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Treehouse of Horror XV/Quotes

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Season 16 Episode Quotes
335 "Fraudcast News"
"Treehouse of Horror XV"
"All's Fair in Oven War" 337

Bart: Am I the only one here who's in horrible pain?
Homer: You're the only one who won't shut up about it.

Dr. Hibbert: Ned, you nearly died... of a brain tumor. Thank goodness that bowling ball knocked it out of your head.

Homer: So, what'd I die of? Too much happiness? Naked girl avalanche?
Ned Flanders: Uh, you die eating a submarine sandwich.
Homer: What kind of bread?
Ned: Country Parmesan.
Homer: Woo hoo!

Lisa: Mr. Flanders, why are you moving?
Ned: 'Cause I had a vision of myself... shooting your father.
Bart: In this neighborhood, who hasn't?
Lisa: Well, you can't fight fate, but if you must shoot our father, please remember our family motto: "Not in the face."

Ned: Homer, please, don't tempt the gods. I-I mean God! There's-there's one God! Only one! Well, sometimes there's three.

Homer: Oh, I'm so scared. Ned Flanders is pointing a gun at me. You couldn't even shoot me by accident, even if I whacked the barrel like this. [whacks barrel and giggles]
Ned: Quit whackin' my barrel!

Ned: Homer, stay away from the nuclear plant.
Homer: Fine, I'll never go back. Starting tomorrow. Today is Lenny's birthday and they're having ice cream cake.
Ned: But you're gonna kill us all...
Homer: But ice cream cake...

Lou: What should we do with the body?
Inspector Wiggum: I want you to dust her for prints.
Eddie: What does that mean?
Inspector Wiggum: The Prince is coming by. And I want her clean when he looks her over.

Inspector Wiggum: Well, well, well, look who's here. Master detective Eliza Simpson and her easily amazed sidekick, Dr. Bartley.
Dr. Bartley: What's this? A doorknob! Good show!

Marge: Well, it's like this. I'm a proper Cockney flower girl, I am, and I sees this real strange bloke. Out of sorts. Mad in the eyes. All kettles and biscuits. Well, he seen I was lookin' at him and he drops this and runs. Cor, blimey, skip to me loo!

Simon Stoolowitz: I'm alive! I'm gonna go to America! I'll be in pictures! You'll see! The whole world is gonna know the name Simon Stoolowitz.

Eliza Simpson: It says here the swords were sold to C. Ebenezer Burns.
Dr. Bartley: Burns? The evil industrialist who makes coal out of babies?

C. Ebenezer Burns: The sword of Osiris! I once possessed the entire collection. Then I sold them all for opium. Oh, how I wish I had them back... to sell for more opium.

Eliza Simpson: Yet another sword of Osiris! But that must mean... the murderer is still at large!
Dr. Bartley: He could have killed this one days ago—the body is bloated and the face is rotten.
Selma Bouvier: It was five minutes ago, you twit.

Homer: Please spare me. I'm not a murderer, I'm not. And I've never known the pleasures of a woman... or a proper eating apple!

Inspector Wiggum: Why can't you be more like Eddie? He never says a word against me.
Lou: That's 'cause you cut out his tongue.
Eddie: E's 'ight, 'eef.

Professor Frink: Bio-nauts assemble!
Homer: Captain!
Lisa: Science officer!
Bart: Security!
Marge: Marge!

Professor Frink: Your ship is wedged in Mr. Burns' heart. And you must dislodge it from the outside. But watch out for retro-viruses. Oh boy, are they retro! It's a fun design by R. Crumb, who was friends with Harvey Pekar. Seriously, though, touch one and you're dead.

Marge: Why is my swimsuit so revealing?
Homer: Marge, that's what turns a mediocre voyage into a fantastic voyage. [growls]

Marge: Bart, what are you doing?
Bart: Takin' a whiz.
Marge: Stop that! We're guests in Mr. Burns!
Season 16 Quotes
Treehouse of Horror XV All's Fair in Oven War Sleeping with the Enemy She Used to Be My Girl Fat Man and Little Boy Midnight Rx Mommie Beerest Homer and Ned's Hail Mary Pass Pranksta Rap There's Something About Marrying On a Clear Day I Can't See My Sister Goo Goo Gai Pan Mobile Homer The Seven-Beer Snitch Future-Drama Don't Fear the Roofer The Heartbroke Kid A Star Is Torn Thank God It's Doomsday Home Away from Homer The Father, the Son and the Holy Guest Star