Tab Spangler
Tab Spangler
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Character Information
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Tab Spangler is the counsler of the fat camp Bart went to after Bart stuffed up on Scammer and Z-Dog snacks from the school vending machines. He is voiced by Albert Brooks and appears in The Heartbroke Kid.
Quotes
Spangler: Up, fatties! Stop dreaming about butter! Dream calories are real calories!
Spangler:, I'm gonna tell you a story about a young man who came here and failed. Well, that is the story. I shouldn't call a sentence a story. Anyway, it's you!
Kent: Kent Brockman Channel Six News. I gorge on kettle corn during the sports and weather.
Spangler: We know, your side fat's starting to spill over to channel five and seven. I hope you're getting three paychecks.
Spangler: Mr. and Mrs. Simpson, your boy is going to need one thing. Tough Luck!
(Points to a sign saying "Tough Luck.")
Marge: Don't you mean "Tough Love?"
Spangler: Tough Love. Of course, this has never made sense! The sign shop guy lied. Stanley! You didn't question the word "luck?" Now look what we've got!
(When Spangler is using Kent, Apu and Rainer Wolfcastle as horses to pull a chariot whilst whipping them)
Bart: This can't be legal.
Spangler: It's legal enough.
Spangler: Mr. Simpson, you're suffering from PSI. (Points to a sign saying "P.S.I.") Poor self esteem. That's not 'I'! Every sign is wrong!
Spangler: Young man there's something I have to show you. In one hour. We have to drive there. No talking along the way, it'll hurt the drama.
Bart: Can I just--
Spangler: Shh, drama!
Spangler: not the ghosts of Christmas past Bart. They can see us.
Spangler: We got a long drive ahead, do you want to pull off at a motel? We'll split a room.
Homer: Where will I sleep?
Spangler: We can worry about that when we're standing naked before the bed! My goodness, no wonder you eat.
Spangler: What are you eating now?
Homer: Cheeseburger.
Spangler: You're a catastrophe. Let me have half of it.
Homer: I don't wanna.
Spangler: I just want the cheese, I don't want the meat. I do want the meat.
Homer: Here's a corner.
Spangler: Let me just bite it, don't rip it! Let me have the whole thing, you'll get some later.
Homer: You're a selfish jerk.
Spangler: I've smelled it, it has to be eaten!
Homer: But it's my burger!
Spangler: I'm driving. I'll kill us!
Homer, with his mouth full: Fine, I'd rather die!
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