Screenless/Quotes

Quotes

Season 31 Episode Quotes

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676

"Bart the Bad Guy"

677
"Screenless"

"Better Off Ned"

678

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Hotshot lawyer 1: No sign of a struggle, no DNA evidence in the cabin and no attractive young woman declared missing.

Hotshot lawyer 2: I think there's a very real chance no one was murdered.

Jury member: I was on the jury that convicted him. Had we known there was no victim, we might not have voted guilty. I repeat, might not.

Marge: What is it, sweetie? Are you gassy?

Bart: Uh, when is she not gassy? Baby burn.

Marge: Oh, great, now I'm out of Cheerios.

Homer: Oh, I thought they were donuts that were really far away.

Homer: I'm calmer, I'm happier, I'm seeing things I never saw before. Did you know our second dog is a cat?

Carl Carlson: Hey, big guy. What, are you bored? Why don't you do the Daily Jumble in the paper?

Lenny Leonard: Unscramble the words to solve a funny riddle.

Homer: Oh, that's what it is. I thought the proofreader had a stroke.

Bart: [playing with a rocket] Careful. If we enter the Martian atmosphere at too steep an angle, we'll burn up. Tell my family I love them. [putting on a voice] They know that, Steve. They know.

Jimbo Jones: Ha. Bart has to use his imagination.

Bart: This is Jupiter One. Do you copy?

Dolph Shapiro: I copy.

Jimbo: What are you doing?

Dolph: I'm talking to Jupiter One.

Marge: I know who to call. Hello? What's the recipe for puttanesca sauce?

Luigi Risotto: Oh, you want‐a the recipe? Sure, sure, get a pencil. Step‐a one... you come here. Step‐a two... you pay for it. Step‐a three... I put it on‐a some pasta. And that's‐a the recipe!

Marge: I have a problem. So, I'm signing us all up for a month at that screen addiction rehab center.

Lisa: But we're not addicted, you are!

Marge: That's exactly what an addict would say.

Lisa: Or a normal person.

Marge: That's also what an addict would say.

Lisa: Well, what wouldn't an addict say?!

Marge: Not that, that's for sure.

Bart: If this is an addiction center, I'm hooked.

Dr. Lund: The adults will reconnect with healthier, time‐tested alternatives like eating, drinking, fornicating, relentless hide‐and‐seek, the braiding of hair, listening to Dana Gould's podcast.

Gavin: I used my phone for everything. Except to call the parents who gave it to me.

Therapist: You can call them now.

Gavin: Hello, Dad? You don't say. You don't say. You don't say.

Therapist: What did he say?

Gavin: He hates me.

Homer: Since this nation was founded, families have faced the problem of staying together without driving each other crazy. For the first 200 years, they played fiddle music until they had a war. It was a good system. Then, they came up with sitting around a radio. But without a screen, they still had time to look at each other. So... World War II. With peace came TV, which bought Silicon Valley the time to invent the devices that isolate us completely. Finally, the American family was safe... from itself.

Marge: Is any of that true?

Homer: Once I post it on Reddit, it will be.

Bart: You have lasers at a rehab center?

Dr. Lund: Let me remind you, this is an evil rehab center.

Chief Wiggum: Boy, so sick of getting criminals to give semen samples.

Lou: Uh, Chief, you don't need semen. A lock of hair will do.

Chief Wiggum: It what?!

← Season 30 Season 31 Quotes Season 32 →
The Winter of Our Monetized Content • Go Big or Go Homer • The Fat Blue Line • Treehouse of Horror XXX • Gorillas on the Mast • Marge the Lumberjill • Livin La Pura Vida • Thanksgiving of Horror • Todd, Todd, Why Hast Thou Forsaken Me? • Bobby, It's Cold Outside • Hail to the Teeth • The Miseducation of Lisa Simpson • Frinkcoin • Bart the Bad Guy • Screenless • Better Off Ned • Highway to Well • The Incredible Lightness of Being a Baby • Warrin' Priests: Part One • Warrin' Priests: Part Two • The Hateful Eight-Year-Olds • The Way of the Dog