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The Simpsons: Tapped Out/Quotes

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Homer: I'm outside? Where'd inside go?


All the following quotes are from speech bubbles. If the quote is spoken in the character's voice, "[voice]" will be written next to the character's name in the spoken quote.
Homer: Hello, anybody here? Huh. I guess it's true what they say about atomic blasts—the safest place to be is ground zero. I wonder where my loving family is...and Bart. Whoa, whoa—if there's one thing I've learned, it's when you open books, bad things happen.
[Taskbook opens. "Square One - Build the Simpson House"]
Homer: See? Now I have to work. Never open a book!
[Toolbox opens. Player taps on Simpson house. Then the Simpson house appears in the air.]
Homer: The shaded box looks like a nice place to build a house. Which is lucky, because it's the only place they'll let you build it!
[At the bottom of the screen, "Place the Simpson House in the shaded in area." The player drags the Simpson house to the shaded area and taps on the tick logo. A countdown timer begins as the house builds. The toolbox logo appears above the house. The player taps on that and the house falls from the sky. A box appears on the screen telling the player they have unlocked Lisa, and it says "Namaste...by which I mean, thanks for finding me!" The player taps "OK".]

Homer: Lisa! Thank God you're here to guide me through this tutorial.
Lisa: What happened?
Homer: Difficult to say, sweetie. The town blew up, I built our house, and you showed up. All we know for sure is, I'm completely blameless...
Lisa: Hmm. Maybe if we keep building things, Mom and Bart will show up too.
Homer: I'm sure they will. This thing would be way too sad if they didn't.
Lisa: Then, let's do it. But first, we should clean this place up a bit.
Homer: You're joking, right?

Homer: Cleaning, really? I can't believe that's what passes for fun in games these days.
Lisa: It's tedious, I know. That's why I want to do some too!

Lisa: Hey, I found a donut!
Homer: It looks like one of the donuts from the break room.
Lisa: It must have been irradiated when the plant blew up. Now it has the power to locally speed up time... as well as to buy things for some reason.

Lisa: Since we're the only ones here, it's up to us to rebuild Springfield!
Homer: Or we could just move to Miami. Think about it—flamingos, palm trees, T-shirts that say "Miami" on them...

Lisa: We built a road! I feel like Robert Moses in that giant book that took me two years to read.

Homer: The layout of Springfield changes a lot. One time our house was next to a prison so I could make a joke about how we lived next to a prison. Then five minutes later, no more prison. Weird, huh?

Homer: Four hours to build the Kwik-E-Mart when it only took seconds to build my house?! Stupid contractors!
Lisa: Why don't you use that donut we found to speed things up?

Apu: Welcome to the Kwik-E-Mart's Grand Re-Opening Sale! Every expiration date is 50% off, and all nutritional information has been removed for your ignorance!
Homer: Outta my way! It's snack time.

Apu: Three robbery attempts today, all botched.

Lisa: Evergreen Terrace is starting to take shape. Now we need to build the Flanders house.
Homer: Okay. Let's start by looking for the spot on the map furthest from any place I'd ever want to go...
Lisa: But Dad, Mr. Flanders is our neighbor, so we'll have to move the Kwik-E-Mart somewhere first.
Homer: *grumbles* Okay, but I better get an achievement for this.

Lisa: [voice] Hey, everybody! [speech bubble] We've got to decrease the carbon footprint of our city!
Homer: If you're asking me to turn the lights off when I leave the house, forget it.

Homer: [voice] Years from now you'll be so glad you bought that.

Homer: Stupid Flanders, getting into the game so early.

Homer: I need a break, and to go pee. How about building me a swimming pool, and killing two birds with one stone?

Apu: What is this? The Kwik-E-Mart is not supposed to have a lawn! Where is the comforting pavement?

Homer: I wish Marge was back. A man has needs, you know.
Lisa: Ewww!
Homer: I refer, of course, to the preparation of my dinner. I'm starving!
Lisa: I could make you a salad.
Homer: Thanks, sweetie, but I'd prefer some food.

Homer: I gotta get to Krusty Burger by 10:29 so I can order a Krusty Egg Sandwich, and then a Krusty Burger a minute later.

This dialogue takes place after the Free 60 Donuts notice.
Homer: 60 FREE DONUTS?! Woo-hoo! It's Donut Christmas!

Lisa: Zombies are pouring out of the cemetery!
Homer: Think! What kills zombies—silver bullets? Garlic? Me relaxing in my hammock?
Lisa: The best method is squishing them with an enormous sky-finger.
Homer: Where, oh where, will we ever find one of those????

Homer: Why do zombies do anything? For money, that's why.
Lisa: Erm, I'm pretty sure all zombies care about is eating brains.
Homer: You need to hang out with a higher class of zombie.

Chief Wiggum: Waylon Smithers?
Waylon Smithers: *hick*
Chief Wiggum: We've been getting reports of someone using the Blue Houses as urinals. Save that behavior for the Brown Houses.
Waylon Smithers: Why was I plucked from oblivion just to be rejected? Only a team of monsters could design this cruel fate!
Chief Wiggum: Well, I don't really need to use my taser, but I just got the latest model. I've been dying to try it out.