Hail to the Teeth/Quotes
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- Old man: Hey, little lady. You'd be a lot prettier if you smiled.
- Lisa: What? Who are you?
- Old man: I'm a man. So I know what I'm talking about. Smile and you'll be a lot more popular.
- Lisa: Are you serious? You know I'll remember this forever, right?
- Old man: Well, that's what therapy's for.
- Lisa: Wait. This can't be real. I already had braces.
- Marge: Oh. Well, I-I'm afraid you have to get them again. The man we thought was your orthodontist was actually a rogue periodontist.
- Grampa: Homer took me to a "psychiatrist". After three sessions, I figured out it was a goat with glasses. Never went b-a-a-a-ck.
- Homer: I am the only man your mother has ever been with, and she doesn't have a single regret.
- Marge: Well...
- Homer: You stay out of this, Marge!
- Artie Ziff: After my parole, I got rich selling fireplace logs that look like cash, i.e., Money to Burn.
- Homer: [laughs] That is the greatest. It says "Money to Burn". It looks like you're burning money!
- Artie: Yes, that's the idea.
- Homer: [laughs] No, no, no. It's so funny. Don't you get it?
- Artie: Of course get it. I thought of it.
- Homer: No, no, no. Listen, it says "Money to Burn", but it's actually... [laughs]
- Artie: I know! I know! Talk to someone else.
- Milhouse: Lisa, did you get your eyebrows waxed? You look amazing!
- Lisa: I don't have eyebrows.
- Nelson: Americans can be fat and poor. That's what makes us so great.
- Marge robot: Artie, you are the greatest lover ever. When we make sex, it is so, so good.
- Milhouse: You posers. I was for Lisa before it was cool.
- Nelson: You never liked Lisa.
- Milhouse: What? You got to remember that. That's my one thing!
- Nelson: No. Your thing is crying when you're punched.
- Artie: Now you know my secret. I've spent years trying to build the perfect copy of the only woman for me: you, Marge. But they were all inferior in some way. This one lacks kindness. This one keeps trying to kill me. This one's head is a toaster! And the slots aren't even big enough for a bagel!
- Principal Skinner: The sooner we can get this debate over, the sooner the teachers can get ice cream.
- Kids: Boo!
- Agnes Skinner: None for Seymour. He gets gassy.
- Superintendent Chalmers: Yeah, I-I know.
- Artie: I have finally perfected you. You all look just like Marge, and you will never leave. Now, which of you lucky girls wants to party with Artie?
- Marge robot 1: I am in power save mode.
- Artie: Oh, fine. What about you two?
- Marge robot 2: Power save.
- Marge robot 3: One percent battery.
- Artie: [to fourth robot] Hmmm?
- Marge robot 4: I just don't like you.
