• Wikisimpsons needs more Featured Article, Picture, Quote, Episode and Comprehensive article nominations!
  • Wikisimpsons has a Discord server! Click here for your invite! Join to talk about the wiki, Simpsons and Tapped Out news, or just to talk to other users.
  • Make an account! It's easy, free, and your work on the wiki can be attributed to you.

Diatribe of a Mad Housewife/Quotes

Wikisimpsons - The Simpsons Wiki

Season 15 Episode Quotes
322 "I, (Annoyed Grunt)-bot"
"Diatribe of a Mad Housewife"
"Margical History Tour" 324

Homer: You were gonna start a novel without informing me?!
Marge: Homer, you left two jobs and bought an ambulance without even a phone call!
Homer: I also fed some ducklings.
Marge: I know, I got your message.

Homer: Marge, I figured it out! Lee Harvey Oswald wanted to steal the Jack Ruby!
Marge: Jack Ruby was a man, not a jewel.
Homer: Oh, I was so close!

Homer: Yeah, yeah, yeah, I need some dinner STAT! And the kids need some CPR lessons.
Lisa: We're not paramedics!
Homer: I'll say.

Tom Clancy: Hello, this is Tom Clancy. Would I say, "If you're hunting for a good read this October, Marge Simpson's book is a clear and present danger to your free time"? Hell no I wouldn't. What do you mean I just said it? That doesn't count! Hello. Hello?

Marge: [to herself] I'm finished, and it's so suggestive. Well like they say "snuggling sells."

Homer: [singing] Here in my car, I am hosing off blood. Some of its mine, but most of its not. Here's Marge.
Marge: Homie, I finished my novel...
Homer: Wooh, typed.
Marge: It's really important that you read it and tell me what you think.
Homer: No problem. Aww 286 pages!
Marge: It's double spaced.
Homer: Woo hoo! I'm half-way through!

Homer: How can you write such horrible things about me?
Marge: You told me you liked it! You didn't read it at all! You lied to me!
Homer: I didn't lie. I was writing fiction with my mouth.

Ned Flanders: Did you agree to be married to a drunken lout who wouldn't respect you?
Marge: Pretty much. We wrote our own vows.

Marge: Well?
Homer: Well what?
Marge: Did you read it?
Homer: [right eye bounces left to right twice] Um... yes.
Marge: Did you like it?
Homer: [left eye bounces left to right twice] Um... yes.
Marge: Do you think I should publish it?
Homer: You know what I say, publish or parish!

[Inside Lisa's brain.]
Jealousy: I can't believe mom wrote a book before we did!
Honesty: And it's a little trashy.
Conscience: Mom has expressed herself; we should nurture her.
Libido: Let's kiss boys! Binge and purge! Rock and roll!
Conscience: [to Libido] You're not getting out until we're 16.
Libido: [growls, waving her arms in a comical fashion]

Marge: Did you like it?
Lisa: [puts down last page] Don't you think you're a little hard on Dad?
Marge: What do you mean?
Lisa: [reading page] He went to the shop with the sign: Salted Blowholes. "Mmm... Blowholes," he drooled.' Doesn't that sound a little like Dad?
Marge: Yes, I guess it does resemble your father.

[The windsock at Boris' Car Loft is ripped from its platform; it flies away.]
Homer: Awww. That was my only friend here.
[Homer gets up on the platform and "performs" in the windsock's place.]

[Homer's driving the ambulance with Comic Book Guy - who's clutching his heart - in the back.]
Homer: So, where to, my friend?
Comic Book Guy: I already told you: the hospital! You're an ambulance, not a cab!
Homer: The hospital, huh? Seems like everyone's going there tonight.

[Homer's driving the ambulance with an unconscious man in the back.]
Homer: [to the unconscious man] So, you got any kids? [beat] Quiet kind, huh?

Lisa: Bart, this is horrible! What if Dad reads it?
Bart: It's too long; he won't read it.
Lisa: Well, what if they make it into a movie?
Bart: It's too sappy; he won't see it.
Lisa: Well, what if they do a parody about it on MADtv?
Bart: [gasps] We're doomed!
Season 15 Quotes
Treehouse of Horror XIV My Mother the Carjacker The President Wore Pearls The Regina Monologues The Fat and the Furriest Today I Am a Clown 'Tis the Fifteenth Season Marge vs. Singles, Seniors, Childless Couples and Teens and Gays I, (Annoyed Grunt)-bot Diatribe of a Mad Housewife Margical History Tour Milhouse Doesn't Live Here Anymore Smart and Smarter The Ziff Who Came to Dinner Co-Dependent's Day The Wandering Juvie My Big Fat Geek Wedding Catch 'Em If You Can Simple Simpson The Way We Weren't Bart-Mangled Banner Fraudcast News