Difference between revisions of "Jebediah Springfield"
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Revision as of 14:37, July 1, 2010
Jebediah Springfield
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Character Information
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- ""A noble spirit embiggens the smallest man!""
- ―Jebediah Springfied's famous speech
Jebediah Obadiah Zachariah Jedediah Springfield[1] (born Hans Sprungfeld) is the purported historical founder of the town of Springfield.
Contents
Biography
On an expedition to Springfield’s historic “Fort Springfield,” Bart Simpson uncovered inconsistencies in the Jebediah legend in which he is said to have done multiple heroic feats on the same day in different and far apart locations. Lisa Simpson proved that “Jebediah Springfield” was a bloodthirsty pirate and enemy of George Washington named Hans Sprungfeld, who had changed his name in 1795 to hide his identity. Before he died from diphtheria, he wrote his confession on a scrap of paper that formed the “missing piece” of the famously incomplete portrait of George Washington, which he procured when he stepped on the original painting while it was still wet [2].
Rivalry with Shelbyville Manhattan
Springfield led a band of wagons left Maryland and headed westward along with his partner Shelbyville Manhattan (they had misinterpreted a passage of the Bible and were looking for “New Sodom”); but both parted ways over political differences. Manhattan wanted to found a town where people could marry their cousins, but Springfield wanted a town devoted to chastity, abstinence, and a flavorless mush he called "root-marm." Manhattan went on to found the rival town of Shelbyville.
Death
Springfield is said to have dramatically killed a bear with his bare hands, though revisionist historians have determined the bear in fact probably killed him, he secretly confessed that he was suffering from then fatal Dipherea and according to Lisa Simpsons research, he died of syphilis[3]. A statue of this sits in the center of the Springfield town square, in front of the city hall. He is also said to have once tamed an un-tamable buffalo (although he later secretly admitted that it had already been tame; he merely shot it in the toe ).
Legacy
Fame Today
Springfield had many famous quotations, such as “A noble spirit embiggens the smallest man,” and was well known for his silver tongue (literally; a metal prosthetic tongue, his original tongue having been bitten off by a Turkish pirate in a whore house fight). He also wears a coonskin cap.
The Springfield Historical Society, headed by Hammish Hurlbut, is devoted to the study of the town's history, specially Jebediah's. Hurlbut, who is aware of Springfield's true background, keeps the truth hidden.
Dedications
The Springfield Marathon commemorates an occasion on which he ran across six states in order to avoid his creditors.
Statue Head
The statue was once beheaded with a spoon by Bart Simpson, who thought that it would make him more popular. In reality, the town became depressed and angry, leaving Bart to endure “The Tell-Tale Heart”-style guilt before he returned the head to its rightful place. [4]
The Truth
Unfortunately, after Lisa did a bit of research she had evidence that Jebidiah was not really a good man but a pirate who one actually attempted to attack George Washington. In the end, Lisa could not reveal the truth because she believed that Springfield needed the good image of Jebediah Springfield. This was in the episode Lisa The Iconoclast
Episode Appearances
Notes
