Difference between revisions of "Shadow of the Colossal Donut/Quotes"

Revision as of 12:57, October 8, 2024

[Introduction Cutscene]

Kent Brockman: Good evening, Springfield, Kent Brockman chasing local imbecile Homer Simpson and his delinquent son Bart, who have picked a fight with an out of control donut mascot statue! Bart Simpson, are you and your father insane?

Homer: Hi Lenny! I'm on TV and I just said your name on TV! Don't tell Carl! Unless he sees this, in which case... Hi Carl! Don't tell Lenny I said your name.

Homer: Anyways, gotta go!

[Homer and Bart reacting to Lard Lad]

Homer: Mmm...giant metal donut!

Homer: That donut isn't big enough for the both of us!

Homer: Stop looking at me with your judging, laser-firing eyes!

Homer: You think you're better than me? You're not better than me!

Homer: I'm this town's main fat guy, got it?

Homer: You know, from down here you look kind of Presidential. Like James Polk!

Bart: The bigger they are, the harder they fall...I hope.

Bart: Wow, his butt's even bigger than Homer's!

Bart: This guy may be a super villain, but he dresses like a loser.

Bart: Aren't fat guys supposed to be tons of fun?!

Bart: Give up!

Bart:I know I should be scared, but I just can't get past the bow tie.

[When Homer and Bart are fighting miniature Krusty dolls]

Homer: Ew -- bugs dressed like clowns!

Homer: Gross -- little sports guys!

Homer: I wonder if I could eat these mini clowns?

Homer: I wish I had my clown poison!

Homer: Homer kill Krusties!

Homer: What the heck?! Are those a bunch of tiny Krustys or am I now a giant and that's a bunch of regular-sized Krustys.

Homer: Oh no, more Mini-Krustys! Haha, I wonder if they all come in one tiny clown car.

Homer: Stay calm, no need to panic, just another roving horde of bloodthirsty mini-clowns. Aah!

Homer: Aww, here come some more of the little guys. How can something so cute be so dangerous?

Homer: More of them?! But I thought I was done! I already dusted my hands!

Homer: Geez! How many of these things did Krusty throw up?!

Homer: Whew. Thank God that's over. I was getting a neck cramp from looking down all the time.

Homer: Oh man, I think one of them stole my driver's license.

Homer: Call me sentimental, but I kind of miss those little guys.

Homer: They're all gone now, but I remember a time when there were herds of Mini-Krustys as far as the eye could see.

Homer: I wish I had my diary here so I could write this down before I forget it.

Homer: Poor little guys. I hope they're happy in their little mini circus Hell.

Bart: Hey, it's Krusty! A bunch of Krustys? They're attacking, and they're tiny!

Bart: I can't believe my giant, perfectly circular eyes! Not one, not two, but an entire horde of Mini-Krustys are attacking!

Bart: Oh, what a surprise - more little murderous clowns.

Bart: Clowns are supposed to entertain, not swarm!

Bart: More Krustys! I'm both star-struck and terrified!

Bart: Here they come again! To calm myself down, I'll just picture them naked. (SCREAMS)

Bart: Great. Now I'm covered in little blue hairs.

Bart: I should've saved one and had Krusty sign it.

Bart: Those Mini-Krustys were only small in size, not in viciousness.

Bart: As scary as that was, it was a pretty good workout.

Bart: Ew, their creepy little fingers freak me out!

Bart: Help -- baby clowns!

Bart: I hate you, mini-Sports Krustys!

Bart: Tiny Krustys are only half as funny!

Bart: Why are small clowns always evil?

Bart: I'm gonna stomp you little freaks!

Bart: Ew, mini clown corpses.

[When Homer or Bart get hit by Lard Lad's Laser]

Homer: I've been singed!

Homer: Hey, I called "no lasers!"

Bart: Hey!

Bart: Not cool!

Bart: That burns!

Bart: Pain hurts!

[Homer reacting to Lard Lad's hatch opening/wiring disabled]

Homer: Hey fatso, feel a bit drafty?

Homer: Hey idiot, your hatch is open!

Homer: Now you'll have to get along without wires like everybody else!

Homer: How does it feel to have your wires ripped out?! I bet it feels bad!

Homer: Ahaha, Bart hurt the funny man!

[When Homer becomes Helium Homer]

Homer: Wow! I feel slightly lighter than air!

Homer: Look at me! I'm as light as a princess!

Homer: Wow! I feel slightly lighter than air!

[Bart reacting to Lard Lad defeated]

Bart: Look out Homer, I think he's gonna blow!

[Kent Brockman reacting to Lard Lad]

Kent Brockman: Lard Lad's out-of-control temper reminds me of a young Bobby Knight.

Kent Brockman: What a show Lard Lad's putting on - a horribly destructive show!

Kent Brockman: If Lard Lad's not careful he's going to get himself a yellow card.

Kent Brockman: It's incidents like this that's earned Lard Lad the reputation of being un-coachable.

Kent Brockman: Lard Lad has kicked the destruction up to "Detroit" level.

Kent Brockman: Lard Lad may want to slow it down and save something for Shelbyville.

Kent Brockman: Taking a page out of Michael Jordan's book, Lard Lad's brought a bunch of robotic clowns to life!

Kent Brockman: It seems like an obvious move in retrospect, but Lard Lad has used his laser to bring a bunch of tiny Krustys on a billboard to life.

Kent Brockman: (chuckling) Giant fat donut sign aided by tiny billboard clowns - classic comedy pairing.

Kent Brockman: I should put my career on a billboard and see if Lard Lad could bring that to life.

Kent Brockman: Only in a town this morbidly obese would we have so many billboards with food on them.

[Kent Brockman reacting to Lard Lad looking for Bart and Homer]

Kent Brockman: Lard Lad has lost Bart and Homer. But don't relax yet, he's determined to find the father and son and, I assume, skin them alive.

Kent Brockman: Lard Lad is searching for Homer and Bart! He sure is persistent for a 50-year-old logo!

[Kent Brockman reacting to Lard Lad spotting Bart or Homer]

Kent Brockman: He's spotted them! Back to the terror.

Kent Brockman: He found them! Say what you want about Lard Lad, but he's not a quitter like so many of today's youth.

Kent Brockman: Oops! Lard Lad's spotted them! I wonder if he's still angry.

Kent Brockman: Lard Lad's found them! Anyone who's ever lost their keys knows the relief he's feeling right now.

Kent Brockman: There they are! It's really basic monstering to keep your eye on your victim.

[Kent Brockman reacting to Homer and Bart defeating the mini-krusties]

Kent Brockman: They're treating these miniature Krustys as if they were miniscule Krustys.

Kent Brockman: Those robot clowns died fighting for what they believe in, nothing.

Kent Brockman: The tiny clowns' reign of terror was as small as they were themselves.

Kent Brockman: Those mini-Krusty robots just got served!

Kent Brockman: I've never seen such an impressive display of tiny robot slaughter! No, wait. I have.

[Kent Brockman reacting to Lard Lad making the billboard food come to life]

Kent Brockman: Lard Lad's laser is making the food come to life! What a stroke of luck for local fatsos!

Kent Brockman: The laser is making the billboard ad's foods become real -- this story will get me a local Emmy for sure!

[Kent Brockman reacting to Lard Lad's hatch opening]

Kent Brockman: The scenario begs but one question: what lays inside that ass hatch?

Kent Brockman: A second hatch emerges! Ha, Lard Lad's body is a wonderland!

Kent Brockman: Celebrity deaths and monster hatches always come in threes.

[Kent Brockman reacting to Bart or Homer disabling Lard Lad's wiring]

Kent Brockman: Lard Lad learned the hard way that Bart Simpson is a real pain in the behind.

Kent Brockman: Ooh! He's going to feel that in the morning! My producer wanted me to say that.

Kent Brockman: How much more damage can the food icon of yesteryear endure?

Kent Brockman: This super-powered father and son team have injured the Lard Lad, but they're not done yet!

[Kent Brockman reacting to Lard Lad's hatch closing]

Kent Brockman: The hatch has closed up! If Bart wants to get in that butt, he's going to have to start over from the bottom of the butt!

Kent Brockman: And the hatch closes. Bart Simpson, once again, a moronic testament to this town's decaying educational infrastructure. Thank you Proposition 212.

[Kent Brockman reacting to Lard Lad running away]

Kent Brockman: Lard Lad is running away!

Kent Brockman: The monster is leaving the scene of his devastation! Will he return? If every other video game in history is any indication, I'll say "yes."

Kent Brockman: I'd like to take this break in the action to say hello to Lenny - you, sir, are a gentleman and a scholar.

Kent Brockman: He's running away -- Looks like Lard Lad is human after all! Well, not human. Forget it.

[Kent Brockman reacting Homer or Bart getting knocked down/dying]

Kent Brockman: Homer's been dropped like a sack of lumpy mashed potatoes!

Kent Brockman: Homer's down! And with no abdominal muscles whatsoever, he may be out.

Kent Brockman: Down goes Homer and with him the hopes of a nation. (BURPS) Excuse me. I had enchiladas for lunch. You would not want to be in this booth right now.

Kent Brockman: Homer doesn't have much left. He had so little to begin with.

Kent Brockman: Homer's at death's doorstep. And Death has turned out the lights to pretend he's not home.

Kent Brockman: Homer Simpson is in very poor condition even for a disgusting slob.

Kent Brockman: If this is the end for Homer, I call dibs on his clothes.

Kent Brockman: Bart's down! And not just emotionally!

Kent Brockman: Bart's been knocked down! Hopefully he can take a page from the book of Chumbawamba, and get back up again.

Kent Brockman: Bart, like my stock portfolio, has gone down!

Kent Brockman: Bart Simpson isn't looking very good. He may have cowabunga'ed for the last time.

Kent Brockman: This may be the end of Bart Simpson. When reached for comment, Nelson said, "Haw Haw."

Kent Brockman: If this is the end of Bart Simpson, let's remember him as he was, a royal pain in the ass.

[Kent Brockman reacting to Lard Lad moving to a different area of the level]

Kent Brockman: Lard Lad is heading straight for the prison. I say, If he can tackle the problems of our troubled penal system, he's got my vote.

Kent Brockman: Lard Lad seems to be making his way to the piers, and who can blame him? It's a wonderful place to hang out and take a break from the pressures of being a horrible monster.

[Kent Brockman reacting to Lard Lad stomping]

Kent Brockman: This Lard Lad stomp is brought to you by Dave's Big Screen's of Shelbyville. If You need a big screen, go to Dave's!

Kent Brockman: Hold onto your hats, here comes a stomp!

Kent Brockman: Lard Lad's about to break out his stomping foot!

Kent Brockman: This guy has a really textbook stomp.

[Kent Brockman reacting to Lard Lad shooting out lasers]

Kent Brockman: According to my notes, when Lard Lad charges up his laser, he does so with solar panels implanted in his bow tie. Fascinating!

Kent Brockman: It's a beautiful day for a laser attack.

Kent Brockman: The way Lard Lad's charging up that laser reminds me of my wife with a credit card ha ha ha ha.

Kent Brockman: A good lesson for you kids - you can't fire your laser if you don't charge it up first.

Kent Brockman: If I'm not mistaken, we're in for a real treat. Lard Lad's about to destroy our town with a laser.

Kent Brockman: It looks like he's charging something up. Wait... I'm getting an update. Yes, it is a laser.

Kent Brockman: And here comes the laser.

Kent Brockman: From this vantage point, I can't tell if Lard Lad's laser will be pulse or continuous.

[Kent Brockman random voicelines]

Kent Brockman: Where's my close up?!

Kent Brockman: I love how these pants feel.

Kent Brockman: I'd say my vanity more than my drinking has been my downfall.

Kent Brockman: I'm sorry, but Tom Wolfe dresses like Colonel Sanders.

Kent Brockman: I got my start as Oprah's butler. True story.

Kent Brockman: If there isn't a break in the action soon, I'm going to mess myself.

Kent Brockman: Deep down, I feel there's something disturbing about evolution.

Kent Brockman: I am so over text messaging.

Kent Brockman: I know it makes some people uncomfortable, but I just can't live without passion. I feel too much.

[Mini-Krusties]

EA Mini Krusty: Hey hey!

EA Mini Krusty: Huhuhu hahahahaha!

EA Mini Krusty: Is it a crime to be illiterate?

EA Mini Krusty: We're going to the greatest place on Earth...Tijuana!

EA Mini Krusty: What the hell was that?!

EA Mini Krusty: I will personally spit into every fiftieth burger!

EA Mini Krusty: I'm Krusty the Klown and I'm going to kill you!

EA Mini Krusty: I'm Krusty the Klown and I love you very much!

EA Mini Krusty: Every time you watch my show, I'll send you $40!

EA Mini Krusty: Hey kids! Who do you love?!

EA Mini Krusty: I like illegal things!

EA Mini Krusty: I coughed on your fries!

EA Mini Krusty: I need to be re-barmitzvah-ed!

EA Mini Krusty: I WANT KUGEL!

EA Mini Krusty: I'm a self-hating clown!

EA Mini Krusty: Krusty say die!

EA Mini Krusty: Little Krusty will give you a little death!

EA Mini Krusty: Who loves a thousand mini-Krusties!

EA Mini Krusty: Collect all of me!

[Krusty Burger Drive-Thru Sign]

Krusty: Here at Krusty Burger you can have it our way!

Krusty: Welcome to Krusty Burger, home of America's best meat-flavored sandwiches!

Krusty: Krusty Burger is king of the clown-owned restaurants!

Krusty: Welcome to Krusty Burger! We use only the freshest chemicals!

Krusty: If you're infected with e coli, your fries are on the house, that's the Krusty promise!

[Ending Cutscene]

Homer: Who's number one?! We're number one! That's right!

Bart: Homer, try to show a little dignity in victory.

Homer: Eat fists, Lard Crotch!

Kang: Shazbot! How could Lard Lad lose to that guy?!

Kodos: Don't yell at Lard Lad! When you really want to yell at me! I screwed this whole thing up.

Kang: You're right. I do blame you.