• New article from the Springfield Shopper: Season 30 News: A Special Guest was announced for “My Way or the Highway to Heaven” and “Baby You Can’t Drive My Car”
  • Check out the article for the upcoming Tapped Out mini-event, Poochie's Dog Dayz!
  • Only a few hours left of the Tapped Out Itchy & Scratchy Land event!
  • Wikisimpsons has a Discord server! Click here for your invite! Join to talk about the wiki, Simpsons and Tapped Out news, or just to talk to other users.
  • Make an account! It's easy, free, and your work on the wiki can be attributed to you.
  • Welcome to Wikisimpsons!
TwitterFacebookDiscord

The Simpsons: Tapped Out Level 37 content update

Wikisimpsons - The Simpsons Wiki
034 "Level 36"
035
"Level 37"
"Thanksgiving 2013" 036

The Simpsons: Tapped Out Level 37 content update is the The thirty-fifth content update for The Simpsons: Tapped Out and was bereleased on November 7, 2013. It included two characters, Kirk and Luann. Three buildings, Bachelor Arms Apartments, Cracker Factory, and Office of Unemployment and three decoration, the Southern Cracker Fountain, Golden Calf Idol, and Fleet-A-Pita Van.

Level Up Message

Its level up is message is spoken by Hank Scorpio

        Level Up Message
        Level37.png

Characters

Image Name Unlock message
Luann Van Houten.png Luann Tapped Out Unlock Luann.png
Kirk Van Houten.png Kirk Tapped Out Unlock Kirk.png

Buildings

Image Name Building time Costs Task Character(s) unlocked when built Level required
Bachelor Arms Apartments Tapped Out.png Bachelor Arms Apartments 24h Cash.png84,500 Not Using the Kitchens Kirk 37
Office of Unemployment Tapped Out.png Office of Unemployment 1d 12h Cash.png103,500 Paying TV Writers on Hiatus 37
Cracker Factory Tapped Out.png Cracker Factory Donut Tapped Out.png150 Luann

Decorations

Image Name Costs Character(s) unlocked when built Level required
Tapped Out Southern Cracker Fountain.png Southern Cracker Fountain Donut Tapped Out.png30
Tapped Out Golden Calf Idol.png Golden Calf Idol Donut Tapped Out.png30
Tapped Out Fleet-A-Pita Van.png Fleet-A-Pita Van Krustyland Ticket.png500
Or
Cash.png5,600

Gameplay

Level 37 Gameplay

Candy Day

After tapping on Bart's exclamation mark
Tapped Out Bart Icon.png Milhouse, you look different. New inhaler? New medicated scalp shampoo? New spine shaper?
Tapped Out Milhouse Icon.png This is what I look when I'm happy.
Tapped Out Bart Icon.png What do you have to be happy about? You're Milhouse.
Tapped Out Milhouse Icon.png Exactly! And today is Milhouse Day!
Tapped Out Milhouse Icon.png It's a holiday I just invente, and it occurs every day!
Tapped Out Milhouse Icon.png No parents, no homework, and no ear medicine -- just all the candy we can eat! This will go down in history!
Tapped Out Bart Icon.png That's a tall order considering our video-game-shortened attention spans... Oh hey Milhouse, you look different.
The player receives "Candy Day" which is to "Make Bart Shop at Kwik E Mart" and "Make Milhouse shop At Kwik E Mart". It takes total 1 hours and the player receives total Cash.png240 and XP.png44 in reward.

Bachelor Arms

After tapping on Marge's exclamation mark
Tapped Out Marge Icon.png I'd hate to seem "un-cool" or "un-hip" or "without wiggy" but...
Tapped Out Marge Icon.png I've noticed a lot of children happily wandering around without the judgmental eye of a parent questioning all of their choices.
Tapped Out Rev. Lovejoy Icon.png Look Marge, when you asked to help with the Church's bake sale, I expressly forbade meddling.
Tapped Out Marge Icon.png Mmmmm...
Tapped Out Rev. Lovejoy Icon.png And grumbling.
Tapped Out Rev. Lovejoy Icon.png Alright fine, as a favor to God, what is you concern?
Tapped Out Marge Icon.png It's Milhouse. I'm starting to think that he's a bad influence on Bart.
Tapped Out Rev. Lovejoy Icon.png Right, and Jesus was a bad influence on Judas.
Tapped Out Rev. Lovejoy Icon.png Instead of talking to THE father, why not talk to HIS father? My wife tells me he's in the doghouse again at the Bachelor Arms.
The player receives "Bachelor Arms" which is to "Build the Bachelor Arms". It takes 24 hours and the player receives total Cash.png100 and XP.png10 in reward.

Weekend Dad Pt. 1

After tapping on Milhouse's exclamation mark
Tapped Out Milhouse Icon.png Dad! You're back! Just when I thought I would have to go through puberty without male guidance.
Tapped Out Milhouse Icon.png Luckily, I'm a late bloomer.
Tapped Out Kirk Icon.png All the Van Houten's are late bloomers. It's actually our family crest.
Tapped Out Kirk Icon.png My head hurts. The last thing I remember was arguing with your mother.
Tapped Out Kirk Icon.png Then I woke up in my old bachelor pad, locked in the trunk of my racecar bed.
Tapped Out Kirk Icon.png Is this Springfield? What happened here?
Tapped Out Milhouse Icon.png That's a long story, but I can tell you all about it!
Tapped Out Kirk Icon.png How about over dinner? Good ol' dad's gonna treat you to the finest restaurant in town! Let me check the change purse...
Tapped Out Kirk Icon.png On second thought, how about the finest restaurant most recently shut down by the health department?
The player receives "Weekend Dad Pt. 1" which is to "Make Kirk Eat at Krusty Burger" and "Make Milhouse Eat at Krusty Burger". It takes 30 minutes and the player receives total Cash.png180 and XP.png30 in reward.
Tapped Out Milhouse Icon.png Thanks, Dad — that was fun! Maybe we should make it a weekly thing?
Tapped Out Kirk Icon.png Let's not get our hopes up son. I am Kirk Van Houten after all — I may not always be rolling in so much spare change.
Tapped Out Kirk Icon.png But it's a new Springfield and a new me! From now on, when I cry in the shower, it will be standing up!

Weekend Dad Pt. 2

After tapping on Marge's exclamation mark
Tapped Out Marge Icon.png Kirk, I'm glad you're back. Milhouse has been a real bad influence on Bart lately.
Tapped Out Kirk Icon.png Milhouse is now the bad kid! My kid is really moving up in the world. Usually it's Bart who needs to be reined in.
Tapped Out Marge Icon.png You've been gone for 36 levels and you have the gall to give me parenting advice?
Tapped Out Kirk Icon.png 36 levels? How many characters did they have to go through to get to me? Did they even have names?
Tapped Out Marge Icon.png I thought you knew. I'm really sorry to be breaking the fourth wall like this. Frankly, it's cheap storytelling.
Tapped Out Kirk Icon.png Cheap storytelling is all I deserve.
Tapped Out Kirk Icon.png No, I'm the new Kirk and I'm not going to let this get to me.
Tapped Out Kirk Icon.png I'm fine with level 36. 36 was a good year — I had most of my hair at 36.
Tapped Out Marge Icon.png You're actually level 37...
Tapped Out Kirk Icon.png I lost all of my hair at 37! They built an amusement park before bringing me back! Can you believe that, kid?
Tapped Out Ralph Icon.png I think I followed the wrong blue haired fat man home from the grocery store...
The player receives "Weekend Dad Pt. 2" which is to "Make Kirk Cry Sitting Down in the Shower". It takes 4 hours and the player receives total Cash.png275 and XP.png55 in reward.

Weekend Dad Pt. 3

After tapping on Kirk's exclamation mark
Tapped Out Kirk Icon.png There are just no job opportunities for a salt of the earth unsalted cracker man like myself.
Tapped Out Milhouse Icon.png Maybe you should try something new?
Tapped Out Kirk Icon.png Wafers? Biscuits? Tortillas? Biscotti?
Tapped Out Milhouse Icon.png Maybe you need to think a little bit more outside the box.
Tapped Out Kirk Icon.png But I already lost the company millions with Crackers in a Bag.
Tapped Out Milhouse Icon.png Why don't you go out and look for something new? I'm sure you'll be bringing home the bacon in no time.
Tapped Out Kirk Icon.png Bacon? Not on my budget.
The player receives "Weekend Dad Pt. 3" which is to "Make Kirk Thaw Frozen Hotdogs in the Sink". It takes 12 hours and the player receives total Cash.png520 and XP.png110 in reward.
Tapped Out Kirk Icon.png What am I doing? I was given a fresh start and already I'm eating expired partially thawed hot dogs.
Tapped Out Kirk Icon.png Luann will never take me back if I don't turn myself around and get a job.
Tapped Out Marge Icon.png Maybe you should talk to Reverend Lovejoy.
Tapped Out Kirk Icon.png Because he always offers sage advice to those in need?
Tapped Out Marge Icon.png No, he's just a bit friendlier to people showing up at his doorstep uninvited.

Weekend Dad Pt. 4

After tapping on Kirk's exclamation mark
Tapped Out Kirk Icon.png Reverend, I'm here because I have nowhere else to go.
Tapped Out Rev. Lovejoy Icon.png I understand. Desperation is the number one reason why people turn to religion.
Tapped Out Kirk Icon.png Great, I'd like some money please.
Tapped Out Rev. Lovejoy Icon.png You can't just ask for money.
Tapped Out Kirk Icon.png Isn't that the point of the collection plate?
Tapped Out Rev. Lovejoy Icon.png *sigh* If I get you a job interview, will you promise to leave and never to come back?
Tapped Out Kirk Icon.png At least the first part!
The player receives "Weekend Dad Pt. 4" which is to "Make Kirk Work at the School". It takes 24 hours and the player receives total Cash.png700 and XP.png160 in reward.
Tapped Out Willie Icon.png You want to learn the ancient art of groundskeeping do ye? Well, it's going to be a long road filled with arduous trials.
Tapped Out Willie Icon.png Why I bet you don't know the first thing about being a groundskeeper?
Tapped Out Kirk Icon.png If someone vomits, clean it up.
Tapped Out Willie Icon.png You're a natural. Like a young me, only sadder. And fatter. And older.
Tapped Out Willie Icon.png Now hold open this trash bag while a student volunteer shovels in pig guts.
Tapped Out Willie Icon.png Add some chopped onion and you'll have a mean haggis.
Tapped Out Nelson Icon.png Haha! Milhouse's dad has a job!

Weekend Dad Pt. 5

After tapping on Milhouse's exclamation mark
Tapped Out Milhouse Icon.png You're the school janitor?
Tapped Out Milhouse Icon.png Couldn't you find an embarrassing soul-crushing job somewhere where everyone I know WOULDN'T see you?
Tapped Out Kirk Icon.png Actually, it's an unpaid internship. But I get to take home the uneaten taco shells every Taco Tuesday!
Tapped Out Milhouse Icon.png But if you're not getting paid, why even take the job?
Tapped Out Kirk Icon.png Because life is like a marriage… you just have to keep plugging away at it no matter how awful it is.
Tapped Out Kirk Icon.png Besides, do you think a success story like Kent Brockman gets paid just to lie around all day?
The player receives "Weekend Dad Pt. 5" which is to "Make Brockman Relax". It takes 60 minutes and the player receives total Cash.png170 and XP.png27 in reward.
Tapped Out Kirk Icon.png Well that certainly showed me. I really wish I could have it that easy.
Tapped Out Milhouse Icon.png Why can't you?
Tapped Out Kirk Icon.png There's just nothing like that on my list of jobs.

Weekend Dad Pt. 6

After tapping on Kirk's exclamation mark
Tapped Out Kirk Icon.png Uh hey Principal Skinner. All these cleaning supplies are giving me a rash, and my health insurance turned out to be just a band-aid and a tic-tac.
Tapped Out Skinner Icon.png How much are we paying you?
Tapped Out Kirk Icon.png Nothing.
Tapped Out Skinner Icon.png Oh no, we can't afford that. You're fired, immediately.
Tapped Out Kirk Icon.png Oh no, another failure. What am I going to do?
Tapped Out Lisa Icon.png Mr. Van Houten, perhaps I can be of some help.
Tapped Out Kirk Icon.png Marry Milhouse and give me one less mouth to feed?
Tapped Out Lisa Icon.png Not in a thousand years. But there's a job opening at the Springfield Library.
Tapped Out Kirk Icon.png What is it? CEO? CFO? Head Librarian?
The player receives "Weekend Dad Pt. 6" which is to "Make Kirk Work as a Library Door Monitor". It takes 12 hours and the player receives total Cash.png120 and XP.png210 in reward.

Weekend Dad Pt. 7

After tapping on Wiggum's exclamation mark
Tapped Out Wiggum Icon.png Alright, vagrant. I'm placing you under arrest for loitering without a laptop or half-finished screenplay.
Tapped Out Kirk Icon.png But I'm not a vagrant or a hack writer! I work here!
Tapped Out Wiggum Icon.png A likely story! And a pretty good one. Good enough that it belongs in MY half-finished screenplay “All Hail the Chief: A Wiggum Adventure.”
Tapped Out Wiggum Icon.png Lou, bring him in for questioning about his backstory.
The player receives "Weekend Dad Pt. 7" which is to "Make Kirk Serve Time". It takes total 24 hours and the player receives total Cash.png700 and XP.png160 in reward.

Weekend Dad Pt. 8

After tapping on Fat Tony's exclamation mark
Tapped Out Fat Tony Icon.png Mr. Van Houten! Before you return to your life of drudgery, perhaps you and I could come to some sort of favorable agreement.
Tapped Out Fat Tony Icon.png I happen to have a legitimate job that needs doing, but all my employees are only trained in illegitimate jobs.
Tapped Out Fat Tony Icon.png You see, an associate of mine has built some new condos, and it would please him greatly if someone were to help him in the sales department.
Tapped Out Kirk Icon.png Like a real-estate agent?
Tapped Out Fat Tony Icon.png I suppose you could look at it that way; but no, in reality not so much.
Tapped Out Fat Tony Icon.png Perhaps I could say you have no choice in the matter. That it's either this or you sleep with the fishes.
Tapped Out Kirk Icon.png That's a choice.
Tapped Out Fat Tony Icon.png I can see why your wife divorced you.
Tapped Out Kirk Icon.png That was a low blow. Lucky for you, I respond well to being belittled. You've got yourself an employee.
The player receives "Weekend Dad Pt. 8" which is to "Make Kirk Advertise Condos". It takes total 12 hours and the player receives total Cash.png520 and XP.png110 in reward.

Weekend Dad Pt. 9

After tapping on Cletus's exclamation mark
Tapped Out Cletus Icon.png Hot dog! That's some top notch standin'. You interested in graduatin' up to the big leagues?
Tapped Out Kirk Icon.png I'll do anything to get out of being a human sign! What do you need?
Tapped Out Cletus Icon.png A human scarecrow. Them crows can smell failure a mile away.
Tapped Out Kirk Icon.png A job where failure's a requirement? Everything's coming up Kirk!
Tapped Out Cletus Icon.png You'll have to provide your own tattered clothes... but I sees you got those already.
The player receives "Weekend Dad Pt. 9" which is to "Make Kirk Protect Crops". It takes total 16 hours and the player receives total Cash.png600 and XP.png120 in reward.

Weekend Dad Pt. 10

After tapping on Milhouse's exclamation mark
Tapped Out Milhouse Icon.png Dad, I haven't seen you in ages. Is it because you found a job?
Tapped Out Kirk Icon.png I didn't just find one job, I found several. Why work one job with benefits when you can work lots of jobs without any at all?
Tapped Out Kirk Icon.png It's the new American dream!
Tapped Out Milhouse Icon.png Great, want to go eat out at a restaurant to celebrate?
Tapped Out Kirk Icon.png Even better idea. How about I go work at a restaurant to celebrate?
The player receives "Weekend Dad Pt. 10" which is to "Make Kirk Work as an Assistant Dishwasher". It takes total 12 hours and the player receives total Cash.png520 and XP.png110 in reward.

Weekend Dad Pt. 11

After tapping on Kirk's exclamation mark
Tapped Out Kirk Icon.png Milhouse, would it be too scarring for you if you rocked your old man to sleep in your arms, stroking his hair, telling him it's all going to work out?
Tapped Out Milhouse Icon.png You lost your job again, didn't you?
Tapped Out Kirk Icon.png Kids are just too perceptive these days.
Tapped Out Milhouse Icon.png Don't worry -- I've got it covered! You know how all these years, you've that being friends with Bart was a waste of time?
Tapped Out Milhouse Icon.png Well, not any more! His dad is desperate to hire someone!
Tapped Out Kirk Icon.png What kind of job could Homer possibly be hiring for?
Tapped Out Milhouse Icon.png I don't know -- but he said it's in the game industry.
The player receives "Weekend Dad Pt. 11" which is to "Make Kirk Gold-Farm in Homer's Happy Little Elves Game". It takes total 24 hours and the player receives total Cash.png120 and XP.png210 in reward.
Tapped Out Homer Icon.png Just keep doing the shortest jobs possible over and over again.
Tapped Out Homer Icon.png That's the best way for me to get gold in Happy Little Elves game.
Tapped Out Kirk Icon.png Can't you just buy some Elf Berries?
Tapped Out Homer Icon.png I don't pay you to think. I pay you to tap!

Weekend Dad Pt. 12

After tapping on Homer's exclamation mark
Tapped Out Homer Icon.png That was a great first day, Kirk.
Tapped Out Homer Icon.png Now it's time for you to work your first night. And then the next day, and then the next night, and...
Tapped Out Kirk Icon.png But Homer, I need to sleep.
Tapped Out Homer Icon.png Fine, you can sleep after that. But I'm docking all this sleeping time you're taking from your salary.
The player receives "Weekend Dad Pt. 12" which is to "Make Kirk Gold-Farm in Homer's Happy Little Elves Game (x3)" again. It takes total 24 hours and the player receives total Cash.png160 and XP.png610 in reward.

Weekend Dad Pt. 13

After tapping on Homer's exclamation mark
Tapped Out Homer Icon.png Great work, Milhouse's Dad! Now I believe your cut was ten percent of the gold you farned me...
Tapped Out Kirk Icon.png What?! You're going to pay me in-game currency? What good is that going to do me?!
Tapped Out Homer Icon.png Maybe you haven't noticed, but it's all in-game currency around here. No one says "dollars" anymore.
Tapped Out Kirk Icon.png Well, at least give me some premium currency then!
Tapped Out Homer Icon.png Donuts? Fat chance, fatso!
Tapped Out Kirk Icon.png I'm not the fatso -- you're the fatso!
Tapped Out Homer Icon.png I believe you mean, "you're the fatso, boss."
Tapped Out Homer Icon.png Here, I'll pay you this thing I found in the basement. It's been around for years and no one wants it. Just like you.
Tapped Out Kirk Icon.png Wow, that was really mean.
Tapped Out Homer Icon.png I know. I felt bad as soon as I said it, sorry. I think I'm just depressed because your life is so sucky.
Message A Golden Calf Idol has been placed in your inventory.
The player receives "Weekend Dad Pt. 13" which is to "Place the Golden Calf Idol". The player receives total Cash.png100 and XP.png10 in reward.

Weekend Dad Pt. 14

After tapping on Kirk's exclamation mark
Tapped Out Kirk Icon.png I bet I can pawn this cow off at the comic book shop. He collects all sorts of weird stuff.
Tapped Out Comic Book Guy Icon.png Ah, the golden statue from the discontinued dance show Twerkcules and the Golden Calf.
Tapped Out Comic Book Guy Icon.png Unfortunately, this is a fake. Therefore, I will give you nothing for it.
Tapped Out Kirk Icon.png Nothing? I was hoping for a little more than that!
Tapped Out Comic Book Guy Icon.png Fine, I will pay you something, but only if you stand around in the shop.
Tapped Out Comic Book Guy Icon.png Your presence makes my customers feel better about their own lives by comparison.
The player receives "Weekend Dad Pt. 14" which is to "Make Kirk Get Belittled by Nerds". It takes total 12 hours and the player receives total Cash.png520 and XP.png110 in reward.
Tapped Out Kirk Icon.png You know Milhouse, things are really looking up. Today I got a job based solely off my looks. Now I know how models feel.
Tapped Out Milhouse Icon.png Sounds like people are finally appreciating you. Maybe now we can throw out all your vision boards?

Weekend Dad Pt. 15

After tapping on Milhouse's exclamation mark
Tapped Out Milhouse Icon.png I guess you're just about ready to nail a job as a big time manager, huh dad?
Tapped Out Kirk Icon.png Yeah, about that... it doesn't seem like getting work experience is all that helpful in actually getting work.
Tapped Out Kirk Icon.png These jobs are all dead ends.
Tapped Out Kirk Icon.png What I need is time to network in all those cracker factory social circles, maybe graduate up to the glitzy world of graham crackers.
Tapped Out Milhouse Icon.png But who's going to pay you to take time off and noodle around, looking for your dream job?
Tapped Out Kirk Icon.png The government!
The player receives "Weekend Dad Pt. 15" which is to "Build the Unemployment Office" and "Make Kirk Collect Unemployment Check". The player receives total Cash.png700 and XP.png160 in reward.
Tapped Out Kirk Icon.png Wow, a check for doing nothing! Finally the government is good for something other than just building roads and hospitals.

Weekend Dad Pt. 16

After tapping on Milhouse's exclamation mark
Tapped Out Milhouse Icon.png Dad, when I grow up I'm going to be unemployed. Just like you!
Tapped Out Kirk Icon.png My son wants to follow in my footsteps. I am so proud.
Tapped Out Kirk Icon.png This is cause for a celebration! The Van Houtens are going to dine on the best food an unemployment check will allow!
The player receives "Weekend Dad Pt. 16" which is to "Make Kirk Eat at Krusty Burger" and "Make Milhouse Eat at Krusty Burger". It takes 30 minutes and the player receives total Cash.png180 and XP.png30 in reward.
Tapped Out Milhouse Icon.png You know, with you not working all the time, it's been nice to actually spend some time together.
Tapped Out Kirk Icon.png Without a job to get in the way, I see now that the most important thing in life is family.
Tapped Out Kirk Icon.png And government-provided unemployment benefits. Yeah, mostly that.

Luann

Money vs. Milhouse Pt. 1

After tapping on Luann's exclamation mark
Tapped Out Luann Icon.png Oh, Milhouse, my sweet sweet treasure! Mommy's come home.
Tapped Out Milhouse Icon.png You're back! Finally someone who knows how to open the dryer. My pants are so damp.
Tapped Out Luann Icon.png No so fast, baby bear. Mommy has to head to the factory and check on our family's bread and butter - crackers!
Tapped Out Luann Icon.png Can you make yourself dinner?
Tapped Out Milhouse Icon.png Dad taught me how to cook eggs on the radiator of the car.
Tapped Out Luann Icon.png *Sigh* Your father spends one Labor Day Weekend in a homeless shelter and suddenly he's full of hobo tricks.
Tapped Out Luann Icon.png Hold on an I'll cook you something nutritious to eat.
The player receives "Money vs. Milhouse Pt. 1" which is to "Make Luann make Mommy Meals for Milhouse" and "Make Luann Check on the Cracker Factory". It takes total 13 hours and the player receives total Cash.png805 and XP.png186 in reward.
Tapped Out Luann Icon.png Milhouse, sit down, I've got some big news to tell you.
Tapped Out Milhouse Icon.png I can't sit down. I'm only programmed to walk and fade away into a house.
Tapped Out Luann Icon.png That is exactly the tomfoolery I won't have time for when I'm running the cracker factory!
Tapped Out Luann Icon.png I became the new owner today!
Tapped Out Milhouse Icon.png What happened to Grandpa Mussolini?
Tapped Out Luann Icon.png My first act as CEO will be to enact some new safety regulations.
Tapped Out Luann Icon.png Such as no one over the age of 80 can roller skate near the cracker cutters.

Money vs. Milhouse Pt. 2

After tapping on Luann's exclamation mark
Tapped Out Luann Icon.png Now since I am new to the world of business, I need to network to make important and exciting contacts.
Tapped Out Milhouse Icon.png I could introduce you to my friends. They are the working generation of tomorrow.
Tapped Out Luann Icon.png No, I don't want to see Kearny again... too many painful memories.
Tapped Out Milhouse Icon.png So where are you going to network?
Tapped Out Luann Icon.png At the only bar in town that accepts industrial cracker salt as payment.
Tapped Out Milhouse Icon.png Just don't come home with another new uncle. I think the last one stole my walkie talkies.
The player receives "Money vs. Milhouse Pt. 2" which is to "Make Luann Go to Moe's" "Make Milhouse Go to his Room". It takes 4 hours and the player receives total Cash.png535 and XP.png125 in reward.

Money vs. Milhouse Pt. 3

After tapping on Milhouse's exclamation mark
Tapped Out Milhouse Icon.png Mom, what are all these boxes? Are they presents?
Tapped Out Luann Icon.png Well, they're presents for somebody. Somebody special. Me!
The player receives "Money vs. Milhouse Pt. 3" which is to "Make Luann Relax in a Jacuzzi Suit" and "Make Luann Ride in the MegaGlobe". It takes 36 hours and the player receives total Cash.png1,700 and XP.png385 in reward.

Money vs. Milhouse Pt. 4

After tapping on Milhouse's exclamation mark
Tapped Out Milhouse Icon.png Mom, you've been a CEO for a week and haven't gone into the office once.
Tapped Out Milhouse Icon.png You just keep ordering inspirational business posters.
Tapped Out Luann Icon.png I'll have you know the key to success is inspirational business posters. So says this poster.
Tapped Out Milhouse Icon.png Dad always says never waste your money on office decorations. Or office supplies. Or working fire exits.
Tapped Out Luann Icon.png If your father's so smart, then why didn't he inherit a cracker factory?
Tapped Out Milhouse Icon.png I'm just worried about paying for all this stuff.
Tapped Out Luann Icon.png Don't be. Because I'm going to hire the most expensive financial consultant money can buy!
The player receives "Money vs. Milhouse Pt. 4" which is to "Make Luann Get an Overpriced Consultant". It takes 12 hours and the player receives total Cash.png52 and XP.png115 in reward.

Money vs. Milhouse Pt. 5

After tapping on Milhouse's exclamation mark
Tapped Out Milhouse Icon.png I know that look. It's the same look Dad had when he was rejected from that medical study.
Tapped Out Milhouse Icon.png Do you have clinically depressed sperm too?
Tapped Out Luann Icon.png No, Milhouse. I maxed out the credit cards on that fancy consultant.
Tapped Out Luann Icon.png Looks like we'll have to discontinue our gluten-free, salt-free, reduced-taste cracker line.
Tapped Out Milhouse Icon.png The Milhouse Signature? But I told all my friends I had a cracker named after me. They're both going to be disappointed.
Tapped Out Luann Icon.png I promise I can fix things. I just need to hire some new staff.
Tapped Out Milhouse Icon.png But I thought you said all the money was gone.
Tapped Out Luann Icon.png Remember when mommy and daddy weren't talking and tried to buy your love with two allowances. You saved all that right?
Tapped Out Milhouse Icon.png I was going to buy Lisa's love with it, but my cracker legacy is more important. You can have it.
The player receives "Money vs. Milhouse Pt. 5" which is to "Make Luann Run the Cracker Factory" (x2) and "Make Springfield's Working Class Work at the Cracker Factory" (x3).
Tapped Out Luann Icon.png Look Milhouse, I singlehandedly saved the factory.
Tapped Out Milhouse Icon.png That's great! Does this mean I get my money back?
Tapped Out Luann Icon.png Sorry sweetheart but corporate bonuses come first.
Tapped Out Luann Icon.png And bad news, the Milhouse Signature was banned by the FDA. They said a cracker can't be more than 80% cardboard.

The Investorettes Pt. 1

After tapping on Krabappel's exclamation mark:
Tapped Out Edna Icon.png The Cracker Factory is really booming, Luann. Any tips for us amateur investors?
Tapped Out Luann Icon.png Well, I could tell you my secret but then I'd have to kill you.
Tapped Out Luann Icon.png Just kidding, the cracker business hasn't been a front for the mob since 1973.
Tapped Out Agnes Icon.png We've been planning to pool our money and buy a business but we can't decide which. We'd love your opinion.
Tapped Out Edna Icon.png I'm leaning towards a company that specializes in Hawaiian shirts for dogs.
Tapped Out Agnes Icon.png And I think Hawaiian shirts give dogs bad ideas. We're in quite the stand off.
The player receives "The Investorettes Pt. 1" which is to "Make Luann Go to an Investorettes Meeting", "Make Mrs. Krabappel Go to an Investorettes Meeting", and "Make Agnes Go to an Investorettes Meeting". It takes 12 hours and the player receives total Cash.png1,540 and XP.png360 in reward.

The Investorettes Pt. 2

After tapping on Krabappel's exclamation mark
Tapped Out Edna Icon.png You're right, Luann. One of the safest investments is a restaurant. But why stop there – how about a fast food franchise?
Tapped Out Luann Icon.png The timing is perfect – we haven't built a health department yet!
The player receives "The Investorettes Pt. 2" which is to "Place a Fleet-A-Pita". The player receives total Cash.png100 and XP.png10 in reward.
Tapped Out Agnes Icon.png I'm in charge of coming up with the slogan. How about “Eat Up, You Fat Slobs!”

The Investorettes Pt. 3

After tapping on Krabappel's exclamation mark
Tapped Out Edna Icon.png Now the real work begins, it's time to roll up our sleeves and get cookin'!
Tapped Out Agnes Icon.png My sleeves will stay down, thank you. This isn't Woodstock.
Tapped Out Luann Icon.png Why stress ourselves out with chopping and frying?
Tapped Out Luann Icon.png We're business owners not business workers, let's hire the local riffraff and pay them next to nothing.
Tapped Out Luann Icon.png Then we'll sit back and watch the money roll in like it exploded out of a giant floating thumbs up.
The player receives "The Investorettes Pt. 3" which is to "Make Local Chumps Work a Fleet-A-Pita Shift" (x3) and "Make Springfieldeans Eat at Pita at Fleet-A-Pita" (x15).

The Investorettes Pt. 4

After tapping on Krabappel's exclamation mark
Tapped Out Edna Icon.png We're a hit! All those years spent embezzling field trip money have finally paid off.
Tapped Out Edna Icon.png And I think those kids still learned a lot on those retreats to the school's parking lot.
Tapped Out Luann Icon.png It's time to act like my husband's waistline and expand, expand, expand!
The player receives "The Investorettes Pt. 4" which is to "Have a Chain of Fleet-A-Pitas" (x5)and "Make Springfieldeans Eat at Fleet-A-Pita" (x20).
Tapped Out Luann Icon.png Thanks to cutting employee pay and replacing our meat with M.E.A.T: Meat Brand Substitute, we're raking in the dough.
Tapped Out Luann Icon.png I think it's finally time to splurge a little bit. I'm going to invest in some quality all-natural blue eyebrows.
Tapped Out Agnes Icon.png I think Seymour is becoming too independent – like a dog in a Hawaiian shirt. I want to get him microchipped.
Tapped Out Edna Icon.png I was thinking of buying something nice for that lonely kid-
Tapped Out Edna Icon.png -ney shaped pool in my backyard. Solid gold pool noodles!
Tapped Out Agnes Icon.png Ladies, we've done it again. Investorettes: 1 Springfield: 0. Suck it, Sucktown!
Tapped Out Edna Icon.png You're not allowed to come up with anymore slogans.

Hardly Kirk-Ing Pt. 1

After tapping on Kirk's exclamation mark
Tapped Out Kirk Icon.png Hey Luann! All my years of hard work finally paid off, by not paying off at all. I'm getting free checks from the government!
Tapped Out Kirk Icon.png I'm even thinking about buying back my molars from that pawnshop. Do YOU get paid to do nothing?
Tapped Out Luann Icon.png Basically, yes. Running a cracker factory is like being on unemployment, only with more money and fewer forms.
Tapped Out Kirk Icon.png Oh man, I've got to fill out one form every two weeks. Why can't I win?
Tapped Out Luann Icon.png Because you're a loser. You're the only man I know with a World's Second Best Dad mug.
Tapped Out Kirk Icon.png Please give me back my job at the Cracker Factory. I'm not above begging. In fact, I'm well below it.
Tapped Out Luann Icon.png So you want to come crawling back to crackers?
Tapped Out Luann Icon.png Fine, I'll hire you Kirk. But you'll have to start at the beginning – as a cracker intern.
The player receives "Hardly Kirk-Ing Pt. 1" which is to "Make Luann Run the Cracker Factory" and "Make Kirk Work at the Cracker Factory". It takes total 8 hours and the player receives total Cash.png795 and XP.png185 in reward.
Tapped Out Kirk Icon.png Long day at the factory. Turns out I only get two 15-minute breaks and both I'm required to spend working.
Tapped Out Kirk Icon.png And I'm pretty sure half of the employees are pairs of children wearing giant trench coats.
Tapped Out Luann Icon.png You better not report those kids – I mean stacked adults – to the government or else I'll have you fired.
Tapped Out Kirk Icon.png I didn't think it was possible, but you've ruined the magic of crackers. You don't have to fire me — I quit.

Hardly Kirk-Ing Pt. 2

After tapping on Luann's exclamation mark
Tapped Out Luann Icon.png Kirk, if you want to stay a part of this family, you are going to have to get a real job.
Tapped Out Luann Icon.png And I know what you're thinking, and that doesn't include organ donor.
Tapped Out Kirk Icon.png I've been dedicating my time to the most important job there is – being a father.
Tapped Out Luann Icon.png Where's Milhouse right now?
Tapped Out Kirk Icon.png Trick question! That's not our son's name. Oh wait, it is. Fine, I'll get a job. Do you mind taking a look at my resume?
Tapped Out Luann Icon.png Hmm... cleaning vomit, scaring away birds, groveling… actually I might have the perfect job for you.
Tapped Out Luann Icon.png You can manage one of my Fleet-A-Pitas! Well, assistant manage. Actually just work there.
Tapped Out Kirk Icon.png I'm in management!
The player receives "Hardly Kirk-Ing Pt. 2" which is to "Make Kirk Clean Up Fleet-A-Pitas". It takes total 16 hours and the player receives total Cash.png600 and XP.png120 in reward.
Tapped Out Kirk Icon.png I can't do this anymore. I can't pedal pita when in my heart I know it's just a soft, salt-less, un-American substitute cracker.
Tapped Out Kirk Icon.png But how can I tell Luann that I want to quit?
Tapped Out Kirk Icon.png Maybe I can fake my own death, convince Luann I'm a ghost and live in the crawl space.
Tapped Out Kirk Icon.png Nah, she wouldn't fall for that a second time.

Hardly Kirk-Ing Pt. 3

After tapping on Kirk's exclamation mark
Tapped Out Kirk Icon.png Hey Homer, you seem to have it all together. Can I ask you for some advice?
Tapped Out Homer Icon.png Never train a monkey to do your job for you because then you'll get a monkey boss. There you go! The first one's free.
Tapped Out Kirk Icon.png Thanks Homer. But I was looking for some advice about my marriage.
Tapped Out Homer Icon.png Never bring the monkey home. You're welcome!
Tapped Out Kirk Icon.png Luann doesn't want me or need me.
Tapped Out Kirk Icon.png She's better at everything than I am – running the factory, raising our son, even peeing standing up.
Tapped Out Homer Icon.png Don't forget running the Cracker Factory.
Tapped Out Kirk Icon.png I already said that one.
Tapped Out Homer Icon.png She's just really good at it. Like so much better than you.
Tapped Out Kirk Icon.png What am I going to do, Homer?
Tapped Out Homer Icon.png Don't ask me. Marge handles all the relationship problems herself.
Tapped Out Homer Icon.png Why don't you try a book? I've heard good things about them from Lisa.
The player receives "Hardly Kirk-Ing Pt. 3" which is to "Make Kirk Borrow a Self Help Book". It takes total 60 minutes and the player receives total Cash.png170 and XP.png27 in reward.
Tapped Out Kirk Icon.png Those self-help books really showed me the error of my ways.
Tapped Out Kirk Icon.png It turns out the secret to a healthy relationship is appreciating your partner and buying more self-help books.
Tapped Out Homer Icon.png Oh yeah, showing appreciation is important.
Tapped Out Homer Icon.png For instance, Marge fixes me breakfast every morning. And I… uh… drink beer.
Tapped Out Kirk Icon.png I should do something special for Luann! Are coupons for free hugs still a thing?
Tapped Out Homer Icon.png This isn't your anniversary, Kirk. This calls for some serious romancing.
Tapped Out Homer Icon.png You should take her out to dinner… and don't order anything that requires a bib.
Tapped Out Kirk Icon.png That sounds expensive. How's an unemployed loser like me going to afford that?
Tapped Out Homer Icon.png Think of it as an investment. Invest money in Luann now, and once she lets you back in the house–
Tapped Out Kirk Icon.png I can steal money from her purse!

Hardly Kirk-Ing Pt. 4

After tapping on Kirk's exclamation mark
Tapped Out Kirk Icon.png Luann, we have to talk.
Tapped Out Luann Icon.png What is it this time?
Tapped Out Kirk Icon.png I know I've been a huge disappointment to you and that I don't deserve another chance but if you let me, I'd like to make it up to you.
Tapped Out Kirk Icon.png Let me take you to the most expensive dinner in town.
Tapped Out Kirk Icon.png It's where they make normal food look weird and taste almost exactly the same. El Chemistri!
Tapped Out Luann Icon.png Is there a catch? How can you afford this?
Tapped Out Kirk Icon.png The owner of the restaurant owes me a favor. I let him hit me with his car for fun.
The player receives "Hardly Kirk-Ing Pt. 4" which is to "Make Luann Dine at El Chemistri" and "Make Kirk Dine at El Chemistri". It takes total 4 hours and the player receives total Cash.png535 and XP.png125 in reward.
Tapped Out Luann Icon.png Kirk, I-I am speechless, I really didn't expect something this thoughtful from you.
Tapped Out Luann Icon.png I actually don't expect anything at all from you. Seriously ever.
Tapped Out Kirk Icon.png I'm always here to support you in this marriage, Luann.
Tapped Out Kirk Icon.png Emotionally, not financially. Just want to make that crystal clear.
Tapped Out Luann Icon.png Oh, Kirk. I guess you'll do.
Tapped Out Kirk Icon.png You have no idea how long I've waited to hear those words.

Hardly Kirk-Ing Pt. 5

After tapping on Luann's exclamation mark
Tapped Out Luann Icon.png I've thought it over and I think I haven't been fair to you.
Tapped Out Luann Icon.png As long as you're willing to do absolutely everything I say without question, then I'm willing to offer you your old management job back at the Cracker Factory.
Tapped Out Kirk Icon.png The job I was born for! Being an empty suit!
Tapped Out Luann Icon.png How about we carpool in the MegaGlobe today sweetheart? At least until I head to executive parking.
The player receives "Hardly Kirk-Ing Pt. 5" which is to "Make Luann Run the Cracker Factory" and "Make Kirk Run the Cracker Factory". It takes total 12 hours and the player receives total Cash.png940 and XP.png210 in reward.
Tapped Out Milhouse Icon.png I'm so glad my parents are no longer fighting!
Tapped Out Milhouse Icon.png At least for this week...