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Treehouse of Horror XVII/Quotes
Wikisimpsons - The Simpsons Wiki
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382
"Treehouse of Horror XVII"
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- Charles Montgomery Burns: Hello, boils and ghouls. I am the Cryptkeeper, or should I say master of scare-i-monies? [laughs]
- Waylon Smithers: [laughing] Priceless, sir. You made the word "ceremonies" frightening.
- Mr. Burns: I know what I did. [scoffs]
- Moe Szyslak: Hey, can we get going here? Listening to you two is more torture than the torture.
- Moe: Whoa, look at that! My blood's a genius. Fancy Roman numerals and everything.
- Homer: Ooh, a Space Marshmallow! Where do you think you're going?
- Lisa: Dad, no! It could teach us the secret of interstellar travel!
- Homer: If he's so smart, how come he can't stay outta my mouth?
- Homer: Must eat, then poop, then eat some more, then eat while pooping.
- Marge: Homer! You won't eat my stuffed peppers, but you'll eat our son?
- Homer: Nag, nag, nag.
- Homer: Ooh, teenagers... No! Today's teens have enough problems, without me eating them.
- Squeaky-voiced teen: Tell my friends I died kissing a girl!
- Homer: No.
- German man: What did we Germans ever do to deserve this? [realizing] Oh, right.
- Homer: Must eat more fat people. Thank God I'm in America!
- Kent Brockman: It's blob rule on the streets of Springfield! And to make matters worse, we're also being attacked by a fifty-foot Lenny.
- Lenny Leonard: [disgruntled] Everyone's payin' attention to Homer.
- Carl Carlson: [voice only] I still like you.
- Lenny: Thanks, Invisible Carl.
- Dr. Phil: Homer, don't sell me an outhouse and tell me it's the Taj Mahal.
- Chief Wiggum: Yeah, Homer! Stop doin' that!
- Dr. Phil: It's time to open up a can of honesty: you're thinking about eating me right now, aren't you? Aren't you?
- Homer: That's ridiculous, talking fudge.
- Bart: Whoa, Krusty's prop room! Cool! It's that clown car all those midgets drowned in!
- Kearney Zzyzwicz: Yo, Simpson. Give us your lunch money.
- Bart: [smug] I don't think so. In fact, why don't you give me your lunch money?
- Dolph Shapiro: Who's gonna make us? That golem?
- Bart: No, my go-- Yes, him.
- Bart: Finally, someone who does whatever I say.
- Milhouse Van Houten: Hey Bart, I shaved my head, like you told me.
- Bart: Get lost.
- Milhouse: Yes, Master!
- Lisa: [suspicious] Bart, did your mystical Jewish monster beat up those bullies?
- Bart: [defensive] Oh, it's always the Jews' fault.
- Male Golem: Finally! I can talk! This is the voice I've got? Sounds like I should be selling egg creams in Brighton Beach. That's what we call Jewish humor. You don't have to understand it 'cause the words sound funny. Mishugenna. Hilarious. Hello. Huh? It's funny, believe me.
- Superintendent Chalmers: Skin-ner! Just let him kill you already.
- Principal Skinner: [to the Golem] That's the man I was telling you about.
- Groundskeeper Willie: You'll make better mulch than you did a man.
- Principal Skinner: I may be bifurcated, but I still have feelings.
- Female Golem: Hello, everybody. [disgusted] What's with this outfit? It looks like a lion ate a parrot and then threw up.
- Carl: I don't get it -- what's so "Great" about this Depression?
- Lenny: Well, I like how everything's sepia-toned. Makes me feel all nostalgic.
- Edna Krabappel: Settle down, children. Have a cigarette to calm your nerves.
- Chief Wiggum: Boys, we have to assume our guns are useless. Throw 'em in the lake. Good. Now, the police car. Wait -- did you get my sweater out of the front seat?
- Lou: [lying] Uh, yeah.
- Chief Wiggum: Well where is it?
- Lou: I'll go get it.
- Orson Welles: Please, you must believe me -- this is no hoax! This is a real invasion!
- Chief Wiggum: Oh yeah? Why don't I just punch you in the nose, Bud?
- Orson Welles: "Nose-bud." Chief, you've got to alert the military!
- Chief Wiggum: Fine, fine, I'll do it right now.
- General: [on phone] U.S. Army. What's the threat?
- Chief Wiggum: [on phone] Uh, we've been invaded... by a pompous, radio ham. [hangs up] How's it feel when the hoax is on the other foot?
- Orson Welles: I must admit, it's unpleasant.
- Kodos Johnson: Colonel Kang, your report.
- Kang Johnson: [sighs] Well... The Earthlings continue to resent our presence. You said we'd be greeted as liberators!
- Kodos: Don't worry. We still have the people's hearts and minds.
- Kang: I don't know. I'm starting to think "Operation: Enduring Occupation" was a bad idea.
- Kodos: We had to invade. They were working on weapons of mass disintegration!
- Kang: [skeptical] Sure they were.
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