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The Mook, the Chef, the Wife and Her Homer/Quotes

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Season 18 Episode Quotes
378 "Marge and Homer Turn a Couple Play"
"The Mook, the Chef, the Wife and Her Homer"
"Jazzy and the Pussycats" 380

Otto: That's not a song! Real songs are about deals with the devil, far-off lands, where you'd find smoke in relation to water.

Martin: Mister driver? One of my bus mates has purloined my French horn.
Kearney: Why can't you talk like a dude?
Otto: [annoyed] Oh, knock it off, Kearney! Why are you still in this school anyway? We were in third grade together.
Kearney: [hurt] Stupid school doesn't know how to teach me!

Otto: What's up, Metallica? Need a lift?
James Hetfield: We don't take rides from strangers.
Otto: I'm no stranger! Remember this? [holds up a lighter] Metallica ruuules!
Lars Ulrich: Oh yeah... Springfield Arena, ninety-seven, Row XX, Seat sixty-four!
Kirk Hammett: I was about to quit the band when I saw your lighter. You saved me that night.

Marge: I hope you're happy, Bart. Thanks to your hi-jinx, I have to drive you and your friends to school.
Bart: Let me drive. I go through yellow lights.
Marge: One more crack out of you, young man, and I'm showing everyone your baby pictures.
Bart: Sorry, sorry, sorry!

Nelson: Hey dork, you're sittin' on my shadow!
Michael D'Amico: Sorry!
Nelson: What, you're too good to sit on my shadow?

Nelson: Whoa! Your mother must dance at the nicest strip club in town.

Ralph: His Daddy putted bullets in my daddy. My Daddy had to potty in a bag.

Mr. Largo: Oh, stop, stop! Who's the out-of-tune idiot on third clarinet?
Michael: That's me.
Mr. Largo: [nervous] You didn't let me finish! From now on you're not third clarinet, you're first everything! Now if you'll excuse me, I'm brewing tea and I have to go jiggle my bags!

Lisa: Urgh! There's a triple A battery in my macaroni and cheese!
Lunchlady Dora: It counts as a vegetable.

Fat Tony: Milhouse, may I borrow your three-ring binder?
Milhouse: "Garfield" or "Love Is?"
Fat Tony: Uh, I prefer the cat. He hates Mondays. We can all relate.

Fat Tony: I apologize for my tardiness. I "ran into" some old acquaintances.
Marge: On the surface, that sounds perfectly pleasant.

Marge: You know, I've never met your wife.
Fat Tony: Sadly, my Anna Maria was whacked by natural causes.
Marge: Oh, you're a widower.
Fat Tony: I bring flowers to her grave every Sunday.
Marge: Flowers every week! I wish I was dead.

Fat Tony: Sit-down item number one: your recent murderous overtures with regard to my person.
Dante Calabresi, Sr.: We meant no disrespect, Fat Tony -- we were simply trying to kill you.

Homer: All right, tap jockey, you owe Fat Tony fifty bucks. Cough it up!
Moe: Look Mister, I-I-I don't got the cash. My clientele -- they're all bums. They never pay!
Homer: Just get the money.
Moe: Homer, the mob is puttin' the screws on me, see. I ain't gettin' killed 'cause you won't pay your tab. Now give me fifty bucks!
Homer: Okay. Take it, take it! Just don't hurt me!
Homer: Okay pretty boy, where's Fat Tony's fifty bucks?
Moe: Look, all-all-all I got is twenty-five. I swear! I swear!
Homer: It'll do for now.

Bart: Krusty, Fat Tony hasn't received his weekly payment for keeping McDonald's and Burger King out of town.
Krusty: Uh, I'm a little short this week. Could I just pay you five dollars to keep out Hardee's?

Michael: My friends... I surrender. I'm handing over all my father's territory, in exchange for the safety of my family and the Simpsons.
Primo: Sorry. We can only guarantee we won't hurt them.
Dante Calabresi, Sr.: Yeah. You know, they've still gotta eat right and exercise.
Dante Calabresi, Jr.: Walk the dog once in a while. He's a furry little fitness machine.
Michael: Well said.
Season 18 Quotes
The Mook, the Chef, the Wife and Her Homer Jazzy and the Pussycats Please Homer, Don't Hammer 'Em Treehouse of Horror XVII G.I. (Annoyed Grunt) Moe'N'a Lisa Ice Cream of Margie (with the Light Blue Hair) The Haw-Hawed Couple Kill Gil, Volumes I & II The Wife Aquatic Revenge Is a Dish Best Served Three Times Little Big Girl Springfield Up Yokel Chords Rome-Old and Juli-Eh Homerazzi Marge Gamer The Boys of Bummer Crook and Ladder Stop or My Dog Will Shoot! 24 Minutes You Kent Always Say What You Want