Kirk Van Houten
Kirk Van Houten is a character on the animated television series The Simpsons. He is the father of Milhouse, and the ex-husband of Luann. He initially worked at his father-in-law's cracker factory, Southern Cracker, in middle management. Later in the series, Kirk and Luann got divorced. When Luann leaves, Kirk gets fired from the factory (since his boss is Luann's father and he considers crackers a "family food"). Kirk moves into a depressing, rundown singles community and tries to start a new career as a singer-songwriter. His demo tape, Can I Borrow a Feeling? left Homer in hysterics. Kirk has since been portrayed as a stereotypical middle-aged male loser. Kirk was put in jail in "Pranksta Rap" for kidnapping Bart, but Kirk enjoyed his time in prison due to the numerous conjugal visits he was getting from the desperate women of Springfield. Luann got custody of Milhouse when they divorced, but Kirk has visiting rights and is often seen with Milhouse in later episodes. He is voiced by Hank Azaria. His love life is terrible after Luann, unlike hers which sees her dating the then-bachelor Apu but mainly Heavyweight Gladiator Pyro, amongst others. Kirk dated what seemed like a poorly disguised sleazy prostitute under the name of Starla. He took her to Moe's Tavern but it ended bad when she asked his keys then drove off with his car, tossing his singing mixtape out the window. She tricked him by saying she was going to change wigs. He has took part in various dating schemes. In one episode, his hand (or half his arm even) is cut off by a wire placed between two trees by Snake to try and get his car back off of Homer Simpson. He is later seen at the unemployment place with a cast on. Bart also suggested him and Milhouse cut his leg off once to get sympathy off Luann. Homer and Kirk's relationship seems to be quite random. At times they are seen to be having good talks together but Homer mocks him at other times: Homer: Will you excuse us Melson? (to Milhouse). Milhouse: Er....it's Milhouse Homer: Yeah...and you're father's No-House! Now scram!
Kirk also suffers from the need to cry all the time after his divorce, even at positive times.
Kirk once mentioned that he served in the U.S. Army. He also has a degree from Gudger College.
Parents reuniting
In a recent episode (aired September 25, 2005), the Van Houtens are on the verge of re-uniting, so Bart and Milhouse try copying a stupid stunt from a parody of The O.C. to try and get them separated again. This backfires, and results in Homer and Marge almost separating again. The two then try another idea, attempting to push a fake Bart off the side of a waterfall, which also backfires. At the end of the episode, Milhouse jumps over the side, screaming "I don't want to live in a world without Bart!" Marge asks if Milhouse can swim, to which Bart's reply is "What do you think?"
