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Rome-Old and Juli-Eh/Quotes
Wikisimpsons - The Simpsons Wiki
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393
"Rome-Old and Juli-Eh"
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- Marge: You redid the basement!
- Bart: Whoa... feel the pile on this shag! [he starts rubbing his face on the carpet] Whoa-ho-ho-ho-ho, baby!
- Marge: Would you look at that paneling! I feel like I'm back in wooden times!
- Lisa: Check out this pinball machine! Chevy Chase in "Foul Play".
- Bart: Pinball, eh? I've always wanted to try this. [he starts playing the game] Wow, the graphics are amazing. That ball almost seems real!
- Accountant: Mr. Simpson, among the expenses the court deems frivolous: you throw over one thousand dollars a month into local wishing wells.
- Homer: Of course, you idiot, 'cause I'm wishing for more money.
- Accountant: Uh-huh, well, you're going to have to make some serious cutbacks to your expenses. Three subscriptions to "Vanity Fair"?
- Homer: I've got three bathrooms, don't I?
- Accountant: Five hundred dollars a month to Totalpoker.com?
- Marge: Shut up! It's an instructional website! Shut up!
- Grampa: I don't wanna leave! You promised me I could die here!
- Homer: No, no. This place is too expensive. I saw you doing a 500-piece jigsaw in there!
- Marge: Grampa's driving me crazy!
- Homer: Why are you telling me? He's your father-in-law.
- Homer: What are you doing here, Patty or Selma?
- Marge: I invited Selma here to watch Grampa watch the kids.
- Selma Bouvier: For some reason, she doesn't trust him. Maybe it's the bang-up job he did of raising you.
- Homer: He was a great dad! Every year he got so mad when Santa didn't bring me presents!
- Selma: I know what you're wondering: How come a single woman with so much to offer is alone on a Saturday night?
- Grampa: I assumed you were resting up for bingo tomorrow, like me.
- Selma: [groans] My numbers don't get called much these days.
- Grampa: You're kiddin'. A sweet young thing like you?
- Selma: Wow, that's the first time anyone's ever put an adjective before calling me a thing.
- [Homer and Marge walk in on Grampa and Selma kissing]
- Homer: Aah! A bear is eating my father!
- Selma: I'm Selma!
- Homer: Aah! A talking bear is eating my father!
- Homer: Dad, do you know what you were kissing? Do you? Do you?
- Grampa: Yeah, I know who I was kissing, and I also know why. I'm a little shaky on when and where, but I got my theories!
- Bart: Now, we just have to figure out what to do with these boxes.
- Lisa: As always, I have some ideas.
- [she hands him a list]
- Bart: Hmm... [laughs] Build a fart! Ha, ha, ha, ha, I love it!
- Lisa: Fort. That's "build a fort".
- Bart: That might work, too.
- Grampa: At my age and with your drawbacks, we can't afford to miss an opportunity. Why don't we just spend time together and see where that takes us?
- Selma: Yeah, what the hell. Wanna split a basket of garlic bread?
- Grampa: Slow down, ya hussy!
- Marge: Aww. Look at Grampa and Selma frolicking in the water.
- Homer: It's not right. It's like an old sea turtle dating a suitcase that fell out of a plane.
- Marge: Be nice, Homer. Don't you see how great it is that they found each other? Like how the parts of a pig that nobody wants combine to make a yummy hot dog.
- Homer: Oh, now you're dragging hot dogs into this. Real classy, Marge. Real classy.
- Homer: How could my dad go out with Selma? Don't those two gargoyles know that love is for good-looking young people?
- Moe Szyslak: Uh, gee, Homer, you, uh, ain't exactly open-casket material yourself.
- Patty Bouvier: Look, if you wanna break up your father and Selma, I have a plan. But it involves you.
- Homer: Okay, I'm not good at details. Or the big picture. I also show up late, and drunk. [he shakes her hand and whispers loudly] I've got a good feeling about this.
- Delivery man: I shall go. But I will return with an army of my brethren. And together we shall take back what is ours and Hell will rain down upon you!
- Lisa: What if we're not here?
- Delivery man: We will come two more times, and then you'll have to come to our customer center.
- Patty: Do you have your disguise?
- Homer: Hola, I am Esteban de la Sexface. That means Stephen of the Sexface.
- Grampa: Homer! Why would you try to break us up!?
- Homer: I guess I always dreamed that my father would grow old alone.
- Grampa: Well, nerts to both of ya! Our love is so strong, not even a thousand crazy schemes could tear it apart!
- Homer: A thousand, eh?
- Selma: Sorry I was at work so late. How'd it go with the baby?
- Grampa: We're having a great time. I cleaned up all my best war stories for her. I told her how we chased the teddy bears into their cuddle bunkers, then had to tickle them out with machine-hugs and fun-throwers. They say the more soldiers you tickle, the easier it gets. Well, sir, it doesn't.
- Male assistant: The new traffic cones are held up in Harrisburg.
- Selma: Go to the costume store. Buy a hundred wizard hats and a bucket of orange paint.
- Selma: I guess The Beatles were wrong... love isn't all you need. Abe, I hate to admit it, but maybe this marriage isn't going to work.
- Grampa: I guess you're right. Also, I didn't realize you liked The Beatles. That would have caused some problems down the line.
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