Difference between revisions of "The Fat Blue Line/Quotes"

Revision as of 09:40, August 16, 2020

Lisa: I love San Castellaneta. Delicious food, wonderful people. It's just like being in Italy.

Homer: But with streets that are wide enough I can fit in them.

Fat Tony: Do you want to go to the festival, zio?

Fat Tony's uncle: [scoffs and spits loudly] I came to this country for the Burning Man. Before I die, I want to see a naked crunchy chick riding a bicycle.

Luigi Risotto: Hey, we got a-zeppole, we got a-braciole, capicola, scungilli, and I don't know what the hell-a this is.

Homer: Can you make it all in one thing and fry it?

Luigi: I saw-a you coming.

Jason Momoa: It is an honor to be here on land today to recount the inspiring story of this great saint.

Patty: Aquaman.

Selma: Sign my left boob.

Jason Momoa: Aquaman is not here for the signing of boobs. That's a separate event at the Marriott. Conference room C.

Jason Momoa: In 250 A.D., Brother Ignatius Castellaneta refused to recant his Christian faith. And so the Romans chopped off his head, they chopped off his arms, they chopped off his legs, and they chopped off his toes. They shot him with arrows made of frozen snakes and they pulled out his eyes and replaced them with chocolate-covered pistachios. But still, Ignatius refused to recant. So they boiled his bones in sparkling cherry wine. So that's why the thrice-martyred saint is remembered with spumoni, the chocolate pistachio cherry ice cream treat.

Kent Brockman: Peter Piper picked a peck of pocket wallets? How many paupers did Peter's pocket picking produce? [sighs] I'm afraid no pants are safe from this Dockers stalker, this chino bandito, this trouser browser. But Chief Wiggum vows he will solve this pickle of a puzzle.

Lenora Carter: [to Chief Wiggum] You are the worst police officer I've ever had the pleasure of humiliating in front of his men. [chuckles] You are so fat, you're good cop and bad cop. Your drug-sniffing dog is in rehab.

Chief Wiggum: Okay, it's for sex addiction.

Lenora Carter: Ma'am, this is a matter of public urgency. Your husband's rear end is bigger than the both of us.

Bart: [laughs]

Lenora Carter: With your kids' permission, we can watch your father's butt crack this case wide open.

Bart and Lisa: [laugh]

Homer: [chuckles] "Wide open."

Lenora Carter: What are you doing here?

Chief Wiggum: I admit it, I couldn't stay away. I was following you. Also, I was driving around to put Ralphie to sleep. That kid will not go down.

Ralph Wiggum: I'm a lotto ball. You lose again, Daddy.

Chief Wiggum: Ah, you work with two guys all your life and you think you know 'em. Betrayed by Lou and, uh, the other guy. What is his name again? I-I want to say Greg.

Fat Tony: Dear Lord, who sees all, the jabronis and the mamalukes, you know I am innocent. In your mercy and by your grace, help me kneecap the rat Judas who set me up. Amen.

Chief Wiggum: Almighty God, I'm not a praying man. For me, getting down on my knees is often a one-way trip. I-I know I made a deal with the devil to be chief, but please just ignore that and help me out, will ya?

Homer: Dear Lord, please bring back plastic straws. The paper ones get soggy so fast.

Louie: You want me to whack him, boss?

Fat Tony: No! Just usher him out.

Louie: Got it. I'll "usher him out."

Fat Tony: I mean show him the door.

Louie: Right. I'll "show him the door."

Fat Tony: Whatever you think I want you to do, just do the opposite!

Chief Wiggum: I can tell he's innocent, with a certainty you can only develop putting hundreds of innocent people in jail.

Fat Tony: Now you know. When I'm alone, I sing show tunes.

Chief Wiggum: You didn't steal those wallets. You stole my heart.

Frankie the Squealer: W-W-What do, w-what do you want to hear from me? The name of the man who framed you? I would never. I didn't say Johnny Tightlips. I would never say Johnny Tightlips. Ladies and gentlemen, our new boss, Johnny Tightlips.

Fat Tony: After all your passive-aggressive replies and bitter looks, I never would've guessed.

Johnny Tightlips: You mistook my taciturn nature for fealty. But it was simply that I didn't feel comfortable in social situations. Then I saw this commercial where a sad cloud goes on a date with the sun. So I talked to my doctor about Paxil, and it gave me the confidence to betray you.

Homer: Oh! I'm hit!

Chief Wiggum: Right in the heart... of your ass.

Fat Tony: Someone's got to suck out the bullet.

Chief Wiggum: Wiggum, damn it, this is what you were born to do. [sucking noise]