Snake Jailbird
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image=Template:Name=Snake JailbirdSnake is Springfield's resident recidivist felon, always getting arrested but never appearing to stay in jail. He speaks with a "Valley Boy" accent and keeps a zippo lighter rolled up in his sleeve. He is partial to fast cars and fast women, and has a knack for reckless abandon.
In The Otto Show, it's implied by Otto Mann that Snake was the one responsible for ruining Spinal Tap's concert.
In the episode Treehouse of Horror IX it is revealed that Snake played lacrosse at Ball State University. He also attended Middlebury College and repaid his student loans after robbing Moe Szyslak's tavern. His car's name is "Lil' Bandit", which may be a '68 Pontiac Firebird, or a '69 Dodge Charger. It could be a reference to James Dean's so-called possessed car the "Li'l Bastard". It should be noted that the car's horn plays the opening line of the tune Dixie, similar to The General Lee from the The Dukes of Hazzard.
He has a son who looks just like him, and a brother (or other male relative) who looks and talks very similarly, as seen in an episode where the two run a Three-card Monte game. His ex-girlfriend Gloria briefly dated Charles Montgomery Burns, but then came back to him.
He was once held captive by Herman along with Chief Wiggum (spoof of Pulp Fiction) but was eventually rescued by Kirk and Milhouse Van Houten.
He once ran a telemarketing scam, but could not stick to it because he did not like bothering people at home. He also wrote the books, The Ten Habits of Highly Successful Criminals and A Criminal's Guide to Hiding in Mexico.
In Homer and Lisa Exchange Cross Words, he had a tatoo on his back saying "Snake and Gloria 4 Ever", but Homer changed it to "Never".
In Treehouse of Horror IX, Snake was executed based on a "three-strikes" policy. First he burned down an orphanage, then he blew up a bus full of nuns (which Snake declared was "Totally self-defense"), and finally he smoked in the Kwik-E-Mart. His hair was then implanted into Homer's head, but it had to be removed due to issues with the hair instilling Snake-like characteristics into Homer, e.g. seeking revenge for Snake's imprisonment & execution by murdering Bart etc. This episode was a parody of John Carpenter's 1993 made-for-Showtime film Body Bags, which consisted of multiple stories; in one, Stacey Keach receives a hair transplant with an alien parasite within, and in another, Mark Hamill receives an eye transplant and is taken over by the personality of the eye's previous owner.
Snake's real name, according to an official trading card game, is Chester Turley. However, some of the said cards do have some silly untrue facts which means that the name could be a fake. Snake is also referred to as Jailbird by people who work on the Simpsons.
In the episode The Seemingly Never-Ending Story, Snake referred to himself as Professor Jailbird; it was also revealed that he was formerly an idealistic Indiana Jones-type archaeologist until Moe Szyslak stole the Mayan gold coins he had discovered and was going to donate to the museum, and he decided to take his revenge out on society (convenience stores). In the episode The Wandering Juvie it is stated Snake had previously spend time in a juvenile facility, suggesting he was a criminal before being an archaeologist. In the flashback episode Springfield Up a teen-aged Snake is called "Detention Bird" by a 16-year-old Clancy Wiggum
In Pygmoelian, it was also revealed that Snake had a son. The Seemingly Never-Ending Story revealed that his son's name is Jeremy. The episode also reveals that Snake has custody issues with his son. Although Snake seems to have committed every crime possible, he is an extremely good father to Jeremy. He points Bart out to Jeremy, saying, "Look, there's a boy you can play with!" Bart and Jeremy play Battleship for the remainder of the episode. on a related note, in You Kent Always Say What You Want, when Marge was trying to run back to the simpson home before Bart and Lisa get back from the bus, she accidentally bumps into snake and what they were holding prior to bumping had gotten mixed up (eg, Snake got Maggie and Marge got his gun), and realized his mistake after trying to use Maggie in a position similar to a gun, and gave him back to Marge in exchange for the gun in a sheepish manner. In the episode Sex, Pies and Idiot Scrapes, Snake and Gloria decide to stop by a condo rental place being run by Homer Simpson, who is now a bounty hunter. Gloria appears to be pregnant, and Snake asks "Are we telling people now?" When cornered by Homer, Snake pulls out a gun and shoots at him. The bullet is stopped by Ned Flanders and a sheet of bullet proof glass. After Snake is wounded from his own bullet, Ned talks to him about the error of his ways until Homer comes up from behind him and suffocates him with a plastic bag.
Episode Appearances
- The War of the Simpsons
- Homer Defined
- Seperate Vocations
- Colonel Homer
- Black Widower
- Itchy and Scratchy: The Movie
- Homer's Triple Bypass
- Marge Vs. the Monorail
- Marge in Chains
- Homer's Barbershop Quartet
- Cape Feare
- Homer Goes to College
- Boy Scoutz 'N the Hood
- Bart's Inner Child
- Homer the Vigilante
- Bart Gets Famous
- Bart Gets An Elephant
- Sideshow Bob Roberts
- Lisa on Ice
- A Star Is Burns
- The Springfield Connection
- Who Shot Mr Burns? Part One
- Who Shot Mr Burns? Part Two
- Radioactive Man
- Bart Sells His Soul
- Team Homer
- 22 Short Films About Springfield
- You Only Move Twice
- My Sister My Sitter
- The Cartridge Family
- Realty Bites
- All Singing All Dancing
- Treehouse of Horror IX
- Homer To The Max
- Screaming Yellow Honkers
- I'm With Cupid
- Simpsons Bible Stories
- E-I-E-I-(ANNOYED GRUNT)
- Thirty Minutes Over Toyko
- Saddlesore Galactica
- Pygmoelian
- Insane Clown Poppy
- Lisa the Treehugger
- Hungry Hungry Homer
- Children of a Lesser God
- A Hunka Hunka Burns in Love
- The Lastest Gun in the West
- The Old Man and the Key
- Papa's Got a Brand New Badge
- The Wandering Juvie
- The Seemingly Never-Ending Story
- Revenge Is a Dish Best Served Three Times
- You Kent Always Say What You Want
- Sex, Pies and Idiot Scrapes
- Homer and Lisa Exchange Cross Words
- Mypods and Boomsticks
