Free Range
Free Range
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Comic Story information
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Free Range is a Bart Simpson story first printed in Bart Simpson #68.
Synopsis[edit]
The school bullies come into possession of a large number of eggs. When they can't agree on what prank to play with them, they ask Bart for ideas.
Plot[edit]
Dolph and Jimbo are at Jimbo's house playing a video game. Jimbo's mother interrupts and says that the co-op sent too many eggs again, more than she and Jimbo can eat. She asks Jimbo to ask Dolph if his mom can use a large amount of eggs, to which Jimbo replies that he—and then corrects himself to say "she"—can definitely use them. Dolph asks what all the eggs are for, and Jimbo tells him they can "massively egg stuff".
Weeks later, Principal Skinner is in the Kwik-E-Mart, reading a newspaper and talking to Apu. Skinner is troubled by the recent decrease in vandalism, and says, "It feels like the calm before the proverbial storm." Apu offers Skinner "our brand new Mocha Squishee Latte" to brighten his mood, but Skinner declines, saying that he must remain vigilant. He asks for his usual Squishee-ccino instead, which Apu happily serves him.
Meanwhile, outside the Kwik-E-Mart, Bart is about to drop a banana peel in the doorway, hoping to trip up the next person who leaves the store. His planned prank is aborted, however, when Skinner abruptly emerges and confronts him. Bart, thinking quickly, talks his way out of trouble by saying that the trash can must have been moved. As Skinner walks away, Jimbo calls out to Bart from the roof of the store. Jimbo says he needs some ideas, and in exchange for Bart's help, he'll show him "the top secret bullies' method" for getting onto the roof. Bart, however, already knows it, and goes to the roof to talk to Jimbo.
Jimbo explains the situation: He, Dolph and Kearney are "sitting on a mother lode of eggs", but couldn't agree on a prank to play with them. As a result, the bullies had a big falling out, and now "nobody's vandalized school property in weeks". Bart tells him that with that many eggs, he needs to think extra large. He suggests that they hijack the Duff Blimp and egg all of Springfield. Jimbo pooh-poohs the idea and says that it was the first thing the bullies thought of. He'll write it down anyway, though, just so he can laugh at it later. He then, to Bart's disappointment, says that Bart's advice was useless: "Guess ya can't trust a little kid to come up with quality deviltry."
Two days later, Martin is walking down the street eating a popsicle, reveling in the fact that he's able to do so without being harangued or bullied. Just then, to his puzzlement, he notices the Duff Blimp hovering above him. Immediately after that, three eggs come down from the blimp, scoring three direct hits on Martin. Aboard the blimp are Dolph, Jimbo and Kearney. Jimbo uses a megaphone to holler at Martin that he's just been egged.
The bullies' next target is Gil. They say through the megaphone, "Hey, dude! This is God talking! Your butt's too big!" Gil protests that he thought the Jazzercise was paying off, and then the bullies hit him with three eggs.
The scene shifts to an awards ceremony, sponsored by the group Mothers Against Any And All Antisocial Delinquency (M.A.A.A.A.A.D.), with Helen Lovejoy presiding. She presents a gold-plated bar chart showing the decrease in vandalism over the last month to Chief Wiggum, in recognition of his efforts to curb vandalism. Ironically, just as Wiggum starts to give an acceptance speech, the bullies pass over in the blimp, throw an egg and score a direct hit on his award. Agnes Skinner points to the sky and hollers, "Vandalism!", but Wiggum quickly wipes the egg off the chart with his sleeve and points out that the chart still shows that vandalism is down. When the bullies realize that there are police officers in attendance, they quickly move on.
The bullies next fly to Bart's neighborhood, where he and Milhouse are outside playing with action figures. Jimbo hollers at Bart, "Hey, Simpson! Nice dolls!" and the bullies hit him with a volley of three eggs. Milhouse indignantly hollers back, "They're called action figures!" Milhouse then notices that Bart has a big grin on his face, even though he's covered in egg. Milhouse asks Bart what he's smiling about, and Bart, pleased and awed, says, "They used my idea!"
Reprints[edit]
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