Better Off Ned/Quotes
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- Bart: Wow, Grampa, your stories are really cool today.
- Grampa: Yeah, the nursing home finally stopped using me as the placebo and gave me real meds.
- Principal Skinner: Our vocabulary score was also abysmal.
- Ralph Wiggum: Is that a bad...
- Skinner: It's a bad thing, yes.
- Ralph: Yay!
- Kirk Van Houten: Climb in my ass hatch, son.
- Miss Hoover: You monster. You had me finally believing the school would be destroyed, and you took it away.
- Skinner: Son, you forced this man to jump on the grenade seconds before I was going to.
- Superintendent Chalmers: Well, Simpson, thanks to you, now no one can bring grenades to school.
- Ned Flanders: I can make that real blood, you little punk.
- Bart: What did you say?
- Ned: What I meant to say was, oodily-doodily, we'll change that atti-toodily.
- Dr. Hibbert: Mm. Remarkable. I thought the only way to turn Bart into a little angel was a downed power line at a water park.
- Homer: You shouldn't be out here alone.
- Nelson Muntz: Oh, nobody cares. My dad left. My mom's a drunk. My house is a trailer, and all the wheels are flat. My last solid food was an ice cube. My TV is a milk crate with a squirrel in it.
- Homer: [thinking] This kid is such a wreck, even I could help him. Which I could use to get back at Bart.
- Nelson: I get my hair cut by hiding in the bushes when the gardener comes by.
- Homer: [thinking] Am I gonna do it? Is it wrong to take advantage of one child's feelings to make another child feel bad? Nobody has the answer to that.
- Todd Flanders: I can't believe we're gonna be in the pride parade.
- Ned: Christian pride. Finally, Christians can openly show our faith.
- Rod and Todd: We're sure! We're pure! Get used to it!
- Lisa: Here's $40. That's a lot of money to me. But I want you to get some therapy about what you're doing.
- Moe Szyslak: 40 bucks' worth of therapy coming up.
- Lisa: From a licensed therapist.
- Homer: Moe has a liquor license.
- Moe: Yeah, let's not discuss that too much.
- Gil Gunderson: Doc, I see it all so clearly now. I'm afraid of success because my father never had time for me. Which means...
- Therapist: Time's up.
- Gil: But two more minutes...
- Therapist: It's not a breakthrough.
- Gil: Ah, now I feel worse than when I came in.
- Therapist: See you next month.
