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Go Big or Go Homer/Quotes
Wikisimpsons - The Simpsons Wiki
- Mr. Burns: I thought this was my blood transfusion room, but, uh, there's not a baby in sight.
- Homer: Stupid unpaid signature. This is the worst thing that ever happened at a nuclear power plant.
- Homer: Mr. Burns, everyone who signed that birthday card chipped in except for you. You owe five dollars.
- Mr. Burns: How dare you... give that the slightest worry. Hope you didn't lose any sleep over this little misunderstanding. Here, have a cricket on a thread for good luck.
- Homer: Listen up, millenniums. I'm Homer Simpson, your new supervisor. So stop Snapchatting, Fortnite-ing and swiping right on your Uber Venmos.
- Angry Ricky: We're actually replicating plant start-up sequences to simulate the effects of high-demand energy draws.
- Mike Wegman: Are my ears hearing this? Are you seriously busting the clangers of Homer J. Simpsons? This man is a god and his clangers are unbustable. You're looking at the Michael Jordan of Sector 7G. And you humps aren't worthy to swill his backwash.
- Homer: You're sticking up for me? Who are you?
- Mike Wegman: Mike Wegman, nuclear intern. And your number one fan.
- Angry Ricky: Yeah, well, your hero has a Pop-Tart in his cell phone holster.
- Homer: Okay, which of these ties is better for my first day as a mentor? Purple stripes or this one?
- Marge: [sniffs] Are you wearing my perfume?
- Homer: I like it on you, he'll like it on me.
- Lisa: Dad, it's not often that you... how do I put this? Care so much about your job?
- Homer: Well, now that I'm a mentor, everything's changed. For the first time, another human being is dependent on me to guide them through life.
- Bart and Lisa: [groan]
- Homer: This guy I'm menting is so cool. He listens with his mouth open. He's been blocked by so many celebrities on Twitter. And he thinks I'm the most valuable worker at the entire nuclear plant.
- Bart: Oh, I get it. He's super dumb. [laughs]
- Homer: Mm. You're 35? Then why do you have a job of a 20-year-old and talk like a ten-year-old?
- Mike Wegman: Here's how it is. So, my buddy 'Nesto and me were cleaning gutters for cash, when that idiot 'Nesto falls off and lands on a doghouse. Stupid 'Nesto. Then my parents are on my case to get a real career, something "closer to the ground." So I thought, "Why not follow my hero into man's greatest calling? Nuclear whatever." So I went down to the plant, told them I was part Native American... I could be, I always liked those guys... and boom! I'm an intern. Three short years later, got myself a mentor.
- Mike Wegman: Hey, Lenny, you duck-faced psycho, guess who's going to Homer Simpson's house for a meal? Me.
- Carl Carlson: Uh, I'm Carl.
- Mike Wegman: [to Bart] No one disrespects Homer Simpsons! Especially not an ugly little punk like you. That's right, I said "ugly." Your head looks like a rejected Muppet. Two golf balls glued to a can of oats. Between that Tommy Lasorda gut and those toothpick legs, you are not a kid... you are a walkin' potato clock.
- Lisa: Ha-ha-ha! Ugly! Ha! [laughs uncontrollably] Muppet... [continues laughing] Ah! Toothpick legs! Potato clock!
- Mr. Burns: Then it's my pleasure to tell you... that that is the stupidest idea I've ever heard. Get this intern out of my office, you nincompoop!
- Mike Wegman: [groans angrily] Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa! Ho! No one disrespects Homer J. Simpsons.
- Homer: No, Mike, don't.
- Mr. Burns: Nin... com... poop!
- Mike Wegman: Listen to me, you skunk-bag full of Centrum Silver sitting on your peanut brittle ass with your turn-of-the-century buzzard face. You ain't worthy to squeegee this man's back sweat. You smell like Chinese food that someone left in an old jack-o'-lantern. My mentor is the shiniest diamond in the whole Zales, so stuff your organs back in their jars and crawl in your mummy box, you sick, fungused-up, hep-C Dracula!
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