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The Simpsons: Tapped Out Level 37 content update
Wikisimpsons - The Simpsons Wiki
Template:Semi
The Simpsons: Tapped Out Level 37 content update is the thirty-fifth content update for The Simpsons: Tapped Out and was released on November 7, 2013. It included two characters, Kirk and Luann; three buildings, Bachelor Arms Apartments, Cracker Factory, and Office of Unemployment; and three decorations, the Southern Cracker Fountain, Golden Calf Idol, and Fleet-A-Pita Van.
Level Up Message
Its level up message is spoken by Hank Scorpio
| Level Up Message
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Characters
Buildings
Decorations
| Image
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Name
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Costs
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Character(s) unlocked when built
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Level required
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Southern Cracker Fountain
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 30
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Golden Calf Idol
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30
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Fleet-A-Pita Van
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 500
Or
 5,600
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Gameplay
Level 37 Gameplay
Candy Day
| After tapping on Bart's exclamation mark
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Milhouse, you look different. New inhaler? New medicated scalp shampoo? New spine shaper?
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This is what I look when I'm happy.
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What do you have to be happy about? You're Milhouse.
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Exactly! And today is Milhouse Day!
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It's a holiday I just invente, and it occurs every day!
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No parents, no homework, and no ear medicine -- just all the candy we can eat! This will go down in history!
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That's a tall order considering our video-game-shortened attention spans... Oh hey Milhouse, you look different.
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The player receives "Candy Day" which is to "Make Bart Shop at Kwik E Mart" and "Make Milhouse shop At Kwik E Mart". It takes total 1 hours and the player receives total 240 and  44 in reward.
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Bachelor Arms
| After tapping on Marge's exclamation mark
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I'd hate to seem "un-cool" or "un-hip" or "without wiggy" but...
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I've noticed a lot of children happily wandering around without the judgmental eye of a parent questioning all of their choices.
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Look Marge, when you asked to help with the Church's bake sale, I expressly forbade meddling.
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Mmmmm...
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And grumbling.
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Alright fine, as a favor to God, what is you concern?
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It's Milhouse. I'm starting to think that he's a bad influence on Bart.
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Right, and Jesus was a bad influence on Judas.
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Instead of talking to THE father, why not talk to HIS father? My wife tells me he's in the doghouse again at the Bachelor Arms.
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| The player receives "Bachelor Arms" which is to "Build the Bachelor Arms". It takes 24 hours and the player receives total 100 and 10 in reward.
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Weekend Dad Pt. 1
| After tapping on Milhouse's exclamation mark
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Dad! You're back! Just when I thought I would have to go through puberty without male guidance.
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Luckily, I'm a late bloomer.
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All the Van Houten's are late bloomers. It's actually our family crest.
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My head hurts. The last thing I remember was arguing with your mother.
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Then I woke up in my old bachelor pad, locked in the trunk of my racecar bed.
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Is this Springfield? What happened here?
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That's a long story, but I can tell you all about it!
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How about over dinner? Good ol' dad's gonna treat you to the finest restaurant in town! Let me check the change purse...
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On second thought, how about the finest restaurant most recently shut down by the health department?
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| The player receives "Weekend Dad Pt. 1" which is to "Make Kirk Eat at Krusty Burger" and "Make Milhouse Eat at Krusty Burger". It takes 30 minutes and the player receives total 180 and 30 in reward.
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Thanks, Dad — that was fun! Maybe we should make it a weekly thing?
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Let's not get our hopes up son. I am Kirk Van Houten after all — I may not always be rolling in so much spare change.
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But it's a new Springfield and a new me! From now on, when I cry in the shower, it will be standing up!
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Weekend Dad Pt. 2
| After tapping on Marge's exclamation mark
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Kirk, I'm glad you're back. Milhouse has been a real bad influence on Bart lately.
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Milhouse is now the bad kid! My kid is really moving up in the world. Usually it's Bart who needs to be reined in.
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You've been gone for 36 levels and you have the gall to give me parenting advice?
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36 levels? How many characters did they have to go through to get to me? Did they even have names?
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I thought you knew. I'm really sorry to be breaking the fourth wall like this. Frankly, it's cheap storytelling.
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Cheap storytelling is all I deserve.
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No, I'm the new Kirk and I'm not going to let this get to me.
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I'm fine with level 36. 36 was a good year — I had most of my hair at 36.
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You're actually level 37...
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I lost all of my hair at 37! They built an amusement park before bringing me back! Can you believe that, kid?
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I think I followed the wrong blue haired fat man home from the grocery store...
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| The player receives "Weekend Dad Pt. 2" which is to "Make Kirk Cry Sitting Down in the Shower". It takes 4 hours and the player receives total 275 and 55 in reward.
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Weekend Dad Pt. 3
| After tapping on Kirk's exclamation mark
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There are just no job opportunities for a salt of the earth unsalted cracker man like myself.
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Maybe you should try something new?
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Wafers? Biscuits? Tortillas? Biscotti?
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Maybe you need to think a little bit more outside the box.
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But I already lost the company millions with Crackers in a Bag.
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Why don't you go out and look for something new? I'm sure you'll be bringing home the bacon in no time.
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Bacon? Not on my budget.
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| The player receives "Weekend Dad Pt. 3" which is to "Make Kirk Thaw Frozen Hotdogs in the Sink". It takes 12 hours and the player receives total 520 and 110 in reward.
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What am I doing? I was given a fresh start and already I'm eating expired partially thawed hot dogs.
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Luann will never take me back if I don't turn myself around and get a job.
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Maybe you should talk to Reverend Lovejoy.
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Because he always offers sage advice to those in need?
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No, he's just a bit friendlier to people showing up at his doorstep uninvited.
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Weekend Dad Pt. 4
| After tapping on Kirk's exclamation mark
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Reverend, I'm here because I have nowhere else to go.
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I understand. Desperation is the number one reason why people turn to religion.
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Great, I'd like some money please.
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You can't just ask for money.
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Isn't that the point of the collection plate?
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*sigh* If I get you a job interview, will you promise to leave and never to come back?
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At least the first part!
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| The player receives "Weekend Dad Pt. 4" which is to "Make Kirk Work at the School". It takes 24 hours and the player receives total 700 and 160 in reward.
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You want to learn the ancient art of groundskeeping do ye? Well, it's going to be a long road filled with arduous trials.
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Why I bet you don't know the first thing about being a groundskeeper?
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If someone vomits, clean it up.
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You're a natural. Like a young me, only sadder. And fatter. And older.
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Now hold open this trash bag while a student volunteer shovels in pig guts.
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Add some chopped onion and you'll have a mean haggis.
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Haha! Milhouse's dad has a job!
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Weekend Dad Pt. 5
| After tapping on Milhouse's exclamation mark
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You're the school janitor?
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Couldn't you find an embarrassing soul-crushing job somewhere where everyone I know WOULDN'T see you?
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Actually, it's an unpaid internship. But I get to take home the uneaten taco shells every Taco Tuesday!
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But if you're not getting paid, why even take the job?
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Because life is like a marriage... you just have to keep plugging away at it no matter how awful it is.
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Besides, do you think a success story like Kent Brockman gets paid just to lie around all day?
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| The player receives "Weekend Dad Pt. 5" which is to "Make Brockman Relax". It takes 60 minutes and the player receives total 170 and 27 in reward.
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Well that certainly showed me. I really wish I could have it that easy.
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Why can't you?
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There's just nothing like that on my list of jobs.
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Weekend Dad Pt. 6
| After tapping on Kirk's exclamation mark
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Uh hey Principal Skinner. All these cleaning supplies are giving me a rash, and my health insurance turned out to be just a band-aid and a tic-tac.
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How much are we paying you?
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Nothing.
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Oh no, we can't afford that. You're fired, immediately.
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Oh no, another failure. What am I going to do?
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Mr. Van Houten, perhaps I can be of some help.
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Marry Milhouse and give me one less mouth to feed?
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Not in a thousand years. But there's a job opening at the Springfield Library.
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What is it? CEO? CFO? Head Librarian?
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| The player receives "Weekend Dad Pt. 6" which is to "Make Kirk Work as a Library Door Monitor". It takes 12 hours and the player receives total 120 and 210 in reward.
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Weekend Dad Pt. 7
| After tapping on Wiggum's exclamation mark
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Alright, vagrant. I'm placing you under arrest for loitering without a laptop or half-finished screenplay.
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But I'm not a vagrant or a hack writer! I work here!
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A likely story! And a pretty good one. Good enough that it belongs in MY half-finished screenplay "All Hail the Chief: A Wiggum Adventure."
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Lou, bring him in for questioning about his backstory.
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| The player receives "Weekend Dad Pt. 7" which is to "Make Kirk Serve Time". It takes total 24 hours and the player receives total 700 and 160 in reward.
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Weekend Dad Pt. 8
| After tapping on Fat Tony's exclamation mark
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Mr. Van Houten! Before you return to your life of drudgery, perhaps you and I could come to some sort of favorable agreement.
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I happen to have a legitimate job that needs doing, but all my employees are only trained in illegitimate jobs.
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You see, an associate of mine has built some new condos, and it would please him greatly if someone were to help him in the sales department.
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Like a real-estate agent?
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I suppose you could look at it that way; but no, in reality not so much.
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Perhaps I could say you have no choice in the matter. That it's either this or you sleep with the fishes.
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That's a choice.
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I can see why your wife divorced you.
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That was a low blow. Lucky for you, I respond well to being belittled. You've got yourself an employee.
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| The player receives "Weekend Dad Pt. 8" which is to "Make Kirk Advertise Condos". It takes total 12 hours and the player receives total 520 and 110 in reward.
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Weekend Dad Pt. 9
| After tapping on Cletus's exclamation mark
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Hot dog! That's some top notch standin'. You interested in graduatin' up to the big leagues?
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I'll do anything to get out of being a human sign! What do you need?
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A human scarecrow. Them crows can smell failure a mile away.
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A job where failure's a requirement? Everything's coming up Kirk!
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You'll have to provide your own tattered clothes... but I sees you got those already.
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| The player receives "Weekend Dad Pt. 9" which is to "Make Kirk Protect Crops". It takes total 16 hours and the player receives total 600 and 120 in reward.
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Weekend Dad Pt. 10
| After tapping on Milhouse's exclamation mark
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Dad, I haven't seen you in ages. Is it because you found a job?
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I didn't just find one job, I found several. Why work one job with benefits when you can work lots of jobs without any at all?
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It's the new American dream!
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Great, want to go eat out at a restaurant to celebrate?
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Even better idea. How about I go work at a restaurant to celebrate?
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| The player receives "Weekend Dad Pt. 10" which is to "Make Kirk Work as an Assistant Dishwasher". It takes total 12 hours and the player receives total 520 and 110 in reward.
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Weekend Dad Pt. 11
| After tapping on Kirk's exclamation mark
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Milhouse, would it be too scarring for you if you rocked your old man to sleep in your arms, stroking his hair, telling him it's all going to work out?
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You lost your job again, didn't you?
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Kids are just too perceptive these days.
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Don't worry -- I've got it covered! You know how all these years, you've that being friends with Bart was a waste of time?
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Well, not any more! His dad is desperate to hire someone!
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What kind of job could Homer possibly be hiring for?
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I don't know -- but he said it's in the game industry.
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| The player receives "Weekend Dad Pt. 11" which is to "Make Kirk Gold-Farm in Homer's Happy Little Elves Game". It takes total 24 hours and the player receives total 120 and 210 in reward.
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Just keep doing the shortest jobs possible over and over again.
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That's the best way for me to get gold in Happy Little Elves game.
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Can't you just buy some Elf Berries?
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I don't pay you to think. I pay you to tap!
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Weekend Dad Pt. 12
| After tapping on Homer's exclamation mark
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That was a great first day, Kirk.
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Now it's time for you to work your first night. And then the next day, and then the next night, and...
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But Homer, I need to sleep.
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Fine, you can sleep after that. But I'm docking all this sleeping time you're taking from your salary.
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| The player receives "Weekend Dad Pt. 12" which is to "Make Kirk Gold-Farm in Homer's Happy Little Elves Game (x3)" again. It takes total 24 hours and the player receives total 160 and 610 in reward.
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Weekend Dad Pt. 13
| After tapping on Homer's exclamation mark
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Great work, Milhouse's Dad! Now I believe your cut was ten percent of the gold you farned me...
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What?! You're going to pay me in-game currency? What good is that going to do me?!
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Maybe you haven't noticed, but it's all in-game currency around here. No one says "dollars" anymore.
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Well, at least give me some premium currency then!
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Donuts? Fat chance, fatso!
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I'm not the fatso -- you're the fatso!
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I believe you mean, "you're the fatso, boss."
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Here, I'll pay you this thing I found in the basement. It's been around for years and no one wants it. Just like you.
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Wow, that was really mean.
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I know. I felt bad as soon as I said it, sorry. I think I'm just depressed because your life is so sucky.
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A Golden Calf Idol has been placed in your inventory.
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| The player receives "Weekend Dad Pt. 13" which is to "Place the Golden Calf Idol". The player receives total 100 and 10 in reward.
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Weekend Dad Pt. 14
| After tapping on Kirk's exclamation mark
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I bet I can pawn this cow off at the comic book shop. He collects all sorts of weird stuff.
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Ah, the golden statue from the discontinued dance show Twerkcules and the Golden Calf.
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Unfortunately, this is a fake. Therefore, I will give you nothing for it.
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Nothing? I was hoping for a little more than that!
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Fine, I will pay you something, but only if you stand around in the shop.
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Your presence makes my customers feel better about their own lives by comparison.
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| The player receives "Weekend Dad Pt. 14" which is to "Make Kirk Get Belittled by Nerds". It takes total 12 hours and the player receives total 520 and 110 in reward.
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You know Milhouse, things are really looking up. Today I got a job based solely off my looks. Now I know how models feel.
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Sounds like people are finally appreciating you. Maybe now we can throw out all your vision boards?
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Weekend Dad Pt. 15
| After tapping on Milhouse's exclamation mark
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I guess you're just about ready to nail a job as a big time manager, huh dad?
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Yeah, about that... it doesn't seem like getting work experience is all that helpful in actually getting work.
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These jobs are all dead ends.
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What I need is time to network in all those cracker factory social circles, maybe graduate up to the glitzy world of graham crackers.
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But who's going to pay you to take time off and noodle around, looking for your dream job?
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The government!
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| The player receives "Weekend Dad Pt. 15" which is to "Build the Unemployment Office" and "Make Kirk Collect Unemployment Check". The player receives total 700 and 160 in reward.
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Wow, a check for doing nothing! Finally the government is good for something other than just building roads and hospitals.
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Weekend Dad Pt. 16
| After tapping on Milhouse's exclamation mark
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Dad, when I grow up I'm going to be unemployed. Just like you!
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My son wants to follow in my footsteps. I am so proud.
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This is cause for a celebration! The Van Houtens are going to dine on the best food an unemployment check will allow!
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| The player receives "Weekend Dad Pt. 16" which is to "Make Kirk Eat at Krusty Burger" and "Make Milhouse Eat at Krusty Burger". It takes 30 minutes and the player receives total 180 and 30 in reward.
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You know, with you not working all the time, it's been nice to actually spend some time together.
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Without a job to get in the way, I see now that the most important thing in life is family.
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And government-provided unemployment benefits. Yeah, mostly that.
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Luann
Money vs. Milhouse Pt. 1
| After tapping on Luann's exclamation mark
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Oh, Milhouse, my sweet sweet treasure! Mommy's come home.
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You're back! Finally someone who knows how to open the dryer. My pants are so damp.
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No so fast, baby bear. Mommy has to head to the factory and check on our family's bread and butter - crackers!
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Can you make yourself dinner?
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Dad taught me how to cook eggs on the radiator of the car.
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*Sigh* Your father spends one Labor Day Weekend in a homeless shelter and suddenly he's full of hobo tricks.
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Hold on an I'll cook you something nutritious to eat.
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| The player receives "Money vs. Milhouse Pt. 1" which is to "Make Luann make Mommy Meals for Milhouse" and "Make Luann Check on the Cracker Factory". It takes total 13 hours and the player receives total 805 and 186 in reward.
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Milhouse, sit down, I've got some big news to tell you.
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I can't sit down. I'm only programmed to walk and fade away into a house.
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That is exactly the tomfoolery I won't have time for when I'm running the cracker factory!
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I became the new owner today!
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What happened to Grandpa Mussolini?
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My first act as CEO will be to enact some new safety regulations.
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Such as no one over the age of 80 can roller skate near the cracker cutters.
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Money vs. Milhouse Pt. 2
| After tapping on Luann's exclamation mark
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Now since I am new to the world of business, I need to network to make important and exciting contacts.
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I could introduce you to my friends. They are the working generation of tomorrow.
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No, I don't want to see Kearny again... too many painful memories.
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So where are you going to network?
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At the only bar in town that accepts industrial cracker salt as payment.
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Just don't come home with another new uncle. I think the last one stole my walkie talkies.
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| The player receives "Money vs. Milhouse Pt. 2" which is to "Make Luann Go to Moe's" "Make Milhouse Go to his Room". It takes 4 hours and the player receives total 535 and 125 in reward.
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Money vs. Milhouse Pt. 3
| After tapping on Milhouse's exclamation mark
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Mom, what are all these boxes? Are they presents?
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Well, they're presents for somebody. Somebody special. Me!
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| The player receives "Money vs. Milhouse Pt. 3" which is to "Make Luann Relax in a Jacuzzi Suit" and "Make Luann Ride in the MegaGlobe". It takes 36 hours and the player receives total 1,700 and 385 in reward.
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Money vs. Milhouse Pt. 4
| After tapping on Milhouse's exclamation mark
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Mom, you've been a CEO for a week and haven't gone into the office once.
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You just keep ordering inspirational business posters.
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I'll have you know the key to success is inspirational business posters. So says this poster.
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Dad always says never waste your money on office decorations. Or office supplies. Or working fire exits.
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If your father's so smart, then why didn't he inherit a cracker factory?
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I'm just worried about paying for all this stuff.
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Don't be. Because I'm going to hire the most expensive financial consultant money can buy!
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| The player receives "Money vs. Milhouse Pt. 4" which is to "Make Luann Get an Overpriced Consultant". It takes 12 hours and the player receives total 52 and 115 in reward.
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Money vs. Milhouse Pt. 5
| After tapping on Milhouse's exclamation mark
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I know that look. It's the same look Dad had when he was rejected from that medical study.
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Do you have clinically depressed sperm too?
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No, Milhouse. I maxed out the credit cards on that fancy consultant.
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Looks like we'll have to discontinue our gluten-free, salt-free, reduced-taste cracker line.
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The Milhouse Signature? But I told all my friends I had a cracker named after me. They're both going to be disappointed.
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I promise I can fix things. I just need to hire some new staff.
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But I thought you said all the money was gone.
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Remember when mommy and daddy weren't talking and tried to buy your love with two allowances. You saved all that right?
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I was going to buy Lisa's love with it, but my cracker legacy is more important. You can have it.
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| The player receives "Money vs. Milhouse Pt. 5" which is to "Make Luann Run the Cracker Factory" (x2) and "Make Springfield's Working Class Work at the Cracker Factory" (x3).
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Look Milhouse, I singlehandedly saved the factory.
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That's great! Does this mean I get my money back?
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Sorry sweetheart but corporate bonuses come first.
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And bad news, the Milhouse Signature was banned by the FDA. They said a cracker can't be more than 80% cardboard.
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The Investorettes Pt. 1
| After tapping on Krabappel's exclamation mark:
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The Cracker Factory is really booming, Luann. Any tips for us amateur investors?
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Well, I could tell you my secret but then I'd have to kill you.
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Just kidding, the cracker business hasn't been a front for the mob since 1973.
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We've been planning to pool our money and buy a business but we can't decide which. We'd love your opinion.
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I'm leaning towards a company that specializes in Hawaiian shirts for dogs.
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And I think Hawaiian shirts give dogs bad ideas. We're in quite the stand off.
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| The player receives "The Investorettes Pt. 1" which is to "Make Luann Go to an Investorettes Meeting", "Make Mrs. Krabappel Go to an Investorettes Meeting", and "Make Agnes Go to an Investorettes Meeting". It takes 12 hours and the player receives total 1,540 and 360 in reward.
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The Investorettes Pt. 2
| After tapping on Krabappel's exclamation mark
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You're right, Luann. One of the safest investments is a restaurant. But why stop there – how about a fast food franchise?
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The timing is perfect – we haven't built a health department yet!
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| The player receives "The Investorettes Pt. 2" which is to "Place a Fleet-A-Pita". The player receives total 100 and 10 in reward.
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I'm in charge of coming up with the slogan. How about "Eat Up, You Fat Slobs!"
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The Investorettes Pt. 3
| After tapping on Krabappel's exclamation mark
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Now the real work begins, it's time to roll up our sleeves and get cookin'!
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My sleeves will stay down, thank you. This isn't Woodstock.
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Why stress ourselves out with chopping and frying?
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We're business owners not business workers, let's hire the local riffraff and pay them next to nothing.
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Then we'll sit back and watch the money roll in like it exploded out of a giant floating thumbs up.
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| The player receives "The Investorettes Pt. 3" which is to "Make Local Chumps Work a Fleet-A-Pita Shift" (x3) and "Make Springfieldeans Eat at Fleet-A-Pita" (x15).
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The Investorettes Pt. 4
| After tapping on Krabappel's exclamation mark
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We're a hit! All those years spent embezzling field trip money have finally paid off.
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And I think those kids still learned a lot on those retreats to the school's parking lot.
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It's time to act like my husband's waistline and expand, expand, expand!
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| The player receives "The Investorettes Pt. 4" which is to "Have a Chain of Fleet-A-Pitas" (x5)and "Make Springfieldeans Eat at Fleet-A-Pita" (x20).
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Thanks to cutting employee pay and replacing our meat with M.E.A.T: Meat Brand Substitute, we're raking in the dough.
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I think it's finally time to splurge a little bit. I'm going to invest in some quality all-natural blue eyebrows.
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I think Seymour is becoming too independent – like a dog in a Hawaiian shirt. I want to get him microchipped.
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I was thinking of buying something nice for that lonely kid-
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-ney shaped pool in my backyard. Solid gold pool noodles!
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Ladies, we've done it again. Investorettes: 1 Springfield: 0. Suck it, Sucktown!
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You're not allowed to come up with anymore slogans.
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Hardly Kirk-Ing Pt. 1
| After tapping on Kirk's exclamation mark
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Hey Luann! All my years of hard work finally paid off, by not paying off at all. I'm getting free checks from the government!
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I'm even thinking about buying back my molars from that pawnshop. Do YOU get paid to do nothing?
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Basically, yes. Running a cracker factory is like being on unemployment, only with more money and fewer forms.
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Oh man, I've got to fill out one form every two weeks. Why can't I win?
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Because you're a loser. You're the only man I know with a World's Second Best Dad mug.
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Please give me back my job at the Cracker Factory. I'm not above begging. In fact, I'm well below it.
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So you want to come crawling back to crackers?
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Fine, I'll hire you Kirk. But you'll have to start at the beginning – as a cracker intern.
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| The player receives "Hardly Kirk-Ing Pt. 1" which is to "Make Luann Run the Cracker Factory" and "Make Kirk Work at the Cracker Factory". It takes total 8 hours and the player receives total 795 and 185 in reward.
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Long day at the factory. Turns out I only get two 15-minute breaks and both I'm required to spend working.
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And I'm pretty sure half of the employees are pairs of children wearing giant trench coats.
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You better not report those kids – I mean stacked adults – to the government or else I'll have you fired.
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I didn't think it was possible, but you've ruined the magic of crackers. You don't have to fire me — I quit.
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Hardly Kirk-Ing Pt. 2
| After tapping on Luann's exclamation mark
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Kirk, if you want to stay a part of this family, you are going to have to get a real job.
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And I know what you're thinking, and that doesn't include organ donor.
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I've been dedicating my time to the most important job there is – being a father.
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Where's Milhouse right now?
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Trick question! That's not our son's name. Oh wait, it is. Fine, I'll get a job. Do you mind taking a look at my resume?
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Hmm... cleaning vomit, scaring away birds, groveling... actually I might have the perfect job for you.
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You can manage one of my Fleet-A-Pitas! Well, assistant manage. Actually just work there.
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I'm in management!
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| The player receives "Hardly Kirk-Ing Pt. 2" which is to "Make Kirk Clean Up Fleet-A-Pitas". It takes total 16 hours and the player receives total 600 and 120 in reward.
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I can't do this anymore. I can't pedal pita when in my heart I know it's just a soft, salt-less, un-American substitute cracker.
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But how can I tell Luann that I want to quit?
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Maybe I can fake my own death, convince Luann I'm a ghost and live in the crawl space.
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Nah, she wouldn't fall for that a second time.
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Hardly Kirk-Ing Pt. 3
| After tapping on Kirk's exclamation mark
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Hey Homer, you seem to have it all together. Can I ask you for some advice?
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Never train a monkey to do your job for you because then you'll get a monkey boss. There you go! The first one's free.
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Thanks Homer. But I was looking for some advice about my marriage.
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Never bring the monkey home. You're welcome!
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Luann doesn't want me or need me.
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She's better at everything than I am – running the factory, raising our son, even peeing standing up.
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Don't forget running the Cracker Factory.
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I already said that one.
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She's just really good at it. Like so much better than you.
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What am I going to do, Homer?
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Don't ask me. Marge handles all the relationship problems herself.
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Why don't you try a book? I've heard good things about them from Lisa.
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| The player receives "Hardly Kirk-Ing Pt. 3" which is to "Make Kirk Borrow a Self Help Book". It takes total 60 minutes and the player receives total 170 and 27 in reward.
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Those self-help books really showed me the error of my ways.
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It turns out the secret to a healthy relationship is appreciating your partner and buying more self-help books.
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Oh yeah, showing appreciation is important.
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For instance, Marge fixes me breakfast every morning. And I... uh... drink beer.
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I should do something special for Luann! Are coupons for free hugs still a thing?
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This isn't your anniversary, Kirk. This calls for some serious romancing.
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You should take her out to dinner... and don't order anything that requires a bib.
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That sounds expensive. How's an unemployed loser like me going to afford that?
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Think of it as an investment. Invest money in Luann now, and once she lets you back in the house–
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I can steal money from her purse!
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Hardly Kirk-Ing Pt. 4
| After tapping on Kirk's exclamation mark
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Luann, we have to talk.
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What is it this time?
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I know I've been a huge disappointment to you and that I don't deserve another chance but if you let me, I'd like to make it up to you.
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Let me take you to the most expensive dinner in town.
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It's where they make normal food look weird and taste almost exactly the same. El Chemistri!
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Is there a catch? How can you afford this?
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The owner of the restaurant owes me a favor. I let him hit me with his car for fun.
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| The player receives "Hardly Kirk-Ing Pt. 4" which is to "Make Luann Dine at El Chemistri" and "Make Kirk Dine at El Chemistri". It takes total 4 hours and the player receives total 535 and 125 in reward.
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Kirk, I-I am speechless, I really didn't expect something this thoughtful from you.
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I actually don't expect anything at all from you. Seriously ever.
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I'm always here to support you in this marriage, Luann.
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Emotionally, not financially. Just want to make that crystal clear.
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Oh, Kirk. I guess you'll do.
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You have no idea how long I've waited to hear those words.
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Hardly Kirk-Ing Pt. 5
| After tapping on Luann's exclamation mark
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I've thought it over and I think I haven't been fair to you.
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As long as you're willing to do absolutely everything I say without question, then I'm willing to offer you your old management job back at the Cracker Factory.
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The job I was born for! Being an empty suit!
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How about we carpool in the MegaGlobe today sweetheart? At least until I head to executive parking.
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| The player receives "Hardly Kirk-Ing Pt. 5" which is to "Make Luann Run the Cracker Factory" and "Make Kirk Run the Cracker Factory". It takes total 12 hours and the player receives total 940 and 210 in reward.
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I'm so glad my parents are no longer fighting!
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At least for this week...
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