The Miseducation of Lisa Simpson/Quotes
Wikisimpsons - The Simpsons Wiki
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"The Miseducation of Lisa Simpson"
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- Captain McCallister: Yarr. I see you've come to admire our plunder.
- Mayor Quimby: Er, technically that plunder belongs to the town. It was discovered in Springfield city limits.
- Captain McCallister: No, we found the gold in unincorporated waters! The survey says it's ours!
- Mayor Quimby: Sorry, but the town redrew the boundaries... yesterday.
- Lenny Leonard: Who could say no to a silky slow jam about the importance of technology-based learning?
- Carl Carlson: I'll never have kids because my nards were cooked by science. But if I could, I'd want 'em to learn about the science of why they don't exist.
- Principal Skinner: What are you gonna do with your forced retirement, sir? I'm intrigued by a local skydiving club who needs someone to sit in the office and answer phones.
- Superintendent Chalmers: Yeah, well, who cares? I'll be taking an Ohio River cruise. Lot of widows on the Good River. Lot of widows.
- Zane Furlong: Well, I'm putting you in solitary, where you'll learn geometry by shooting meteors. Shoot enough, and you'll unlock customizable skins.
- Bart: Skins? That's how boys play dress-up.
- Zane Furlong: Who can give me an example of an algorithm?
- Lisa: Oh! Like when you buy a new garbage can online and the rest of your life, you see ads for garbage cans.
- Martin Prince: Or like when you watch a bunch of close-up magic videos on YouTube and get ads for a suicide hotline.
- Zane Furlong: Tell us, what do you do, Mr. Simpson?
- Homer: Ah, yes. I monitor the core temperature at the nuclear power plant. If it gets into the red, I tell my family first so they can leave town before the streets get too crowded.
- Lisa: Oh, you must be teaching the kids about nutrition and staying within a budget, right?
- Lunchlady Dora: No. We're teaching them to buy groceries for lazy rich people.
- Nelson Muntz: This avocado will be perfectly ripe in two days. I wonder what they taste like.
- Bart: Stop messing with the school. I finally filled up enough virtual pee bottles to unlock the Amazon Warehouse Whizzer badge.
- Homer: If it's refreshments you want, why not let a man pour your soda! A human man. For too long we have done nothing as machines have taken over, washing our dishes, pumping our insulin, and now this! Man can pour soda better than any machine made specially for that purpose, and I will prove it! Today the robot uprising ends. Today is our Independence Day!
- Jimbo Jones: I don't want to be an adult butt wiper.
- Kearney Zzyzwicz: No one should see old people naked! Unless that's your kink.
- Computer mainframe: User rating dangerously low. One star. Self-esteem protocol failing. Emotion matrix spiraling... spiraling. Zero stars. Can't get out of virtual bed. Initiating self-destruct sequence. Self-destruct.
