The Better Business Battalion
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The contents of this article are based on an issue of Simpsons Comics or another comic series and is considered to be non-canon and may not have actually happened/existed.
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The Better Business Battalion, commonly referred to as the B.B.B., was a crime fighting trio in Springfield during a period of high shoplifting rates.
Contents
Forming
During a period of high shoplifting rates in Springfield (with even the security guards stealing, Ned Flanders, owner of The Leftorium, Apu, owner of the Kwik-E-Mart and Comic Book Guy, owner of the Android's Dungeon were all hit hard by Shoplifters and had to raise prices significantly. Police were helpless with the shoplifters (Chief Wiggum had fallen on his back). Shops that purchased from the Kwik-E-Mart had to also raise prices to make profit which made Homer decide to start an angry mob. The mob convinced Mayor Quimby to give Ned, Apu and Comic Book Guy funding to start a community crime fighting group.
Naming
Many names were suggested, including' League of Extra-Ordinary Gentlemen', 'Justice for Jesus', 'Anti-Punk Patrol', 'The Holy Helpers' and 'Captain Comic Book and his all-star Shopkeepers'. Then a woman appeared out of nowhere in Flander's Basement and suggested the name 'The Better Business Battalion'.
Tactics
- The nozzle on the squishy machine in the Kwik-E-Mart can rotate to face the shoplifter, then blast them straight into the freezer where they would be stuck until police arrived.
- Two TV's would appear out of the roof of The Leftorium where the shoplifter's parent(s)/guardian(s) would tell them they were disappointed.
- Comic Books were pre-treated to deliver 10 times more paper cuts.
- Comic Book Guy threatened them with a lemon.
- Religious shoplifters (e.g. Jessica Lovejoy) would see a God figure attached to the end of a spring pop out of the gap when they took a CD.
- There were trap-doors around hot-dog Stands.
- Drederick Tatum, as part of his community service, dropped from the roof of jewellery shops and punched thieves.
- Bumber Sticker Gun.
Effects on the town
The B.B.B. stopped so many shoplifters that costs dropped significantly. They had a parade held in their honor, and many kids dressed as them. They later had tryouts where many people lined up to become part of the team. Those people include:
The try-outs were done in a Legion of Superheroes fashion. No one passed.
Disbanding
The team soon realized hey weren't needed anymore and broke up. Comic Book Guy wanted to bring the group back together and started framing innocent people as shoplifters. Lisa soon found out that Comic Book Guy was using CGI security footage to frame people. He was forgiven by Ned and Apu and the team broke up again. Falsely jailed victims of Comic Book Guy still had to do community service.
Trivia
- Comic Book Guy's CGI footage had the message "Bart Simpsons Framing© B.B.B. visit our website at www.framingbart.org".
- The website www.framingbart.org redirects to Simpsonspedia, a German Simpsons Wiki.
Behind the Laughter
The group's name is a likely reference to the Better Business Bureau
Appearances
