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Undercover Burns/Quotes
Wikisimpsons - The Simpsons Wiki
- Mr. Burns: I now declare the start of put your kids to work day. [the kids are sent into the power plant to work] This plant has over 17,000 contaminated crevices that only your tiny hands can reach. Get to work, slackers.
- Lisa: I know you're in here, and nothing will stop me. Wait, this is a men's room. Ew, ew, ew! Is that a tuna sandwich on the sink? Ugh! Gross, gross, gross!
- Waylon Smithers: I wouldn't worry, sir. Our workers are pretty well-pacified. Intimidation.
- Mr. Burns: Alleged intimidation.
- Smithers: Beatings.
- Mr. Burns: Alleged beatings. Mm.
- Smithers: The poisonings.
- Mr. Burns: Ah, yes. We've had some alleged good times, haven't we, Smithers?
- Fred Kranepool: You seem like a happy lot here at the nuclear plant, suckling from the teat of the great C. Montgomery Burns.
- Homer: [laughs] You said "teat".
- Lenny Leonard: I heard the craziest thing. Some nuclear plants don't have hounds chasing you.
- Carl Carlson: Eh, different world.
- Phil Rosenthal: Mmm. What animal is this egg from?
- Moe Szyslak: Uh, I want to say horse?
- Phil Rosenthal: Oh. Could I be sick in this? Oh... [retches] Somebody take Phil to the hospital.
- Moe: Ah, whoa, whoa. Sorry, Barn. Your seat's taken.
- Barney Gumble: Oh, you show up late for your nightly bender just once...
- Moe: Uh, don't you worry. I just instituted drive-through service. Drive safely.
- Smithers: Uh, sir, I'm worried. The suit just detected a heartbeat.
- Marge: You know what's cool is spending time with your family.
- Homer: That's not cool.
- Bart: Yeah, mom, it really isn't.
- Lisa: I agree with mom on everything but this. I'm sorry. Definitely not cool.
- Mr. Burns: Me, talk to Burns? Oh, I wouldn't. I-I couldn't. He's got the sharpest mind in all 46 states.
- Smithers: Mr. Burns, what have you done?
- Fred: There is no Mr. Burns. Only Fred.
- Smithers: What are you saying?
- Mr. Burns: Montgomery Burns died when I put on this suit. And six other times this week. Thank god for the new liver and kidneys.
- Marge: What's wrong, Homie?
- Homer: Mm, not much. I lost a friend today because Burns stepped out of him.
- Marge: What?
- Lenny: Mr. Burns is a withered old corn husk with a rotten apple for a head, and I'm getting special clogs made up so I can riverdance on his grave.
- Fred: Unhand me, you ape!
- Homer: Why am I always referred to as an ape? Never a gorilla or an orangutan.
- Fred: Aw, monkey want a banana?
- Mr. Burns: As all my attorneys keep telling me, why won't you die?
- Fred: Because I'm the last spark of goodness in you. It can't be extinguished!
- Mr. Burns: I'm glad I went to the bathroom in you.
- Mr. Burns: Oh, why can't I be loved and feared? Like God?
- Homer: Why? Because you're the boss, we're the workers. It goes back to caveman days. Ten guys killed the mammoth while the boss yelled at them. Then the boss got all the meat and they got all the toenails. Because that's the way life works. Next came the Renaissance, and the invention of the time clock, which meant the boss no longer had to waste time checking on his employees and could become Pope and marry his sister. With recent times came unions and workers' rights. Which were then taken away in even more recent times.
- Lenny: Wrap it up, Homer. That catwalk is starting to buckle.
- Homer: My point is, no matter what, Mr. Burns, the boss sucks, so why shouldn't you?
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