole a military radio from Herman's Military Antiques (as he thought he'd get bobacious chicks with a military radio), but Bart managed to stop him. Snake was later arrested by Chief Wiggum when Lisa helped him uncover evidence of crimes under the three-strikes law (Counterfeit Designer Jeans, running over an elderly citizen without a permit, and littering, in that order) in exchange for information in regards to her missing brother. Later on, Apu reluctantly sought for his advice in regards to a potential lead to the source of the contamination of the Buzz Cola, as well as who was involved in contaminating it. Snake agrees to give him all he knows in exchange for Apu helping him do "community service" (which involved taking Garbage Pales and, later, destroying an Armored Vehicle), the second of which he truly gave info. His last appearance was when Homer ended up carjacking Snake (to which he notes the irony that he is the one getting carjacked), and ends up agreeing in order to not see Homer flip the bird at him. He is presumably killed as a result of his car, along with the nuclear waste contained in it, was pulled into the Rigellians Tractor Beam.

The Simpsons Game

Snake appears in a jail cell in the level Mob Rules, who can be busted out and can join Marge's mob to ironically protest the sale of a violent videogame.

Name

Snake's real name was revealed to be Chester Turley on a Simpsons collectible card. However, in "The Seemingly Never-Ending Story" it is revealed that his name is Professor Jailbird and he is a young, idealistic archaeologist. Though, his name is later confirmed as "Chester Turley" on a list of people wanting to take revenge on Mr. Burns^[4].

Trivia

• His prison ID is 7F20, the production code for "The War of the Simpsons", the first episode Snake appears in.

Appearances

References