• If you want to help support the contributors, you can make a one off payment by clicking here.
  • You can now subscribe to us on Patreon! Click this banner for more information.
  • Want to help support the contributors of Wikisimpsons? You can now donate to us! Click this for further details.
  • New article from the Springfield Shopper: ‘The Simpsons’ turns 29!! Happy Anniversary!!
  • Only until Mad About the Toy airs!
  • Wikisimpsons has a Discord server! Click here for your invite! Join to talk about the wiki, Simpsons and Tapped Out news, or just to talk to other users.
  • Make an account! It's easy, free, and your work on the wiki can be attributed to you.
  • Welcome to Wikisimpsons!
TwitterFacebookDiscord

Wikisimpsons:Previously featured comic quotes

Wikisimpsons - The Simpsons Wiki

All previously featured comic quotes.

Contents

December 2, 2018 -[edit]

"Marge! I screwed up!"
Homer
"I'm sure it's not that bad, Homie."
Marge
"I didn't buy the kids' gifts yet!"
Homer
"This is terrible!"
Marge
"I know! Their sad little faces staring up at me on Christmas morning. Who can I blame this on?"
Homer
"Well, the snow is an act of god."
Marge
"God! Why can't you leave Christmas alone?"
Homer[src]

November 1, 2018 - December 2, 2018[edit]

"Are you sure these expiration dates don't just mean the food is bad to eat?"
Milhouse
"Many times the simply mean that the old food has become a new pet."
Apu[src]

October 1, 2018 - November 1, 2018[edit]

"Welcome, friends, to Garbagio! An island made entirely of garbage from the other Hawaiian islands, and you are it's new citizens."
Mr. Burns[src]

September 1, 2018 - October 1, 2018[edit]

"Krusty! That actor you planted as an undercover kid at Springfield Elementary just called in!"
―Squeaky-voiced teen
"This could be important. Cancel my A.A. meeting, my N.A. meeting, and my hey-hey meeting!"
Krusty[src]

August 1, 2018 - September 1, 2018[edit]

"Hey, kids... where's your mother?"
Homer
"Working."
Lisa
" She's doing both day and night court! Maggie tried to make a soufflé, but it fell. Probably because it was made of mud."
Bart[src]

July 2, 2018 - August 1, 2018[edit]

"I can't believe we have to hear about another fund-raiser. This is the eleventh one this year!"
Lisa
"I'll take any excuse to get out of class... but this is the worst! Can't somebody get us out of this thing?"
Nelson
"Have no fear... Bart Simpson is here! Let's see if I can liven things up."
Bart[src]

June 2, 2018 - July 2, 2018[edit]

"Troy McClure here, ringside. You might remember me from such schoolyard competitions as "Pink Belly Smackdown" and "Stop Punching Yourself-Palooza.""
Troy McClure[src]

May 2, 2018 - June 2, 2018[edit]

"Marge, is food all you ever think about?!"
Homer[src]

April 2, 2018 - May 2, 2018[edit]

"To make up for our lack of customer service, might I interest you in free tickets to "Krusty on Ice"?"
Apu
"Free tickets?! What's the catch?"
Homer
"No catch at all. The tickets are only for our best customers. A holiday gift from our Kwik-E-Mart family to yours."
Apu[src]

March 2, 2018 - April 2, 2018[edit]

"Great news! Just snake some money outta a mommy's purse and hustle your little legs over to your local Krustyburger... 'cause here's a new dessert on the menu! Finger-lickin', napkinstckin' Krustypie! You'll binge 'til you bulge! Hyuuck!"
Krusty
"Yum! That looks delicious!"
Bart[src]

February 1, 2018 - March 2, 2018[edit]

"But this is the last museum in town we can visit after Bart unwrapped that mummy at the Natural History Museum"
Lisa
"So worth it! I came in third in that costume contest!"
Bart[src]

January 1, 2018 - February 1, 2018[edit]

"Have a great day at school, kids! And don't forget that tonight is bath night. No excuses... Bart."
Marge
"Bye, mom!"
Lisa
"Bath night? I just took one last week! What are we, British?"
Bart[src]

December 2, 2017 - January 1, 2018[edit]

"Ah yes! Nothing says Christmas like being dressed as a zombie in a Santa suit! We're gonna be Television stars after this!"
Bart
"I still can't believe you won the Wassailing Dead Christmas Special contest. Drinking one hundred Squishees was pretty amazing, even for you."
Lisa
"I'll have severe brain freeze until the day I die, but it was worth it!"
Bart[src]

November 1, 2017 - December 2, 2017[edit]

"Whatcha' doing, Lis?"
Bart
"I'm trying to make a new fruit or vegtable."
Lisa
"What? You're actually trying to make new healthy food for prents to force us kids to eat? It's monsters like you that created broccoli!"
Bart[src]

October 1, 2017 - November 1, 2017[edit]

"Whoa! No running in the hallway while I'm wearing my hall monitor jacket!"
Lisa
"I saw something horrible in the school cafeteria!"
Nelson
"I know. It's meatloaf Monday. Have you ever thought of giving vegetarianism a try?"
Lisa
"No! And also, a meatloaf monster ate Lunchlady Doris!"
Nelson[src]

September 1, 2017 - October 1, 2017[edit]

"During 'namn, I saw stronger men than Bart crack under the pressure of discipline!"
Seymour Skinner[src]

August 2, 2017 - September 1, 2017[edit]

"Good morning, I'm Kent Brockman. Our lead story today... mayor hates kittens, perhaps even all mammals. And this just in... something better is on Channel 5. Plus a spaceship! Is the right? Do we have a source on that?"
Kent Brockman[src]<

July 1, 2017 - August 2, 2017[edit]

"Hello, Marge? I'm in jail. I need you to come down and post bail."
Homer
"Tell her to bring enough for your pals... and one of her cherry pies."
Clancy Wiggum[src]

June 2, 2017 - July 1, 2017[edit]

"Mr. Burns, stop! You're leaking nuclear waster all over!"
Lisa
"This was you dream, little girl."
Mr. Burns
"Not like this! You aren't fighting for the environment. You're just a greedy old man fighting for money!"
Lisa[src]

May 2, 2017 - June 2, 2017[edit]

"Hello, Marge, would you like a piece of pie?"
Judge Snyder
"What about court?"
Marge
"It's eat and nap day!"
Judge Snyder
"What? That's just a silly holiday Homer made up years ago!"
Marge
"Well, it's the law now, so either eat or sleep, or I'll have you arrested!"
Judge Snyder[src]

April 2, 2017 - May 2, 2017[edit]

"So what did you do this weekend, Milhouse?"
Bart
"I went to the ball game with my dad and sat around reading comcis. What did you do?"
Milhouse
"I destroyed an entire army of flesh eating zombies and stopped an invastion of hostile space mutants."
Bart[src]

March 3, 2017 - April 2, 2017[edit]

"Wow, Bart, a Comic Book store in your own backyard! How's it working out?"
Milhouse
"Well, so far no comic fan has been fit enough to climb up to it. And there are the occasional acts of nature."
Bart[src]

February 2, 2017 - March 3, 2017[edit]

"Homer! It's a meltdown!"
Lenny
"That sounds serious! Who do we call to stop one of those agan?"
―Homer
"You!"
Carl

January 1, 2017 - February 2, 2017[edit]

"You mean I'm going to grow up to be just like Homer?!"
Bart[src]

December 1, 2016 - January 1, 2017[edit]

"Wow, Homer! That's a lot of gifts. Your secret Santa will certainly be happy."
Marge
"Heh, heh. He sure will, Marge. That's because i pulled my own name for secret Santa! I bought everything i wanted! It's a Christmas miracle!"
Homer[src]

November 1, 2016 - December 1, 2016[edit]

"That's it! I'm going to show those stupid teachers! I'm going to find the one sane adult in this city and to the best report ever!"
Bart
"That's the spirit! Good luck, Bart!"
Lisa[src]

October 1, 2016 - November 1, 2016[edit]

"According to my calculations, I'm the least popular student at school. So I can advance by simply taking the place of the second least popular! And there he is! Milhouse van Houten!"
Martin Prince[src]

September 1, 2016 - October 1, 2016[edit]

"What do I have to buy to get that contest entry form?"
Homer
"There's no purchase necessary, sir. "
Squeeky-Voiced Teen
"All right, I'll take three Krusty Kolossal Burgers and an embiggened bucket o' fries."
Homer
"Sir, I said there was no purchase necessary."
Squeeky-Voiced Teen
"Okay! You twisted my arm! A Krustyshake and a chicken mystery meal, too! Crooks! "
Homer[src]

August 1, 2016 - September 1, 2016[edit]

"Professor you've got to shut down the prankbot! It's taking my place!"
Bart
"Sorry, Bart. One day we'll all be replaced by robots. Except for us robot-creating scientists, that is! Just accept it. You can't fight the future! [HAH-HEY!]"
Professor Frink[src]

July 2, 2016 - August 1, 2016[edit]

{{Quote|Homer! I think something's wrong with Bart!!|Marge

"Something worth interrupting "Are You Smarter Than a TV Producer" for?!Homer"
―Model Citizen Simpson

June 2, 2016 - July 2, 2016[edit]

"Homer Simpson must wear pants code, Homer Simpsons bathing decree, Homer Simpson anti-body part as bottle opener act... gee, dad sure has a lot of city legislation named after him. [GASP!] That's it! We can keep them city from taking the ostriches! Out neighborhood isn't zoned for farming or ranching but we can have a petting zoo!"
Lisa[src]

May 2, 2016 - June 2, 2016[edit]

"Oh, I'm so hungry!"
Pieman
"Then let's go home... ...you know how mom feels about you going out at night and fighting crime."
Cupcake Kid
"You think so, boy...? ...then why did she leave this article on my seat at breakfast if she doesn't want Pieman and The Cupcake Kid to investigate?"
Pieman[src]

April 1, 2016 - May 2, 2016[edit]

"Come outside, sweetie! I made it cool!"
Homer
"No, you didn't.... ...you sprayed dozens of cans of fake snow on our house. I think you just single-handily made global warming worse."
Lisa
"You're welcome, sweetie!"
Homer[src]

March 1, 2016 - April 1, 2016[edit]

"This was a great idea, making a life-sized model of Homer out of butter!"
Carl
"Mmm... I can't believe it's not Homer!"
Lenny[src]

February 1, 2016 - March 1, 2016[edit]

{{Quote|Don't you see? The Internet is fine in small doses. But you can't life it distract you from real life.|Lisa|The Dot Com Before the Storm}

January 1, 2016 - February 1, 2016[edit]

"Don't let the bubble monster get me!!!"
Ralph[src]

December 1, 2015 - January 1, 2016[edit]

"So now, the world's brightest Christmas tree serves as a twisted reminder that our days may indeed be bright... but far from merry."
Kent Brockman[src]

November 2, 2015 - December 1, 2015[edit]

"It doesn't matter who shouted first!"
Lisa
"Of course it does! Shouting first is one of the foundations of modern American society!"
Bart[src]

October 5, 2015 - November 2, 2015[edit]

"Brainns..."
Moe
"Brainsss... oh yeah!"
Duffman
"Brrrains... [BRRAAAP!]"
Barney
"I knew it! But why are you groping at me? You don't have any beer and donuts...."
Homer
"Brrrainnnsss"
Moe, Duffman, and Barney
"...and I sure don't have any brains!"
Homer[src]

September 1, 2015 - October 5, 2015[edit]

"Singing makes my boogers vibrate!"
Ralph[src]

August 1, 2015 - September 1, 2015[edit]

"So if this town is crumbling into economic ruin, I feel it's our duty to emigrate to Canada illegally, and take the jobs that regular Canadians will not do. Such as refereeing off-season hockey and ice road trucking. Ich Bin Ein Canadian."
Joe Quimby[src]

July 1, 2015 - August 1, 2015[edit]

"Family, I have an announcement."
Marge
"But Marge, the police are chasing some guy on the highway, live! I want to see how it ends."
Homer
"Homer, they always end the same way. he runs out of gas or gets stuck in traffic and the police catch him. Okay?"
Marge[src]

June 1, 2015 - July 1, 2015[edit]

"Jumpin' Jolsons's jowls! A real live penguin! My prayers have been answered. As have my letters to Babe Ruth, Eleanor Roosevelt, and Santa Claus."
Homer[src]

May 1, 2015 - June 1, 2015[edit]

"Hey, everybody! Eat Lard Lad donuts! They're the lardiest!"
Homer[src]

April 2, 2015 - May 1, 2015[edit]

"We're going to be best friends forever, Prince Porkchops, and I am going to make you a bracelet that says so!"
Ralph[src]

March 1, 2015 - April 2, 2015[edit]

"Stupid Bart say's I'm not funny? I'll show gim! I'll learn how to be funny, the same way I learn anthing else with lots of studying!"
Lisa[src]

February 1, 2015 - March 1, 2015[edit]

"I'm going to read a few stories that have actually been verified by the Springfield Historical Society!"
Lisa
"What do you use to verify the stories?"
Ms. Hoover
"Wikipedia."
Hollis Hurlbut[src]

January 1, 2015 - February 1, 2015[edit]

"Just because he stinks, doesn't mean he shouldn't practice proper skateboarding safety."
Dolph Starbeam[src]

December 1, 2014 - January 1, 2015[edit]

"Lisa's right. Why can't every day be Christmas Day?"
Bart[src]

November 1, 2014 - December 1, 2014[edit]

"Cést le pancake?"
Marge
"¿Que?"
Bart
"Sorry, Bart. My only other language is High School French."
Marge[src]

October 2, 2014 - November 1[edit]

"The kids are awfully quiet."
Marge
"Should I go yell at them?"
Homer
"Mom! Dad! Look!"
Lisa
"So much for quiet."
Marge[src]

September 1, 2014 - October 2 2013[edit]

"Hello, Bart. this will help you with today's quiz on the Solar system!"
Martin
"Macaroni and cheese?!"
Bart
"It's not just a tasty treat. It's also the answer! Just remember... "Martin values every minute just serving up noodles!" The first letter of each word is the same as the planets in the order they recede from the sun! Mercury, Venus, Earth, Mars, Jupier, Satun, Uranus and Neptune!"
Martin
"So, it's cheating!"
Bart
"No, just a mnemonic device!"
Martin
"Whatever! I'm still going to think of it as cheating."
Bart[src]

August 2, 2014 - September 1, 2014[edit]

"Marge... ...I'm having that dream again... ...the one where there's a crazy old Aztec guy in the kitchen eating all our leftovers."
Homer
"Did you have the salami?"
Marge
"The salami...? No! I don't... You said not to--- So I--! Yes."
Homer
"You always dream about Aztechs when you have midnight salami. Now go to sleep."
Marge[src]

July 1, 2014 - August 2, 2014[edit]

"Lisa! Lisa! I think Sideshow Bob's trying to kill me!"
Bart
"He keeps coming back and over! it's like I'm Super-Man and he's Mr. Mxyztplk!"
Bart
"Isn't that Mr. Mxyzptlk?"
Lisa
"Actually both are correct!"
Comic Book Guy
"Comic Book Guy? What are you doing here?"
Lisa
"Wherever useless trivia needs answering, I am there!"
Comic Book Guy[src]

June 1, 2014 - July 1, 2014[edit]

"Langdo Alger asked me to the spring fling! Isn't it exciting?"
Lisa
"Nah. Langdo Alger's a big dork."
Bart
"He is not a big dork!"
Lisa
"If he's not a big dork, why would he ask you to the dance?"
Bart
"Maybe he likes me!"
Lisa
"Oh sure. Like that's possible."
Bart[src]

May 1, 2014 - June 1, 2014[edit]

"That's It! I shall destroy Lisa Simpson! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha!"
Cecil Terwilliger[src]

March 2, 2014 - May 1, 2014[edit]

"Well, kids, what I did was purchase eighteen comic book that the covernment thinkgs are too disgusting to be read by any living thing."
Homer
"Wait, you're saying I could write some words and draw some pictures so gross that it'd be a crime to look at them?"
Bart
"Uh-huh."
Homer[src]

February 1, 2014 - March 2, 2014[edit]

"Homer? Homer Simpson?"
Scorpio
"Mr. Scorpion?"
Homer
"Still Scorpio, Homer. I may be eatings bugs now-adays, but I haven't become one. So how's my favorite ex-emplyee? How are the Broncos doing?"
Scorpio
"The what now?"
Homer
"The Denver Broncos. I gave them to you as a gift, remember?"
Scorpio
"Oh, yeah. They.... um... won the Superbowl."
Homer[src]

January 2, 2014 - February 1, 2014[edit]

"What kind of name is "Grenouille?""
Bart
"It's French for "Frog." How can you not know that? You lived in France for two months!"
Lisa
"I did?"
Bart
"Yes! You spoke French fluently!"
Lisa
"Who with the what now?"
Bart[src]

December 1, 2013 - January 2, 2014[edit]

"Even though Christmas is a Christian holiday, it is observed by many non-Christians. It's a season when people try a little harder to be good to one another. Santa is a symbol of that. The warmth and goodwill of Christmas time brings out the best in people. Sure, the "red and white" version that we're familiar with today was manufactured by a cola company, but that doesn't change the fact that Santa is a symbol of peace and joy. Don't take the joy away from Rod and Todd."
Lisa[src]

November 1, 2013 - December 1, 2013[edit]

"You're part of the Flanders flock, now! There's a lot of family history you need to catch up on!"
Ned Flanders
"And, i'd dong-ding-doodly love to!"
Edna Krabappel[src]

July 1, 2013 - November 1, 2013[edit]

"Milhouse! You're going to summer school? I thought you passed!"
Bart Simpson
"I did, but my mom is sending me anyway. She says having me around the house all summer makes her plants die."
Milhouse[src]

June 6, 2013 - July 1, 2013[edit]

"Uh-oh. I know that devious look."
Lisa
"Yes, but this time I'll use my evil genius for good!"
Bart[src]

May 2, 2013 - June 6, 2013[edit]

"Milhouse, are you feeling okay?"
Lisa
"Nothing that playing my saxophone wouldn't cure."
Milhouse
"You don't play the sax."
Lisa[src]

April 1, 2013 - May 2, 2013[edit]

"Punchin' people when ya go Christmas carolin' ain't gonna get you no cookies. Just a lotta court orders."
Moe Szyslak[src]

March 6, 2013 - April 1, 2013[edit]

"Kid cops? Now I've seen everything!"
Michael D'Amico
"Have you ever seen a flying puppy sneeze rainbows?"
Ralph Wiggum
"What? No!'"
―Michael
"Then I guess you haven't seen everything!"
―Ralph
"Huh? What's wrong with you?"
―Michael[src]

February 1, 2013 - March 6, 2013[edit]

"Calm, mes amis. Let's solve this in a judicious way."
Martin
"I'll bash your head in a jupuci ... jucidip ... judidici ... whatever you said way!"
Kearney[src]

January 3, 2013 - February 1, 2013[edit]

"Bart, you are denser than osmium."
Lisa
"Meh. I can't be offended by what I don't understand."
Bart[src]

December 1, 2012 - January 3, 2013[edit]

"I'm worried about how aggressive he's getting. We may have to kennel him until we find out what's wrong."
Marge
"Which one? Homer or Santa's Little Helper?"
Bart[src]

November 2, 2012 - December 1, 2012[edit]

"Jimbo, do you and your friend like wieners?"
Carol Jones
"Yeah, Mom. And if you wanna call 'em hot dogs next time, that's cool, too."
Jimbo Jones[src]

October 5, 2012 - November 2, 2012[edit]

"Chief Wiggum, you've failed the city you swore to protect!"
Sideshow Bob, masquerading as Bartman from the future
"Now see here! I didn't swear to any such thing. And if I did, it was just an empty promise!"
Chief Wiggum[src]

September 1, 2012 - October 5, 2012[edit]

"Know that these "rolling freeze-outs" are largely the result of a power plant mismanagement..."
Mr. Burns
"This won't stand! My dad works at that plant, and he'll do something!"
Bart
"...caused by an employee in Sector 7G who hasn't been to work because he didn't want to get out of bed this week."
―Mr. Burns
"Never mind."
―Bart[src]

August 1, 2012 - September 1, 2012[edit]

"Mom, can I be a Ninja Assassin when I grow up?"
Bart Simpson[src]

July 1, 2012 - August 1, 2012[edit]

"Help, Bart! Help! I'm stuck, and I have to go to the little boys' room!"
Homer Simpson[src]