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No Pain, No Pagain

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No Pain, No Pagain
Tapped Out Quest Information
Level: 15
Update: Winter 2016
Required characters: Pagan Followers, Satyr Willie, Rev. Lovejoy, Normal Springfielders
Previous quest(s): I Willie Follow You Into the Dark Pt. 3

No Pain, No Pagain is an event-exclusive questline in The Simpsons: Tapped Out. It was introduced in the Winter 2016 content update.

Dialogue[edit]

Pt. 1[edit]

Between December 21, 2016 and event end
Homer Oh, great Satyr! We have performed all your chores. Now we ask you to reveal the esoteric wisdom of Paganism!
Satyr Willie Oh, uh... okay, here goes. Followers, the gods demand a service of you!
Moe Yes, yes?
Satyr Willie You all must, uh... act normal! Just, you know, do your thing! Walk around town for a while!
Homer - Confused Wait, what?
Satyr Willie Yeah, they want us all to do normal-type stuff until I can think of something else. THE GODS COMMAND IT!
Homer - Sad Well, uh, okay...
Task: "Make the Pagan Followers Do Normal Things" (x5). The jobs take place at a Brown House and take 4 hours.
Task: "Make Satyr Willie Run Naked In the Halls". The job takes place at Springfield Elementary and takes 4 hours.
Skinner - Surprised WILLIE!! Why are you running through my hallways naked?
Satyr Willie - Angry Get lost ye suit wearing softie! I do this every weekend.
Quest reward: Brooch25 and XP10

Pt. 2[edit]

After completing Pt. 1
Satyr Willie My faithful Pagans! Now the gods command that we feast!
Moe - Sneaky Are you sure you ain't just making this up as you go? What's the occasion?
Satyr Willie Uh, the Feast of... the Advent of... the Legitimate Pagan Holiday!
Homer - Happy Hmm, shaky. But if I'm going to be distracted with anything, might as well be food!
Task: "Make the Pagans Binge on Food" (x8). The job takes place at Willie's Shack and takes 8 hours.
Homer - Guilty We just ate squirrel, didn't we?
Satyr Willie Would you believe small, hairy, four-legged, bushy-tailed chickens?
Homer - Thoughtful Maybe. I'd have to try one more to be sure.
Quest reward: Brooch25 and XP10

Pt. 3[edit]

After completing Pt. 2
Moe - Exhausted Well, that was the most horrible thing I've ever eaten. And coming from me, that means something.
Homer - Annoyed So is that all Paganism is? Chores and broiled rodent? I'm starting to miss Christmas.
Satyr Willie Not so fast! Now the best part of Paganism, the gift exchange!
Task: "Make the Pagans Exchange Gifts". The jobs take place at Willie's Shack and take 8 hours.
Satyr Willie So how do ye like yer gifts?
Moe Well, I wanted a Roomba. But I suppose a crude doll made of bones isn't too sucky.
Homer - Sad I'd give anything for an awesome doll. All I got was a spell to silence my enemies.
Ned - Surprised ...
Homer - Sad Pretty cool, I guess. Still woulda liked a doll.
Quest reward: Brooch25 and XP10

Pt. 4[edit]

After completing Pt. 3
Rev. Lovejoy - Smug Well, well, well. Why so down, "Pagans?" A tad underwhelmed by your holiday gift haul?
Rev. Lovejoy - Smug Us Christians are simply drowning in gifts right now. DROWNING.
Rev. Lovejoy - Smug But I won't gloat. All I want to do is tell you a little story.
Rev. Lovejoy - Happy The REAL story of Christmas!
Task: "Make Rev. Lovejoy Preach the Real Story of Christmas". The job takes place at the First Church of Springfield and takes 12 hours.
Rev. Lovejoy And the Angel said: "Fear not, for behold, I bring you good news that will be a great joy to all the people."
Rev. Lovejoy And then he explained the importance of giving lavish gifts at Christmastime.
Rev. Lovejoy Yea, even unto the point of running up a hefty credit card bill. We can worry about that stuff in January, he said.
Ned - Worried That's stretching scripture a wee bit, don't you think?
Rev. Lovejoy Desperate times, Ned. Just need to get butts back in pews. We'll straighten 'em out later.
Moe I like Churchy's story way better than Goat Man's! Who's with me?
Quest reward: Brooch25 and XP10

Pt. 5[edit]

After completing Pt. 4
Bart - Jesus Springfielders! It's me, Jesus!
Homer - Surprised Wow. THE Jebus?
Bart - Jesus I command you to celebrate Christmas! There's a new video game console out. Very nice! Pick one up or die!
Rev. Lovejoy Cool it, Bart. I've already hooked these fish. You'll let them wriggle off!
Bart - Jesus I'm not here for you, Rev. I want that console!
Rev. Lovejoy - Annoyed Fine. If your folks don't get it for you, the church will. Now beat it!
Bart - Jesus Okay. Later losers! Jesus is Audi 5000!
Task: "Make the Springfielders Embrace Commercialism Again". The jobs take place at a Kwik-E-Mart and take 8 hours.
Milhouse - Surprised Wow! I really didn't think we could pull that off.
God - Angry Bart, that was blasphemous. You are not my son...
Bart - Rolling Eyes You sound just like Homer...
Bart Don't worry big man, I'll never do it again. That beard is really itchy.
Milhouse - Excited I'm glad they fell for it though. Now we'll get some decent Christmas presents instead of this Pagan crap.
Bart - Happy You're right, now let's see what we got!
Milhouse - Sad Aww, I got the red part of a candy cane...
Quest reward: Brooch25 and XP10

Characters[edit]

Pagans are:

Satyr Willie, Apu, Bart, Homer, Lisa, Marge, Moe, Cletus, Krusty, Comic Book Guy, Grampa, Wiggum, Snake, Professor Frink, Luigi, Milhouse, Quimby, Hank Scorpio, Hans Moleman, Squeaky Voice Teen, Duffman, Martin, Brockman, Bumblebee Man, Dr. Nick, Barney, Sideshow Mel, Smithers, Shauna, Carl, Legs, Louie, Sea Captain, Rex Banner, Lou, Eddie, Arnie Pye, Chalmers, Selma, Patty, Suzanne the Witch, Kodos, Jimbo, Kirk, Luann, Tribal Chief, Judge Snyder, Blue-Haired Lawyer, Mr. Costington, The Grumple, Manjula, Brandine, Miss Hoover, Dewey Largo, Bernice Hibbert, Chester Dupree, Hugs Bunny, Father Sean, Shary Bobbins, Crazy Cat Lady, Roger Myers Jr., Lampwick, Giuseppe, George Washington, Princess Penelope, Number 51, Barbarian, Database, Akira, Mr. Teeny, Artie Ziff, Uter, Mrs. Muntz, Greta Wolfcastle, Space Mutant, Freddy Quimby, Princess Kashmir, French Waiter, Mrs. Bouvier, Janey, Lurleen