The Hateful Eight-Year-Olds/Quotes
Wikisimpsons - The Simpsons Wiki
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683
"The Hateful Eight-Year-Olds"
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- Raphael: Uh, hey there, chief. Uh, look, your mailbox hasn't been emptied in weeks.
- Homer: Oh, no, not the mail. What if I'm missing out on coupon packs, or perhaps a jury summons? How will I live without my paper e‐mails?
- Raphael: Eh, I get it. But be a pal, pally. Empty it out.
- Homer: Hmm, it has been baking in the sun for a while. I think it's done.
- Bart: What is the deal with girls and horses? Is it 'cause boys took all the good animals, like dogs and ninjas?
- Homer: This is the band that was gonna play Lenny's wedding reception if he didn't get pepper-sprayed at the altar.
- Addy: This is my crew. You probably know them all from social. This is Bella-Ella. She's from old money. Myspace. Sloan. British. And, of course, beauty icon Tessa Rose. Don't you just hate her?
- Lisa: Your friends seem, um, different than you. That one keeps saying things are funny, but she's not laughing.
- Addy: Oh, she can't. Her mom got too much Botox when she was pregnant. Ugh, so lucky.
- Kensey: Hey, lady bosses, who wants to visit the perfume lab and start your own fempire?
- Tessa Rose: What are you wearing, Desperation by Thirsty Grandma?
- [the girls laugh]
- Kensey: I'm 26.
- Addy: Okay. Full disclosure, I invited you because those other girls are always so mean to me. But then they were mean to you instead and let me join in. Oh, thanks for making this the best birthday ever.
- Lisa: Aw. Wait, no "aw". That's horrible.
- Bella-Ella: Look, the rando's talking into a phone.
- Sloan: Phones are for looking at, rando.
- Tessa Rose: Ew, this phone is made by Subway.
- Lisa: My dad had to eat a thousand footlongs for that!
- Homer: Yeah, we all love to make plans, don't we? Dinner and a movie, couples' karaoke, game night where the hosts are really just trying to sell Amway. We're all so eager to get out of the house. But why? To stand in line to have your picture taken holding a mustache on a stick? And all these magical plans are supposed to lead up to romance. But when you get home, you feel tired and gross and a thousand years old. So you make plans for another night and another, and the cycle continues until the only time you touch your wife is when you don't notice she's on the toilet at 4:00 a. m. And you sit on her. I didn't ruin this cruise. I saved your life. Now return to your homes and never make plans again.
- Lisa: Come with us. There's nothing left for you here.
- Addy: It's my house. All my stuff is in it.
- Lisa: Oh, right, right. Well, all right.
