| Name
|
Date
|
Character
|
Description
|
| Aries the Ram
|
March 21 - April 19
|
Homer
|
Your hard-headedness brings you only short-term joy at work today. Learn to relax and take it easy. Instead, look to achieve a glowing performance by end of day. Bowling balls and staircases are not a good combination for you during this cycle.
|
| Taurus the Bull
|
April 20 - May 20
|
Chief Wiggum
|
You may be in a tight situation today, but don't worry—hunker down, loosen up, and a windfall will come your way. Your steadfast disposition will capture the hearts of dozens, whether they deserve it or not. Avoid things with safety latches.
|
| Gemini the Twins
|
May 21 - June 20
|
Patty and Selma
|
Travel is in your future. Expect unexpected love as your blossoming sexuality comes to the forefront. The stars align, creating a harmonious atmosphere just right for bunion massage in the evening hours. Go with the blue mints, they match your eyes.
|
| Cancer the Crab Moon Child
|
June 21 - July 22
|
Apu
|
You cater to everyone's whims 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. Revel in it for now, profit from it later. Don't let dirty floors and sticky countertops prevent you from having a good time this week. Smile and your friends will thank you and come again.
|
| Leo the Lion
|
July 23 - August 22
|
Mayor Quimby
|
You're always the center of attention. You prefer it that way, as long as you're not in a police line-up. Good news! Someone's money is coming your way! Put your affairs in order at your own discretion. Beware of unexpected gifts from a new niece.
|
| Virgo the Virgin
|
August 23 - September 22
|
Principal Skinner
|
Have fun tonight! Stay in and reorganize your recipe or flash cards and shine those wing-tips. That authority figure looking over your shoulder just wants you to know they care. Obey their wishes, or else you're out of the will. A child with a spray can will play a dramatic role in tomorrow's noon-time activities.
|
| Libra the Scales
|
September 23 - October 22
|
Marge
|
Learn from experience. If you're missing something in life, look under the bed. The morning hours will be perfect for what you love to do—waxing the floors and defoliating the carpets. Leave plenty of time to treat yourself and have your hair done.
|
| Scorpio the Scorpion
|
October 23 - November 21
|
Snake Jailbird
|
There's a great big world out there for the taking as long as nobody's looking, but you'll have to jump big hurdles first. A chance encounter in the park could lead to unrequited love. Beware of tall, dark strangers bearing gifts. Let dropped soap lie.
|
| Sagittarius the Archer
|
November 22 - December 21
|
Bart
|
Exploration and discovery could lead to trouble, so tread lightly through your neighbor's yard. Your latest endeavors will be achieved with dynamite success, but because of current planetary conditions your work must go uncredited. Remember that everyone is unique in their own special way, so wipe those fingerprints!
|
| Capricorn the Goat
|
December 22 - January 19
|
Lisa
|
You think you're always the victim, and it's mostly true. Don't fret—your sacrifices will be admired long after you're gone. The latest project that you worked diligently on for many hours will be a smash with the help of a close family member.
|
| Aquarius the Water Bearer
|
January 20 - February 18
|
Moe Szyslak
|
A phone call from Sagittarius early in the day causes great duress. Don't let it get your refrigerator running. Your keen business skills come under scrutiny today, when others question your watered-down theories. Give credit to no one but yourself and stick to your guns—all of them.
|
| Pisces the Fish
|
February 19 - March 20
|
Horatio McCallister
|
Your ship will finally come in. Unfortunately, your port won't be big enough. The stars spotlight your vast verbal abilities and old, spicy fragrance. Drown your sorrows with a mate tonight, and tomorrow will find you more buoyant.
|
