Smart and Smarter/Quotes
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- Lisa: I'm tired. I'm hungry. Red plastic sandals are not good running-away footwear.
- Lisa: Just because Maggie can't talk doesn't mean she's dumb. Einstein didn't speak until he was 3.
- Marge: And even then he could only speak German.
- Lisa: I can't believe I'm jealous of a baby!
- Bart: Hey, so am I! When you're a baby, you can just spend all day rolling around on the floor. [sighs] I miss those days.
- Nelson: Then roll, baby! [Bart rolls on the bus floor] Ha Ha! Floor Baby!
- Lisa: You're laughing at him for something you made him do.
- Nelson: Well... you're gay!
- Lisa: People who call other people gay are often covering up their own latent homosexuality.
- [Nelson panics and jumps out the emergency exit; he rolls and then gets back up.]
- Nelson: BULLIES RULE!
- Little Boy: The pig says, "oink!" The chicken says..
- Henry: Stop! I could go to any Chuck E' Cheese in America if I want to hear what animals say. You know what I say? I say next!
- [The mother picks up the little boy and walks away.]
- Little Boy: You're a poopie!
- Henry: [to the mother] Do you nurse with that mouth?
- Homer: Look what they sent over. A talking dealy. His name is Phonics Frog. [presses A, B, and C]
- Phonics Frog: Ah-Buh-Cuh...
- [Homer types his name.]
- Phonics Frog: Huh-Oh-Muh-Eh-Ur
- Homer: That's me! Huh-Oh-Muh-Eh-Ur. [presses more buttons]
- Phonics Frog: This-Is-Huh-Oh-Muh-Eh-Ur-Dok-tor-Hee's-too-sick-too-urk-too-day.
- [Homer laughs.]
- Homer: Uh... I'll be right back. [runs to the phone]
- Pimply Teen: [to Comic Book Guy] Sir, you can't take food into the theater.
- Comic Book Guy: Search all you want. You'll never find it all. I'm baking muffins as we speak.
- [Lisa tries to be a stand-up comedian.]
- Lisa: So... why do they call them field trips? We never go to a field!
- Principal Skinner: Not true! Last week we went to a battlefield.
- Lisa: Uh, well I...
- Ralph: I'm bem-barrassed for you!
- Nelson: The following "Ha Ha" is not from amusement, but a sign of contempt. Ha Ha!
- Lisa: So Maggie's NOT a genius?
- Henry: Oh, she could be... at sweeping up hair!
- Homer: That's my baby, jerk! [punches Henry leaving him with a bruise on his nose]
- Henry: You call that a punch? I felt it, but it was like "so what"? [Homer punches Henry again leaving a nosebleed] Oh, again with the nose. I have a chin too, you know! [Homer punches Henry making him unconscious]
- Moe: [as the butler] Don't worry sir, the maid and I will take him out to the curb. Come on!
- Barney: [as the maid] You promised me no one would get hurt!
- [When Lisa is dressed up as a goth.]
- Milhouse: What are you now, Lisa? An Oakland Raiders fan?
- Homer: We've all learned something today. Never be something you're not, namely food.
- Simon Cowell: [after seeing his name in the ending credits] Now, there's a celebrity!
- Simon Cowell: [when the "Gracie Films" woman shushes] Oh, shhh yourself!
- Simon Cowell: She's as common as an angry woman in an Ibsen play.
