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The Simpsons: Tapped Out A Simpsons Christmas Special content update/'Twas the Pageant Before Christmas Gameplay
Wikisimpsons - The Simpsons Wiki
'Twas the Pageant Before Christmas Gameplay
Christmas is Canceled Intro
| After the user logs in on December 5th:
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Homer! The Krusty Kristmas Special is starting, and we can't get the new TV to work.
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Switch to HDMI 2. Or HDMI 5. It's one of those.
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We tried both! You set up the TV wrong, genius.
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Aren't you kids supposed to be good with technology? That's the whole point of us making you.
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This TV uses apps, right? Maybe if I download one...
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For the love of God, don't!
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“Downloading. Time remaining: one hour, fifty-three minutes.”Ew, boy.
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Homer set up the Internet wrong.
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It's not my fault! I never asked to live in a smart home, surrounded by a million fragile devices I can't, and/or won't, learn to set up.
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Well, who needs TV? Maybe we can sit around and tell each other Christmas stories.
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...
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Let's try HDMI 4. That might work...
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Who wants to go first?
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Quest reward:  100 and  10
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Christmas is Canceled Pt. 1
| After completing Christmas is Canceled Intro:
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Once there was an old billionaire who loved nothing but money, and thought Christmas was a humbug.
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Task: Make Lisa Tell a Cliché Story (6s, Simpson House)
On job start:
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Wait. Is this a take on “A Christmas Carol”?
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Well, I'm going to update it. I'll make Mr. Burns the lead, and have all the ghosts and side characters played by Springfield regulars.
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Lisa, sweetie, if Daddy has to sit through one more adaptation of “A Christmas Carol”, Daddy will blow his brains all over the wall.
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You don't want that for Daddy, do you?
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Not really, no.
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Then let's all agree, as a society, that “A Christmas Carol” is a lemon that's been squeezed dry.
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It's given up everything it has to offer, and should be fed into the disposal and obliterated from memory.
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Fine. I'll tell a different story.
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Atta girl. And just a warning: at the mention of ghost one, or anything resembling a Tiny Tim, I run screaming from the room. ‘Kay? Great.
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| Quest reward: 100 and 10
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'Twas the Pageant Before Christmas Intro
| After completing Christmas is Canceled Pt. 1:
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This afternoon we will hold auditions for our annual Christmas Pageant! See you there, budding thespians!
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As participation is mandatory for all students, we will see you bullies, jocks, and burnouts there, too.
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Excuse me, Principal Skinner, but-
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You object to the word “Christmas” because of its exclusionary religious connotations? Very well. We'll call it the “Holiday Pageant”.
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Great. But--
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The word “Pageant” evokes beauty pageants, which are sexist and outdated? Fine. Then we'll call it the “Holiday Thing”.
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You fold pretty quick in the face of controversy, huh?
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It's my main qualification for this job.
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Task: Make Lisa Audition for the Holiday Thing (4h, Springfield Elementary or Brown House)
Task: Make Milhouse Audition for the Holiday Thing (4h, Springfield Elementary or Brown House)
If the user Ralph: Task: Make Ralph Audition for the Holiday Thing (4h, Springfield Elementary or Brown House)
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The cast list will be posted later today. Your part will be assigned according to the degree of stink your parents will raise if you have few lines.
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Hello, sir. I am the handyman you hired to build your outdoor stage. My name is Roger.
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Roger? I want a cool name!
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Like I said, my name is Jackhammer Machinegun.
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What a very cool name. So have you finished building the stage?
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No. Instead of doing my actual job, I became a snow plow driver, or an astronaut, or something. Happens all the time.
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Plus I lost the money you gave me for supplies.
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Mr. Machinegun, how could you! The Holiday Thing is ruined!
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| Quest reward: 100 and 10
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'Twas the Pageant Before Christmas Pt. 1
| After completing 'Twas the Pageant Before Christmas Intro:
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Children, the play is canceled. We have no stage. And if I'm being honest, we never really found our Petey the Reluctant Elf, either.
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I'm doing the best I can. Petey is a complex character!
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We can't give up! If we need more money to finish the stage, there must be a way to get it!
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Maybe we could hold a fundraiser. A winter carnival!
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Good thinking, Lisa! You truly are the hero of this story that you made up yourself.
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Now go fold some programs while I ponder Lisa's amazing idea!
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If the user has Skinner: Task: Make Skinner Brainstorm Moneymaking Schemes (4h, Springfield Elementary or Brown House)
Task: Make Homer Use a Saw Like a Hammer (4h, Springfield Elementary or Brown House)
Task: Collect Programs [x100]
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Lisa, your upbeat problem-solving has truly saved the day. Hooray for Lisa!
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Oh, come on. Is this whole story nothing more than a love letter to yourself?
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It's my story, I'll tell it how I want.
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Sweetie, your brother's right. For a story to be interesting, the hero needs to experience setbacks.
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*agreeing sucking noises*
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Well, I LIKE stories where I'm doing amazing things and everyone says how great I am.
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...
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Fine. One setback, coming up.
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| Quest reward: 100 and 10
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'Twas the Pageant Before Christmas Pt. 2
| After completing 'Twas the Pageant Before Christmas Pt. 1:
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I've found the perfect centerpiece for our winter carnival fundraiser -- a roasted chestnuts cart!
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Oh, how the children will line up for the earthy, mild flavor of warm chestnuts!
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Uh, kids today don't really think of chestnuts as “yummy”. Or even as “food”.
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Nonsense! Chewy, nondescript chestnuts are the ultimate holiday treat!
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We could coat them in sugar, I guess. And serve them on a bed of sugar, with sugar sauce on the side...
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Fine. Yes. Do that. And ruin my delightfully bland chestnuts.
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Task: Place Hot Roasted Chestnuts Cart [x3]
Task: Make Children Sell Chestnuts [x3] (4h, Hot Roasted Chestnuts Cart)
Task: Collect Programs [x300]
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In a development no one could have possibly predicted, today's children have zero interest in hot chestnuts.
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...
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It's time to give the kids the Christmas treats they crave -- figgy pudding and steaming bowls of wassail.
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Sir, that's a horrible idea.
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I've spent the last thirty Christmases alone with my elderly mother. I THINK I know what kids want!
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| Quest reward: 100 and 10
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'Twas the Pageant Before Christmas Pt. 3
| After completing 'Twas the Pageant Before Christmas Pt. 2:
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Ralph, have you been working on your line for the play?
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I like pretending where I'm a Dracula driving a bulldozer.
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Me too, Ralph. Me too. But in THIS play, you're playing a mouse, right? And when you come on stage, your line is...?
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“Hello! I have pointy teeth and a cape and have you seen my bulldozer?”
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Focus, Ralph! It's a very important line. You explain the true meaning of Christm-- I mean, the Holidays -- to everyone. Try again...
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“A robber who doesn't like Draculas stole my bulldozer and now I'm sad.”
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Okay, everybody. Take five. I need to think. Let's all... ride the carousel... or something.
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Task: Make Lisa Ride the Carousel (8h, Christmas Carousel)
If the user Ralph: Task: Make Ralph Ride the Carousel (8h, Christmas Carousel)
Task: Make Milhouse Ride the Carousel (8h, Christmas Carousel)
Task: Make Homer Ride the Carousel (8h, Christmas Carousel)
Task: Collect Programs [x300]
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This whole play is riding on Ralph! If he doesn't explain the true meaning of the Holidays, it's ruined!
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I'm confused. What exactly IS the meaning of the Holidays?
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I mean, I get what Christmas is about. But “the Holidays” just seems kind of... nonspecific.
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I've never been entirely clear on that, myself. Something about brotherhood and good will?
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No, that's Christmas.
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It can be the meaning of non-denominational, inoffensive pseudo-celebrations as well!
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You know, we could just cancel the--
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We're not canceling the Holiday Thing! The holidays aren't the same without the Thing!
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Let's just do another dress rehearsal. I'm sure all our problems will be solved through some inexplicable, non-denominational holiday miracle.
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| Quest reward: 100 and 10
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'Twas the Pageant Before Christmas Pt. 4
| After completing 'Twas the Pageant Before Christmas Pt. 3:
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Behold! An angel has appeared to tell us all the meaning of the Holidays!
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Lo! I bring tidings unto thee! But to clarify, I'm not comfortable with the word “angel”. Think of me as a non-religious “spirit”.
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So... you're a g-g-g-g-ghost?!
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I'm a Dracula!
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Forget it. Call me an angel if it's so important to you. Just shut up and harken to my stupid message of hope.
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Task: Make Angel Lisa Give Proclamations on High (4h)
Task: Collect Programs [x300]
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Hear me, Springfield! We celebrate the Holidays because on this day a child was born.
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A child who, depending on your belief system, was either the son of God, or a prophet, or just a really nice guy.
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And either to celebrate his birth, or because it's Hanukkah, or maybe the Winter Solstice is important to you, we should all be nice to one another right now.
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That's it! The angel has saved the play! She's a hero!
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She sure is! What a gal, reminds me of that amazing sister of mine!
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Whoa, whoa! Hold on a minute. In what universe would I ever say anything nice about you?
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Yeah, I'm not buying it, Lis.
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It's my story! Let me tell it how I want.
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Lisa, you can't just change an established character's personality whenever you want. It's sloppy writing.
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The point of the story is, a holiday miracle saved the play.
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Phew. I am so relieved. I was really worried the boring children's play would have to be cancelled.
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| Quest reward: 100 and 10
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'Twas the Pageant Before Christmas Pt. 5
| After completing 'Twas the Pageant Before Christmas Pt. 4:
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Lisa, the play's message has been saved, and it's sure to be a colossal smash. But we still don't have a stage.
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I'm working on it!
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Are you?
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No. But I AM swinging this hammer, which sure makes it LOOK like I'm working. To me, at least.
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Lisa, we need more money, which necessitates a large Christmas Market, which you are now in charge of setting up.
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Hah! That'll teach that do-gooder to do good!
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So Little Miss Perfect gets her comeuppance. I take back what I said, Lisa. This is a great story!
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I know it's a lot to ask, but you ARE, strangely, the only character in this tale with any intelligence. So...
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*sigh* Okay fine, I'll see what I can do.
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Task: Place Fair Booth [x4]
Task: Make Lisa Setup Fair Booths (8h, Fair Booth)
If the user has Ralph and Milhouse: Task: Make Ralph Ride the Carousel (8h, Christmas Carousel)
If the user has Ralph and Milhouse: Task: Make Milhouse Ride the Carousel (8h, Christmas Carousel)
Task: Make Homer Ride the Carousel (8h, Christmas Carousel)
Task: Collect Programs [x300]
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Good news, I got the stage all fixed. I'll just be taking my last paycheck.
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He's lying! The stage has been fine all along, he's just been spending all our money on eggnog!
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*burp* I have no idea what he's *buuuurp* talking *buuuuuuuurp* about.
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The curtain goes up in five minutes, children. I hope you all remember your lines?
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Hello! I am not a Dracula, and I don't have a bulldozer!
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Better, Ralph. Still terrible, but better.
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| Quest reward: 100 and 10
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'Twas the Pageant Before Christmas Pt. 6
| After completing 'Twas the Pageant Before Christmas Pt. 5:
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Now Lisa, when we do our kiss scene, make sure you don't get TOO caught up in it, okay?
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Because I have a feeling I'm a really good kisser. That's what Puppy Goo Goo says.
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WHAT kiss scene? I'm playing a ballerina, and you're a soldier.
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Love can blossom in the strangest places, huh?
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If you try to kiss me, I'll push you off the stage.
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How did you know that was one of my recurring nightmares?!
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| Task: Make Children Act in an Ensemble (12h, Pageant Stage)
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I declare Lisa's Holiday Thing the finest theatrical event ever!
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Thank you all for your three-hour-long standing ovation. We owe everything to Lisa Simpson! Let's hear it for her!
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Boo! Boooooo!
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Bart, be nice. The story's almost over. It IS almost over, isn't it, Lisa?
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No. Next, the play goes to Broadway, sweeps the Tonys and goes on tour.
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...
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...but I guess we can safely skip that part.
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| Quest reward: 200 and 20
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Christmas is Canceled Pt. 2
| After completing 'Twas the Pageant Before Christmas Pt. 6:
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What a lovely, interesting, un-tedious story! Don't you agree, Homer?
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*banging on the TV* Work, damn you! Show me a show! I don't care which one! Anything is better than this family sharing and caring!
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Homer!
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What? Oh, uh right. Loved your story, Lisa. Five stars. I laughed, I cried... I somehow got through it...
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I'm afraid Dad is right, Lisa. Your story was objectively awful. Christmas may never recover.
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Like you could do better?
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Naturally. Because I know the three elements of a good story: action, violence, and mild cursing.
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Gather round, chumps, as I spin a tale of such Christmas delight, you'll throw Lisa out on the street and forget she ever existed.
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Hmm. I hope it's not THAT good.
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| Quest reward: 100 and 10
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A Savage Thaw Gameplay
Christmas is Canceled Pt. 3
| After the user logs in on December 12th:
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Like all good Christmas tales, ours opens in a small town, whose citizens are about to be plunged into a nightmare of blood-soaked gore.
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No gore!
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Don't censor the boy, Marge. I'm sure the gore isn't gratuitous. I've never been so sure about anything.
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No gore!
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You really know how to hamstring an artist, Mom.
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Task: Make Bart Tell a Cliché Story (6s, Simpson House)
On job start:
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Terrorists have taken over a building downtown. The only hope? A rogue cop with a bad attitude.
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You're just ripping off “Die Hard”.
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It's a reboot. That's what creative people do -- take an old movie, remake it, and say it's been “reimagined for a new generation”.
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My little man sounds just like J.J. Abrams!
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As I was saying... how many rules does this cop play by? How does “zero” sound, friend?
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| Quest reward: 100 and 10
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A Savage Thaw Intro
| After completing Christmas is Canceled Pt. 3:
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Hey, Savage!
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That's my name. Coincidentally, it's also a pretty good description of my character.
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The Captain wants to see us in his office. Whatever he says, try to play by the rules for once?
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Hi, policemans! I'm the one in charge, so what I say goes for sure!
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I've got a big police job for you. You're playing Monopoly with me!
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Sure, I'll play. But not by the rules.
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Savage!
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Task: Make Bart Give a Tough Guy Sneer (4h, Police Station, Springfield Penitentiary or Brown House)
Task: Make Milhouse Try Not to Panic (4h, Police Station, Springfield Penitentiary or Brown House)
If the user Ralph: Task: Make Ralph Try to Remember How to Discipline (4h, Police Station, Springfield Penitentiary or Brown House)
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My police gun shot me again.
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You think maybe we should take you to the hospital, Captain?
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I have a police car with police lights and police sounds and one time I ranned over a pedestrian.
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Not much of a story so far, but credit where credit's due -- Bart can really write for Ralph.
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| Quest reward: 100 and 10
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A Savage Thaw Pt. 1
| After completing A Savage Thaw Intro:
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Robbers are robbing a bank! Somebody call the police!
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Sounds like a job for a loose cannon and his gutless partner.
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I don't know, Savage. Maybe we should sit this one out.
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The bad guys have snow shooters that sound like *pew pew*.
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“Snow shooters”. I like how harmless that sounds.
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Thought I'd throw you a bone there, Toots. Dad, when I say “snow shooters”, you just picture Uzis and headshots spraying red gore everywhere.
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I'm on it!
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Task: Make Bart Practice His Action Puns (4h, Police Station, Springfield Penitentiary or Brown House)
Task: Make Milhouse Do Paperwork (4h, Police Station, Springfield Penitentiary or Brown House)
Task: Collect Snowballs [x100]
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All right Meeks, let's roll out.
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Have fun catching the bad guys! I'll suspend you for taking the law into your own hands when you get back!
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| Quest reward: 100 and 10
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A Savage Thaw Pt. 2
| After completing A Savage Thaw Pt. 1:
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Okay Meeks, what are we looking at, here?
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We got terrorists inside the bank, with an unknown number of hostages. The police negotiator is on his way, so sit tight--
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Banzai charge!
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Wait! Don't charge in until we have a plan!
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I don't make plans, I make results! Chaaarge!
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Task: Make Bart Storm the Snow Bank (8h, Snow Bank)
Task: Make Milhouse Try Not to Get Taken Hostage (8h, Snow Bank)
Task: Collect Snowballs [x300]
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Oh no! It's rogue livewire Officer Savage! Let's make like snow and flake!
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*kicks over a cabinet* Meeks, you let those charmingly snow-themed terrorists escape!
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Uh, I was a little busy rescuing the hostages.
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You're a real hero. Did you even get a look at those sweet, innocent hostages you saved?
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Oh my God. They're... they're...
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They're Christmas Carolers. The worst, most annoying people on Earth. And you let them live.
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Nooooooo!
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| Quest reward: 100 and 10
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A Savage Thaw Pt. 3
| After completing A Savage Thaw Pt. 2:
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I wear my policeman's uniform over my PJs so I don't have to change into my PJs at night so bedtime is five minutes later!
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Uh, you wanted to see us, Chief?
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Hand in your badge, Savage! I'm mad at you for I-forget-why!
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Probably, I'm guessing, because we let the bad guys get away?
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...
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My PJs are itchy under my uniform.
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Let's question the hostages, see what they can tell us about the terrorists.
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Task: Make Bart Play Bad Cop (4h, Police Station, Springfield Penitentiary or Brown House)
Task: Make Milhouse Play Timid Cop (4h, Police Station, Springfield Penitentiary or Brown House)
If the user Ralph: Task: Make Ralph Spin in His Chair Till He Gets Sick (4h, Police Station, Springfield Penitentiary or Brown House)
Task: Collect Snowballs [x300]
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The terrorists are being led by a villain who calls himself “Deep Freeze”.
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Figures. The really dangerous ones always choose the most whimsical names.
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Remember when Silly McGilly shot up that mall? Peerless psycho.
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Not as bad as when Love-ums the King of Hugs killed and ate an entire preschool.
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You guys talking about Deep Freeze? Good guy. I met him in the bank holdup, but he let me go.
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Finally! The real hero of the story arrives!
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I was supposed to be his hostage, but he said I was too fat and dumb to take along. Said I smelled, too. And that I was dumb.
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*ANNOYED GRUNT*
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| Quest reward: 100 and 10
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A Savage Thaw Pt. 4
| After completing A Savage Thaw Pt. 3:
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Can I ask you a few questions, Fat Smelly Dummy?
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Don't respond to that, Story Homer.
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Fire away, Copper!
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Dammit! Have some self-respect, me!
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Did Deep Freeze reveal anything to you about his evil plan?
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He wouldn't stop talking about Christmas, or all the presents he was gonna buy with the stolen loot.
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Weird that a criminal would care so much about Christmas...
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I wish I could remember more about him. Of course, my brain works best when it's black-out drunk.
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To Moe's!
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Task: Make Bart Visit Moe's (8h, Moe's Tavern or Brown House)
Task: Make Homer Drink at Moe's (8h, Moe's Tavern or Brown House)
Task: Make Deep Freeze Make it Hail Bullets (24h, Snow Bank)
Task: Collect Snowballs [x300]
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That's ten eggnogs you've had, sir. Are you remembering anything else about the bad guy?
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Nothin' yet. One more eggnog oughta do it. Or per'aps a tasty eggnog will help!
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*heavy sigh* I think this is a dead end, this guy has no idea where Deep Freeze is.
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Deep Freeze? He's robbing the Snow Bank again right now.
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Why would he rob it again, when he knows it's been cleaned out?
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It ain't easy coming up with new buildings for this town every couple months. Can't justify all that work unless you use them multiple times.
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We'd better take the Snow Mobile.
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| Quest reward: 100 and 10
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A Savage Thaw Pt. 5
| After completing A Savage Thaw Pt. 4:
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Chief, we're heading back to the Snow Bank. Deep Freeze is up to something.
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We're not sure what, exactly. But it appears to be highly repetitive.
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Officers Rod and Todd are on site. They're authorized to pray for Deep Freeze with extreme prejudice.
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Rod and Todd?! But they're incompetent!
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“Incompetent”? What's that?
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Hoo boy.
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Task: Make Bart and Milhouse Drive the Snow Mobile (12h, Milhouse)
If the user has Ralph: Task: Make Ralph Play Dress Up in the Evidence Closet (12h, Police Station, Springfield Penitentiary or Brown House)
Task: Collect Snowballs [x300]
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Surrender, Deep Freeze! We've got you surrounded by the loving embrace of forgiveness!
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We've already turned one cheek. Don't make us turn the other one!
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You don't scare me, Coppers.
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Well maybe I do!
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Savage! Okay, how about a plea deal - I'll tell youse who's really pulling the strings, and youse let me go.
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Youse'll find the real kingpin at the Truck Stop Diner.
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Another new building, eh? All right. Let's unlock it and see what's what.
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| Quest reward: 100 and 10
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A Savage Thaw Pt. 6
| After completing A Savage Thaw Pt. 5:
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I know what you're gonna say, Savage, but I'd really love to do a quick perimeter check of the diner before we--
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I've got a dumber idea.
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Don't say “banzai charge”. Don't say “banzai charge”...
|
|
|
*sound of explosions* How about I blow the door with TNT, and only afterwards ask you if that's a good idea?
|
|
|
You know, I'm the one who has to fill out the paperwork when you blow stuff up!
|
Task: Make Bart Storm the Truck Stop Diner (8h, Truck Stop Diner)
Task: Make Milhouse Try to Minimize the Damage (8h, Truck Stop Diner)
|
|
|
Stop right there, we've got you cornered...Santa Claus?
|
|
You bet your stockings it is!
|
|
|
But why? You gone naughty on us, old man?
|
|
|
I needed the cash! You think it's CHEAP making toys for every child in the world?
|
|
|
And if I occasionally want to enjoy a high-end wine, or add to my collection of fine timepieces, do you think that's easy on a saint's income?
|
|
|
Well, I suppose my partner and I could look the other way... for a cut of the loot.
|
|
|
Savage is a crooked cop?! What a twist!
|
|
|
That's cheating! To be satisfying, a twist has to be both well set up AND motivated by character. Otherwise it's just cheap!
|
|
|
Then why am I so completely satisfied and fulfilled as an audience member? Huh? Answer that!
|
| Quest reward: 200 and 20
|
|
Christmas is Canceled Pt. 4
| After completing A Savage Thaw Pt. 6:
|
|
|
*slow clap* Wow! What a story! I never could have predicted Officer Savage was a bad guy.
|
|
|
That's my point. There was nothing prior to the big reveal to indicate, however subtly, that--
|
|
|
Face it, Lisa. The public loved my story. And the ignorant masses are never wrong about these things.
|
|
|
I don't know, that story was a little violent for me. There were so many car chases and explosions!
|
|
|
The bedrock of any great story is car chases and explosions. Aristotle said that.
|
|
|
What about a good romance? Everyone loves love.
|
|
|
The trick is to find the right amount of nudity. Brief enough that it doesn't damage the children, but long enough that I give a damn.
|
| Quest reward: 100 and 10
|
|
Santa's Little Helper, 30 Years Ago
| After the user logs in on December 17th:
|
| Quest reward: Santa's Little Helper
|
| System Message
|
Santa’s Little Helper now has a special animated job to celebrate thirty years since “Simpsons Roasting on an Open Fire” premiered on TV – December 17th 1989.
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|
Paramours of Christmas Past Gameplay
Christmas is Canceled Pt. 5
| After the user logs in on December 19th:
|
|
|
Marge, you've been watching an awful lot of Hallmark Channel. Promise me this won't be one of those boring, cookie-cutter holiday TV romances.
|
|
|
“Boring”? What's boring about watching C-list actors falling slowly in love over a surprise-free, two-hour slog?
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|
|
I could have phrased that better…
|
|
|
No, you're right. Tell your story. If there's one thing I've learned, it's that marriage is a compromise.
|
|
|
If there's a second thing I've learned, it's how to retreat into an interior fantasy world whenever things get dull around here.
|
|
|
Awww, Homie.
|
| Quest reward: 100 and 10
|
|
Paramours of Christmas Past Pt. 1
| After completing Christmas is Canceled Pt. 5:
|
|
Marge, my beautiful fiancée! Ready to jet off to the Bahamas for a snowless, un-Christmas-y holiday?
|
|
|
Whoa, whoa, whoa. You're marrying Flanders in this story?!
|
|
|
The heroine ALWAYS starts out engaged to the wrong man. Respect the formula!
|
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|
Oh, how I hate Christmas, ever since I hardened my heart and took a high-powered job of some kind in the city.
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|
But I must return to my hometown to help my mother run the family Christmas tree farm for the next few weeks.
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|
Won't you be miserable, surrounded by all that snow and Christmas cheer?
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|
Don't worry. I'm sure I won't rediscover the magic of Christmas. Or fall back in love with the man I was always meant to be with.
|
|
|
Uh, who said anything about another man?
|
Task: Make Marge Return to Her Hometown (4h, Brown House)
Task: Collect Stockings [x100]
|
|
|
Mom, I'm home!
|
|
|
*wakes up* Marge! What a surprise to see you here!
|
|
|
Have you been sleeping on my parents' couch since I left seven years ago?
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|
No! Sometimes I cry myself to sleep in ditches and storm drains. Anyway, I work at your family's Christmas tree farm now.
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|
|
Homer, I'm truly sorry I had to pursue my dream of being an executive in publishing, or advertising, or whatever it is.
|
|
|
But now you've returned to run the family business?
|
|
|
No. In order to run a Christmas tree farm, you have to believe in the power of Christmas. Otherwise the accounting is impossible.
|
|
|
True. You can't manage the books without childlike innocence. That's just business reality.
|
| Quest reward: 100 and 10
|
|
Paramours of Christmas Past Pt. 2
| After completing Paramours of Christmas Past Pt. 1:
|
|
|
Mom, how could you hire my ex-fiancé to work at our family business?
|
|
Well, I wouldn't have had to if YOU still held Christmas in your heart. But noooooo!
|
|
|
I discovered a better world. A world of business, and misplaced priorities, and boyfriends who don't understand the real me!
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|
|
What do you even do? You've never bothered to tell me!
|
|
|
Isn't it enough to know that it stresses me out, and I think that makes me happy, but it's actually killing me inside?!
|
|
|
Hi, Marge. Fancy seeing you here at the place where I work. Here, let me help you set up.
|
Task: Make Marge Try to Ignore Homer (4h, Christmas Tree Farm)
Task: Make Homer Try to Impress Marge (4h, Christmas Tree Farm)
Task: Collect Stockings [x300]
|
|
|
Homer, seeing you reminds me of when I was young and carefree and full of hope. And I don't like that!
|
|
|
…is what I'm telling myself.
|
|
|
I'll just move some Christmas trees around, so you can notice what all this physical labor has done for my muscles.
|
|
|
Hey, remember how much we used to love hanging Christmas lights?
|
|
|
I guess a scene of us having fun together despite my reservations could be useful, story-wise...
|
|
|
*sound of trees suddenly all catching on fire* Oh. Hmm. I'm a little out of practice...
|
| Quest reward: 100 and 10
|
|
Paramours of Christmas Past Pt. 3
| After completing Paramours of Christmas Past Pt. 2:
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|
|
I'll put the fire out! *runs into a flaming tree, catches fire, uses burning self to light a second tree on fire*
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|
|
The family business is ruined. Marge, you're free to return to your job in... is it fashion? Finance?
|
|
|
It's a mix of those two, plus the music industry and something Internet-y.
|
|
|
But I'm not going to let the Christmas tree farm fail. Not when I've got so much experience working in a field that's not exactly luxury retail, but similar.
|
|
|
Because I'm a driven, self-sacrificing, serious, no-fun kind of--
|
|
|
WE GET IT.
|
Task: Place Flaming Christmas Tree [x6]
Task: Make Marge Formulate a New Plan (8h, Christmas Tree Farm)
Task: Make Homer Stop, Drop, and Roll (8h, Christmas Tree Farm)
Task: Collect Stockings [x300]
|
|
|
I need to research the holiday industry. I'll spend a weekend at a quaint country inn that's Christmas-themed year round!
|
|
|
Is that even a real thing?
|
|
|
In stories like this one, they are literally EVERYWHERE.
|
| Quest reward: 100 and 10
|
|
Paramours of Christmas Past Pt. 4
| After completing Paramours of Christmas Past Pt. 3:
|
|
|
*rings front desk bell* Hello? Is anyone here? I have a reservation.
|
|
Welcome! Fresh gingerbread cookie? Nothing reignites your lost connection to Christmas like gingerbread!
|
|
|
I'm trying to maintain my Scrooge-y humbuggery for a few more quests, thanks.
|
|
|
Eventually, my heart will melt and I'll give in to the season. But not yet!
|
|
|
That would be a TERRIFIC moment to run weeping into the arms of the true love you abandoned seven years ago...
|
|
|
That's the plan! But in the meantime, bah humbug! *chuckles*
|
Task: Make Marge Hate Christmas (4h, The Snowed Inn)
If the user has Smithers: Task: Make Smithers Show Marge to her Room (4h, The Snowed Inn)
Task: Collect Stockings [x300]
|
|
|
All this Christmas magic has me rethinking my life. I wish my cold, practical fiancé was here to refreeze my fast-melting heart.
|
|
|
Hello, Marge!
|
|
|
My beloved Flanders! It's a Christmas miracle! *embraces him dramatically*
|
|
|
*pushes her away * “Christmas miracle”? Try to be practical and dour, won't you?
|
|
|
I'm trying, Flanders my dear. Nothing scares me more than the prospect of rediscovering my true self and daring to love Christmas.
|
|
|
I swear to you, I will NOT let that happen!
|
|
|
Oh, Flanders! Thank God you're here with me, instead of my true love!
|
|
|
Uh...
|
| Quest reward: 100 and 10
|
|
Paramours of Christmas Past Pt. 5
| After completing Paramours of Christmas Past Pt. 4:
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|
|
Ooh, look! There are Christmas lights wound around the bedposts! Isn't that cheery?
|
|
|
No! Christmas is a silly, frivolous holiday. And if you don't know that, then maybe we shouldn't be together!
|
|
|
Now I will wildly overreact to this -- in a way no actual person ever would -- and storm out! *storms out*
|
|
Marge! It is I, the Ghost of Christmas Past! You cannot marry that man!
|
|
|
Hey! What did I say about “A Christmas Carol” knockoffs! I won't have it!
|
|
|
I couldn't help myself! Just one Christmas ghost. Promise.
|
|
|
I've been sent to remind you of the good times you had with Homer.
|
|
|
Okay, I like the cut of this guy's jib. Objection withdrawn.
|
Task: Make the Ghost of Christmas Past Dwell On the Past (4h)
Task: Make Marge Consider Her Options (8h, The Snowed Inn)
Task: Collect Stockings [x300]
|
|
|
So, Mr. Ghost. I'm still waiting to hear why Homer is the man I should give my love to.
|
|
|
Yeah, um. Let me think here...
|
|
|
Just one good reason would do it...
|
|
|
Yeah, this is harder than I thought it'd be...
|
|
|
Marge, thank goodness I found you!
|
|
|
Homer? How did you find me here?
|
|
|
Let's say I followed a star in the sky that led me to you. Let's NOT say I hacked your email account.
|
|
|
It's a Christmas miracle! We are MEANT to be together! *kisses Homer*
|
| Quest reward: 100 and 10
|
|
Paramours of Christmas Past Pt. 6
| After completing Paramours of Christmas Past Pt. 5:
|
|
|
All right Margie, I've returned from my walk ready to hear your apology.
|
|
|
Margie! Why are you kissing that man?!
|
|
|
I've decided to give my heart to someone who places a weird amount of importance on Christmas.
|
|
|
Also, he's been obsessed with me for years, which I gotta say feels pretty great.
|
|
|
Come on, Marge, let's go make up for all those Christmases we missed together.
|
| Task: Make Marge Sit On Homer's Lap (12h, Santa Homie, Homer)
|
|
|
Oh Homie. I’m so happy. Even though I’m with a man who can only be truly happy during the brief Christmas season.
|
|
|
Yeah, January through November is not pretty with me.
|
|
|
Convenient news, Marge! I have to leave forever to take care of my beloved Mr. Burns, so I'm gifting the Snowed Inn to you.
|
|
|
Just ensure it's Christmas here year round.
|
|
|
Year round? What a disastrous business model, which let's all just agree will work out fine!
|
| Quest reward: 200 and 20
|
|
Christmas is Canceled Pt. 6
| After completing Paramours of Christmas Past Pt. 6:
|
|
|
Well, what did you all think of my story?
|
|
|
*wakes up with a start* Is it over? Thank the Lord.
|
|
|
*also waking* Bart! Show some respect for your mother's riveting tale! Great story, Marge. Very suspenseful.
|
|
|
*also waking* *sucking noises*
|
|
|
Did anyone NOT sleep through it? Lisa?
|
|
|
*snoring*
|
|
|
All right, fine. Who thinks they can do better? Huh? Huh?
|
| Quest reward: 100 and 10
|
|
Christmas Doesn't Suck Suck Gameplay
Christmas is Canceled Pt. 7
| After the user logs in on December 26th:
|
|
|
Everybody ready for MY story now? Then buckle up, ‘cause we are “go” for story, in three...two...one...
|
|
|
...
|
|
|
What am I doing? I clean forgot -- in order to make up stories, you need an imagination.
|
|
|
I killed mine at the age of eighteen. A thousand beers and -- BOOM! That sucker was dead and buried.
|
|
|
Rest in peace, my creativity!
|
|
|
*suck suck* *begins to draw a picture*
|
|
|
Look! Maggie's drawing something, I think SHE wants to tell a story!
|
|
|
It looks like her block train!
|
|
|
Ooh! That's how we'll do this: Maggie, YOU make up the story and your father will translate!
|
| Quest reward: 100 and 10
|
|
Christmas Doesn't Suck Suck Pt. 1
| After completing Christmas is Canceled Pt. 7:
|
|
|
Okay, so there was this really cool baby who liked playing with toy trains.
|
|
|
*suck suck*
|
|
|
Sorry, not “toy” trains -- real ones. In fact, she had just booked a ticket on the best train of all -- the North Pole Express!
|
|
|
Maggie, are you excited to go visit Santa Claus?
|
|
|
*suck suck*
|
|
|
Ooh, good idea! I'll bake fresh cookies to give to Santa.
|
|
|
*suck suck*
|
|
|
Yes. I'll be sure to make CHRISTMAS cookies. Obviously.
|
|
|
*suck suck*
|
|
|
Look, I know you're nervous to meet Father Christmas. But you're one year old. Get a grip.
|
Quest reward: Maggie
Task: Make Marge Triple-Check the Oven is Turned Off (4h, Simpson House)
Task: Make Maggie Draw a Picture for Santa (4h, Simpson House)
Task: Collect Cookies [x100]
|
|
|
*suck suck*
|
|
|
You're right Maggie! Santa's train is here to pick us up.
|
|
All aboard the Santa Express! Next stop, the South Pole!
|
|
|
*suck suck*
|
|
|
Oh, right. Let me turn this thing around...
|
| Quest reward: 100 and 10
|
|
Christmas Doesn't Suck Suck Pt. 2
| After completing Christmas Doesn't Suck Suck Pt. 1:
|
|
|
So Otto, how long have you been the conductor of the Santa Express?
|
|
|
Oh, ever since they invented magic trains that run on Christmas wishes.
|
|
|
Which was in, like, 2011. Elon Musk has trouble focusing on one project at a time.
|
|
|
*clunk* Whoops! The magic boiler needs more fuel. Do me a solid and tell it some of your Christmas wishes.
|
|
|
*suck suck suck suck suck suck suck suck suck suck suck suck suck*
|
|
|
I don't think the boiler speaks pacifier. I'm gonna need a translation, lady.
|
Task: Make Marge Have a Mundane Christmas Wish (4h, Toy Train)
Task: Make Maggie Draw a Picture of Her Christmas Wish (4h, Toy Train)
Task: Collect Cookies [x350])
On job start:
|
|
|
*suck suck*
|
|
|
Maggie says she'd like a new pacifier for Christmas.
|
|
|
That's depressingly practical, kid. Come on, think big. Seriously, or we'll freeze to death out here.
|
|
|
*suck suck*
|
|
|
How about: “Christmas every day of the year and infinity presents”?
|
|
|
Whoa! That did the trick! Yeah, we love when a kid asks for the impossible.
|
|
|
“Always leave ‘em a little disappointed”, Santa says. He's one sick puppy, Kris Kringle.
|
| Quest reward: 100 and 10
|
|
Christmas Doesn't Suck Suck Pt. 3
| After completing Christmas Doesn't Suck Suck Pt. 2:
|
|
|
North Pole! Everybody get out!
|
|
Otto! Remember that baby you brought on your last run? Gerald? One big, weird eyebrow?
|
|
|
*suck suck*
|
|
|
He stole Santa's sleigh, with all the presents!
|
|
Jolly Old Saint Nick freaked, crawled into a bowl of ‘nog, and ran off crying into the snow!
|
|
|
In this cold, it's probably best to just accept that he's dead. Well, Christmas was fun while it lasted, gang!
|
|
|
*suck suck*
|
|
|
Maggie says we can't give up! So what if Santa gets hypothermia and loses a few fingers and toes...?
|
|
|
*suck suck*
|
|
|
...and, yes, probably his nose, too. We can still save him!
|
Task: Make Marge Look for Santa (8h, Santa's House, The North Pole or Brown House)
Task: Make Maggie Resent Gerald (8h, Santa's House, The North Pole or Brown House)
Task: Place Pile of Presents [x3]
Task: Collect Cookies [x350]
|
|
|
Over here! I think we found him!
|
|
|
More ‘nog. Just want eggy oblivion...
|
|
|
Don't give up, Santa! The world loves you!
|
|
*notices Marge, instantly sobers* Whoa! Happy Christmas, gorgeous. We don't see many naughty girls up here.
|
|
|
*suck suck*
|
|
|
She doesn't like that you're hitting on her mother, Sir.
|
|
|
Hey, what Mrs. Claus don't know won't kill her. Aw, crap! Cheese it, she's here!
|
|
Santa, there you are!
|
| Quest reward: 100 and 10
|
|
Christmas Doesn't Suck Suck Pt. 4
| After completing Christmas Doesn't Suck Suck Pt. 3:
|
|
|
Mom? Dad? How come in both your stories, you're with other people?
|
|
|
I guess that IS pretty dark for a Christmas update. Best not to think about it.
|
|
|
Probably means nothing. Or, something huge. No way to know, really. Anyhoo...
|
|
|
Come on, Santa. Let's get you back home.
|
|
|
What about the stolen presents, Santa? Don't you want your sleigh back?
|
|
|
Just let the big guy sleep it off. We can push Christmas a few days, right?
|
|
|
I think Canada celebrates Christmas on February 6th or something. We'll do it then.
|
|
|
*suck suck*
|
|
|
You're right, Maggie. I won't let America get dragged down to Canada's level, either. Let's save American Christmas!
|
Task: Make Marge Look for Baby Gerald (4h, Santa's House, The North Pole or Brown House)
Task: Make Maggie Help Look for Baby Gerald (4h, Santa's House, The North Pole or Brown House)
Task: Collect Cookies [x350]
|
|
|
Look Maggie, up ahead there's a creepy castle made of toys. That could be Baby Gerald's evil lair.
|
|
|
*suck suck*
|
|
|
Geez, I don't think we have to get quite THAT violent with him. Take it easy, kiddo.
|
| Quest reward: 100 and 10
|
|
Christmas Doesn't Suck Suck Pt. 5
| After completing Christmas Doesn't Suck Suck Pt. 4:
|
|
|
Gerald! The jig is up! Fork over the sleigh and no one gets hurt!
|
|
*ominous glare*
|
|
|
Easy, Gerald. It's not too late to get back on the Nice List. Just put down the toy gun and let's talk.
|
|
|
*ominous glare*
|
|
|
*suck suck*
|
|
|
*ominous glare*
|
|
|
*suck suck*
|
|
|
I was praying it wouldn't come to this...
|
|
|
BABY DANCE BATTLE!
|
Task: Make Maggie Have a Baby Dance Battle (8h, Toy Fortress)
If the user has Baby Gerald: Task: Make Gerald Have a Baby Dance Battle (8h, Toy Fortress)
Task: Make Marge Watch a Baby Dance Battle (8h, Toy Fortress)
Task: Collect Cookies [x350]
|
|
|
*exhausted glare*
|
|
|
*suck suck*
|
|
|
Okay, seriously, who won? I mean, you both just danced like babies for a while. It's hard to tell.
|
|
|
*cries*
|
|
|
Way to go, Maggie!
|
|
|
Into the sleigh, Bad Baby Gerald! We're sending you home!
|
| Quest reward: 100 and 10
|
|
Christmas Doesn't Suck Suck Pt. 6
| After completing Christmas Doesn't Suck Suck Pt. 5:
|
|
|
I always thought it was reindeer that pulled Santa's sleigh, but these greyhounds are pretty cute.
|
|
|
*suck suck*
|
|
|
Yes, it certainly was sweet of you to work Santa's Little Helper into the story.
|
|
|
That's great fan service, Maggie!
|
Task: Make Marge Drive the Greyhound Sleigh (12h, Greyhound Sleigh, Maggie)
If the user has Santa's Little Helper: Task: Make Santa's Little Helper Lead the Greyhound Sleigh (12h, Greyhound Sleigh)
|
|
|
Your sleigh's all packed and ready to go, Santa!
|
|
|
Not in my current condition. I could run over some kid, and the laws against drunk sleighing are WAY draconian now.
|
|
|
You must deliver the presents, Marge. And when you get back, why not stay a while?
|
|
|
What about Mrs. Claus?
|
|
|
She went out for candy canes and hasn't come back. I think she met another immortal fatso.
|
|
|
Oh, you poor man!
|
|
|
So what do you say? I could make you very jolly...
|
|
|
*girlish giggle*
|
| Quest reward: 200 and 20
|
|
Christmas is Canceled Pt. 8
| After completing Christmas Doesn't Suck Suck Pt. 6:
|
|
|
*ow* Marge, Maggie punched me!
|
|
|
*suck suck*
|
|
|
That's what you get for ending another Christmas story with a Homer/Marge make-out fest.
|
|
...and remember folks -- the holidays is no time for moderation! Please drink Duff irresponsibly!
|
|
|
*screams* The TV is working again, oh thank goodness! Christmas is saved!
|
|
*unplugs TV* Not so fast! You didn't really think you'd sit around telling stories and leave out old Abe?!
|
|
|
Hold tight to your cocoa, ‘cause I've got a lulu for ya!
|
Task: Make the Simpsons Escape Grampa's Storytelling [x5] (4h, Simpson House)
On job start:
|
|
|
...and that's how Eugene McCarthy saved Santa's Workshop from the creeping threat of elf socialism.
|
|
|
Of course, the foiled Reds weren't about to just sit on their heels. Which is why they put together the greatest baseball team in history, the 1958 Albany Commie Spies, led by a young me.
|
|
|
Santa was fielding a pretty crackerjack squad himself. Mostly reindeer, but also the illegitimate half-elf son of Shoeless Joe Jackson.
|
|
|
So, the World Series matchup was set...
|
| Quest reward: 100 and 10
|
|
|
