Moe Szyslak's bar rag
- "Yes, that's right. Everyone laugh at the rag. But I was not always this mis-stained swatch you see before you. Oh no, gentles. We begin in early medieval France..."
- ―Moe Szyslak's bar rag[src]
| Moe Szyslak's bar rag
| Character Information
Moe Szyslak's bar rag, known to Moe sentimentally as Raggy, is a rag used by Moe Szyslak. It has a long history.
The rag was made in Ville de Springfield after Marguerite used demon wool to make a tapestry. The tapestry was then taken by the Duke de Springfield back to his castle. Along the way, the horse he was riding fell over and the duke and the tapestry fell off the edge, hanging the duke in the process. The citizens of the village then beat the duke, which was too horrible even for a rag made from demon wool to cope with.
The tapestry was then placed in a cathedral. Vikings raided the cathedral with one Viking deciding to become an art thief. This Viking then rubbed the tapestry on his crotch before taking a bite out of it. This was the tapestry's first feeling of anguish.
What was left of the tapestry was eventually traded for gold and jewels. It then fell into the hands of the Shahryār. After he was killed by his many wives, the rag found its way to Spain where it was used as a blindfold for a man who was being shot with arrows; then it was laid on an executioner's block. The victim was more scared of the rag than the axe.
The rag eventually started going uphill again when it found its way to Michelangelo who painted the Sistine Chapel ceiling with it. After the painting was finished, though, it was tossed aside and soon forgotten about. After this, the rag eventually became woven into one of the flags of the Confederate States of America. After the house it was in burned down, it was then used by a poor family to make rag soup. It was eventually turned into a flag that someone climbing Mt. Everest was using. However, the climber died and the flag was picked up by a yeti, who gave the rag to his son, Moe Szyslak.
The rag eventually became Moe's best friend, and he talked to it, telling it everything. When the townspeople found out that it was Moe's best friend, they mocked him and suggested he get a new one, which he refused to do. One night when he was sleeping, someone took the rag, even though the rag liked life with Moe as it was boring but predictable, and put it in a washing machine. This turned out to be Marge Simpson who saw how much Moe loved that rag so she washed it for him. Moe was happy about this but when Marge revealed that the whole family (and Milhouse) were his friends, he tossed the rag out of the window, not needing it any more. Here, it was picked up by Santa's Little Helper who loved it. The rag liked this life, except from the occasional fight Santa's Little Helper had with Maggie over him.
Moe references Lenny blowing his nose on it later, though it's impossible as Santa's Little Helper has it.