Difference between revisions of "The Simpsons: Tapped Out July 4th 2014 content update"

Revision as of 22:55, August 3, 2021

This article is about the Tapped Out's 4th of July content update from 2014. For other year's Tapped Out 4th of July content updates, see TSTO 4th of July Content Updates.

The Simpsons: Tapped Out's fifty-fifth content update, also known as the July 4th 2014 content update was released on July 2, 2014.

Characters

Image Name Unlock message George Washington Giuseppe

Buildings

Image Name Building time Costs Character(s) unlocked when built Sit-N-Rotate 3d 10,000,000 Giuseppe's Workshop 24h 5,000 Giuseppe

Decorations

Decoration Picture Requires Other Lincoln Memorial 100,000 Fireworks Barge 80 American Flag 5,600 Only at 4th July 2014 Pinwheel Firework 40 Only at 4th July 2014 Crate of Fireworks 60 Only at 4th July 2014 Ye Olde Cherry Tree 180 Unlocks George Washington

Returning items

Several items from the 4th July's 2013 content update were re-added in the update, for the benefit of the players whom missed the 2013's events.

Characters

Image Name Unlock message Abraham Lincoln Rex Banner All-American Apu (skin)

Buildings

Image Name Time Costs Unlocks Nighthawk Diner 24h 90 Rex Banner Lincoln's Cabin 6s 150 Abraham Lincoln

Decorations

Image Name Costs Liberty Bell 50,000 Lisa Statue of Liberty 75

Gameplay

Failure to Launch Pt. 1

Apu, $100 worth of your most illegal poorly-made fireworks, please! With federal agent Rex Banner snooping around town, I can no longer play the fireworks game. This Independence Day, the only laws I plan on breaking relate to food safety and price gouging. The government can't take away our fireworks just because they're illegal! Last time I checked, a little document called the U.S. Constitution guaranteed us the right to break any law we want, whenever we feel like it. It most explicitly does not. Exactly! If we can't buy fireworks, then we'll just have to make them ourselves The player receives "Failure to Launch Pt. 1" which is to "Build Giuseppe's Workshop". It takes 24 hours.

Failure to Launch Pt. 2

After tapping on Homer's exclamation mark Guiseppe Granfinali, it's your lucky day. Most characters as minor as you never get to see Springfield again. Although that's less and less true all the time. Anyway, we want you to build the most ear-rattling, eyeball-bludgeoning, nose-somehow-obliterating fireworks ever made. Would it help to have an extra set of hands? I got an "A" in second grade chemistry this year. Chemistry? What-a the hell-a is that? Wait... you make your living playing with gunpowder all your life, and you have no idea what it's made of? Ground-up demon, I always assume. Okay, find me some-a books on this "chemistry". Real old and out-of-date, like-a me. Finally, a need only a second-rate public school library can fulfill! Sixth-rate, actually. We just got our certification as a sixth-rate facility yesterday. We're very proud. The player receives "Failure to Launch Pt. 2" which is to "Build Springfield Elementary", "Make Lisa Read Outdated Chemistry Books", and "Make Giuseppe Stock Up on 'Fertilizer'". It takes 4 hours.

Failure to Launch Pt. 3

After tapping on Lisa's exclamation mark Mr. Granfinali, are we going to start making the fireworks anytime soon? What does it LOOK-a like I'm-a doing?! Sitting in a rocking chair having an animated argument with no one at all. That's-a how I create my fireworks! I talk it-a over with the ghosts of all-a my brothers. Once there were-a fifteen Granfinali boys. Now, only Giuseppe. All the others, gone. Blown up to God. Are you sure you want to solicit advice from ghosts that died in fireworks accidents? They tell-a Giuseppe what NOT to do. That is, when they are not screaming. Apparently, getting-a blown up hurts bad, even after you're dead. Very comforting. The player receives "Failure to Launch Pt. 3" which is to "Make Giuseppe Invent a New Firework" and "Make Lisa Mix Dangerous Chemicals". It takes 12 hours.

Failure to Launch Pt. 4

After tapping on Giuseppe's exclamation mark Mama Mia! I just-a got an inspection-a notice from Town Hall. When they find-a the 'works, they gonna take-a them away! This time the government has gone too far. If I can bring a loaded AR-15 into a nursery school -- and thanks to the patriotism of dedicated nutcases, I can -- why can't I build explosives for pleasure? To be fair, fireworks and firearms... they are not-a the same. Well, they can both kill people. And THAT means I should be able to do whatever I want with them. I'll send out word that the government is trying to stop an honest citizen from playing with gunpowder. You watch what happens. Oh boy... The player receives "Failure to Launch Pt. 4" which is to "Make Giuseppe Host a Fireworks Support" and "Make Republicans Attend the Fireworks Support Rally (x5)". It takes 2 hours. The fireworks... they are-a gone! What's happened?! While we were demonstrating, somebody broke in and stole-a them. All our precious explode-o's, blammers, and fizzle-booms... gone!

Failure to Launch Pt. 5

After tapping on Lisa's exclamation mark Who would steal fireworks? Think, Lisa! Fear not. My family has an ancient, secret method for recovering lost fireworks. You see, the firework, she wants to be with others of her kind. Uh... that seems unlikely. But go on... We use the little firecracker to find-a the big firework. Take-a the firecracker. Light-a the firecracker. Throw-a the firecracker. Okay... If you hear a super-big KA-BOOM!, you have found-a the missing fireworks. If not, move on and-a try again. And you say this is an ancient family technique? My sisters were the fireworks finders in the family. But they are all dead now. Let me guess -- blown up by fireworks? Yes. What are the odds? I've got my firework finding gear. Let's go! The player receives "Failure to Launch Pt. 5" which is to "Make Giuseppe Search for Stolen Fireworks" and "Make Homer Search for Stolen Fireworks". It takes 24 hours.

Failure to Launch Pt. 6

After tapping on Homer's exclamation mark The heck with it. If we don't have explosions and the real possibility of accidental death, the Fourth is ruined. I'm just going to go to work. Cheer up, Dad. There are a few cans of lighter fluid in the garage. We could light those on fire and see what happens! That'll make for a great America's Birthday! Nah. America stinks. We had a good run, but it's over. It's Ceylon's turn now. I hate to see you so down. Tell you what -- start a trash-can fire at work. Maybe it'll cause a runaway inferno, and you can salvage what's left of Independence Day. Thanks, sweetie. Yeah, work is usually good for an explosion or two. Thank God I'm such a lousy safety inspector. The player receives "Failure to Launch Pt. 5" which is to "Build Control Building" and "Make Homer "Safely" do his Job". It takes 16 hours. Woo-hoo! Work was great! Mr. Burns let me have a whole box of donuts if I promised not to tell anyone that he's been using stolen fireworks for fuel. !!! I know. It's ridiculous, right? A whole box of donuts just for me... Message Oh fine, here's a couple of donuts for you too, but don't you DARE tell anyone, or we'll take them back.

Failure to Launch Pt. 7

After tapping on Lisa's exclamation mark So! The man behind these mysterious thefts is none other than Mr. Burns! The very SAME Mr. Burns who is, without fail, behind absolutely every nefarious act in this town! Tell me about it. The whole time I'm thinking, "It's probably Mr. Burns, but we're not really doing THAT story again, are we?" And THEN I thought: "Well, if it DOES turn out to be Mr. Burns, for sure don't point out how it's ALWAYS Mr. Burns, because that just makes it seem EVEN WORSE." But then YOU pointed it out, so I pointed it out, and now it's all anyone can think about. Which is unfortunate. Well, if-a Mr. Burns is the bad guy, then I'm-a gonna have words with him right now! Ooh -- I love when Italians get mad. They can say a thousand swears with their hands alone! Watch and learn, Lis! The player receives "Failure to Launch Pt. 7" which is to "Make Giuseppe Confront Mr. Burns" and "Make Homer Butt into Giuseppe's Business". It takes 6 hours. Give-a me back my fireworks, evil skeleton! And have them turned into a weapon against me? No, I'm not keen to see rockets exploding on my front porch. We don't want to shoot them at you, silly! It's the sky we want to blow up. And the sky's no-good friend: clouds. I'm not talking about you. I simply can't afford to have these fine explodables end up in the hands of my family's mortal enemies. Hi, Homer! Hi, Lisa! Hi, Italian person! And hello to you, Burnsy. Or should I call you... Dead Man? Yes, everyone, it's true. The Spuckler clan and the Burns clan are a-feudin' agin. The Burnses have fought the Spucklers down through the generations. At times the feud merely simmers. But it always flares anew at the slightest provocation. r. Burns! I didn't realize you came from hillbilly stock. Oh, I don't. A mere three generations ago, the Spucklers were our rivals in Philadelphia high society. They were one of the richest, most erudite families in America. Ay-yup. Then my grand pappy lost his railroad, and pretty soon we's eatin' shoe leather and possum, and findin' we likes the taste! Our family fortunes may have diverged, but our hands are so steeped in Spuckler blood, and their hands in ours, that we will never truly live in peace. Sad but true. Well, I'm off. Kill ya later, Burns! Kill you later, Cletus! Tell Brandine I'll kill her later, too! Will do!

Failure to Launch Pt. 8

After tapping on Giuseppe's exclamation mark Well, all is not-a lost. I have a special surprise for you, Lisa. You don't mean... Yes! We are ready to show-a off our new firework! This is so exciting! You're-a telling me! I've never fired spent-a nuclear fuel rods into the atmosphere before! I wish I didn't know that's what was happening. The player receives "Failure to Launch Pt. 8" which is to "Make Giuseppe Show-Off a New Invention". It takes 1 hour.

Happy Independence Day!

When the player logs in on 4th July 2014 On this very special day, we'd like to take a few moments to humbly celebrate the greatest nation on earth! China! No, wait -- Germany! It's Germany, isn't it? ...Russia? Man this is hard. Greatest nation on earth... Sweden? Dad, I'm talking about America. What, this America? That's nuts -- by almost any measure we've fallen out of the top one-fifty. I mean look at education, income equality, percentage of population in prison, access to medical care... Dad, not now! You're bumming everyone out. I'm trying to be festive! Oh right. Sorry, honey. Go ahead and lie about how good America is. I'll back you all the way. *Cough* ... Alright: "To Americans everywhere, Happy Fourth of July!" Message Regardless of where you are, enjoy these 5 sweet complimentary donuts!

Washington Overtime

If the player does not have George Washington on July 16th. Aw, I hate when holidays are over. All the Fourth of July stuff is gone. Not all of it -- George Washington is still around. Oh yeah. I remember we had a hard time getting rid of Abraham Lincoln last year, too. Is this guy serious? That's funny, because I could have SWORN I'm considered one of the greatest Presidents ever. But hey, maybe I'm wrong! Maybe having me around is a total drag. That seems to be Homer's opinion, doesn't it? No, sir. It's an honor to have you here. I didn't catch that? Could you repeat it? It's a tremendous honor to have you in Springfield, Mr. One-of-the-Top-Two-Presidents- Ever. Yeah. That's what I THOUGHT you said. And by the way, you're welcome for AMERICA STILL BEING A COUNTRY. Stupid Lincoln.

Declaration of Co-Dependence Pt. 1

After tapping on George Washington's exclamation mark "Previous to the execution of any official act of the President--" WHAT THE? WHERE DID PHILADELPHIA GO? WHAT LAND IS THIS AND WHY IS "QUICKY MART" SPELLED SO ATROCIOUSLY? Mr. Washington, you've been brought forward in time to the town of Springfield, in America. It seems to happen to ex-Presidents a lot. Forward in time? How old is America? Two hundred and forty-two years. You're kidding me, right? That's a joke? Because I told Jefferson I gave this country a decade. Tops. He was all: "Liberty is mankind's natural state!" And I was "Yada yada yada... ten years, chump. Bank on it." Still, it's cool to be wrong! So, tell me about this town. Springfield is named after its founder, Jebediah Springfield. You would've known him as 'Hans Sprungfeld' in your time. SPRUNGFELD?! THAT GUY HAS A TOWN NAMED AFTER HIM? Oh, man. Where is he? He's going to be picking wooden teeth out of his neck for a month. The player receives "Declaration of Co-Dependence Pt. 1" which is to "Make Washington Hunt for Jebediah Springfield". It takes 24 hours. Okay, so Sprungfeld is dead. Everyone I know is dead. I get it. So now what? Professor Frink is trying to find a way to send you home. In the meantime... You might find you like it here. Our previous ex-President seems very happy. You want to keep it down, please? I can barely hear myself split rails here, people. Sheesh. That guy was President?! Number sixteen. He's so gangly-looking. Doesn't really scream "President," you know? I guess people will elect anything.

Declaration of Co-Dependence Pt. 2

After tapping on George Washington's exclamation mark You know why America has a bicameral legislature, right? Uh... because it's a good way to keep power from consolidating in one body? Nope. Because when we were tossing around ideas for a new government-- just brain jamming, you know -- some idiot throws out the term "bicameral legislature." And everybody just latches onto it. You know that thing where everyone's trying to sound hip and smart by using the hot new term? So annoying! Every time I heard the words, I couldn't decide whether to fall asleep or kill myself. Just totally nuts. I voted for the thing just to shut everyone up. This is incredible! Our scholars need to know this stuff. You've got to commit your memories to paper. Seriously, if I told you all the dirt I've got on John Adams, you'd flip your powdered wig. Dude was MESSED UP. The player receives "Declaration of Co-Dependence Pt. 2" which is to "Make Washington Write a Tell-All". It takes 4 hours.

Declaration of Co-Dependence Pt. 3

After tapping on Lisa's exclamation mark I hope you're not finding modern-day America too strange, Mr. Washington. Nah. It'll always be America, so long as people continue to live free, toss their excrement in the streets, and hate the British. Actually England is our closest ally now. ... You want to repeat that, little lady? Uh... we've had a lot of time to repair relations... "Repair relations"? With a country that is way more powerful than us? AND wants nothing more than to make us her colony again? Well, first of all, our military is a lot bigger than theirs now. Then we should attack immediately, before they have time to raise conscripts! Unless, of course, you'd prefer to see musky-carrying redcoats on every street corner in the nation. Summon my war council! The player receives "Declaration of Co-Dependence Pt. 3" which is to "Make Washington Plan an Invasion of Britain". It takes 8 hours.

Declaration of Co-Dependence Pt. 4

After tapping on George Washington's exclamation mark Okay, if our ships leave Boston tomorrow, we can reach England in two months. We'll rendezvous with Hessian mercenaries -- little girl, remind me to write a letter to Hessia, get that ball rolling. Hessian mercenaries aren't the military force they once were... We will then move inland and seize the royal saltpeter mines. I'd like to see King George try to fight a war without saltpeter. Heh-heh-heh... With a combined force of 20,000 we will easily subdue all of England. What do you think, Lisa Simpson? An elegant plan, no? You really think 20,000 men armed with muskets will do any good against tanks and machine guns and missiles? If we have enough horses, yes. I also plan on doubling gin rations, to boost morale. A drunk army is an effective army. All we need now is the men! The player receives "Declaration of Co-Dependence Pt. 4" which is to "Make Washington Recruit an Army". It takes 24 hours.

Declaration of Co-Dependence Pt. 5

After tapping on George Washington's exclamation mark Okay, I've been traveling door-to-door all day, and so far I've got ZERO recruits for my Grand Army of the Brit-Hating Republic. What's happened to the England-detesting nation of proud Limey-stranglers I love? Where's our fighting spirit? Seriously. The English are our friends. Very nice people. Good music. And the most annoying thing? Everyone's just falling all over themselves to thank me: "You're the Father of Our Country!" "Thank you, George Washington!" If you love me so much, get in the boat and help me stick a cannon ball in Big Ben. George Washington! Thank you for everything, sir. Thank you for your wisdom, and your strength, and for being everything a man can be. I mean EVERYTHING! Uh-huh. Look, that's very nice, but I'm just a guy. Happy to be of service. No need to go crazy, pal. The player receives "Declaration of Co-Dependence Pt. 5" which is to "Make Washington Reject Praise". It takes 6 hours.

Declaration of Co-Dependence Pt. 6

After tapping on George Washington's exclamation mark George Washington! It's really him! The greatest real-life superhero of all! Thanks for being the best Founding Father a country could ask for! We love you! Fine. That's very fine. Thank you. Go away. They're just trying to show their appreciation, sir. But they act like I'm some sort of saint. It's seriously creepy. Did you know there are guys on the Supreme Court who think laws should be based on what me and my friends were thinking about more than two centuries ago? We didn't have electricity. And trust me -- most of the time when we were writing constitutions and laws, we were thinking about what to order for dinner. I'm just a guy. And I'm really happy that America worked out so well. That rocks. But again, just a guy. Excuse me, Mr. Washington. I'm like your biggest fan ever, and-- I owned slaves. Did you know that? It stinks, but it's true. So please leave me alone. Well, you must have had a very good reason. THERE IS NO GOOD REASON FOR OWNING SLAVES. Augh! You people are beyond weird! The player receives "Declaration of Co-Dependence Pt. 6" which is to "Make Washington Flee Admirers". It takes 16 hours.

Ye Olde Cherry Tree

After tapping on George Washington's exclamation mark Okay, still think I'm perfect? Watch this. This'll prove I'm no saint. I'm going to cut down this cherry tree. Then, when you ask me if I cut it down, I AM GOING TO LIE ABOUT IT. There! Still think I'm all that? But, sir, everyone KNOWS George Washington can't tell a lie. WHAT GROWN MAN IS INCAPABLE OF LYING?! ARE YOU SERIOUS?! HERE, WATCH! The player receives "Ye Olde Cherry Tree" which is to "Make Washington Try to Cut Down a Cherry Tree". It takes 12 hours.

Lincoln on Lincoln

After tapping on Abraham Lincoln's exclamation mark Okay, that is literally the LAST design I would have approved for a Lincoln Memorial. What garbage! No, it's nice! You look regal. Exactly! I'm sitting on a throne! Correct me if I'm wrong, but I sorta thought the POINT of America was "no more guys on thrones." Uh... but this is OUR throne. So maybe that makes it okay? Oh, and thanks for the MASSIVE GREEK TEMPLE. If there's one thing I was ALL ABOUT, it was huge, loud, in-your-face Greek stuff. The whole "log cabin" thing? Yeah, total smokescreen. Glad you picked up on that. I was secretly into stone monstrosities the whole time. This is EXACTLY how I want to be remembered -- as a higher-than-thou know-it-all who insisted that every word he uttered be ETCHED IN STONE FOR ALL TIME. Well done!!! Uh... hey look! Some rails that need splitting. Huh? SWEET! The player receives "Lincoln on Lincoln " which is to "Make Abraham Lincoln Split Rails". It takes 8 hours.

The Rocket's Red Glare Redux Pt. 1

After tapping on Rex Banner's exclamation mark Citizens of Springfield, fear not! No longer will airborne displays of fireworks-related Technicolor splendor haunt your nights! Federal agent Rex Banner!? Here to stop the flow of illegal fireworks into Springfield and bring the Bottle Rocket Barons to their knees. Well, that'll be nice. They're kind of a nuisance. Nuisance? You call sporadic incidents of mild to moderate noise pollution a NUISANCE? They're the greatest threat to the American way of life since loitering! And nothing will stop me from ending this scourge! Unless it is my debilitating addiction to refined sugars! The player receives "The Rocket's Red Glare Redux Pt. 1" which is to "Make Rex Banner Interrogate Flanders". It takes 8 hours.

The Rocket's Red Glare Redux Pt. 2

After tapping on Apu's exclamation mark Sales of fireworks are up 3,000%! This holiday is proving most profitable! I've traced the fireworks to this Kwik-E-Mart. Time to see what we can see... Great Ganesh! Super-cop Rex Banner is hot on my trail! I'd better hide the evidence. The player receives "The Rocket's Red Glare Redux Pt. 2" which is to "Make Apu Hide the Fireworks Behind the Malt Liquor" and "Make Rex Banner Stake Out the Kwik-E-Mart". It takes 4 and 12 hours.

The Rocket's Red Glare Redux Pt. 3

After tapping on Rex Banner's exclamation mark Reach for the sky, Nahasapeemapetilon! I know you're the gunpowder-drunk mastermind of this fireworks racket! Come clean -- you're the one they call the Rocket Rajah. The Bengal Blaster. Pyrotechnic 'Pu. I see. Because of my ethnicity and name, you assume this person must be me. That, sir, is profiling! I'm an old-timey cop. Profiling is ninety percent of my skill set. And we call it by its proper name: good ol' red-blooded, American racism. The player receives "The Rocket's Red Glare Redux Pt. 3" which is to "Make Apu Hide the Fireworks Behind the Malt Liquor" and "Make Rex Banner Stake Out the Kwik-E-Mart". It takes 4 and 12 hours.

The Rocket's Red Glare Redux Pt. 4

After tapping on Homer's exclamation mark Release Apu, Rex Banner! I've discovered the true identity of the fireworks smuggler -- Ned Flanders! Arrest him and interrogate him for hours and hours! Let's go, boys! And... he's gone. Woo-hoo! Come on, everybody -- the coast is clear! Let's buy some boom! The player receives "The Rocket's Red Glare Redux Pt. 4" which is to "Make Rex Banner Interrogate Flanders" and "Send Springfield Residents to Buy Fireworks (x10)". It takes 1 and 8 hours.

The Rocket's Red Glare Redux Pt. 5

After tapping on Rex Banner's exclamation mark Hands where I can see them, Apu! I'm taking you in! Wait! That man is innocent! I've just found an old town law from 1803 which expressly permits "the sale and detonation of pyrotechnic devices for one month following June 4." What's so special about the Fourth of June? June 4th was King George III of England's birthday. Springfield was the only town in the nation that voted 182 times to return to British rule. We've always been America's cowards. Well, at least there's one thing this town is still good for. The player receives "The Rocket's Red Glare Redux Pt. 5" which is to "Make Rex Eat a Banana Kaboom". It takes 4 hours.

Paranoid Android Redux

After tapping on Homer's exclamation mark Rex Banner! I've again discovered a nefarious smuggling ring -- far too intricate to detail here -- that is headed by our own Ned Flanders! Arrest Ned Flanders at once! And interrogate him for a really, really long time! But not in a scary, painful, illegal way like the CIA does. Just, you know, keep him out of my hair while football's on. Will do, patriotic citizen! The player receives "Paranoid Android Redux" which is to "Make Rex Banner Interrogate Flanders". It takes 8 hours.

The Rocket's Red Glare Redux Pt. 6

After tapping on Apu's exclamation mark Now that this awful business with the authorities has blown over, it's time to restock! The player receives "The Rocket's Red Glare Redux Pt. 6" which is to "Make Apu Stock Up on Illegal Fireworks". It takes 24 hours.

The Rocket's Red Glare Redux Pt. 7

After tapping on Apu's exclamation mark I am happy to announce I am open for business once again! Woo-hoo! I haven't blown anything up in a couple of hours, this was starting to feel like a Canada Day celebration... The player receives "The Rocket's Red Glare Redux Pt. 7" which is to "Make Apu Turn a Profit" and "Send Springfield Residents to Buy Fireworks *(x10)". It takes 12 and 1 hours.

Bring on the Revolution!

After tapping on Skinner's exclamation mark Patty, I know things didn't work out on our last date, but I wonder if you'd be interested in giving it another shot? That date was twenty years ago. Also I'm Selma, not Patty. The straight one? Even better! Back off, bub. In case you haven't noticed, in this new Springfield single women are a hot commodity. And rightfully so! That's why I want to take you out to the hottest new spot in town. You might even call it revolutionary! The player receives "Bring on the Revolution!" which is to "Make Skinner and Selma Dine at the Revolving Restaurant". It takes 4 hours. So what did you think? The food was okay. But the prices were ridiculous. Well, that restaurant DID cost ten million to build. Whatever. You paid, so I don't care.

See also

• The Simpsons: Tapped Out
• The Simpsons: Tapped Out content updates

References