Difference between revisions of "Jebediah Springfield"

Revision as of 11:55, August 20, 2010

"A noble spirit embiggens the smallest man!"

―Jebediah Springfied's famous speech

Hans Sprungfeld, better known as Jebediah Obadiah Zachariah Jedediah Springfield^[1] is the purported historical founder of the town of Springfield.

Biography

On an expedition to Springfield’s historic “Fort Springfield,” Bart Simpson uncovered inconsistencies in the Jebediah legend in which he is said to have done multiple heroic feats on the same day in different and far apart locations. Lisa Simpson proved that “Jebediah Springfield” was a bloodthirsty pirate and enemy of George Washington named Hans Sprungfeld, who had changed his name in 1795 to hide his identity. Before he died from diphtheria, he wrote his confession on a scrap of paper that formed the “missing piece” of the famously incomplete portrait of George Washington, which he procured when he stepped on the original painting while it was still wet ^[2]. A distinguishing characteristic of Sprungfeld was his prosthetic silver tongue, which was built to replace his real tongue which was lost in a groghouse fight - according to The Simpsons Guide to Springfield rumours state that the silver tongue is currently in the possession of Mayor Quimby, who uses it as a paperweight.

Rivalry with Shelbyville Manhattan

Springfield led a band of wagons left Maryland and headed westward along with his partner Shelbyville Manhattan (they had misinterpreted a passage of the Bible and were looking for “New Sodom”); but both parted ways over political differences. Manhattan wanted to found a town where people could marry their cousins, but Springfield wanted a town devoted to chastity, abstinence, and a flavorless mush he called "root-marm." Manhattan went on to found the rival town of Shelbyville.

Death

Springfield is said to have dramatically killed a bear with his bare hands, though revisionist historians have determined the bear in fact probably killed him, he secretly confessed that he was suffering from then fatal Dipherea and according to Lisa Simpsons research, he died of syphilis^[3]. A statue of this sits in the center of the Springfield town square, in front of the city hall. He is also said to have once tamed an untamable buffalo (although he later secretly admitted that it had already been tame; he merely shot it in the toe ).

Legacy

Fame Today

Springfield had many famous quotations, such as "A noble spirit embiggens the smallest man", and was well known for his silver tongue (literally; a metal prosthetic tongue, his original tongue having been bitten off by a Turkish pirate in a whore house fight). He also wears a coonskin cap.

The Springfield Historical Society, headed by Hollis Hurlbut, is devoted to the study of the town's history, specially Jebediah's. Hurlbut, who is aware of Springfield's true background, keeps the truth hidden.

Dedications

The Springfield Marathon commemorates an occasion on which he ran across six states in order to avoid his creditors.

Statue Head

The statue was once beheaded with a hacksaw by Bart Simpson, who thought that it would make him more popular. In reality, the town became depressed and angry, leaving Bart to endure “The Tell-Tale Heart”-style guilt before he returned the head to its rightful place. ^[4] It appears that whilst the head is back in it's rightful place it has never been properly re-attached, as it frequently falls off.

The Truth

Unfortunately, after Lisa did a bit of research she had evidence that Jebidiah was not really a good man, but a pirate who once actually attempted to attack George Washington. His real name was Hans Sprungfeld. In the end, Lisa could not reveal the truth because she believed that Springfield needed a good image of Jebediah.^[5]

Appearances

• Episode – "The Telltale Head"
• Episode – "Lisa the Iconoclast"

References