Wikisimpsons:Previously featured comic quotes

All previously featured comic quotes.

January 1, 2018 -

"Have a great day at school, kids! And don't forget that tonight is bath night. No excuses... Bart."

―Marge

"Bye, mom!"

―Lisa

"Bath night? I just took one last week! What are we, British?"

―Bart

December 2, 2017 - January 1, 2018

"Ah yes! Nothing says Christmas like being dressed as a zombie in a Santa suit! We're gonna be Television stars after this!"

―Bart

"I still can't believe you won the Wassailing Dead Christmas Special contest. Drinking one hundred Squishees was pretty amazing, even for you."

―Lisa

"I'll have severe brain freeze until the day I die, but it was worth it!"

―Bart

November 1, 2017 - December 2, 2017

"Whatcha' doing, Lis?"

―Bart

"I'm trying to make a new fruit or vegtable."

―Lisa

"What? You're actually trying to make new healthy food for prents to force us kids to eat? It's monsters like you that created broccoli!"

―Bart

October 1, 2017 - November 1, 2017

"Whoa! No running in the hallway while I'm wearing my hall monitor jacket!"

―Lisa

"I saw something horrible in the school cafeteria!"

―Nelson

"I know. It's meatloaf Monday. Have you ever thought of giving vegetarianism a try?"

―Lisa

"No! And also, a meatloaf monster ate Lunchlady Doris!"

―Nelson

September 1, 2017 - October 1, 2017

"During 'namn, I saw stronger men than Bart crack under the pressure of discipline!"

―Seymour Skinner

August 2, 2017 - September 1, 2017

"Good morning, I'm Kent Brockman. Our lead story today... mayor hates kittens, perhaps even all mammals. And this just in... something better is on Channel 5. Plus a spaceship! Is the right? Do we have a source on that?"

―Kent Brockman<

July 1, 2017 - August 2, 2017

"Hello, Marge? I'm in jail. I need you to come down and post bail."

―Homer

"Tell her to bring enough for your pals... and one of her cherry pies."

―Clancy Wiggum

June 2, 2017 - July 1, 2017

"Mr. Burns, stop! You're leaking nuclear waster all over!"

―Lisa

"This was you dream, little girl."

―Mr. Burns

"Not like this! You aren't fighting for the environment. You're just a greedy old man fighting for money!"

―Lisa

May 2, 2017 - June 2, 2017

"Hello, Marge, would you like a piece of pie?"

―Judge Snyder

"What about court?"

―Marge

"It's eat and nap day!"

―Judge Snyder

"What? That's just a silly holiday Homer made up years ago!"

―Marge

"Well, it's the law now, so either eat or sleep, or I'll have you arrested!"

―Judge Snyder

April 2, 2017 - May 2, 2017

"So what did you do this weekend, Milhouse?"

―Bart

"I went to the ball game with my dad and sat around reading comcis. What did you do?"

―Milhouse

"I destroyed an entire army of flesh eating zombies and stopped an invastion of hostile space mutants."

―Bart

March 3, 2017 - April 2, 2017

"Wow, Bart, a Comic Book store in your own backyard! How's it working out?"

―Milhouse

"Well, so far no comic fan has been fit enough to climb up to it. And there are the occasional acts of nature."

―Bart

February 2, 2017 - March 3, 2017

"Homer! It's a meltdown!"

―Lenny

"That sounds serious! Who do we call to stop one of those agan?"

―Homer

"You!"

―Carl

January 1, 2017 - February 2, 2017

"You mean I'm going to grow up to be just like Homer?!"

―Bart

December 1, 2016 - January 1, 2017

"Wow, Homer! That's a lot of gifts. Your secret Santa will certainly be happy."

―Marge

"Heh, heh. He sure will, Marge. That's because i pulled my own name for secret Santa! I bought everything i wanted! It's a Christmas miracle!"

―Homer

November 1, 2016 - December 1, 2016

"That's it! I'm going to show those stupid teachers! I'm going to find the one sane adult in this city and to the best report ever!"

―Bart

"That's the spirit! Good luck, Bart!"

―Lisa

October 1, 2016 - November 1, 2016

"According to my calculations, I'm the least popular student at school. So I can advance by simply taking the place of the second least popular! And there he is! Milhouse van Houten!"

―Martin Prince

September 1, 2016 - October 1, 2016

"What do I have to buy to get that contest entry form?"

―Homer

"There's no purchase necessary, sir. "

―Squeeky-Voiced Teen

"All right, I'll take three Krusty Kolossal Burgers and an embiggened bucket o' fries."

―Homer

"Sir, I said there was no purchase necessary."

―Squeeky-Voiced Teen

"Okay! You twisted my arm! A Krustyshake and a chicken mystery meal, too! Crooks! "

―Homer

August 1, 2016 - September 1, 2016

"Professor you've got to shut down the prankbot! It's taking my place!"

―Bart

"Sorry, Bart. One day we'll all be replaced by robots. Except for us robot-creating scientists, that is! Just accept it. You can't fight the future! [HAH-HEY!]"

―Professor Frink

July 2, 2016 - August 1, 2016

{{Quote|Homer! I think something's wrong with Bart!!|Marge

"Something worth interrupting "Are You Smarter Than a TV Producer" for?!Homer"

―Model Citizen Simpson

June 2, 2016 - July 2, 2016

"Homer Simpson must wear pants code, Homer Simpsons bathing decree, Homer Simpson anti-body part as bottle opener act... gee, dad sure has a lot of city legislation named after him. [GASP!] That's it! We can keep them city from taking the ostriches! Out neighborhood isn't zoned for farming or ranching but we can have a petting zoo!"

―Lisa

May 2, 2016 - June 2, 2016

"Oh, I'm so hungry!"

―Pieman

"Then let's go home... ...you know how mom feels about you going out at night and fighting crime."

―Cupcake Kid

"You think so, boy...? ...then why did she leave this article on my seat at breakfast if she doesn't want Pieman and The Cupcake Kid to investigate?"

―Pieman

April 1, 2016 - May 2, 2016

"Come outside, sweetie! I made it cool!"

―Homer

"No, you didn't.... ...you sprayed dozens of cans of fake snow on our house. I think you just single-handily made global warming worse."

―Lisa

"You're welcome, sweetie!"

―Homer

March 1, 2016 - April 1, 2016

"This was a great idea, making a life-sized model of Homer out of butter!"

―Carl

"Mmm... I can't believe it's not Homer!"

―Lenny

February 1, 2016 - March 1, 2016

{{Quote|Don't you see? The Internet is fine in small doses. But you can't life it distract you from real life.|Lisa|The Dot Com Before the Storm}

January 1, 2016 - February 1, 2016

"Don't let the bubble monster get me!!!"

―Ralph

December 1, 2015 - January 1, 2016

"So now, the world's brightest Christmas tree serves as a twisted reminder that our days may indeed be bright... but far from merry."

―Kent Brockman

November 2, 2015 - December 1, 2015

"It doesn't matter who shouted first!"

―Lisa

"Of course it does! Shouting first is one of the foundations of modern American society!"

―Bart

October 5, 2015 - November 2, 2015

"Brainns..."

―Moe

"Brainsss... oh yeah!"

―Duffman

"Brrrains... [BRRAAAP!]"

―Barney

"I knew it! But why are you groping at me? You don't have any beer and donuts...."

―Homer

"Brrrainnnsss"

―Moe, Duffman, and Barney

"...and I sure don't have any brains!"

―Homer

September 1, 2015 - October 5, 2015

"Singing makes my boogers vibrate!"

―Ralph

August 1, 2015 - September 1, 2015

"So if this town is crumbling into economic ruin, I feel it's our duty to emigrate to Canada illegally, and take the jobs that regular Canadians will not do. Such as refereeing off-season hockey and ice road trucking. Ich Bin Ein Canadian."

―Joe Quimby

July 1, 2015 - August 1, 2015

"Family, I have an announcement."

―Marge

"But Marge, the police are chasing some guy on the highway, live! I want to see how it ends."

―Homer

"Homer, they always end the same way. he runs out of gas or gets stuck in traffic and the police catch him. Okay?"

―Marge

June 1, 2015 - July 1, 2015

"Jumpin' Jolsons's jowls! A real live penguin! My prayers have been answered. As have my letters to Babe Ruth, Eleanor Roosevelt, and Santa Claus."

―Homer

May 1, 2015 - June 1, 2015

"Hey, everybody! Eat Lard Lad donuts! They're the lardiest!"

―Homer

April 2, 2015 - May 1, 2015

"We're going to be best friends forever, Prince Porkchops, and I am going to make you a bracelet that says so!"

―Ralph

March 1, 2015 - April 2, 2015

"Stupid Bart say's I'm not funny? I'll show gim! I'll learn how to be funny, the same way I learn anthing else with lots of studying!"

―Lisa

February 1, 2015 - March 1, 2015

"I'm going to read a few stories that have actually been verified by the Springfield Historical Society!"

―Lisa

"What do you use to verify the stories?"

―Ms. Hoover

"Wikipedia."

―Hollis Hurlbut

January 1, 2015 - February 1, 2015

"Just because he stinks, doesn't mean he shouldn't practice proper skateboarding safety."

―Dolph Starbeam

December 1, 2014 - January 1, 2015

"Lisa's right. Why can't every day be Christmas Day?"

―Bart

November 1, 2014 - December 1, 2014

"Cést le pancake?"

―Marge

"¿Que?"

―Bart

"Sorry, Bart. My only other language is High School French."

―Marge

October 2, 2014 - November 1

"The kids are awfully quiet."

―Marge

"Should I go yell at them?"

―Homer

"Mom! Dad! Look!"

―Lisa

"So much for quiet."

―Marge

September 1, 2014 - October 2 2013

"Hello, Bart. this will help you with today's quiz on the Solar system!"

―Martin

"Macaroni and cheese?!"

―Bart

"It's not just a tasty treat. It's also the answer! Just remember... "Martin values every minute just serving up noodles!" The first letter of each word is the same as the planets in the order they recede from the sun! Mercury, Venus, Earth, Mars, Jupier, Satun, Uranus and Neptune!"

―Martin

"So, it's cheating!"

―Bart

"No, just a mnemonic device!"

―Martin

"Whatever! I'm still going to think of it as cheating."

―Bart

August 2, 2014 - September 1, 2014

"Marge... ...I'm having that dream again... ...the one where there's a crazy old Aztec guy in the kitchen eating all our leftovers."

―Homer

"Did you have the salami?"

―Marge

"The salami...? No! I don't... You said not to--- So I--! Yes."

―Homer

"You always dream about Aztechs when you have midnight salami. Now go to sleep."

―Marge

July 1, 2014 - August 2, 2014

"Lisa! Lisa! I think Sideshow Bob's trying to kill me!"

―Bart

"He keeps coming back and over! it's like I'm Super-Man and he's Mr. Mxyztplk!"

―Bart

"Isn't that Mr. Mxyzptlk?"

―Lisa

"Actually both are correct!"

―Comic Book Guy

"Comic Book Guy? What are you doing here?"

―Lisa

"Wherever useless trivia needs answering, I am there!"

―Comic Book Guy

June 1, 2014 - July 1, 2014

"Langdo Alger asked me to the spring fling! Isn't it exciting?"

―Lisa

"Nah. Langdo Alger's a big dork."

―Bart

"He is not a big dork!"

―Lisa

"If he's not a big dork, why would he ask you to the dance?"

―Bart

"Maybe he likes me!"

―Lisa

"Oh sure. Like that's possible."

―Bart

May 1, 2014 - June 1, 2014

"That's It! I shall destroy Lisa Simpson! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha!"

―Cecil Terwilliger

March 2, 2014 - May 1, 2014

"Well, kids, what I did was purchase eighteen comic book that the covernment thinkgs are too disgusting to be read by any living thing."

―Homer

"Wait, you're saying I could write some words and draw some pictures so gross that it'd be a crime to look at them?"

―Bart

"Uh-huh."

―Homer

February 1, 2014 - March 2, 2014

"Homer? Homer Simpson?"

―Scorpio

"Mr. Scorpion?"

―Homer

"Still Scorpio, Homer. I may be eatings bugs now-adays, but I haven't become one. So how's my favorite ex-emplyee? How are the Broncos doing?"

―Scorpio

"The what now?"

―Homer

"The Denver Broncos. I gave them to you as a gift, remember?"

―Scorpio

"Oh, yeah. They.... um... won the Superbowl."

―Homer

January 2, 2014 - February 1, 2014

"What kind of name is "Grenouille?""

―Bart

"It's French for "Frog." How can you not know that? You lived in France for two months!"

―Lisa

"I did?"

―Bart

"Yes! You spoke French fluently!"

―Lisa

"Who with the what now?"

―Bart

December 1, 2013 - January 2, 2014

"Even though Christmas is a Christian holiday, it is observed by many non-Christians. It's a season when people try a little harder to be good to one another. Santa is a symbol of that. The warmth and goodwill of Christmas time brings out the best in people. Sure, the "red and white" version that we're familiar with today was manufactured by a cola company, but that doesn't change the fact that Santa is a symbol of peace and joy. Don't take the joy away from Rod and Todd."

―Lisa

November 1, 2013 - December 1, 2013

"You're part of the Flanders flock, now! There's a lot of family history you need to catch up on!"

―Ned Flanders

"And, i'd dong-ding-doodly love to!"

―Edna Krabappel

July 1, 2013 - November 1, 2013

"Milhouse! You're going to summer school? I thought you passed!"

―Bart Simpson

"I did, but my mom is sending me anyway. She says having me around the house all summer makes her plants die."

―Milhouse

June 6, 2013 - July 1, 2013

"Uh-oh. I know that devious look."

―Lisa

"Yes, but this time I'll use my evil genius for good!"

―Bart

May 2, 2013 - June 6, 2013

"Milhouse, are you feeling okay?"

―Lisa

"Nothing that playing my saxophone wouldn't cure."

―Milhouse

"You don't play the sax."

―Lisa

April 1, 2013 - May 2, 2013

"Punchin' people when ya go Christmas carolin' ain't gonna get you no cookies. Just a lotta court orders."

―Moe Szyslak

March 6, 2013 - April 1, 2013

"Kid cops? Now I've seen everything!"

―Michael D'Amico

"Have you ever seen a flying puppy sneeze rainbows?"

―Ralph Wiggum

"What? No!'"

―Michael

"Then I guess you haven't seen everything!"

―Ralph

"Huh? What's wrong with you?"

―Michael

February 1, 2013 - March 6, 2013

"Calm, mes amis. Let's solve this in a judicious way."

―Martin

"I'll bash your head in a jupuci ... jucidip ... judidici ... whatever you said way!"

―Kearney

January 3, 2013 - February 1, 2013

"Bart, you are denser than osmium."

―Lisa

"Meh. I can't be offended by what I don't understand."

―Bart

December 1, 2012 - January 3, 2013

"I'm worried about how aggressive he's getting. We may have to kennel him until we find out what's wrong."

―Marge

"Which one? Homer or Santa's Little Helper?"

―Bart

November 2, 2012 - December 1, 2012

"Jimbo, do you and your friend like wieners?"

―Carol Jones

"Yeah, Mom. And if you wanna call 'em hot dogs next time, that's cool, too."

―Jimbo Jones

October 5, 2012 - November 2, 2012

"Chief Wiggum, you've failed the city you swore to protect!"

―Sideshow Bob, masquerading as Bartman from the future

"Now see here! I didn't swear to any such thing. And if I did, it was just an empty promise!"

―Chief Wiggum

September 1, 2012 - October 5, 2012

"Know that these "rolling freeze-outs" are largely the result of a power plant mismanagement..."

―Mr. Burns

"This won't stand! My dad works at that plant, and he'll do something!"

―Bart

"...caused by an employee in Sector 7G who hasn't been to work because he didn't want to get out of bed this week."

―Mr. Burns

"Never mind."

―Bart

August 1, 2012 - September 1, 2012

"Mom, can I be a Ninja Assassin when I grow up?"

―Bart Simpson

July 1, 2012 - August 1, 2012

"Help, Bart! Help! I'm stuck, and I have to go to the little boys' room!"

―Homer Simpson