Difference between revisions of "Wikisimpsons:Previously featured quotes"

Revision as of 07:37, July 1, 2014

All previously featured quotes as well as the current featured quote.

July 5, 2010 - August 1, 2010

"Spider-Pig, Spider-Pig,
Does whatever a Spider-Pig does.
Can he swing from a web?
No, he can't, he's a pig,
Look out, he is a Spider-Pig!"

―Homer Simpson^[src]

August 1, 2010 - September 1, 2010

"Me fail English? That’s unpossible."

―Ralph Wiggum^[src]

September 1, 2010 - October 1, 2010

Ralph is using a urinal in the gas station

"Yo, I'll tell you what I want, what I really really want, So tell me what you want, what you really really want, I'll tell you what I want, what I really really want, So tell me what you want, what you really really want."

―Ralph Wiggum

"Ralph, are you almost finished?"

―Seymour Skinner

"I finished before we came in."

―Ralph Wiggum^[src]

October 1, 2010 - November 2, 2010

"They have the Internet on computers, now?"

―Homer Simpson^[src]

November 2, 2010 - December 1, 2010

"Ladies and gentlemen, uh, we've just lost the picture, but what we've seen speaks for itself. The Corvair spacecraft has apparently been taken over, 'conquered' if you will, by a master race of giant space ants. It's difficult to tell from this vantage point whether they will consume the captive Earthmen or merely enslave them. One thing is for certain: there is no stopping them; the ants will soon be here. And I, for one, welcome our new insect overlords. I'd like to remind them as a trusted TV personality, I can be helpful in rounding up others to toil in their underground sugar caves."

―Kent Brockman^[src]

December 1, 2010 - January 1, 2011

"Shoplifting is a victimless crime, like punching someone in the dark"

―Nelson Muntz^[src]

January 1, 2011 - February 1, 2011

"Young man, since you broke Grandpa's teeth, he gets to break yours."

―Homer to Bart^[src]

February 1, 2011 - March 1, 2011

"English instructions ruined! Must read French instructions...."La grille"? What the hell is that?!"

―Homer Simpson^[src]

March 1, 2011 - June 6, 2011

"Seymour, you're fired."

―Superintendent Chalmers

"Did you just call me a liar?"

―Principal Skinner

"No, I said you were fired."

―Superintendent Chalmers

"Oh. That's much worse."

―Principal Skinner^[src]

June 6, 2011 - July 1, 2011

"This is Arnie Pye with Arnie in the Sky. We've got big problems on the Springfield Memorial Bridge, people. Traffic going waaaay back in both directions. And look out at the corner of 14th and Elm, because I just dropped my bagel."

―Arnie Pye^[src]

July 1, 2011 - August 1, 2011

"I've got three kids and no money. Why can't I have no kids and three money?"

―Homer Simpson^[src]

August 1, 2011 - September 1, 2011

"So Mr. Burns doesn't take you seriously, big whoop, who gives a doodle, whoopy ding dong doo!"

―Marge Simpson

"Thanks for trying, but I'll be at Moe's."

―Homer Simpson

"So my husband goes to a bar every night, whoopdy doo, who gives a bibble, gabba gabba hey!"

―Marge Simpson^[src]

September 1, 2011 - October 1, 2011

"Dad, you killed the zombie Flanders!"

―Bart Simpson

"He was a zombie?"

―Homer Simpson^[src]

October 1, 2011 - November 1, 2011

"A thousand eyes... what could that be?"

―Marge Simpson

"Hmmn, I'm pretty sure a thousand is a number."

―Grampa Simpson^[src]

November 1, 2011 - December 1, 2011

"To start, press any key. Well where's the "any" key?"

―Homer Simpson^[src]

December 1, 2011 - January 1, 2012

"The sun?! That's the hottest place on Earth!"

―Homer Simpson^[src]

January 1, 2012 - February 2, 2012

"What a day, eh Milhouse? The sun is out, birds are singing, bees are trying to have sex with them―as is my understanding..."

―Bart Simpson^[src]

February 2, 2012 - March 1, 2012

"Martin Luther King had a dream. Dreams are where Elmo and Toy Story had a party, and I went there. Yay! My turn is over!"

―Ralph Wiggum^[src]

March 1, 2011 - April 1, 2012

"Hello? Operator! Give me the number for 9-1-1!"

―Homer Simpson^[src]

April 1, 2012

"You'd better watch who you're calling a child, Lois. Because if I'm a child, you know what that makes you? A pedophile. And I'll be damned if I'm gonna be lectured by a pervert."

―Peter Griffin^[src]

Note: April Fools' Day prank.

April 2, 2012 - May 1, 2012

"Hmm. Whoever did this is in very deep trouble!"

―Principal Skinner

"And a sloppy speller, too. The preferred spelling of wiener is W-I-E-N-E-R, although E-I is an acceptable ethnic variant."

―Martin Prince, Jr.

"Good point."

―Principal Skinner^[src]

May 1, 2012 - June 1, 2012

"Kids, you tried your best, and you failed miserably! The lesson is: Never try."

―Homer Simpson^[src]

June 1, 2012 - July 1, 2012

"I'm afraid we have a bad image, sir, market research shows people see you as something of an ogre."

―Waylon Smithers, Jr.

"I ought to club them and eat their bones!"

―Mr. Burns^[src]

July 1, 2012 - August 1, 2012

"Crap, we live in Oregon? I mean, Go Ducks!"

―Homer Simpson^[src]

August 1, 2012 - September 1, 2012

"Lisa, if you don't like your job, you don't strike. You just go in everyday and do it really half-assed. That's the American way."

―Homer Simpson^[src]

September 1, 2012 - October 1, 2012

"Face it, we're just kids. We can't afford stuff with zeros in the prices."

―Lisa Simpson^[src]

October 1, 2012 - November 1, 2012

"The metric system is the tool of the devil! My car gets 40 rods to the hogshead and that's the way I likes it!"

―Abraham Simpson^[src]

November 1, 2012 - December 1, 2012

"Lisa likes Nelson!"

―Class

"She does not!"

―Milhouse

"Milhouse likes Lisa!"

―Class

"He does not!"

―Janey Powell

"Janey likes Milhouse!"

―Class

"She does not!"

―Üter Zörker

"Uter likes Milhouse!"

―Class

"Nobody likes Milhouse! Lisa, you've got detention!"

―Dewey Largo^[src]

December 1, 2012 - January 1, 2013

"Mayor Quimby supports revolving door prisons. Mayor Quimby even released Sideshow Bob, a man twice convicted of attempted murder. Can you trust a man like Mayor Quimby? Vote Sideshow Bob for Mayor."

―Advertisement^[src]

January 1, 2013 - February 1, 2013

"Wait a minute ... there's something bothering me about this place. I know! This lesbian bar doesn't have a fire exit. Enjoy your deathtrap, ladies!"

―Homer^[src]

February 1, 2013 - March 1, 2013

"Hehe, poor Bart. You know, we had a lot of fun tonight. But, there's nothing funny about... vapor lock. It's the third most common cause of stalling. So please, take care of your car and get it checked. I'm Joe Namath. Good night."

―Joe Namath^[src]

March 1, 2013 - April 2, 2013

"It took the children forty minutes to locate Canada on the map."

―Marge

"Marge, anyone can miss Canada: all tucked away down there."

―Homer^[src]

April 2, 2013 - May 2, 2013

"President Bush is driving on our lawn! He must be lost."

―Marge Simpson^[src]

May 2, 2013 - June 1, 2013

"When I grow up, I'm going to go to Bovine University!"

―Ralph Wiggum^[src]

June 1, 2013 - July 1, 2013

"It won't last. Brothers and sisters are natural enemies! Like Englishmen and Scots! Or Welshmen and Scots! Or Japanese and Scots! Or Scots and other Scots! Damn Scots! They ruined Scotland!"

―Groundskeeper Willie

"You Scots sure are a contentious people."

―Seymour Skinner

"You just made an enemy for life!"

―Groundskeeper Willie^[src]

July 1, 2013 - August 2, 2013

"Lisa, vampires are make-believe, just like elves, gremlins, and Eskimos."

―Homer Simpson^[src]

August 2, 2013 - September 1, 2013

"Gotta tweet fast, Marge is making my favorite thing for dinner – food!"

―Homer Simpson^[src]

September 1, 2013 - October 1, 2013

"The only thing bigger than you is you tomorrow."

―Bart Simpson to Homer^[src]

October 1, 2013 - November 1, 2013

"Well, he's kind of had it in for me ever since I accidentally ran over his dog. Actually, replace 'accidentally' with 'repeatedly' and replace 'dog' with 'son'."

―Lionel Hutz^[src]

November 1, 2013 - December 2, 2013

"We can't bust heads like we used to, but we have our ways. One trick is to tell 'em stories that don't go anywhere - like the time I caught the ferry over to Shelbyville. I needed a new heel for my shoe, so, I decided to go to Morganville, which is what they called Shelbyville in those days. So I tied an onion to my belt, which was the style at the time. Now, to take the ferry cost a nickel, and in those days, nickels had pictures of bumblebees on 'em. "Give me five bees for a quarter", you'd say.

Now where were we? Oh yeah: the important thing was I had an onion on my belt, which was the style at the time. They didn't have white onions because of the war. The only thing you could get was those big yellow ones...''"

―Abraham Simpson^[src]

December 2, 2013 - January 1, 2014

"This could be the miracle that saves the Simpsons' Christmas. If TV has taught me anything, it's that miracles always happen to poor kids at Christmas. It happened to Tiny Tim, it happened to Charlie Brown, it happened to the Smurfs, and it's going to happen to us!"

―Bart Simpson^[src]

January 1, 2014 - February 1, 2014

"All my daughter ever did was tell people to think for themselves. I may be her father, but when I grow up, I wanna be just like her, except still a dude."

―Homer Simpson^[src]

February 1, 2014 - March 1, 2014

"Bart's been raptured! And his crap's been craptured!"

―Homer^[src]

March 1, 2014 - May 1, 2014

"Oh, don't worry children. Most of you will never fall in love, but will marry out of fear of dying alone."

―Edna Krabappel^[src]

May 1, 2014 - July 1, 2014

"Bart Simpson, will you put your hand down? You haven't had a single right answer all day."

―Edna Krabappel^[src]

July 1, 2014 - ?

"Daddy, can I have this one?"

―Rod Flanders

"Hmm. "Get bent"? Well, the only thing that can mean is kneel down and pray!
I'll take the whole box. Get bent, everyone!"

―Ned Flanders^[src]