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Co-Dependent's Day/Quotes
Wikisimpsons - The Simpsons Wiki
- Kent Brockman: We're live at the opening of the latest chapter of the epic space saga, Cosmic Wars! And the nerds have emerged from their basements, wearing strange costumes to shield their pasty skin from the moonlight.
- Comic Book Guy: Simpsons, your lack of costumes ill-befits line positions two, three and four.
- Lisa: Where's your costume?
- Comic Book Guy: Your ignorance is amusing and sad. I am dressed in the actual clothing worn by Cosmic Wars creator Randall Curtis. I bought them at an auction. [turns around] Then added pregnancy panels to fit my unique body type.
- Otto: One ticket for Cosmic Wars!
- Female ticket vendor: Uh, sir, this is the line for The Momentum of Things, starring Ellen Burstyn and Jim Broadbent.
- Otto: Aw, man! I waited three weeks at the wrong ticket window!
- Jason: Jim-Jam, what happened to the wheel covers on my landing gear?
- Jim-Jam Bonks: Me-sa sell them to buy me-sa some space spliff. [holds up a water pipe]
- Lisa: That character is just a tired stereotype.
- Luigi Risotto: [holding a plate of spaghetti and meatballs] Yes, and it's-a makin' a-me so mad, I'm-a gonna throw the meatballs at-a screen. But first, I gotta pose for a pizza box.
- Bart: That sucked!
- Lisa: I can't believe The Gathering Shadow was senate redistricting.
- Comic Book Guy: Worst Cosmic Wars ever! I will only see it three more times. Today.
- Marge: Kids, why don't you write a complaint letter? That's how I got the Channel 6 weather girl to start wearing a bra.
- Homer: [angry and pointing] That was you?!
- Marge: [nodding] Mm-hmm.
- Bart: A letter, huh? Okay, Lis, get this down. "Dear Randall Curtis, your movie stunk smelly butt. I am fine. Sincerely..."
- Lisa: I'll write the letter.
- Homer: [still angry] Marge, you destroyed my interest in weather!
- Bart: We're gonna have to track Randall Curtis down and make him listen to us.
- Homer: And I know just where to find him. [picks up the envelope and reads it] 742 Evergreen Terrace.
- Lisa: Dad, that's our address.
- Homer: Ahh! He's in our house?!
- Vintner: The Mediterranean climate is reproduced by cool Pacific winds, mixed with exhaust fumes from the highway.
- [A big rig rumbles past covering the wine tasters in exhaust fumes. Homer inhales deeply.]
- Homer: Ah, Summer in Tuscany.
- Marge: Mmm! It goes great with the Jolly Rancher I'm sucking on.
- Homer: Pleasant aroma, rich full body, well-aged... and the wine's not bad either.
- [Homer and Marge begin to laugh.]
- Marge: Stop it, Seinfeld.
- [They laugh again.]
- Vintner: [to himself] We always get the hicks on Saturdays.
- Randall Curtis: Lord Kraylac, if you want to take that deduction, then you'll have to bring your receipts. [in an ominous voice] Then bring them I shall. [normal voice] This is awesome!
- Bart: Well, we've learned that if you don't like something, go to the office and complain. What's our next stop?
- Lisa: Fox Broadcasting, 10201 West Pico, Building 203.
- Marge: Homie, to store the extra wine we bought, I made a little wine cellar.
- Homer: Ooh! Can I have my special cup?
- Marge: Well, I've been using it for laundry soap, but okay.
- Homer: Hey, you do a great me, Marge. You gotta show the guys at Moe's.
- Marge: Moe's Tavern? That's your fun place. Like me and the lamp store.
- Homer: Heh-heh. Come on. We'll have a blast. Kids, while we're out, the TV's in charge. Go to bed when it says.
- Marge: Maybe we should put this booze cruise in dry dock for a while.
- Homer: No problem. We can still have fun without you drinking.
- Duffman: Duffmensch orders you to party! This Reich will last a thousand beers! Oh ja! [to himself] I do this, and I'm Jewish.
- Homer: I'm in no condition to drive. Wait... I shouldn't listen to myself. I'm drunk!
- Marge: I can't believe I drove drunk.
- Homer: But you do believe it, right?
- Marge: I don't know what to believe anymore.
- Homer: That's my girl!
- Chief Wiggum: Oh boy, I smell beer.
- Lou: Tsk, tsk, tsk. Devil's mouthwash.
- Wiggum: You weren't calling it that at the Christmas party.
- Lou: Okay, I'm going to need you to let that go, chief.
- Reverend Lovejoy: The blood of Christ [Marge takes a sip from the chalice]
- Agnes Skinner: Hey, save some for the rest of us, alky!
- Otto: Don't bogart our Lord!
- Marge: I'm not a drunk!
- Rev. Lovejoy: Ho, ho. Now, Marge, we do not judge here. Today's service is concluded. I suggest you all get on the road before Marge.
- [The congregation runs out of the church screaming.]
- Barney: Marge, when I finally decided to stop drinkin', there was a place that really helped me out. Maybe they can help you.
- Marge: This is a pamphlet for chimney sweeping.
- Barney: Is it, Marge? Is it? [looks at pamphlet] Oh, it is.
- Marge: My drinking problem is out of control. At Oktoberfest, all I could think about was beer! I couldn't even celebrate the harvest!
- Marge: You let me believe I had done such a terrible thing?
- Homer: I did it out of love. Love of not being arrested.
- Agnes Skinner: You're hooked on love, Marge. I know that feelin'. Nine months later, Seymour plopped out of me. I woulda kept walking, but there were copy everywhere.
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