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The Simpsons: Tapped Out Level 42 content update

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Revision as of 11:41, April 14, 2024 by Solar Dragon (talk | contribs) (Removed protection from "The Simpsons: Tapped Out Level 42 content update")
053 "Stonecutters"
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"Level 42"
"July 4th 2014" 055

The Simpsons: Tapped Out Level 42 content update is the fifty-fourth content update for The Simpsons: Tapped Out and was released on June 18, 2014. It included Roger Meyers, Jr., Chester J. Lampwick, Itchy and Scratchy Studios, and the Itchy and Scratchy Billboard, plus the Friendship Points level 9 prize KBBL Studios.

Level Up Message

The level-up message is presented by Ralph

Level Up Message
Level42.png

Characters

Image Name Unlock message Notes
Roger Meyers, Jr..png Roger Myers Jr. Tapped Out Roger Meyers Jr New Character.png Incorrectly called Roger Myers Jr..
Chester-J-Lampwick.png Lampwick Tapped Out Lampwick New Character.png

Decorations

Image Name Costs Character(s) unlocked when built Level required
Tapped Out Itchy & Scratchy Billboard.png Itchy & Scratchy Billboard Donut40 None
Tapped Out Rocket Car.png Rocket Car Donut120 Chester Lampick

Buildings

Image Name Building time Costs Character Unlocked Level required
Tapped Out I&S Studio.png Itchy & Scratchy Studios 24h Cash280,000 Roger Meyers, Jr. Level 42
Tapped Out KBBL Studios.png KBBL Studios FP Tapped Out.png4,500 Friendship Level 9

Gameplay

Islands in the Revenue Stream Pt. 1

After tapping on Krusty's exclamation mark
Krusty I miss the old Springfield.
Krusty Where's the black market Vicodin? Where's the underground kangaroo fight club? I need my 'roo fights!
Krusty Sure. I'm making lots of money. But that gets boring without morally reprehensible things to spend it on.
Blue-Haired Lawyer Krusty, if you're jaded about being rich, there's only one solution to your spirtual crisis -- get even richer.
Krusty Yeah, than I can buy a private island. And attach rockets to it, and blast it into space. Ah, Space Island.
Blue-Haired Lawyer What you need is to start making new Itchy & Scratchys.
Krusty But we've already got hundreds of them. and the characters don't change or age. What innovative stories could any writer wring out of those characters?
Blue-Haired Lawyer From what I can tell, none.
Blue-Haired Lawyer But it doesn't matter. No one needs to watch the new episodes
Blue-Haired Lawyer They just need to know they're being made and rember the old ones fondly... and voila, the brand is still relevant!
Blue-Haired Lawyer Then you can start merchandising t-shirts and action figures, slot marchines and beer... maybe even develop a freemium game!
Krusty Would the game have to be good?
Blue-Haired Lawyer Not at all. Just rebuild Itchy & Scratchy Studios. I promise you'll be slupring up cash pronto from that sweet IP!
The player receives "Islands in the Revenue Stream Pt. 1" which is to "Build the Itchy & Scratchy Studio". It takes 24 hours.
Krusty Look out, ennui. You're about to get punched with a money fist.

Due to a glitch rectified in the Level 43 content update, the quote, "Look out, ennui. You're about to get punched with a money fist." appeared randomly upon startup of the game.[1]

Islands in the Revenue Stream Pt. 2

After tapping on Roger Meyers Jr.'s exclamation mark
Roger Myers Jr. Krusty, if it isn't my favorite talking ulcer. What is it that you want from me?
Krusty Hey, hey, Roger. I just pulled you from oblivion. You ought to be kissing my foot acne in gratitude.
Roger Myers Jr. I ain't kissing your facne for nothing! You still owe me for the Picasso you destroyed!
Krusty When I drunkenly broke into your house and got cold? What was I supposed to start a fire with... a Monet!?
Krusty I'm not breathing in fumes from some crappy Impressionist!
Blue-Haired Lawyer Fellas, let's put aside this fighting, and focus on our common goal -- being rich enough to feel superior to others.
Krusty We have a simple request, Roger.
Krusty Get your staff at I & S to develop a new batch of beloved cartoons we can turn into shoddy, sweatshop merchandise.
Krusty Remember, not just loved, BE-loved.
Roger Myers Jr. We can do that. I have the smartest, hardest working, most talented writers since... [JOKE TO COME].
The player receives "Islands in the Revenue Stream Pt. 2" which is to "Make Roger Myers Jr. Shout at the Writers". It takes 12 hours.

Islands in the Revenue Stream Pt. 3

After tapping on Krusty's exclamation mark
Krusty Well, Roger, I've given you and your staff 12 hours, give or take the use of donuts.
Krusty That should be more than enough time for them to come up with a billion dollar franchise.
Roger Myers Jr. I'm sorry, Krusty. I went into the studio, and found everyone who worked for me is gone. And by gone, I mean is now a skeleton.
Roger Myers Jr. There's a lesson here: if you chain your writers to their chairs, make sure those chairs are within arms' reach of the breakroom.
Krusty Wait. Then what have you been doing all this time?
Roger Myers Jr. Caught up with my email. Your inbox really fills up when you haven't been in existence for a while.
Krusty Oh, even more money! You were going to heal me! Now how will I ever end the numbness I feel for life?
The player receives "Islands in the Revenue Stream Pt. 3" which is to "Make Krusty Be a Sad Clown". It takes 24 hours.
Krusty The worst problems in the world are the ones that affect me.
Comic Book Guy A sad clown? How very original.
Krusty Originality is not my specialty.
Krusty Besides, I'm not sad for me. I'm sad for the millions of viewers who'll never get to see new episodes of Itchy and Scratchy.
Comic Book Guy I guess you haven't seen Deadline Springfield.
Krusty What is that -- the Internet? People aren't still doing the Internet, are they?

Islands in the Revenue Stream Pt. 4

After tapping on Krusty's exclamation mark
Krusty Hey Roger Liars, which I say since Liars rhymes with your last name Myers. What's this I just read on Deadline Springfield?
Roger Myers Jr. Look whose tears have dried. My good pal--
Krusty Don't you "good pal" me! You're gonna make millions showing Itchy & Scratchy on the World Wide Whatever! And you cut me out of the deal?!
Roger Myers Jr. In our last contract, you never asked for a share of new media sales. It's not my fault we signed that when the internet didn't exist.
Krusty You backstabbing son of a backstabber!
Krusty If it's an option in my menu, I will make it my mission to have you stored back in the inventory.
Roger Myers Jr. People don't watch television anymore, Krusty.
Roger Myers Jr. They receive content through smartphones, computers, tablets, and direct-to-brain downloads.
Blue-Haired Lawyer So now some company will pay us handsomely for the opportunity to provide the entire Itchy & Scratchy catalogue via cable and internet doohickeys.
Blue-Haired Lawyer That's how to wring the last remaining drops of cash out of an aging cartoon franchise.
Krusty But you told me IP something something blah blah?
Blue-Haired Lawyer I just said that to trick you into bringing back Roger. Face it, Krusty. You got Blue-Haired Lawyered.
The player receives "Islands in the Revenue Stream Pt. 4" which is to "Make Roger Myers Jr. Negotiate New Media Rights". It takes 10 hours.

Krusty the Hair Colorist Pt. 1

After tapping on Krusty's exclamation mark
Krusty Stupid Blue-Hairs! This is what I get for trusting those types of people. Always trying to crook away your money.
Milhouse Mr. the Clown, I know I see you all the time, but can I have another autograph?
Milhouse I keep having to give them away to bullies so they don't steal my retainer.
Krusty Scram, you worthless blue-haired kid. And don't you even think of putting your toe into a Krusty Burger.
Krusty You're banned! All Blue-Hairs are banned!
Krusty Huh. I never knew bigotry was this emotionally satisfying. I think I finally get the South.
The player receives "Krusty the Hair Colorist Pt. 1" which is to "Make Krusty Block Blue-Hairs from Krusty Burger". It takes 3 hours.
Krusty Nothing blocks people from entering a building like juggling.
Krusty This is the perfect revenge. There's no way this act of bigotry doesn't work out great for me.

Islands in the Revenue Stream Pt. 5

After tapping on Roger Meyers Jr.'s exclamation mark
Roger Myers Jr. Seven hundred and fifty million dollars...
Blue-Haired Lawyer Roger, can you please finish signing these contracts?
Roger Myers Jr. Seven hundred and fifty million dollars...
Blue-Haired Lawyer Yes, that's how much you're going to be paid for the streaming rights for Itchy & Scratchy by the BZZ Network, Where Entertainment Is Extreme ©!
Roger Myers Jr. Seven hundred and fifty million dollars...
Blue-Haired Lawyer But you can't get anything from the BZZ Network, Where Entertainment Is Extreme ©, until you sign all the contracts.
Roger Myers Jr. Seven hundred and fifty million dollars...
Blue-Haired Lawyer *sigh* Here, you hold the pen and I'll hold your hand.
The player receives "Islands in the Revenue Stream Pt. 5" which is to "Make Roger Myers Jr. "Sign" on the Dotted Line". It takes 2 hours.

Islands in the Revenue Stream Pt. 6

After tapping on Roger Meyers Jr.'s exclamation mark
Roger Myers Jr. Look at all these tech weirdos and inter-dorks here to build the Itchy & Scratchy website.
Roger Myers Jr. Finally, I've got a staff to demean and humiliate. What am I supposed to yell at them to do again?
Blue-Haired Lawyer They're creating an advertising supported web portal.
Blue-Haired Lawyer It's basically a Hulu devoted solely to Itchy & Scratchy where all the episodes ever produced can be viewed.
Roger Myers Jr. Do whatever the lawyer just said! And do it faster! Or I'll pull out your throats and choke you with your own windpipes!
Roger Myers Jr. Make a note of that visual. We could make a whole story out of it for the cat. Or the mouse. Whichever one does the violence.
The player receives "Islands in the Revenue Stream Pt. 6" which is to " Make Roger Myers Jr. Shout at the Web Designers". It takes 10 hours.
Blue-Haired Lawyer I am here to inform you, Krusty, since the start of the I & S web portal for BZZ Network, Where Entertainment Is Extreme ©, you must cease all displays of Itchy & Scratchy licensed images.
Krusty You're pulling Itchy & Scratchy? Please, no one watches my show to see me!
Krusty Everyone knows I'm the one holding me back!

Krusty the Hair Colorist Pt. 2

After tapping on Krusty's exclamation mark
Krusty These shifty Blue-Hairs are rotting this city from the inside.
Krusty It's time we deal with this problem using good old fashioned 20th century methods. Like they use in Arizona.
Krusty I've already banned them from Krusty Burger.
Krusty Now to use my powerful connections in City Hall to lobby for a Blue-Hair ID program, Blue-Hair-only bathrooms, and eventually Blue-Hair deportation.
Krusty I'm stepping up this discrimination from de facto to de jure.
The player receives "Krusty the Hair Colorist Pt. 2" which is to "Make Krusty Discriminate Against Blue-Haired People". It takes 5 hours.
Quimby There is absolutely no way, erm, I can do what you want, Krusty. It's plainly illegal and immoral.
Quimby When a Quimby won't take your bribe, you know you've crossed a line.
Krusty I just want to treat certain people as second-class citizens, based solely on the color of their hair. How can that be wrong?
Quimby No politician can win an election if he's associated with hair colorism, even an election he fixed.
Krusty But D-Joe, they took Itchy & Scratchy from me.
Krusty You have to help me dehumanize these people. It's the only way I can get everyone to stop thinking of them as human!

Islands in the Revenue Stream Pt. 7

After tapping on Bart's exclamation mark
Bart Lis, look outside and tell me if the world blew up!
Lisa It's still here. The world is unlikely to end by explosion though.
Lisa The true danger is inattention and neglect as we use up our natural resources. I have seen the asteroid, and it is us.
Bart You're as fun as ever, sis. But now we have a real problem!
Bart Itchy & Scratchy was pulled from Krusty's show! This is going to make wasting time watching TV pointless.
Lisa As the super rich get super richer, the rest of us have to accept the rules they give us. That's how the modern economy works.
Lisa By the way, if you're smart and powerless, it's way cooler to give up and act jaded. I read that in The Economist For Kidz.
Bart This is unacceptable. What's the point of being kids if we can't fix problems with pluck, spunk, and ...how do we fix this?
Lisa Well, we could round up all the kids in town and write complaint letters to Roger Myers Jr.
Lisa This could be our civil rights movement, but instead of being about freedom from social persecution, it's about freedom to watch TV. Because freedom is now a meaningless word.
Bart Write letters? Would we have to use cursive? This seems too hard. Can't we just email photos of our butts?
Lisa Anyone or any spambot can shoot off an email. But people willing to write letters, they're crazy enough to be dangerous.
The player receives "Islands in the Revenue Stream Pt. 7" which is to "Make Kids Write Angry Letters (x8)". It takes 10 hours.

Islands in the Revenue Stream Pt. 8

After tapping on Roger Meyers Jr.'s exclamation mark
Roger Myers Jr. I've gotten so many thoughtful, articulate letters from our passionate fans. Intern, bring me the incinerator!
Squeaky Voiced Teen Dear Leader Mr. Myers, sir, the incinerator broke yesterday, after you tried to burn the printer after another paper jam.
Roger Myers Jr. A printer's job is to print. Not eat up all my paper!
The player receives "Islands in the Revenue Stream Pt. 8" which is to "Make Roger Myers Jr. Read Hate Mail". It takes 24 hours.
Roger Myers Jr. Taking the time to personally ignore each fan letter is so fulfilling.

Krusty the Hair Colorist Pt. 3

After tapping on Milhouse's exclamation mark.
Milhouse Mr. the Clown, I know you hate my kind, but can you sign one last autograph? And then initial pages 3, 5, 8, and 9?
Krusty How did you get in here, Blue-Hair?!
Krusty *sigh* Never hire a monkey to run your security.
Blue-Haired Lawyer Krusty, this here is a class-action lawsuit for your blatantly discriminatory service policy.
Blue-Haired Lawyer You can't keep people out of Krusty Burger based on the color of their hair.
Blue-Haired Lawyer Only on the content of their character... as evidenced by a lack of shirt and/or shoes.
Krusty You can sue someone for being a bigot?! There's no chance I can beat a lawsuit. This town only has one lawyer.
Hans Moleman I'll be your Perry Mason, Krusto. I got a JD when someone flushed theirs into the sewer.
Krusty This degree is from Dartmouth. I think I'm better off representing myself.
The player receives "Krusty the Hair Colorist Pt. 3" which is to "Make Milhouse Take Krusty to Court" and "Make Judge Snyder Preside Over Court Session", and "Make Blue-Haired Lawyer Prosecute Krusty (only if the player has the Blue-Haired Lawyer). It takes 4 hours.
Blue-Haired Lawyer Today I will show this court that Krusty not only discriminated against Blue-Hair-Americans like my client and myself, but also his own father!
Blue-Haired Lawyer For as this picture shows, Rabbi Hyman Krustofski was born with blue hair!
Judge Snyder DUNT DUNT DUN!
Krusty Oh no, Papa! How I have slandered and disgraced you!
Blue-Haired Lawyer Once again, you've been Blue-Haired Lawyered!
After the quest is complete.
Krusty My mother was born with yellow hair, my father with blue, and that adds up to me having green hair.
Krusty It seems so obvious once I say the chromatic structure out loud.
Blue-Haired Lawyer Krusty, you can hand my client your entire net worth in either bags marked with dollar signs or chests full of coins made of gold.
Milhouse Oh Mr. Lawyer, I don't want any money.
Blue-Haired Lawyer SHUH-WHUT?!
Milhouse All I want is for Krusty to go back to showing Itchy & Scratchy.
Judge Snyder Well, I have no legal right to force one private company to work with another private company... but I just can't resist the wish of a child.
Judge Snyder Blue-Haired Lawyer, get Itchy & Scratchy back on the air!

Islands in the Revenue Stream Pt. 9

After tapping on Roger Meyers Jr.'s exclamation mark
Roger Myers Jr. Nothing better to do after the completion of a lifetime of work than proclaim some exposition.
Roger Myers Jr. The Itchy & Scratchy website is ready to launch. I can finally relax.
Roger Myers Jr. Think I'll treat myself by making my clothes stink of tobacco.
The player receives "Islands in the Revenue Stream Pt. 9" which is to "Make Roger Myers Jr. Relax with a Cigar". It takes 4 hours.
Roger Myers Jr. Wait, if all my work is done, who am I going to yell at? There's too much risk of reprisal with waiters and concierges.
Roger Myers Jr. I can try yelling at my cigar. Cigar, you better not give me mouth cancer!
Roger Myers Jr. Oh no, this isn't working -- it's just defiantly blowing smoke in my face.

Islands in the Revenue Stream Pt. 10

After tapping on Roger Meyers Jr.'s exclamation mark
Roger Myers Jr. So it's agreed. I'll get to yell at people to make new Itchy & Scratchy episodes, and Krusty will show them.
Krusty That's all I ever wanted.
Krusty Also, a percentage of that seven hundred and fifty million dollar new media sale would be great.
Roger Myers Jr. Seven hundred and fifty million dollars...
Blue-Haired Lawyer Krusty, the BZZ Network, Where Entertainment Is Extreme ©, has offered to pay your cable bill for one year.
Blue-Haired Lawyer They view new episodes airing on your network as the perfect advertising for their website.
Blue-Haired Lawyer Especially since they're all owned by the same media conglomerate.
Krusty You make it cable AND internet, and we've got a deal!
The player receives "Islands in the Revenue Stream Pt. 10" which is to "Make Krusty Get a Piece of the Action" and "Make Roger Myers Jr. Shout at the Animators". It takes 8 hours.
Roger Myers Jr. Okay, you scribbling cretins, I want you to shove amazing down my throat like I'm a French goose!
Roger Myers Jr. It's nice to be home.

Maximum Itchyload

After tapping on Bart's exclamation mark
Bart Welcome to the Itchydome!
Bart We are surrounded on all sides by sixteen smartphones, seven tablets, four laptops, two home computers, and five TVs, making...
Lisa Thirty-four.
Bart Thirty-four screens blasting Itchy & Scratchy straight at our eyeballs, earholes, and mushified brains.
Bart People, there is no escape from the entertainment.
Milhouse My nose is starting to bleed. Cool!
Bart Now this is how TV shows were meant to be watched.
The player receives "Maximum Itchyload" which is to "Make Kids Watch Itchy & Scratchy (x8)". It takes 8 hours.

Bindle There, Done That Pt. 1

After tapping on Chester J. Lampwick's exclamation mark
Lampwick G. Rover Gripes! Springfied?! How'd I end up back in this piddlepot town?
Homer Hey everyone! We've got a new old coot!
Lisa It's Chester Lampwick, the original creator of Itchy the Lucky mouse in 1919. Which would make him old enough to be...
Lisa ...dead?
Lampwick That's what I should be! But somehow I ain't!
Homer There, there. Why we continue to exist is a mystery to us all.
Homer So drink up! There's no need for answers when you can't remeber the questions.
The player receives "Bindle There, Done That Pt. 1" which is to "Make Lampwick Look for Answers at the Bottom of a Bottle" and "Make Homer Look for Answers at the Bottom of a Bottle". It takes 4 hours.
Homer I mean, jeez, who are you? If you're here, who's left to return to Springfield? Señor Ding Dong?
Senor Ding Dong You rang, mis amigos?

Bindle There, Done That Pt. 2

After tapping on Chester J. Lampwick's exclamation mark
Lampwick When I last was in Springfield, I had me a legally mandated fortune and fingers on my gloves.
Lampwick Now I'm just another hobo with a rocket car.
Lampwick If it weren't for this explosion changing all the rules, I'd have walked off into the cush life of a billionaire, dancing the hula in crystal houses with Rockefellers and Araby sheiks.
Homer Did you ever do any of those strange words?
Lampwick Hey, you don't know the direction a night can head in! Possibilities abound!
Lisa You returned not just as an impoverished vagabond.
Lisa You're an esteemed contributor to the legacy of a great cartoon show—Itchy & Scratchy! And I know how to prove it.
Lampwick Aw, little girl, it's nice of you to rebuild my solid gold house. Now if you can just put it by the water...
Lisa No, better than any material possession. I'll help you experience adoration in the eyes of your young fans.
Lisa We'll have a signing party at our house for all the kids in town!
Lampwick Alright. But tell your friends to keep their sticky paws off my bindle. I hate a gunky bindle.
The player receives "Bindle There, Done That Pt. 2" which is to "Make Lampwick Sign Autographs" and "Make Children Visit Lampwick (x4)". It takes 10 and 5 hours.
Lisa Children of Springfield, meet the silly-named genius Chester Lampwick! The man you didn't know you should admire but should!
Lisa *Ahem...yes.* Bindle off limits.
Milhouse What's a bindle?
Lisa You're holding a phone. Look it up.
After the task is compelted
Lampwick No, the violence is a metaphor! It represents all the different objects that you can stab in people's eyes.
Lampwick You mollycoddled nollywads don't get the subtlety of my work one drop!
Lisa Mr. Lampwick, I don't think that's what a metaphor is—
Lampwick Pah! Why try to speak to the masses when everyone's a nincompoop.
Lampwick Being a valued member of a community is worthless.

Bindle There, Done That Pt. 3

After tapping on Chester J. Lampwick's exclamation mark
Lampwick What am I doing back in this place? I know I was never meant to be more than a marginal, one-off, side character.
Lampwick Had me a story, and dejabbers, it was a good one! Felt like a hero then.
Lampwick Now I'm just another oddball. Might as well be going up to strangers, shouting "Ooggitty boogitty!"
Lampwick Ooggitty boogitty! That's it!
Lampwick I can be something better than a hero. A weirdo who irritates people into getting what he wants.
The player receives "Bindle There, Done That Pt. 3" which is to "Build Krusty Burger" and "Make Lampwick Annoy Staff and Patrons". It takes 2 hours.
Squeaky Voiced Teen May I take your order, Mr. Penniless Vagrant?
Lampwick Yeah, I'll have an ice cold soda, hold the soda, hold the ice, and fill the cup with loose change.
After the task is compelted
Squeaky Voiced Teen Here are seven Krusty Burgers, three Meat-Flavored Sandwiches, and two The Cloggers. Take them and go!
Lampwick Not sure what all this free food is going to do for this abscess in my arm pit, but if that's what you want, young man, that's what I'll do.
Lampwick Heh heh. Chester J., you sly, silver marmoset. Bless your pus-filled body.

Bindle There, Done That Pt. 4

After tapping on Chester J. Lampwick's exclamation mark
Lampwick Good to see my panhandling tricks are as trusty as ever.
Lampwick Time to remake the Lampwick fortune the old-fashioned way: taking it from other people.
Homer You shouldn't get money by begging. This is America.
Homer Find a job, go to work, and duck your responsibilities while you collect paychecks you don't deserve, like the rest of us.
Lampwick You think this is the life I wanted?
Lampwick If I had my druthers, I'd be an internationally celebrated cartoonist, or I'd live under a tree made of diamonds, whose nuts are smaller diamonds I could sell above market price.
Lampwick No, I didn't get to choose my fate. I just gotta play the role I was assigned, and make the best of it.
Lampwick Which means escaping my role and changing my fate!
Lampwick Soon, this cat will once again be a top dog.
Homer So you dream of being the opposite of a hobo. What would that be exactly... an "oboh"?
Lampwick That's not the opposite of hobo, ya crackbrained cretin.
Lampwick The opposite of a word is that word backwards AND upside down. I'm going to be an "oqoy".
Lampwick Wanna know how to pronounce "oqoy"? It's "LAMPWICK!"
The player receives "Bindle There, Done That Pt. 4" which is to "Make Lampwick Rely on the Generosity of Others". It takes 24 hours.
Lampwick All that time shaking my hand can, and all I've got is a single, lousy dollar?
Lampwick The people in this town are the opposite of good! They're "poo6"!

Bindle There, Done That Pt. 5

After tapping on Chester J. Lampwick's exclamation mark
Lampwick I can still Vanderbilt my way back to the top. All I need to do is invest this in the hobo's stock market.
Lampwick One lotto Scratch-R, my snake-charming friend.
Apu Thank you for the stereotype I am not thankful for.
Apu Would you like a regular Scratch-R or the high-roller Golden Scratch-R, reserved for only the best...of whoever is willing to pay for it?
Lampwick Give me the fancy one. I've got a feeling that on this day Chester J. can't lose!
The player receives "Bindle There, Done That Pt. 5" which is to "Make Lampwick Buy a Golden Scratch-R". It takes 1 hour.
Lampwick Donuts?! That's what I get for my buck?
Lampwick What nob-headed ninnies would want donuts instead of actual money?
Apu You should show more respect for the power of the donut. They are the most powerful currency of all.
Apu They are how you are even here!
Lampwick Consarnable pastries! If these garbage rings are how I got here, I'd rather have garbage.

Hobo You Didn't! Pt. 1

After tapping on Chester J. Lampwick's exclamation mark
Lampwick Someone paid good money just to torture me with poverty?
Lampwick Well, I know who it must be! Only one soul has ever been so hate-fueled, bile-filled, and vile-stuffed.
Lampwick That secret Midget Little Vicki!
Lisa Little Vicki Valentine, Hollywood's little princess?
Lisa The talented star of sixty-one films and TV shows, and countless Broadway plays because the internet won't count them for me?
Lampwick That's the flapper.
Lampwick In 1963, I crashed some snooty awards party. All I wanted was a shrimp cocktail. So I get in line for one, right behind Little Vicki.
Lampwick As we get to the front, I notice there are only two glasses of shrimp left.
Lampwick Just as I'm about to get mine, Little Vicki takes them both! Says one's for a friend.
Lampwick If your friend wants an s-cocktail, your friend should wait in line for an s-cocktail!
Lampwick A haughty sheba who snatches shrimp out of the little guys' mouths, those people are the true scum of the earth.
Lampwick I've got to warn Springfield. For evil has arrived.
The player receives "Hobo You Didn't! Pt. 1" which is to "Make Lampwick Rant About Little Vicki". It takes 8 hours.
Lampwick Guard your shrimp! Little Vicki may walk among you!

Hobo You Didn't! Pt. 2

After tapping on Chester J. Lampwick's exclamation mark
Lampwick I think I finally figured out why I'm back in Springfield, little girl. It's not for money or respect. It's for...
Lampwick REVENGE!
Lisa Mr. Lampwick, I'm still not sure your crusade against Little Vicki is the best pursuit.
Lisa She's one of America's finest actresses, and the first ever winner of the Kiddie Academy Awards!
Lampwick I know all about her award record. If you ask me, she lied about her age!
Lampwick She kept saying, "I'm the youngest actress to ever win an award, and now I am about to get my star on the Hollywood Walk of Fame!"
Lampwick Ever check her teeth? Never once did her fake baby teeth ever fall out!
Lampwick Or that curly hair of hers... a wig, I tell ya! She had me thrown out of the party when I attempted to yank that mop off!
Lampwick Like I'm telling ya, an awful human being. I saw her clean the earwax out of her ears using her house keys. Disgusting.
Lampwick Now Dame Judith Underdunk, she was a celebrity with class.
Lampwick Would remember your name, your birthday, and even bake you a cake. Had a handshake like George Washington's.
Lisa The Springfield Library keeps thorough entertainment news records. We can check to verify your story...
Lampwick And I can take a bath in their sink and dry myself on some useless, old books. Public libraries—the Hobo's Hilton.
The player receives "Hobo You Didn't! Pt. 2" which is to "Build Springfield Library", "Make Lampwick Do Research", and "Make Lisa Do Research" It takes 24 hours.
Lampwick Ah, fresh as a wilted rose! Nothing gives a man reason to look and smell his best better than a bellyful of dumb rage.

Hobo You Didn't! Pt. 3

After tapping on Chester J. Lampwick's exclamation mark
Lampwick Springfield, we must protect ourselves from the forces of Little Vicki! Discard all signs of the Queen of Babylon!
Apu Sir, don't damage those DVDs of Little Vicki for President.
Apu If I mark the price down any lower, I will have to pay people to take them. And even then they will say, "Little Vicki for President? Ugh."
Lampwick We must cease worshipping her, and free ourselves from her narrative tyranny!
Lampwick She can no longer control us, forcing us to engage in silly behavior for her amusement!
The player receives "Hobo You Didn't! Pt. 3" which is to "Make Lampwick Battle the Forces of Vicki" It takes 6 hours.
Lampwick It's nice to feel like I finally have something to contribute.
Lampwick DEATH TO LITTLE VICKI!

Hobo You Didn't! Pt. 4

After tapping on Lisa's exclamation mark
Lisa Mr. Lampwick! Mr. Lampwick! My research uncovered something you should know about your reason for existing.
Lampwick Is it how to create a Little Vicki-proof barrier around any home or shanty town?
Lisa You said Little Vicki was getting her star on the Walk of Fame. But she got her star in 1960, not 1963.
Lisa Also, the Walk of Fame parties only served shrimp cocktail in 1964...
Lisa The same year Dame Judith Underdunk got her star on the walk!
Lisa I believe the evil curly haired woman who took your shrimp was not Little Vicki, but in fact the Dame Judith Underdunk!
Lampwick So... everything I believe in is a lie?
Lisa Isn't that great?!
Lampwick ...
Lisa Oh. Only now do I realize how that might not be so great...
Lisa ...and that's beside the fact that I helped put her in prison!
Lampwick Guess I'll never know why I got saddled with this bum's life. Fate or chance or Little Vicki, I gotta make the best of it.
Lampwick There's no point in trying to anticipate the answers to why we're here.
Lampwick The essence of life is its mystery, and only when we accept that can we focus on living.
Lisa Samuel Beckett was right. Hobos do possess a deeper insight.
Lisa I know the perfect job for you, if you're willing to work for free cafeteria food.
The player receives "Hobo You Didn't! Pt. 4" which is to "Make Lampwick Star in a School Production of Waiting for Godot" It takes 3 hours.
Chalmers Magnificent performance, Mr. Lampwick!
Chalmers This high school hasn't been so moved since the days Moleman bloodied our stage in Richard the II.
Lampwick Thank you. And shove it. I have to spout a bunch of frufru nonsense AND choke down dry Salisbury steak?
Lampwick Forget it! I'd rather dine on juicy rotisserie pigeon, hot off the trash can.

Hobo You Didn't! Pt. 5

After tapping on Chester J. Lampwick's exclamation mark
Lampwick Whew. Trying to find a purpose for my existence has tuckered me out.
Lisa I hope someone thought to give you a job at the homeless shelter.
Lisa Or at least a job to stay with everyone else in the brown house.
Lampwick I don't need shelter.
Lampwick I have the one thing that truly matters, the one thing no one can take from me: my fantasies of destroying all who have wronged me.
Lisa I was hoping you'd say "human dignity." But "destroying others" is an alternative.
Lampwick Take care. And have a goodnight, little victim number twelve.
The player receives "Hobo You Didn't! Pt. 5" which is to "Make Lampwick Sleep Under a Newspaper" It takes 12 hours.
Lampwick You're going to get it. You're all going to get it! Especially whoever gave me this storyline and all his accomplices!

Good Morning, Springfield!

After the KBBL Studios is build
Homer Woo Hoo! The radio station is back. Now when I'm at work I can listen to Bill and Marty instead of all those annoying warning sirens.
The player receives "Good Morning, Springfield!" which is to "Broadcast Bill and Marty at KBBL". It takes 4 hours.

Gil's offer

Buildings

Image Name Building time Costs Task
Mansion of Solid Gold Tapped Out.png Mansion of Solid Gold 6s Donut250 Gold Panning in the Bathtub

Gameplay

After tapping on Gil's exclamation mark
Gil Check it out, players! For a limited time, you can get Springfield's famous Mansion of Solid Gold!
Homer Mansion of Solid Gold? I don't remember that even being in our town.
Lisa Maybe it was the place Kent Brockman moved into when he won the lottery.
Homer No, that was just a normal mansion... although he wore a lot of gold in that episode.
Gil Actually, it belonged to Chester Lampwhick, the original creator of Itchy & Scratchy. but he fell on hard times... just like Ol' Gil here does constantly.
Lisa Oh, right. Now I remember this house! But i didn't think it was canonical -- I thought it was just a throw-away joke.
Homer What's that? A joke the writers should have thrown away?
Lisa Exactly. Kind of like this bit we're doing now.
If not a sale
Gil Okay by me. The longer this stays on the market, the longer Ol' Gil has a place to secretly crash.
If a sale
Gil Congratulations on the purchase of your new home!
Gil Now let's see, sixty day escrow, seventeen day inspection period... you've got your loan and appraisal contingencies... disclosures... termites...
Gil Oh what, that's real life stuff. This is a game. just take it -- it's yours!

Solid Gold Pt. 1

Homer Ohh, look at that shiny gold mansion!
Lisa Yeah, it's nice. A little flashy... but nice.
Homer I'm so happy the person playing this game is a gemmer... I mean, donuter.
Homer Just hink of all the poor Homers in all the other towns controlled by more frugal and/or less impulsive players.
Lisa Yeah, I supppose. There's something to be said for good money management, though.
Homer Pfft, please. Those Homers would be lucky just to have a Burn's mansion in their town. But I've got the best mansion in the game!
Homer A mansion of solid gold!
Homer Now if you'll excuse me, I'm going to go peel the gold foil off and eat the chocolate underneath.
Lisa What?!
The player receives "Solid Gold Pt. 1" which is to "Make Homer Try to Eat the Mansion of Solid Gold". It takes 4 hours.

Solid Gold Pt. 2

After tapping on Homer's exclamation mark
Homer Ow, dear God! I think I chipped a tooth! Why did I do that for four hours?!
Lisa What were you thinking, Dad? It's a Mansion of Solid Gold! What part of that don't you understand?
Homer The "solid" part apparently.
Homer Also why'd I do that for four hours?
Lisa That tooth looks bad. You should probably go see a doctor, or dentist, or veterinarian or something.
Homer Thanks sweetie, I will. Right after lunch.
The player receives "Solid Gold Pt. 2" which is to "Make Homer Try to Eat the Mansion of Solid Gold". It takes 4 hours.

Solid Gold Pt. 3

After tapping on Cletus's exclamation mark
Cletus Ooh, look at that fancy giant shack. It glitters all yellowy, like the tooth we pulled from that hobo.
Brandine That's because it's made of fake tooth stuff! Pure gold, I hear told.
Cletus Gold? Yellow oil? California tea?
Brandine Yep. And it's supposed to be state of the art. They even got one of them indoor outhouses... with copper plumbing, I heard tell.
Cletus COPPER?!
The player receives "Solid Gold Pt. 3" which is to "Make Cletus Strip Copper from Mansion of Solid Gold". It takes 6 hours.

References