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No Pain, No Pagain
Wikisimpsons - The Simpsons Wiki
| No Pain, No Pagain
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| Tapped Out Quest Information
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No Pain, No Pagain is an event-exclusive questline in The Simpsons: Tapped Out. It was introduced in the Winter 2016 content update.
Dialogue[edit]
| Between December 21, 2016 and event end
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Oh, great Satyr! We have performed all your chores. Now we ask you to reveal the esoteric wisdom of Paganism!
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Oh, uh… okay, here goes. Followers, the gods demand a service of you!
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Yes, yes?
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You all must, uh… act normal! Just, you know, do your thing! Walk around town for a while!
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Wait, what?
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Yeah, they want us all to do normal-type stuff until I can think of something else. THE GODS COMMAND IT!
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Well, uh, okay…
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Task: "Make the Pagan Followers Do Normal Things" (x5). The jobs take place at a Brown House and take 4 hours.
Task: "Make Satyr Willie Run Naked In the Halls". The job takes place at Springfield Elementary and takes 4 hours.
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WILLIE!! Why are you running through my hallways naked?
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Get lost ye suit wearing softie! I do this every weekend.
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Quest reward:  25 and  10
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| After completing Pt. 1
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My faithful Pagans! Now the gods command that we feast!
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Are you sure you ain't just making this up as you go? What's the occasion?
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Uh, the Feast of… the Advent of… the Legitimate Pagan Holiday!
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Hmm, shaky. But if I'm going to be distracted with anything, might as well be food!
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| Task: "Make the Pagans Binge on Food" (x8). The job takes place at Willie's Shack and takes 8 hours.
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We just ate squirrel, didn't we?
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Would you believe small, hairy, four-legged, bushy-tailed chickens?
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Maybe. I'd have to try one more to be sure.
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| Quest reward: 25 and 10
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| After completing Pt. 2
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Well, that was the most horrible thing I've ever eaten. And coming from me, that means something.
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So is that all Paganism is? Chores and broiled rodent? I'm starting to miss Christmas.
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Not so fast! Now the best part of Paganism, the gift exchange!
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| Task: "Make the Pagans Exchange Gifts". The jobs take place at Willie's Shack and take 8 hours.
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So how do ye like yer gifts?
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Well, I wanted a Roomba. But I suppose a crude doll made of bones isn't too sucky.
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I'd give anything for an awesome doll. All I got was a spell to silence my enemies.
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...
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Pretty cool, I guess. Still woulda liked a doll.
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| Quest reward: 25 and 10
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| After completing Pt. 3
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Well, well, well. Why so down, “Pagans?” A tad underwhelmed by your holiday gift haul?
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Us Christians are simply drowning in gifts right now. DROWNING.
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But I won't gloat. All I want to do is tell you a little story.
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The REAL story of Christmas!
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| Task: "Make Rev. Lovejoy Preach the Real Story of Christmas". The job takes place at the First Church of Springfield and takes 12 hours.
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And the Angel said: “Fear not, for behold, I bring you good news that will be a great joy to all the people.”
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And then he explained the importance of giving lavish gifts at Christmastime.
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Yea, even unto the point of running up a hefty credit card bill. We can worry about that stuff in January, he said.
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That's stretching scripture a wee bit, don't you think?
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Desperate times, Ned. Just need to get butts back in pews. We'll straighten ‘em out later.
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I like Churchy's story way better than Goat Man's! Who's with me?
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| Quest reward: 25 and 10
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| After completing Pt. 4
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Springfielders! It's me, Jesus!
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Wow. THE Jebus?
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I command you to celebrate Christmas! There's a new video game console out. Very nice! Pick one up or die!
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Cool it, Bart. I've already hooked these fish. You'll let them wriggle off!
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I'm not here for you, Rev. I want that console!
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Fine. If your folks don't get it for you, the church will. Now beat it!
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Okay. Later losers! Jesus is Audi 5000!
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| Task: "Make the Springfielders Embrace Commercialism Again". The jobs take place at a Kwik-E-Mart and take 8 hours.
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Wow! I really didn't think we could pull that off.
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Bart, that was blasphemous. You are not my son…
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You sound just like Homer…
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Don't worry big man, I'll never do it again. That beard is really itchy.
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I'm glad they fell for it though. Now we'll get some decent Christmas presents instead of this Pagan crap.
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You're right, now let's see what we got!
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Aww, I got the red part of a candy cane…
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| Quest reward: 25 and 10
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Characters[edit]
Pagans are:
| Satyr Willie, Apu, Bart, Homer, Lisa, Marge, Moe, Cletus, Krusty, Comic Book Guy, Grampa, Wiggum, Snake, Professor Frink, Luigi, Milhouse, Quimby, Hank Scorpio, Hans Moleman, Squeaky Voice Teen, Duffman, Martin, Brockman, Bumblebee Man, Dr. Nick, Barney, Sideshow Mel, Smithers, Shauna, Carl, Legs, Louie, Sea Captain, Rex Banner, Lou, Eddie, Arnie Pye, Chalmers, Selma, Patty, Suzanne the Witch, Kodos, Jimbo, Kirk, Luann, Tribal Chief, Judge Snyder, Blue-Haired Lawyer, Mr. Costington, The Grumple, Manjula, Brandine, Miss Hoover, Dewey Largo, Bernice Hibbert, Chester Dupree, Hugs Bunny, Father Sean, Shary Bobbins, Crazy Cat Lady, Roger Myers Jr., Lampwick, Giuseppe, George Washington, Princess Penelope, Number 51, Barbarian, Database, Akira, Mr. Teeny, Artie Ziff, Uter, Mrs. Muntz, Greta Wolfcastle, Space Mutant, Freddy Quimby, Princess Kashmir, French Waiter, Mrs. Bouvier, Janey, Lurleen
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