Difference between revisions of "List of chalkboard gags"
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Revision as of 18:30, September 11, 2008
The following is a list of chalkboard gags seen on The Simpsons.
Contents
Season 1
Season 2
| # | Airdate | Gag | Episode Name |
|---|---|---|---|
| 14 | October 11, 1990 | I will not encourage others to fly (And during the episode: I will not fake my way through life) | Bart Gets an F |
| 15 | October 18, 1990 | Tar is not a plaything | Simpson and Delilah |
| 16 | October 25, 1990 | no gag | Treehouse of Horror |
| 17 | November 1, 1990 | I will not Xerox my butt (Alternate chalkboard gag aired on June 25, 1992 rerun - "It's 'potato', not 'potatoe'") | Two Cars in Every Garage and Three Eyes on Every Fish |
| 18 | November 8, 1990 | I will not trade pants with others | Dancin' Homer |
| 19 | November 15, 1990 | I am not a 32 year old woman (though at the time, the voice of Bart, Nancy Cartwright, was) | Dead Putting Society |
| 20 | November 22, 1990 | I will not do that thing with my tongue | Bart vs. Thanksgiving |
| 21 | December 6, 1990 | I will not drive the principal's car (similar chalkboard gag in The Months, with the principal being replaced by December) | Bart the Daredevil |
| 22 | December 20, 1990 | I will not pledge allegiance to Bart | Itchy & Scratchy & Marge |
| 23 | January 10, 1991 | I will not sell school property | Bart Gets Hit by a Car |
| 24 | January 24, 1991 | I will not cut corners (This is written for 3 lines. The remaining lines are all "ditto" quotation marks.) | One Fish, Two Fish, Blowfish, Blue Fish |
| 25 | January 31, 1991 | I will not get very far with this attitude | The Way We Was |
| 26 | February 7, 1991 | I will not make flatulent noises in class | Homer vs. Lisa and the 8th Commandment |
| 27 | February 14, 1991 | I will not belch the national anthem | Principal Charming |
| 28 | February 21, 1991 | I will not sell land in Florida | Oh Brother, Where Art Thou? |
| 29 | March 7, 1991 | I will not sell school property | Bart's Dog Gets an F |
| 30 | March 28, 1991 | I will not grease the monkey bars | Old Money |
| 31 | April 11, 1991 | I will not hide behind the Fifth Amendment | Brush with Greatness |
| 32 | April 25, 1991 | no gag | Lisa's Substitute |
| 33 | May 2, 1991 | I will not do anything bad ever again | The War of the Simpsons |
| 34 | May 9, 1991 | I will not show off (This was written in Blackletter.) | Three Men and a Comic Book |
| 35 | July 11, 1991 | I will not sleep through my education | Blood Feud |
Season 3
| # | Airdate | Gag | Episode Name |
|---|---|---|---|
| 36 | September 19, 1991 | I am not a dentist | Stark Raving Dad |
| 37 | September 26, 1991 | Spitwads are not free speech | Mr. Lisa Goes to Washington |
| 38 | October 3, 1991 | Nobody likes sunburn slappers | When Flanders Failed |
| 39 | October 10, 1991 | High explosives and school don't mix (And during the episode: I will not bribe Principal Skinner) | Bart the Murderer |
| 40 | October 17, 1991 | I will not squeak chalk (Bart makes the chalk squeak as he writes this.) | Homer Defined |
| 41 | October 24, 1991 | I will finish what I sta (written only once) | Like Father, Like Clown |
| 42 | October 31, 1991 | no gag | Treehouse of Horror II |
| 43 | November 7, 1991 | "Bart Bucks" are not legal tender | Lisa's Pony |
| 44 | November 14, 1991 | I will not fake rabies | Saturdays of Thunder |
| 45 | November 21, 1991 | Underwear should be worn on the inside | Flaming Moe's |
| 46 | December 5, 1991 | The Christmas Pageant does not stink | Burns Verkaufen der Kraftwerk |
| 47 | December 26, 1991 | I will not torment the emotionally frail | I Married Marge |
| 48 | January 9, 1992 | I will not carve gods | Radio Bart |
| 49 | January 23, 1992 | no gag | Lisa the Greek |
| 50 | February 6, 1992 | I will not spank others | Homer Alone |
| 51 | February 13, 1992 | no gag | Bart the Lover |
| 52 | February 20, 1992 | I will not aim for the head (In this episode, a major character was hit in the head by a pitch during a baseball game.) | Homer at the Bat |
| 53 | February 27, 1992 | I will not barf unless I'm sick (And during the episode: I will not expose the ignorance of the faculty) | Separate Vocations |
| 54 | March 12, 1992 | I saw nothing unusual in the teacher's lounge | Dog of Death |
| 55 | March 26, 1992 | I will not conduct my own fire drills | Colonel Homer |
| 56 | April 9, 1992 | Funny noises are not funny | Black Widower |
| 57 | April 23, 1992 | I will not spin the turtle | The Otto Show |
| 58 | May 7, 1992 | I will not snap bras | Bart's Friend Falls in Love |
| 59 | August 27, 1992 | I will not fake seizures | Brother, Can You Spare Two Dimes? |
Season 4
| # | Airdate | Gag | Episode Name |
|---|---|---|---|
| 60 | September 24, 1992 | This punishment is not boring and pointless | Kamp Krusty |
| 61 | October 01, 1992 | My name is not "Dr. Death" | A Streetcar Named Marge |
| 62 | October 08, 1992 | I will not defame New Orleans (This was due to complaints regarding the previous episode's song about New Orleans.) | Homer the Heretic |
| 63 | October 15, 1992 | I will not prescribe medication | Lisa the Beauty Queen |
| 64 | October 29, 1992 | no gag | Treehouse of Horror III |
| 65 | November 03, 1992 | I will not bury the new kid (During the episode, Marge writes "I will try to raise a better child.") | Itchy & Scratchy: The Movie |
| 66 | November 05, 1992 | I will not teach others to fly | Marge Gets a Job |
| 67 | November 12, 1992 | I will not bring sheep to class | New Kid on the Block |
| 68 | November 19, 1992 | A burp is not an answer | Mr. Plow |
| 69 | December 03, 1992 | Teacher is not a leper | Lisa's First Word |
| 70 | December 17, 1992 | Coffee is not for kids (Each line becomes less legible and more scrawled.) | Homer's Triple Bypass |
| 71 | January 14, 1993 | I will not eat things for money | Marge vs. the Monorail |
| 72 | January 21, 1993 | I will not yell "She's Dead" during roll call | Selma's Choice |
| 73 | February 04, 1993 | The principal's toupée is not a frisbee | Brother from the Same Planet |
| 74 | February 11, 1993 | I will not call the principal "spud head" | I Love Lisa |
| 75 | February 18, 1993 | Goldfish don't bounce | Duffless |
| 76 | March 11, 1993 | Mud is not one of the 4 food groups | Last Exit to Springfield |
| 77 | April 01, 1993 | No one is interested in my underpants | So It's Come to This: A Simpsons Clip Show |
| 78 | April 15, 1993 | I will not sell miracle cures | The Front |
| 79 | April 29, 1993 | I will return the seeing-eye dog | Whacking Day |
| 80 | May 06, 1993 | I do not have diplomatic immunity | Marge in Chains |
| 81 | May 13, 1993 | I will not charge admission to the bathroom | Krusty Gets Kancelled |
Season 5
Season 6
Season 7
Season 8
Season 9
| # | Airdate | Gag | Episode Name |
|---|---|---|---|
| 179 | September 21, 1997 | no gag | The City of New York vs. Homer Simpson |
| 180 | September 28, 1997 | no gag | The Principal and the Pauper |
| 181 | October 19, 1997 | I no longer want my MTV (reference to the lyrics of the Dire Straits song Money for Nothing, and a possible jab at MTV's declining quality due to lack of music videos and music-related programming) | Lisa's Sax |
| 182 | October 26, 1997 | no gag | Treehouse of Horror VIII |
| 183 | November 02, 1997 | Everyone is tired of that Richard Gere story | The Cartridge Family |
| 184 | November 09, 1997 | I did not invent Irish dancing | Bart Star |
| 185 | November 16, 1997 | no gag | The Two Mrs. Nahasapeemapetilons |
| 186 | November 23, 1997 | I will not tease Fatty | Lisa the Skeptic |
| 187 | December 07, 1997 | There was no Roman god named "Fartacus" | Realty Bites |
| 188 | December 21, 1997 | Rudolph's red nose is not alcohol-related | Miracle on Evergreen Terrace |
| 189 | January 04, 1998 | no gag | All Singing, All Dancing |
| 190 | January 11, 1998 | no gag | Bart Carny |
| 191 | February 08, 1998 | Shooting paintballs is not an art form | The Joy of Sect |
| 192 | February 15, 1998 | no gag | Das Bus |
| 193 | February 22, 1998 | Pain is not the cleanser (Surprisingly, Ned Flanders shouted "Pain is the cleanser!" as he yanked his moustache in the episode Home Away from Homer.) | The Last Temptation of Krust |
| 194 | March 01, 1998 | Silly string is not a nasal spray | Dumbbell Indemnity |
| 195 | March 08, 1998 | no gag | Lisa the Simpson |
| 196 | March 22, 1998 | I was told not to do this | This Little Wiggy |
| 197 | March 29, 1998 | My butt does not deserve a website | Simpson Tide |
| 198 | April 05, 1998 | I will not demand what I'm worth (This is a reference to the voice cast's recent demands for higher pay.) | The Trouble With Trillions |
| 199 | April 19, 1998 | no gag | Girly Edition |
| 200 | April 26, 1998 | I will not mess with the opening credits (This was actually the couch gag for this episode; the rest of the family runs into the classroom to find Bart already there writing on the board.) | Trash of the Titans |
| 201 | May 03, 1998 | no gag | King of the Hill |
| 202 | May 10, 1998 | I am not the new Dalai Lama | Lost Our Lisa |
| 203 | May 17, 1998 | I was not the inspiration for "Kramer" (This episode aired three days after the last episode of "Seinfeld".) | Natural Born Kissers |
Season 10
| # | Airdate | Gag | Episode Name |
|---|---|---|---|
| 204 | August 23, 1998 | no gag | Lard of the Dance |
| 205 | September 20, 1998 | I will not file frivolous lawsuits | The Wizard of Evergreen Terrace |
| 206 | September 27, 1998 | no gag | Bart the Mother |
| 207 | October 25, 1998 | The Simpsons Halloween Special IX (This is written in blood with a paintbrush.) | Treehouse of Horror IX |
| 208 | November 08, 1998 | "butt.com" is not my E-mail address (This was changed to "butt.butt" in later airings since butt.com was revealed to be a real website. Butt.com still appeared in syndication, however.) | When You Dish upon a Star |
| 209 | November 15, 1998 | No one cares what my definition of "is" is | D'oh-in in the Wind |
| 210 | November 22, 1998 | I will not scream for ice cream | Lisa Gets an "A" |
| 211 | December 06, 1998 | I am not a licensed hairstylist | Homer Simpson in: "Kidney Trouble" |
| 212 | December 20, 1998 | "The President did it" is not an excuse (This aired a day after Bill Clinton was impeached) | Mayored to the Mob |
| 213 | January 10, 1999 | My mom is not dating Jerry Seinfeld | Viva Ned Flanders |
| 214 | January 17, 1999 | Sherri does not "got back" | Wild Barts Can't Be Broken |
| 215 | January 31, 1999 | I will not do "the dirty bird" (This episode aired the night of Super Bowl XXXIII, in which the Atlanta Falcons, for whom "The Dirty Bird" was a signature dance/celebration, played.) | Sunday, Cruddy Sunday |
| 216 | February 07, 1999 | No one cares about my sciatica | Homer to the Max |
| 217 | February 14, 1999 | Hillbillies are people too | I'm with Cupid |
| 218 | February 21, 1999 | Grammar is not a time of waste | Marge Simpson in: "Screaming Yellow Honkers" |
| 219 | February 28, 1999 | I do not have diplomatic immunity (Taken from 9F20) | Make Room for Lisa |
| 220 | March 28, 1999 | It does not suck to be you (A reference to a Prozzäk song) | Maximum Homerdrive |
| 221 | April 04, 1999 | I cannot absolve sins (And during Lisa's dream in the episode: I will not deface using hieroglyphics where possible) | Simpsons Bible Stories |
| 222 | April 11, 1999 | A trained ape could not teach gym | Mom and Pop Art |
| 223 | April 25, 1999 | Loose teeth don't need my help | The Old Man and the "C" Student |
| 224 | May 02, 1999 | I have neither been there nor done that | Monty Can't Buy Me Love |
| 225 | May 09, 1999 | No one wants to hear from my armpits (This is from 3F01) | They Saved Lisa's Brain |
| 226 | May 16, 1999 | I'm so very tired (At this point, Bart had been doing these gags for ten seasons.) | Thirty Minutes over Tokyo |
Season 11
| # | Airdate | Gag | Episode Name |
|---|---|---|---|
| 227 | September 26, 1999 | Fridays are not "pants optional" (In Australia, Hamish and Andy (a comedy duo) have decided that Friday should be Pants off Friday.) | Beyond Blunderdome |
| 228 | October 03, 1999 | Pork is not a verb (the irony is that "pork" is a verb, albeit a vulgar slang term, meaning "to have sexual intercourse with") | Brother's Little Helper |
| 229 | October 24, 1999 | I am not the last Don (Possibly a reference to the 1997 TV minseries of the same name, which starred Joe Mantegna, voice of recurring Simpsons character Fat Tony) | Guess Who's Coming to Criticize Dinner? |
| 230 | October 31, 1999 | no gag | Treehouse of Horror X |
| 231 | November 07, 1999 | I did not win the Nobel Fart Prize | E-I-E-I-(Annoyed Grunt) |
| 232 | November 14, 1999 | I won't not use no double negatives (since three negatives are used, the sentence is true) | Hello Gutter, Hello Fadder |
| 233 | November 21, 1999 | Indian burns are not our cultural heritage (This is from 3F05) | Eight Misbehavin' |
| 234 | November 28, 1999 | I can't see dead people (This is a reference to The Sixth Sense) | Take My Wife, Sleaze |
| 235 | December 19, 1999 | I will not sell my kidney on eBay (this is impossible now, since eBay prohibits the sale of organs) | Grift of the Magi |
| 236 | January 9, 2000 | I will not create art from dung | Little Big Mom |
| 237 | January 16, 2000 | I will stop phoning it in | Faith Off |
| 238 | January 23, 2000 | Class clown is not a paid position | The Mansion Family |
| 239 | February 06, 2000 | Substitute teachers are not scabs | Saddlesore Galactica |
| 240 | February 13, 2000 | My suspension was not mutual | Alone Again, Natura-Diddily |
| 241 | February 20, 2000 | A belch is not an oral report | Missionary: Impossible |
| 242 | February 27, 2000 | Dodgeball stops at the gym door | Pygmoelian |
| 243 | March 19, 2000 | Non-flammable is not a challenge | Bart to the Future |
| 244 | April 09, 2000 | I was not touched "there" by an angel | Days of Wine and D'oh'ses |
| 245 | April 30, 2000 | I am not here on a fartball scholarship | Kill the Alligator and Run |
| 246 | May 07, 2000 | I will not dance on anyone's grave | Last Tap Dance in Springfield |
| 247 | May 14, 2000 | I cannot hire a substitute student | It's A Mad, Mad, Mad, Mad Marge |
| 248 | May 21, 2000 | "I will not obey the voices in my head" | Behind the Laughter |
Season 12
| # | Airdate | Gag | Episode Name |
|---|---|---|---|
| 249 | November 01, 2000 | no gag | Treehouse of Horror XI |
| 250 | November 05, 2000 | I will not plant subliminal messagores (aired two days before the 2000 U.S. presidential election) | A Tale of Two Springfields |
| 251 | November 12, 2000 | I will not surprise the incontinent | Insane Clown Poppy |
| 252 | November 19, 2000 | I am not the acting president (aired during the legal contest over the results of the 2000 presidential election) | Lisa the Tree Hugger |
| 253 | November 26, 2000 | I was not the sixth Beatle | Homer vs. Dignity |
| 254 | December 03, 2000 | I will only provide a urine sample when asked | The Computer Wore Menace Shoes |
| 255 | December 10, 2000 | The nurse is not dealing | The Great Money Caper |
| 256 | December 17, 2000 | Science class should not end in tragedy (During the episode, Skinner writes "I ain't not a dorkus") | Skinner's Sense of Snow |
| 257 | January 07, 2001 | Network TV is not dead | HOMR |
| 258 | January 14, 2001 | I will not "let the dogs out" (reference a song made popular by the Baha Men) | Pokey Mom |
| 259 | February 04, 2001 | I will not hide the teacher's medication | Worst Episode Ever |
| 260 | February 11, 2001 | I will not publish the principal's credit report | Tennis the Menace |
| 261 | February 18, 2001 | The hamster did not have a "full life" | Day of the Jackanapes |
| 262 | February 25, 2001 | I will not buy a presidential pardon (This refers to the Bill Clinton pardons controversy, involving 140 pardons he issued on his last day in office.) | New Kids on the Blecch |
| 263 | March 04, 2001 | "Temptation Island" was not a sleazy piece of crap | Hungry, Hungry Homer |
| 264 | March 11, 2001 | I will not scare the vice president (a reference to VP Cheney's heart condition) | Bye Bye Nerdie |
| 265 | April 01, 2001 | I will not flush evidence | Simpson Safari |
| 266 | April 29, 2001 | Fire is not the cleanser | Trilogy of Error |
| 267 | May 06, 2001 | Genetics is not an excuse | I'm Goin' to Praiseland |
| 268 | May 13, 2001 | Today is not Mothra's Day (This episode aired on Mother's Day.) | Children of a Lesser Clod |
| 269 | May 20, 2001 | I should not be twenty-one by now (Referring to the fact that Bart has been the age of ten for over eleven years.) | Simpsons Tall Tales |
Season 13
| # | Airdate | Gag | Episode Name |
|---|---|---|---|
| 270 | November 06, 2001 | no gag | Treehouse of Horror XII |
| 271 | November 11, 2001 | Nobody reads these anymore | The Parent Rap |
| 272 | November 18, 2001 | A burp in a jar is not a science project | Homer the Moe |
| 273 | December 02, 2001 | Fun does not have a size | A Hunka Hunka Burns in Love |
| 274 | December 09, 2001 | I am not Charlie Brown on acid (reference to how critics described "South Park") | The Blunder Years |
| 275 | December 16, 2001 | I do not have a cereal named after me (In fact, he did: "Bart Simpson Peanut Butter Chocolate Crunch". In the UK they released "Bart Simpson's No Problem-os) | She of Little Faith |
| 276 | January 06, 2002 | no gag | Brawl in the Family |
| 277 | January 20, 2002 | no gag | Sweets and Sour Marge |
| 278 | January 27, 2002 | no gag | Jaws Wired Shut |
| 279 | February 10, 2002 | I will not bite the hand that feeds me Butterfingers (A reference to his Butterfinger commercials and how, after a blatant jab two episodes earlier, the ads had been canceled.) | Half-Decent Proposal |
| 280 | February 17, 2002 | The Giving Tree is not a chump | The Bart Wants What It Wants |
| 281 | February 24, 2002 | Making Milhouse cry is not a science project | The Lastest Gun in the West |
| 282 | March 10, 2002 | no gag | The Old Man and the Key |
| 283 | March 17, 2002 | Vampire is not a career choice | Tales from the Public Domain |
| 284 | March 31, 2002 | no gag | Blame It on Lisa |
| 285 | April 07, 2002 | no gag | Weekend at Burnsie's |
| 286 | April 21, 2002 | no gag | Gump Roast |
| 287 | April 28, 2002 | no gag | I Am Furious Yellow |
| 288 | May 05, 2002 | I will never lie about being cancelled again (a reference to Matt Groening spreading a rumor that The Simpsons was going to end its run after this season) | The Sweetest Apu |
| 289 | May 12, 2002 | no gag | Little Girl in the Big Ten |
| 290 | May 19, 2002 | no gag | The Frying Game |
| 291 | May 22, 2002 | no gag | Papa's Got a Brand New Badge |
Season 14
Season 15
Season 16
Season 17
Season 18
| # | Airdate | Gag | Episode Name |
|---|---|---|---|
| 379 | September 10, 2006 | no gag | "The Mook, the Chef, the Wife and Her Homer" |
| 380 | September 17, 2006 | no gag | "Jazzy and the Pussycats" |
| 381 | September 24, 2006 | no gag (But during the episode, Skinner writes "A baby beat me up" when Bart begins torturing Skinner by taking advantage of his peanut allergy) | "Please Homer, Don't Hammer 'Em" |
| 382 | November 5, 2006 | no gag | "Treehouse of Horror XVII" |
| 383 | November 12, 2006 | We are not all naked under our clothes | "G.I. D'oh" |
| 384 | November 19, 2006 | no gag | "Moe'N'a Lisa" |
| 385 | November 26, 2006 | no gag | "Ice Cream of Margie (With the Light Blue Hair)" |
| 386 | December 10, 2006 | no gag | "The Haw-Hawed Couple" |
| 387 | December 17, 2006 | Frankincense is not a monster | "Kill Gil: Vols. 1 & 2" |
| 388 | January 7, 2007 | no gag | "The Wife Aquatic" |
| 389 | January 28, 2007 | no gag | "Revenge is a Dish Best Served Three Times" |
| 390 | February 11, 2007 | no gag (But during the episode, Bart writes "So long suckers") | "Little Big Girl" |
| 391 | February 18, 2007 | no gag | "Springfield Up" |
| 392 | March 4, 2007 | no gag | "Yokel Chords" |
| 393 | March 11, 2007 | no gag | "Rome-old and Juli-eh" |
| 394 | March 25, 2007 | Global Warming did not eat my homework | "Homerazzi" |
| 395 | April 22, 2007 | no gag | "Marge Gamer" |
| 396 | April 29, 2007 | no gag | "The Boys of Bummer" |
| 397 | May 6, 2007 | I will not look up how much teacher makes | "Crook and Ladder" |
| 398 | May 13, 2007 | Pearls are not oyster barf | "Stop Or My Dog Will Shoot" |
| 399 | May 20, 2007 | no gag (special 24-style opening) | "24 Minutes" |
| 400 | May 20, 2007 | no gag (normal opening sequence replaced with a black screen that says "20 years ago", followed by a full showing of the Tracy Ullman Show Simpsons short "Family Portrait") | "You Kent Always Say What You Want" |
Season 19
The Simpsons Movie
| # | Airdate | Gag | Episode Name |
|---|---|---|---|
| 1 | July 27, 2007 | I will not illegally download this movie | The Simpsons Movie |
